Journey to the Abstract

The perfection and symmetry in sacred geometry makes me relax into 0.
Perfection/Symmetry/Equilibrium in plane – 2D – Plane Sacred Geometry


Perfection/Symmetry/Equilibrium in space – 3D – 3-D Sacred Geometry


Perfection/Symmetry/Equilibrium in time – 4D – Rhythmic cyclical motions


Perfection/Symmetry/Equilibrium in probability – 5D(abstract algorithms) – Fractals

Ultimately if we go deep into our hearts, “this” is exactly what we want.
All of manifestation is our desire.
All of existence is our desire.
If anything exists we desire it to exist.
We are god with the desire to play and live as this separate self(human) and experience life exactly the way we are experiencing it right now.
Life itself as a phenomenon is our own desire.
If we did not desire it, it would not be this way.
What we are holding on to is exactly what we want.
If it is something we really didn’t want, it would have instantly disappeared and changed to what we want.
The force that upholds all of existence is our desire.
Our essence is existence.
Another way to put it is, all existence is our essence.
If anything exists, it has to be part of us and our own desire.
And all the content that is existing is our desire.
Our own desire makes our essence take the form of what we desire (this world, our situation etc.)

I can use desire interchangeably with love. Desire = Love.
I can say, all of existence is the way it is, because we love it, our love is what upholds existence itself.
If we did not love it, existence would instantly stop existing.
We suffer because we love it, we love pain, we love all of the things we hate, we love to hate it.
We love our anxieties, tensions, negative emotions, turmoils, fears.
That is the reason they exist at all, if we did not love them, they would not receive life from us and cannot exist at all.
All of existence is upheld by desire/love.
Look around, what we see/feel/hear/think is exactly the way we want it.
If we did not want this, that means, we love to “Not want this”, we love to struggle against it.
When we stop loving to struggle, we will shift our love to peace, then our essence will take the form of peace.
But again, it is possible that we love to long for peace, but we do not love to actually get it, because the journey is more fun that way right?
Longing is fun too, and a lot of things, we purposely deny ourselves so that we can long for them.
So even that is the love of longing.
We can have love for depression and sadness too, which is why it even exists.
Another way to put it “Only what we love can exist”
So if something exists, it means we love it.

There is no point in manipulating anyone to like you.
Those who will, WILL like you.
Those who will not, WILL NOT.
If I pretend and get someone to like me, then even if they do – they are not liking me, but liking my act.
Ultimately I will reveal my true self because that is the reason I did the act itself.
How long can I carry the burden of the act which is nothing but liability?
My true desire sits along in the cave behind the act anyway.
When I do reveal my truth, this is the part that is already written – about whether of not they WILL like me (which is already written in stone).
So all ‘acting’ is just postponement.
Instead it is wiser to just BE THE TRUTH, and let what comes ‘the like or dislike’ come which is anyways already written in stone/programmed.
At least you are avoiding getting in your way and creating deceptions and therefore creating the postponement of knowing what is the truth anyway.

There is no absolute cause-effect.
Rather every cause comes from an effect.
And every effect comes from a cause.
So its more like a loop.
…cause1 -> effect1(cause1) -> effect2(cause2) -> effect3(cause3) -> effect4…and so on
Cause/Effect are dualities just like Yin/Yang.
The real truth is non-dual.

The deepest secrets of life can be known through the experience of the breath.

Inbreath/Outbreath = Living/Dying, Becoming/Unbecoming, Accumulating/Letting Go, Doing/Undoing, Building/Dissoluting, Being/Non-being, Identifying/Disidentifying, Chokmah/Binah(from Kabbalah)
[see all the words as verbs]

This is what goes on for eternity:
… -> InBreath -> Outbreath -> Inbreath -> Outbreath -> …
Equivalent to the matrix code: …10101010101010101010…
That is the ultimate secret.
It is the binary fundamental principle, the 1s and 0s of life.
Every breath reveals the secret principle to you, each time.

As is the atom, so is the universe.
As is the breath principle, so is the universe principle.

I used to think the dark night is basically a situation of severe binding and preoccupation with the content of psychic realms.
But its not preoccupation really, because preoccupation implies a will behind it, choosing that and having the power of choice.
In the Dark Night of the soul, there is no choice (no will), but to face the astral storms – affecting the emotions and mental, and belief realms. When this storm happens – one’s available energy for the world severely reduces, which is what makes it an extreme poverty situation, and creates this fight for bare survival. The suffering becomes great, and to function in that state of gloom, despair and severe burden is like weathering a severe storm in the sea, not knowing when it will end or abate.
Add to that the fact that NOBODY will understand this, or empathize with this, because it is so far beyond their experience. They will infact project all their negative emotions on you.
So it is truly a protracted mystical trial and tribulation – A great suffering.

I think the dark night is literally the adaptation/transformation we go through to fully live in the 5-D reality.

Earlier we were living with identity in the 3-D/4-D(Space-Time self) – basically a 4-D self I can say, because the 4-D encompasses all the possibilities in 3-D.
That is how most people in the world are living.
A 4-D self has full freedom of movement within 3-D space and it might just be restricted by physical laws which it tries to bypass – airplanes, submarines, rockets etc.

But the entry to the 5-D self means, the 5-D is a faster moving much subtler dimension to the 3-D and 4-D. So if identity moves up to the 5-D, then the 4-D identity is dropped into a fast moving river, which eventually powders this 4-D identity into the subtlety and refinement of the 5-D, adding an entire dimension of additional degree of freedom

If you(3-D) put your finger into a 2-D world, the 2-D creatures would see it as a point appearing and then growing into a circle (the circumference of your finger). And as you draw your finger out, the 2-D creatures would see the circle shrink into a point and disappear. Similarly, I feel I am a 5-D creature slicing into 4-D worlds each time while writing my [blog insights and posts and while describing my experience worlds].

All worlds exist simultaneously – from the subtlest worlds of freedom to the grossest worlds of matter. It is just a matter of what world you are tuned to.

So in this 5-D reality, the future is literally unimaginable.
Because unlike our earlier reality – we are not moving in time – but rather the entireties of space-time are moving.

Earlier: [WORLD 1] was where we lived.
Past ————————– Present ————————– Future
Now its more like:
[Past-Present-Future]World1—[Past-Present-Future]World2—[Past-Present-Future]World3.
So the world I am in this moment is going to change in a few hours.
So each world has a different past—–present—–future view.
So even if my future looks like absolute doom right now.
When the next world comes in, it might be entirely different, so my predictions, knowledge that I am holding onto now to safeguard my future are of no use when the next world comes in. The holding on is useful only if you are persistently living in the same world view.

So the future is literally unimaginable, inconceivable – it is just coming from BEYOND – stepping into the 5-D involves getting used to this and living in that higher dimension mystery with greater aliveness.

I feel like suffering is like the pressure inside a pressure cooker.
The walls of the cooker are my ego functions:
1. To protect the physical body
2. To navigate the social world
3. Behavior appropriateness…and so on.

As suffering builds up inside, I try to release the steam through the whistle carefully and in a socially acceptable way that does not harm my body.

But I’ve seen as the suffering becomes stronger and stronger (esp. when its hard to breathe), it gets harder and harder to contain it in ways I described.

Lets say there are 10 levels of suffering:
From Level 1-4 I will be able to contain it inside, and carry out my activities, maintain physical behavior, social behavior, in-spite of the background suffering.

Level 5 suffering:
I will start clenching my jaws, fists, tighten muscles, secretly breathe harder and combine it with pushing the chest out, squirm in my seat, bite my teeth and so on, scream inside my head and so on.

I can maintain my function only upto level 5.
After that I start to lose it more and more and it starts to create terror and extreme contraction to try to contain it.

Level 6,7 suffering:
Physical symptoms get stronger and stronger.
And I become uncontrollably aggressive and start attacking myself, others, and physical objects around me.

Level 8 suffering:
Encountered this in ayahuasca.
It reaches terror.
Where I start banging my legs on the walls and floor
Bite the ground, t-shirt, my hands, fabrics
Start thrashing, flailing with my hands
Moan, scream, wail loudly.
Express the suffering in words like “This is terrible, somebody stop this, save me…etc.
The ego here barely maintains control.

Level 9 suffering:
I might cause serious harm to my body, cutting myself, breaking bones, breaking teeth, eating myself.

Level 10 suffering:
I would self destruct completely.

How present are you?
Imagine there is a tiger walking in your room.
– How present you would become?
– How intense that experience would be?
– How intensely focused and aware you would be?
– How immersed you would be in the NOW?
Suddenly ALL OF YOU would be IN THE ROOM, the NOW, the PRESENT SITUATION.
People have these kinds of experiences even in accidents and so on, where the NOW(present moment) completely pulls all their energies in.
This is a good exercise for testing for dissociation.
The distance between your current state (STATE A) and this state of full presence and immersion I described (STATE B) is the extent of background fear.
When fully immersed in the NOW, there is 0 fear because there is no distance between STATE A and STATE B.
They have become one and merged as STATE U say.
The distance between STATE A and STATE B is the dominion of the Ego and its activity.
The ego is the distance between ‘You current state(state A)’ and the ‘PRESENT MOMENT(state B)’.
State A ——-[ego domain]———- State B
So when State A merges with State B, in a moment of say a tiger in the room, the ego is collapsed and suddenly there is total immersion, and there is no space to even maintain a faint self-referential concept.
Maybe this explains the fascination people have for dare devil activities, because their direct encounter with death, paradoxically makes them feel the most intensely alive.

Dissociation too might be the distance between State A and State B.
State A —[less dissociation]—State B
State A ———-[more dissociation]————State B
So the extent to which state A is alienated from state B(the present moment), represents the extent of dissociation.

All performance comes from structure.
Better the structure, better the performance.
Structure is what channels energy.

Lets take an example:
Lets consider 2 laptops.
Say the 1st one is a 2015 macbook retina pro.
Lets say the 2nd one is a 2005 macbook.
Why is the performance of the 2015 macbook pro SO MUCH BETTER than the 2005 macbook?
Its because of structure.
They both may be consuming the amperage and voltage even, but yet one is just EONS better than the other.
What is the difference between the 2?
You can go through all the technical specs and analyze.

Apply a similar analogy to a psyche.
Generally as a rule, subtler the structure, higher the performance potential.
(Its like have 10nm transistor technology (2016, subtler) vs. having 100nm technology (2009, grosser), which is capable of better performance?)

Another example would be of 2 runners. Say one runs the 100m dash in 13secs and the other runs in 20secs. Why is the former so much faster? What is it about his structure that makes him faster?