Society as a giant

The whole human organization is:
Giants standing on top of shoulders of giants, standing on top of shoulders of giants…and so on.
Differences are obvious —- Similarities/connection/unity are non-obvious.
The process of “enculturation/socialization” is the programming that initiates a child into the mega-giant of society/culture.
All the smaller giants stand on the shoulder of this giant, and the fractal goes on getting more and more refined.

There is a difference between:
INTERNALIZATION/IDENTIFICATION —and—– CONFORMITY
They both may look the same from the outside in actions/behavior.
But they are coming from vastly different places.
Identity is the passport to get into anything in society.
There are doors and doors everywhere.
You are let in, if you conform.

But without identification/internalization = there is no actual deep investment.
All investment in society then is only out of “VESTED-INTEREST”.
And it is difficult then to take on too much.
Because heart of hearts you would want to return to your identification.
Society in such a case, is not perceived as a HOME w/ BELONGING,
Rather it is perceived as a place you have to conform to get certain needs met for your real identity which lies elsewhere.

There is a difference between:
INSECURE SOCIETIES —and—- SECURE SOCIETIES.
When insecure, societies impose that all its denizens cooperate. It is forced to a much higher degree.
While secure, societies include people who do their own thing also, as long as they do not disturb the working of the societal machine much.

In the light of all this:
Deep mental illness is an ALIENATION of COLOSSAL PROPORTIONS,
Because you are literally disconnected from the largest giant itself (that of
Humanity),
And are dehumanized and sent to the mental asylums,
And other such quarantine-institutions etc.

Symbolic systems/models

# Myers Briggs
# Strengths finder
# Big 5 personality traits
# Psychological DSM disorders
# Attachment theory types
# Role in family = Hero, Problem child, Mascot, Lost child.
# Physique type = Ectomorph, Endomorph or Mesomorph (Fat %, Muscle %)
# Astrology [ Eastern = Nakshatra, Birth Chart, Dashas | Western = Sun sign ]
# David Hawkins LOC (level of consciousness)
# Ken Wilber AQAL chart
# Debraoski theory of positive integration (5 levels)
# MCTB (Mastering Core Teachings of Buddha): Stages of insight and 8 Jhanas
# Michael Newton: Journey of souls (infant, child, young, mature, old)
# Ra Law of One: 7 Densities/Dimensions.
# Dark night of the soul theory
# Kabbalah Tree of Life
# Kabbalah: Five Levels of Desires
# Tom Campbell’s theory
# Sant Mat model
# Hinduism = Chakra system, Koshas, 3 gunas
# Ayurveda = 5 elements, 3 body types.
# Joseph Campbell = Hero’s journey
# Nine Levels Of Increasing Embrace In Ego Development, Susanne R. Cook-Greuter.
# Ego and the dynamic ground.
# 8 circuits of consciousness – Timothy Leary
# Advaita Vedanta
# TCM (traditional chinese medicine) = Meridian system accupressure
# Scientific Model of human body: as superposition of 10 systems: digestion, respiratory, nervous etc.

Duality is the Cyclic-engine that moves in Great time

car-moving

The wheels of your car go round and round.
The steering wheel turns side to side, back and forth.
The pedals of your car are pressed and unpressed.
The gears of your car cycle through their various positions.
The pistons in the engine of your care move up and down.
The crank shaft keep rolling.
The windows roll and move the glass up and down.
If you see everything about the working of your car is cyclic.

The relative non-cyclic aspect of the car is you the driver.
You may take it to various places.
Similarly, in existence too,
“Samsara = The great wheel = Cyclic time = Serves Maha-kala/non-cyclic time/the great time.
You could say “The great time” is the transcendent aspect of intelligence that RIDES the “cycles of samsara/cyclic time”.

Another analogy would be the cells in your body,
All have a cycle of existence right?
The cells reproduce, new cells are born,
The old ones pass away, the new ones reproduce again…and so on.
Each of these trillion cells is in a way serving you.
You are like the driver of the “Car”, build out of these cells.

The cyclic existence engine serves the the non-cyclic intelligence.
Samsara serves Nirvana.
Our birth-death is also a cycle/circle.
There is a seed that germinates into a tree,
Then the tree passes away,
And the seed once again sprouts when the season is right.
Spring = Birth/childhood
Summer = Adulthood
Autumn = Old age
Winter = Death
So birth and death can also be seen like a pendulum swing of life energies.
The great flight of birth and its crash of death.
LAW: “What learns from the cycle is always that which is beyond the cycle.”
Because a cycle is zero-sum.
So it can be deduced, that we may go through these cycles repeatedly until that which is beyond the cycle wakes up.
After that that which is beyond which has woken up is transcendent of the cycle it was in earlier.

Cells in each part of our body,
Channel a certain portion of body intelligence,
And perform a certain function(s).
Similarly it seems like each of us,
Channel a portion of the collective intelligence,
And perform a certain function.
What you are channeling can be felt in the form of your desires.
Your desires/inspirations are the driving force of your instrument.
The life energy descends and ascends alternately,
From form to formless…
The heart of the earth is pulsing humans in and out of existence,
As birth and death, with influx-deflux.

Also each desire force works within a polarity.
The diseased person desires and seeks health.
The poor person desires and seeks riches.
The intensity of this seeking is proportional,
To how deep he has polarized on either end.
The 2 ends go together.
So each desire has its own cycle,
Between the 2 poles of the duality-pair.
Duality pairs such as:
poverty-riches, disease-health, ignorance-knowledge and so on.
The pendulums keep swinging.

Desire therefore seems to be cyclic in its very nature.
Because desire for X implies X’.
And intensity of desire implies magnitude of X’.
For instance:
The more deep you are in suffering, the more deeply you desire joy.
So if someone is deeply craving joy, you can intuit how much he is suffering.
This is relative too.
For instance:
If you have seen -100, then you are seeking +100.
Whereas if you have only seen -20, then you are probably only seeking +20.
But if the whole cycle is seen, it is zero sum.

Maybe that is why the scriptures keep pointing to desirelessness.
Because desires are also identification with cycles.
Technically, transcendence is not desirelessness,
But it is moving to a higher order desire.
For instance, the planetary desire if we could sense it,
Would be far higher than our personal desire.

I am a translator

I am only the translator/decoding-instrument,
Of the winds of vibrations I receive.
My in-sight sees/enjoys and translates the experiences,
That pass through me.
That is why my blog is titled ‘perception flow’ (in the URL),
Which is the collection of these translations.

I am just the seer.
I can play with whatever flows/passes through my space,
In the flowing river of content/appearances,
Like a spherical mirror or diamond,
Flying through creation and reflecting it in its own unique way.

All of this is what I have captured,
In the net of my perceptual faculty or vessel.
It is all food from the gods/higher-dimensions,
With which I enrich my being and experience.

But my true nature is simply “NOT”.
It transcends all of this.
I am not the seen nor the implied seer.
The seer-seen appear together and go together,
Like the negative-film and photo go together.
I appear as various seer-seen combos,
In the river of flowing content-appearances.

In my experience,
I alternate between all sorts of extremes.
I [tornado, whirlpool, distill, centrifuge](as a verb) everything into its essence.
And what I see is that the final essence of everything is source itself.
That is why I titled my blog ‘Journey to the Abstract’.
Since I see the greatest unity is also the most abstract.
God/source in a way is the ultimate abstract.

I feel like my life does not have a central sun,
It feels more like,
I’m moving fast in a train,
Post-midnight watching fireflies,
Whose lights bob in and out of existence.
Occasionally I do pass by some stations,
Which are full of bright lights.

A lot of the my life though,
Has been experienced in the twilight/liminal zone.
My favorite time of the day is sunset.
The sun yields,
To let all the lesser lights and the universe pour through.

The ego and the sun have a lot of similarities imo.
When the sun shines,
The whole sky is overpowered by its light and power.
While in the evening as the sun sets,
There is then the “revelation” of the cosmos/universe/stars.
Reminds me of life and death.
Maybe when we die, we will receive a similar revelation.

The deep decision to choose life

This thought current was inspired by ‘Sadhguru (Jaggi Vasudev)’.
This writing is part of my effort to gain clarity.
I still have a lot of work to do myself.

Here are my musings:
A deep decision is made first:
Are you FOR life —OR— Against life?
This is also a bit confusing.
Because: It is like asking are you for white or black.
It seems like there isn’t a right answer?
And it is just about polarization.
That is why I think Sadhguru was saying:
‘Make a stronger choice, else you will be in the middle.
Being totally dead is fine, being fully alive is fine.
It is being half alive half dead that is the torture and strife.’
If I am for life: I have to give myself completely into enhancing my life and all other life around me.
If I am for death: I should commit suicide.
Anything other than these 2 choices, puts me in the middle.

This would be in line with the larger cycle of life-death existentially.
When life is on, you are on.
When death is on, you are not there anyway.
Death is sorta like deep sleep, it is not something you do, it happens existentially.
We can only facilitate it, just like we facilitate sleep at night by turning off the lights and lying down.
Similarly, even life can only be facilitated and harnessed.
So we are sorta facilitators/channelers of life energies,
And in a sense, we do not create anything fundamentally.
We are only co-creators/active-participants in creation.
This is the deep humiliation our ego/self has to accept.

There is only an appearance of choice,
Which is no choice really, because it is only a choice of suffering or not-suffering.
All resistance against the existential = suffering.
One has to be compliant to it.
This free will is only for supporting and enhancing life.
Else, all the free will does is create more and more suffering and unawareness.
The only real desire for everyone is a LARGER experience of life.
And it is the wavering in moving downstream with or upstream against this longing,
That is causing suffering.
The strife between the life drive and the death wish (Eros and Thanatos).
Facilitation of life —vs—- Facilitation of death.
Trying to die is like the same struggle of trying to sleep when the hormone has not yet released.
Trying to live is like overexerting yourself and getting debilitated as a result.
Any effort in any direction seems to be counterproductive unless it is done with total vision/clarity of the higher world of forces.

All qualities simultaneously exist

Sometimes, I keep taking the opposite position and arguing with people.
Many a time, I feel compelled to take the opposing position.
Then I contemplated, and wondered about ‘why do I do that’.

One of the reasons I felt was,
To attain independence from people.
To test whether I could hold the opposite view vs. the person in front of me,
Instead of always getting absorbed into their point of view.
But this would often be really difficult for me.
Because I would end up seeing their point of view too,
Which would not only dilute my position,
But often even completely overshadow it.

Also, I realize that this does not give me any real independence,
Because this is still based on the other’s position only,
It is a reaction and not a true action.
I allow the other’s position to completely fill my inner space because:
# I want to maintain harmony with them.
# Because if I don’t then it will lead to vain/futile resistance and may be a threat to my well-being.
But within me, my inner space is so mercurial that it is quite hard to see what I want or feel about anything.
Everything could substantially dramatically shift in a dime.
Everything is so mutable and changeable, it’s hard for me to access my foundation.

This inability to ground into or take/maintain/forward a position/perspective,
Makes me feel quite powerless.
Because conventionally power is associated with force.
And unless you structure yourself into some position, no force can be created.
“Identity structures/foundation” are what generate force.
For instance, a tiger is completely grounded in its instinctual structures.
So the tiger carries enormous force in its very being.
You cannot talk it out of being a tiger.

Maybe I am somewhat disconnected from my animal nature and instincts,
Which is what makes me feel like I’m living in an “imaginative field”.
(This could have been a dissociation survival adaptation to high levels of childhood neglect/abuse/violation from others.)
I am profoundly confused as to what is my relationship with others or with the world/society itself.
On the plus side, since I can see all perspectives/points of view,
In the simulator function of my brain or imagination,
I gain a systems/ecological vision of things.
An impersonal w-holistic vision which is not about any particular thing or particular identity.
And it is easy for me to see that the only doer is god/field/consciousness,
And that everything is a temporal appearance.

After constantly living in a soup of all superimposed positionalities,
I realized that trying to polarize myself,
To any one extreme polarity,
In any of the dimensions,
With my efforts,
Has been the cause for a lot of strife within me.
I realized that I can:
# Neither be not affected, nor can I be affected completely.
# Neither be totally powerful, nor can I be totally powerless.
# Neither be completely good, nor can I be completely bad.
# Neither be completely with, nor can I completely avoid.
# Neither be completely clear, nor can I be completely unclear.
# Neither be completely truthful, nor can I be completely false.
# Neither be fully right, nor can I be fully wrong.
# Neither be completely loving, nor can I be completely hateful.

So this kind of throws light on my fundamental resistance to life.
Because life happens on its terms, while I am struggling against it.

My Venus is exalted

I have already attained the highest state of venusian love.
My venus is exalted.
That is why the deep pleasure of love songs,
Which stoke those vibrations already inside me.
I’ve already had the highest enjoyment of those vibrational experiences.
I recognize them, I have been in love before.
I have the memories of all those wonders deep inside.
Love/Bliss is a state of being very familiar/intimate to me.
And the songs rekindle those vibrations already in me.
They are all songs that express and celebrate those states of being, those vibrational worlds (heavens?).
The joy of celebration including arts, creativity, beauty, love, joy, ecstasy, fulfillment, satisfaction, and satiation.
Songs “transport” my being to those lost hidden vibrational worlds into REVERIES,
In the enchanted caves of my heart.

The depression and agony I experience at times are super severe,
Because they contrast with these deep enjoyments which I know for certain are possible.
Loss feels severe, only when you have once tasted gain.
The darkness of night is felt, only when you have tasted the light of day.
Leading to the mystic’s divide between: Longing —–and—— Ecstasy.
There is a constant alternation between these 2.
My life process moves along this pendulum swing.