The ascent to Shiva and descent to Maya

The influx into the earth plane of density,
And the vacating of the earth plane of density,
Are like Shiva moving in and out of Prakriti/Maya/Matter.
This is birth and death.

Breathing/Heartbeat/Sex/Birth-Death,
Waking-Sleeping/Day-Night/Light-Darkness,
All of this goes in-out, in-out, in-out…
In a state of vibration.
Like a dazzling flashing strobe in consciousness.

At the microcosmic the vibrations are incredibly rapid,
While in the macrocosmic, the flux of day and night takes 24 hours say.
We find ourselves in the middle.
Macrocosmic(slower vibration) —“Us/We”— Microcosmic(faster vibration)
Maybe for the earth, each of our lifetimes is equal to a blink on an eye for it.
The life forms on earth would be like multicolored sparking,
And shimmering coming from a revolving diamond in the presence of light.

We are experiencing all of our lifetime in this unique perspective.
As a mote on earth, living what feels like around 85 years of lifetime.
What a wonder it is!,
When all of our life is seen from such an expanded perspective.

A short description of my experience

I experience life itself like a dream.
Where there is total subjectivity.
And “everything” could change into anything.
Absolutely malleable/changeable.
The “props” of my external environment may remain the same,
But the “dance” is in my body chemistry,
That can change the “entire relationship” I have with everything,
i.e. all of my thoughts/emotions/moods/feelings/perspectives/vision/projections etc.

Drugs really reveal this secret all too well,
That body chemistry shapes a tremendous/extraordinary amount of all of our experience.
Like esp. with marijuana and psychedelics, the alteration is phenomenal.
Chemistry and perception have a phenomenal correlation.
It can alter even time, space, and my whole vision about everything.
The body is like the million-chemical factory,
Controlled by forces from a higher dimension? (soul/karma/vasanas/engrams/samskharas/causal realm seed?)
Which are in turn controlled by the collective soul/collective karma/solar-system as a logos with planetary sub-logos etc.?

The only stable ground I see is ‘consciousness’.
That is the only certainty/ground I feel.
Everything else is super changeable in my experience,
Anything and everything can dramatically shift.
So there is a weaning out and a profound detachment that is deepening as this process is happening.
Sometimes I lose all energy, coherence, and suffer the dark night of soul,
Going through a hyper-negative sensitivity to everything,
In the cesspit of my wretchedness, despair, depression, reactivity, contradictions, confusions, paradoxes, frustrations, sufferings.
Like falling into the valley/pit of sorrow/miseries/pain.
Other times I come back with a bang, rise up to the mountains,
And regain coherence/meaning/purpose/direction/clarity with a sense of euphoria/insight/joy/beatitude.

I find the greatest/ultimate rejuventator for me is “SLEEP”.
Every “sleep” gives me a new lease of life.
Each day is a new life.
I live day to day, taking each new day as a life in and of itself.
My whole lifespan 85 years say,
Is really the aggregate of ~31100 sub-lives.
Every day I wake up to brave a new mystery/a new paradigm/a new context,
And by the night I am totally pooked/in deep fatigue.

My experience is like endless alternations of,
Coherence/Harmony/Purpose/Meaning –and– Confusion/Chaos/Suffering/Meaningless
Like mountain -> valley -> mountain -> valley…..and so on.
A constant agonizing alternation between ecstasy and depression.
With wild fluctuations in the influx and deflux of spirit.
My whole being is just an instrument that serves and abides in this mystery,
And rides its waves and dance.
I feel like i’m living in a constant Bardo realm,
With a very tenuous connect with the earth and body.

Like an endless fall into the abyss that will maybe drop me off in the next dimension.
Like being eaten by a Whale, and digested alive inside its stomach.
But maybe a day will come where I will open my eyes to the world again, not as me, but as the Whale,
And see through the Whale’s eyes and live in and as its being,
That has absorbed my essence into its.

The only one thing I desire is “spirit”.
I’ve narrowed it down to that after discriminating through all these extreme shifts.
When I am filled with spirit, life is wonderful.
In the absence of spirit, I am in deep agony.

Insights on the solar system, mother, body, and world

sunDiag
The structure of the archetypal world:
Sun = Purusha = Prime independent principle
Maya = Prakriti = Nature = Dependent principle
The 9 planets are Maya, the Sun is the Purusha, in the solar logos.
Maya is inherently neutral (it’s like your movie DVD is neutral, but it is you who experiences it, so the experiencer, the ultimate subject of all structs is called ATMAN)
The Purusha is the witness consciousness that penetrates Maya through its different shaktis/forms at each plane from 1 to 8.
Which is exactly what the Shiva lingam represents, the penetration of purusha into prakriti that receives.
And the 9 planets are only what is seen and physical.
But the planes 1 to 8 are filled with structures that are invisible to us.
So every ray of light of the sun is one Jiva.
As shown by the yellow lines, the jiva line of consciousness passes through s1, s2, s3…representing all the maya structures that the ray of light from the sun is piercing through.
The closest to the sun is mercury, then venus, the earth…
So in terms of our consciousness(sun), the mental world is the mercury region(plane 1), venus i.e. plane 2 is the astral plane, and plane 3 is the earth plane.
So corresponding to each of these worlds/planes/spaces we have a body also which are the structures s1, s2, s3 structures = mental body, vital body, physical body.
That is how we land up with 3 main bodies when on earth.

I speculate if it could be the moon that is causing the phenomenon of birth and death on earth for a relatively eternal jiva rising from the ray of the sun (ray of consciousness/ray of source)?
moon

Now on the human mother in this earth plane:
Now let’s go step by step logically.
You are born on earth from a mother.
The physical body has grown from the mother, so it is really made of the mother only.
First mother -> then body -> then world.
So if you reject your mother, which existentially is the source/manufacturer of your body itself, then like a cascade, automatically you will reject your body, and then you will reject the world also.
Because the “physical world” is the projection of the ray of light of the sun through the physical body(s3).
[Just like the mental world is the projection of the ray of light of the sun passing through mental body(s1).]
When the mother is loved, then the body is loved, and then the world is loved.
A very important note: This has little to do with your mother’s ego and who she believes she is. This is about the existential maya structures. This is “what” she actually is in an EXISTENTIAL sense.

Once the mother is rejected, then your body instrument gets rejected too, the world gets rejected (projection of the body instrument)…all in a cascading order, and you fall into the underworld/desert. Where the rest of life in this body is spent trying to escape it by dissociated trances/states of consciousness/intoxicants/distractions.

So it would follow – if your mother does not like you, it would feel like the world does not like you. But in truth it is her ego that does not like you. Because the deeper truth, she does not like herself. Since you came from her, if she loved herself, she would definitely love you, existentially speaking.
It is the ego that has confused the perfection of everything.
The ego is the obfuscating force.
I have another theory for what the ego is. The ego is of the earth.
Because the sun rays can only hit its surface.
So the solid earth represents the “unconscious” = which is ego (as pertaining to earth and body life).
Which might mean every physical planet and all physical nature is basically unconsciousness, i.e. whatever sun light does not penetrate.

So there are 2 mothers possible:
# Self loving mother (ego aligned with her higher truth and serving it) —-vs—- Self hating mother (ego in delusion and not serving truth)
Fear and Hatred are all from misalignment.
Depending on whom your born too -> you’ll have a different body and a different world experience.
Like the 5 blind men and the elephant, you could get a body that either allows you to feel the tusk/trunk of the world or tail of the world.

You are going to be shaped by the raw material of your mother.
Her relationship to your body is going to condition your relationship to your own body and this will in turn condition your relationship to the world.
Because then we will attract the exact circumstances in the world that treat us the same way as our mother treated our body.
If a person X kept getting physically violent, because his mother’s relationship to his body was like that. So he sees the whole world as people coming to beat him up, which is the kind of perspective that is natural given such a mother.

Prakriti (mother) vs. Purusha (father)
The body is of the mother.
The soul is of the father.
I have another theory possible theory for men and women, that women are generated by the influence of moon, while men are generated from the influence of the sun.

If your mother was your devotee,
That is actually the relationship of the whole world to you.
Because you were born in that light ray point,
So that will be your world vision too, shaped by that experience.

Another very important point to note here is,
The mother is not the final agency or true cause.
Because she was shaped by her mother…and so on.
It is a cascade from mother -> mother -> mother…
All tying back symbolically to what religions call the “great mother”.

Life drive vs Death drive

Desire for activity vs Desire for quiescence
Desire for sound vs Desire for silence
Seeking social expansion vs. Retreating from social interaction
[Family children relatives friends business work expansion] vs [retreat recluse hermit isolation ascetic]
Becoming/learning vs Withdrawing/fading
Descent(into form) vs Ascent(back into formless)
Health(body wanting to live) vs disease(body wanting to die)
[High amplitude cycles of wake-dream-sleep] vs Near flat-lining of these cycles
Interest/passion/libido/hedonia vs Disinterest/dispassion/anhedonia
Exploration/Expansion vs Contraction/Self preservation

The devouring mother and the death drive

The mother wanting the son for herself,
As an extension of itself instead of a separate being.
This is the classic devouring mother.
She punishes/guilts the independence/autonomy of the son.
Leading to the son internalizing that “Autonomy is bad and ought to be punished”.
So then that sets up the death drive,
Where there is masochism/self-punishing,
To end the self and get back to the state of fusion.

The son may adopt the adage: “If you cant beat em you join em”.
Since his mother is actively or passively against him becoming a separate individual,
He starts actively trying to merge back into fusion with the mother to the prior egoless state,
Rather than having a separate self,
Which is constantly attacked and opposed by the mother.

In reality the son’s self-attack against having an autonomous individual self,
Is preemptively done, because the mother would oppose it anyway.
So here, the son starts to do that attack to himself in a controlled way,
Which is an internalization of the mother’s attitude towards his self/independence.
The over-attached/possessive/protective mother is clinging on to her son,
Expecting him to be a nobody and act as its slave.
This may be totally unsaid and well hidden,
But the mother’s behavior will show it.

So the son is guilted and threatened about this time and again,
That he ought to be the slave of his mother, but is acting independent.
His independence is actively attacked and discouraged and even threatened by the mother.
She threatens him that “he is not strong enough and will die if she withdraws her support, and that he better be her slave instead”.
That is why later the son is attracted to dominators/abusers/manipulators/narcissists etc.
All of whom who use him,
Which is basically the repressed anger of his mother against him,
Which he has internalized,
And projected onto the dominators/abusers/manipulators/narcissists.
The dominator/abuser/manipulator/narcissist is openly punishing,
Which represents the same unconscious relationship the mother has towards the son’s becoming a separate self.
The son via. the projection of the vengeant-sadist aspects to the dominators,
Gets to keep his mother image pure as being the caring positive mother.
The mother also may keep gaslighting the son and reinforcing that whatever he sees in her is all good only.

This anger of his mother is essentially against him becoming an independent self,
I.e. him betraying her, and leaving the state of fusion, and the state of being an unconditional helpless slave,
Is then internalized, repressed (made unconscious), and then projected as a punishing world that wants to destroy him.
Because it is much more scary for the son to see his only care-taking figure as the devil.
So he would rather make the whole world the devil and keep the mother pure.

This sets up the death drive, where the son is constantly trying to escape himself or destroy himself,
Constantly trying to escape the terror of being himself.
Because he is expecting the brutal attack of his mother for being autonomous.
So the only action of his self is to destruct itself, masochism essentially.
Be it through attracting abusive partners or by self-inflicted harm/abuse,
OR by consuming intoxicants constantly to drown out the awareness of the self as much as possible.
His mother only wanted a slave, an extension of herself, and did not want “him”, and would have killed him as a baby if he were to express himself in his true individuality.
So this is the primary trauma, of the fear of the wrath and punishment of the mother who would have killed him because she never wanted “him” per se.
So then the son/child escapes this by developing an ego that is on the mother’s side.
His own ego is against his self, just like his mother was against his self.
So the ego formed for the son is inherently self-destructive and antagonistic to itself,
And only attracts destructive forces to itself.
That was the very way it was formed,
Because of identification with a mother who never wanted him in reality.

Neglect compounds this, because neglect simply implies the mother is not interested in the independent self of the son at all.
Neglect then is an expression of unconscious hostility on the part of the mother.
It also clearly conveys the intention of the mother to not have her son individuate at all and remain in fusion with her.

The message of the devouring mother is “I will take care of you, but never leave me, if you leave me, you have betrayed me, and will face my wrath”.
So then the mother has instilled the need, fear, and guilt of:
“The outside world will kill you, you will not survive without me, you need me.”
“Also never become anything other than what I want you to be, else I will be very angry at you, and punish/abandon you for that.”
So then the son may internalize this mother’s message and project this out to his world view itself.
He will see the world itself as being a bad hostile evil place that is best abandoned.
He thinks: “It is better to not invest in the bad world at all (this also means the very act of having a self is seen as bad, because it is investing in the world that creates a self in the first place).”

So the son actively keeps attacking his own self, independence, autonomy, and sabotaging himself,
Where all his decisions serve the death drive (his own wish to end the self and return to fusion) and he therefor attracts only destructive forces to himself,
Including addictions to abusive people/narcissists/sadists/self-harming/painful information/bad news OR to intoxicants that will eventually kill him.
The intoxicants may also help him escape by numbing the awareness of sense of autonomous self itself – by fusing him into the intoxication-state as long as it lasts, which makes him repeat that again and again.

This may also lead him into the spiritual paths of self-abandonment and surrender.
Where he justifies all his self-destructive actions as the ending of his own ego and reaching god.
The son cannot pursue his own self interests, because that would mean betraying the mother and incurring her wrath and punishment.
The son also cannot become a pure slave to the mother, because that slavery feels unbearable.
So this constant suffering with no remedy makes him look for every single escape/relief/or source of pleasure he possibly can, to make living bearable – this may include an attraction and/or addiction to porn, intoxicants, and various forms of dissociation etc.
This is the inner turmoil, double bind, the archetypal struggle,
Of becoming an individual and separating from the mother.

If the father figure is absent or self-absorbed in dealing with his own suffering,
And if the mother figure is also wounded and dependent herself,
Then the only identification left is with the mother, because the father has not invested in you.
The only option then is to identify with the mother who does not want you,
And this is the classic death drive setup.
Because you would then treat yourself the same way your mother treated you,
Which is to invalidate/neglect/abuse/gaslight/deceive/sidetrack etc.

So then you are trapped in a place where you don’t belong,
For too long a time with no escape.
And there is no help from the father, he is unavailable for you,
And neither is the mother helping you in any way because she herself is dependent and in her own grief.
And add to that the mother also has the unconscious agenda to have you not separate from her,
Which is why she may never nurture your independence and keep treating you like a helpless baby,
Because in truth she wants you to remain helpless so that she has something to do (so that she can fulfill her own narcissistic needs for purpose, esteem, usefulness through serving you).
The mother will then go around telling others “Oh my son needs me, he cannot manage without me”.
That is a truth that she herself has engineered,
Where she wants to maintain you as such.

The Trinities

All geometry can be reduced to 3 fundamental shapes:
Triangle, Square, Circle

Similarly there are many such trinities:
Geometry: Triangle, Square, Circle
Trinity = Son, Father, Holy spirit
Light = Red, Green, Blue
Sound: AA, UU, MM
States: Body Mind Energy
States: Gross Subtle Causal
States: Waking, Dreaming, Deep sleep
Levels of existence: Vishva, Taijasa, Prajna
Fires/Agnis: Jataragni, Chitagni, Bhutagni
Gods: Brahma, Vishnu, Shiva
Goddesses/Devis: Durga, Laxmi, Saraswati
Nadis: Ida, Pingala, Sushumna
Dimensions of Shiva: Rudra, Hara, Sadashiva
Astronomy: Earth, Moon, Sun
Gunas: Tamas, Rajas, Sattva
Evolution: Ego, Soul, God
Elements: Carbon, Oxygen, Nitrogen

Mass production and accelerating ecological damage

Ecology is a cycle.
Natural resources are generated by this cycle.
We tap into these resources,
And then subject them to our own transformation processes in factories,
To finally produce the products and distribute them.
But nothing is done after that point.
Consumers use the product and throw it into the landfills.

Ideally, for every construction factory,
There should be an equivalent deconstruction factory or recycling plant.
We need to deconstruct the products made,
Back to a form that nature can process.
This would complete the cycle of human karma.
And we would be in full harmony with nature/earth.

The reasons why this is not done are quite deep.
If I have to sum it up in one sentence,
It is because of our collective “denial of death”.
Our awareness does not include death.
It is as if we believe we are going to go on and on,
and just fall off the edge of a cliff.
But in larger awareness, we are part of a cycle.
And this cycle includes:
Formation —and—- Dissolution.

We generally build things in our image.
Like how it is said “god created man in his image”.
For instance, let’s take the example of a building.
Nervous system = Electrical wiring network
Communication system = Phone/Internet network
Blood Circulation = Water Pipe System/Plumbing
Fire system = Natural gas pipes
So if we have a blind spot in our understanding of ourselves,
That blind spot carries over to our creations as well.
And here the blind spot is the “denial of death”.
As egos we believe we are the creators separate from nature.
That we are aliens stuck in this strange place
And that we must exploit it as much as possible.
But in reality, nature is our very ground.
We grow out of it and return to it,
We are dependent on it for our resources and sustenance,
And we must ideally live in harmony to its cycles.
This is referred to as “ecological awareness”.

Our ignoring of the way things work in nature/ecology,
Has a corresponding component we ignore in ourselves.
That component is, we believe we are immortal and separate (as egos).
This is my opinion on why all of our production processes
Only handle half the cycle from “procurement to production to distribution”.
After that we just dump things in landfills.

This blind spot is especially magnified in mass production.
The error/oversight was always there in essence,
But mass production has increased the sheer scale of this error.
I feel the root problem is that of awareness.
And in my opinion, the best way to impart that is through education.