Experience of groundlessness

What is happening to me nowadays is, I am totally unable to hold on to anything in my memory….or whatever holding on happens, it is fleeting, like in the next few hours, its all gone…..no matter how much I read (which is a lot) and how many and what pictures/models/strategies/insights/identities I form, it all simply dissolves….All my knowledge is dissolving, I cannot hold on to anything….in the recent days, the dissolving is getting stronger and stronger…..my moods/state of mind are becoming totally unpredictable….its impossible to know what is in store for me after a few hours……every plan I make like (run on the treadmill for 30m, make food at home, read xxx article, do xxx job) etc. I make it in one mood, but after a few hours the mood is so different, all the plans are simply ditched.

I feel like every thought I have is instantly cancelled by a counter thought, smaller thoughts are immediately nullified, larger conceptual thoughts are nullified in a few hours or days….so this makes it impossible to have any conceptual ground or stand on anything, no matter how appealing the understanding appears to me at the moment….

Even my fears about…how will I survive like this in this solid identity role based world?….how will I survive without a personality?….I would freak out with the fear for a few hours max, and then again even that is emptied from me….lol, I cannot even use fear as a ground….I cannot even use suffering as a ground like “life is suffering”…because I may say that now…but again after a few hours…I’ll feel happy again invalidating my previous conception.

I feel my experience is entering groundlessness and the unknown more and more.

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