Journey to the Abstract

Let us divide the embedded structures into 2 broad categories:
1. Personal embedded structures
2. Pre-personal embedded structures
– The personal embedded structures are the structures of your mental ego/personality.
– The pre-personal embedded structures are the structures of the collective unconscious. This may include aspects such as genes, dna, heredity and structures related and shared with all of humanity itself.

Now the pure life force/prana/qi is like electricity.
Just as electricity flows through your laptop and powers it on and all its potentials, similarly, the pure life force light passes through the pre-personal embedded structures first and then through the personal embedded structures and enlivens their potentials just like electricity passes through your laptop structure (circuit boards etc.) and enlivens all its potentials.

So pure experience of sattva/light/purusha/brahman/life/god passes through and manifests itself through the prepersonal and personal embedded structures. So the structures are what limit us to THIS experience – prepersonal structures limit us to the human experience, and personal structures limit us further one more level to a specific egoic/personality experience.

In some sense, as long as one is in the human form (structure), the highest level one can transcend is the personal structure. When that is done, one lives the FULL potential of being a human being. To go beyond this, i.e. to transcend the human structure potentials itself, one must dissolve this body structure too. As long as we have a body, we are limited by it since the pure light will manifest itself only through the body structure.

Another good analogy for this might be:
– Imagine Electricity is the pure life force.
– Say your laptop hardware is the prepersonal embedded structure
– And the laptop OS is your personal embedded structure

Now electricity is itself pure and formless.
It flows into the laptop first and enlivens the machine – display, keyboard, trackpad, inputs and so on.
Thereafter, it loads the operating system, which is another structure overlayed which limits the potentials of the machine accordingly.

Imagine you transcend the O.S. aspect of the laptop. That is equivalent to the highest transcendence a human can achieve while still being in the body. So then you could load any O.S. (say there are billions of possibilities) and you would be free of any PARTICULAR O.S. Similarly, one would be free of any particular personality once the personal structure is transcended and thus would have free access to the whole dimension of ‘human experience’.

I’m just completely, totally, cosmically disinterested in everything.
I am even disinterested in surviving – and all the hardships needed to survive.
Basically the care, drive, motivation, meaning, living depth, involvement, interest, investment, desire, wanting has gone to an absolute 0.
So there is NOTHING in living for me.
It is just excruciatingly boring.
It seems like an eternal damnation in a sense.
I cannot even conceive what or how I would be released from this predicament of total despair.
Only the supernatural can relieve me of this condition.
There is absolutely nothing I can do because there is complete disinterest for all my possibilities.
The only thing I really still care about though is, expressing myself.
That is the only drive in me.
To honestly express my situation/condition/predicament.
I realized spirit is an independent dimension of life, that infuses into everything, and is the force that enlivens everything.
Without spirit, life is an intolerable despair.
Without spirit, life is just a machine, a setting, a hollow drama.
And I become the actor who is trapped in this inescapable empty cosmic level drama stage.
I then become a hollow actor in a hollow drama.
Without spirit, there is total disenchantment, total alienation because EVERY SINGLE other person is still invested, and in the world.
I become ‘out of the world’ by this withdrawal of investment, but trapped in it inescapably and wholly.
All I must do then is live in despair day after day.
Initially there is great struggle, suffering, torment turmoil, agitation, terror, panic about living with this despair state of mind.
The mind unleashes its greatest resistance against what it perceives is its greatest possible adversary which is nothingness.
Eventually however even this suffering potential gets exhausted and everything just arrives at a 0.
All the suffering too eventually dissolves and after that there is just emptiness(hollowness, meaninglessness) and living day to day in that, like a lifeless zombie.
Its like living in some kind of empty trance, a void.
For a while there is a deep longing for spirit to return.
Then later even this longing disappears and the nothingness is totally accepted.
There is a complete surrender into spirit and a disappearance of all affective ego and one is simply moved by the universal force.

I explore entire ‘FIELDS OF POSSIBILITY’ themselves.
Including the field of ‘fields of possibility’.
And the field of fields of fields of ‘fields of possibility’
Possibility is everything.

What is happening to me nowadays is, I am totally unable to hold on to anything in my memory….or whatever holding on happens, it is fleeting, like in the next few hours, its all gone…..no matter how much I read (which is a lot) and how many and what pictures/models/strategies/insights/identities I form, it all simply dissolves….All my knowledge is dissolving, I cannot hold on to anything….in the recent days, the dissolving is getting stronger and stronger…..my moods/state of mind are becoming totally unpredictable….its impossible to know what is in store for me after a few hours……every plan I make like (run on the treadmill for 30m, make food at home, read xxx article, do xxx job) etc. I make it in one mood, but after a few hours the mood is so different, all the plans are simply ditched.

I feel like every thought I have is instantly cancelled by a counter thought, smaller thoughts are immediately nullified, larger conceptual thoughts are nullified in a few hours or days….so this makes it impossible to have any conceptual ground or stand on anything, no matter how appealing the understanding appears to me at the moment….

Even my fears about…how will I survive like this in this solid identity role based world?….how will I survive without a personality?….I would freak out with the fear for a few hours max, and then again even that is emptied from me….lol, I cannot even use fear as a ground….I cannot even use suffering as a ground like “life is suffering”…because I may say that now…but again after a few hours…I’ll feel happy again invalidating my previous conception.

I feel my experience is entering groundlessness and the unknown more and more.

Using up the chakras.
root – complete physical exhaustion
sex – complete sexual release
solar – complete using of will power
heart – complete love
throat – complete expression
perception – complete perception
crown – complete surrender

Saving up chakras.
root – no physical movement
sex – no sexual release or sexual thought
solar – no thinking
heart – no investment
throat – no expression
perception – no perception
crown – no experience

Sound is what vibrates all matter, gross matter(physical) and subtle matter(thought).
Sound is what gives shape to manifestation.

This is similar to the phenomenon of ‘cymatics’.
A certain sound frequency transmitted to a plate containing sand, causes the sand to take on a pattern.
Similarly the sound vibration of God creates the entirety of manifestation at all levels.
Ask yourself: What is the sound that creates all this manifestation? Can you feel/hear/sense this sound?

I think the difference between health and disease is just entropy (degree of disorder in the system). There is a force that creates order, harmony and coherence. When that force decreases, you fall into higher entropy states causing disease. As entropy increases, due to lack of this organizing coherence-ing force I spoke about above (you can call it God), the integrity of the structure of all your systems is lost. This may include your personality structure and your physical body structure. This leads me to conclude that God is essentially the force of anti-entropy. God is the in-breath force. Death is the out-breath fall into entropy.

This also means that life is when god is with you i.e. when its anti-entropy force is acting on you. Death is when this force is withdrawn and you fall back into disintegration, elemental forms and lose all your structures.
Creation = Anti-entropy = structure = presence of God
Destruction = entropy = dissolution = absence of God

Dark night essentially releases the ring of primal repression material that surrounds and maintains the ego. When the gates of repression are opened, all this unpleasant repressed material rushes into your experience. You are suddenly severely burdened.

If you are on the sea, the sea becomes so stormy, you have to focus all your attention simply to survive. If you are in a desert, then you are hit by a huge sandstorm. Basically, the integrated structure of the ego is disintegrated by all this unconscious content flooding. Just like a tsunami destroys and damages all the settlements. You are now wounded. Until the new integrated structure forms, you live in chaos and incoherence and this brings out all fears from your ego which has got crippled by all this influx.

You suddenly are not only injured, you are also carrying a heavy cross of all the repressed material. This is a trial. You have to walk like jesus with the cross on your back, the weight of the cross is also wearing you out as you take each step forward. You still walk and collapse a few times.

Eventually however, the contents of you and the cross combine to form a new integrated structure, and the entire weight of the cross you once bore, all the suffering you bore, now becomes your new strength and compassion. You are transformed.

Where does the potential energy for drawing an in-breath come from?
What is this force that rides you through an in-breath?
What is the force that starts the inbreath?
What is the force that continues to act in the middle of your inbreath draw taking you upto the cresendo?

Roller coaster analogy:
– Just like a roller coaster needs power from a motor to reach the top, God powers your inbreath draw until it reaches the cresendo.
– Later when the roller coaster falls it does not require the motor power anymore. Similarly when we breath out, it simply falls and does not require God’s power anymore. God powers the inbreath until the cresendo and then simply lets it fall back/release to the ground.

This feeling of a potential energy of spirit moving you, is the presence of God that you feel. When this energy of God is withdrawn, you release yourself/yield/fall to death.
Once you fall back to the ground, you are once again powered by God into another manifestation.
Each lifetime is like a cycle of the breath of God.

Practice:
Become entirely silent and ask yourself:
Are you causing this breath?
Where is it arising from?
What is moving the energy in that manner?
What is this force?
What is life apart from feeling this potential energy moving your experience?

Microcosm of breath – Macrocosm of cosmos
– The breath and the cosmos are driven by the same energy.
– The same energy that propels your inbreath, is propelling all of life, is making the planets revolve, is making the sun shine.
– All life and creation is moved by the same force as that which moves your inbreath.
– The same pattern applies to everything in the cosmos.

In my experience this has rung true again and again.
– For example, my family environment was very stifling and controlling, and this lasted for the first 23 years of life, so when I left my country for doing my masters, I was FREED. I enjoyed 2-3 years of euphoria and freedom while doing my masters. This euphoria was because of the release. I was compressed and stifled tightly for 23 years and these 2-3 years were the release.
– I was compressed like a spring, and therefore when the pressure released I expanded. The joy was in the expansion.
– Similarly I think nirvana and separation charge each other. Your experience is so much more glorious only when you have felt utterly alone and separate. Separation is like compressing the spring, and nirvana is the euphoria of release.
– Imprisonment and Freedom charge each other. Being imprisoned in the ego charges up the pleasure of enlightenment. So whenever you are imprisoned, it charges the potential pleasure on release. Whenever you are released, it charges the potential for imprisonment.
– Deprivation charges the potential for enjoying abundance. Abundance charges the potential for deprivation.
– Everything is like a energetic pendulum, a dance of energy, each swing potentiating the enjoyment of the swing in the opposite direction.
– Suffering and Joy potentiate each other too, similarly.

Analogy of a swing:
Imagine a swing, you first use your effort to kick yourself back, the anticipation increases the higher up the swing moves back, because you know it is going to swing back in the other direction and the potential is building (it isn’t going to move forever backward in the direction you pushed it, you intuitively know this). It reaches a peak and then the swing starts falling. The fun of the fall is proportional to the amount of effort you put in kicking yourself backward, and how high you kicked the swing backward. The pattern is exactly like cos wave.
Effort from desire -> Reaches peak/cresendo -> Release.
Note there is pleasure in both the halfs of the wave.
1. The pleasure of anticipation while you put effort.
2. The pleasure of the reward as you release your effort and fall.

Analogy of the breath:
The same principle applies to the breath. You breath in until you reach a cresendo and then breathe out and let it fall/relax. The in-breath is the Yang, the outbreath is the Yin.
Notice carefully.
The Yang movement exhausts yang and potentiates Yin.
The Yin movement exhausts yin and potentiates Yang.
This breath pattern reveals all the secrets of energy.
Life is breathing forever through its energies.

That is the dance. You are that dance itself.

The cycle of Separation/Ego and Nirvana/Union
At the grandest scale a similar principle applies. There is separation which is like an inbreath. You breath this separation in until it reaches the peak. And then you dissolve your own separation in the outbreath and take yourself back to release/union/infinity/nirvana. And then the desire to repeat the inbreath of separation emerges again. And you inbreathe yourself into separation again. There is infinite creativity in this process.

Analogy of an orchestra:
It is like an orchestra where the players are endlessly improvising their tunes.
First they play different songs in the same genre. (different lives on earth)
Then after completing one genre there is a shift to another genre. (maybe life in a different planet in a different form and realm)
And so on.