Its a collapse of structure.
I cannot become anything.
I cannot learn anything.
In fact my movement direction is towards dissolving whatever I had become.
I cannot invest in anything.
Instead I’m divested of everything.
I cannot direct energy and accumulate/build/learn/grow/increase/add anything because the investment energy is not there.
Its like surrendering the river of personal investments more and more into the ocean of god’s natural flow of investments.
Its like losing more and more interest in the sport you are playing resulting in the mind dropping all the structures that uphold and forward your learning of the sport.
Its like losing love energy with upholds/maintains all the structures of existence and furthers them.
Its like the “false” falling and dissolving/dying into the “true”.
It is the chaos of cathexis – i.e. a cathexis that loses its form/structure and sinks into a sort of chaos, creating the feeling of a dream.
The vacuum in you that dissolves all accumulations is empowered.
All accumulations remain until they are SEEN, PROCESSED, and LET GO, including this body accumulation.
It is a demagnetization.
Magnetization causes accumulation, becoming, learning, growing.
De-magnetization causes dropping, unbecoming, unlearning, shrinking.
It is sinking into entropy, when the whole world is moving towards anti-entropy.
The struggle is to somehow push yourself to maintain enough anti-entropy to survive.
It is the loss of the false accompanied by a mild terror that comes up from the remaining false, which faces the oppressive forces of truth dissolving it.
It is ultimately an optimization and falling into “what is”, and whatever false needs to be removed is dissolved in the ocean of truth.
The expectations of the world are of endless growth, perpetual progress.
So this backward movement of me falling into the infinite, is in exact contrast to the expectation movement of the world.
The falling into the dynamic ground sends the personal cathexis/energies into chaos.
So now a bunch of information just flows in my experience, and I accumulate and create just enough as demanded by the expectations around me.
My vacuum like movement [to surrender] is in opposition to the implicit expectations of the world [to become].
I lost “all belief” in “all becoming”.
All I want to do is seek insight to un-become and get back my true nature and freedom.
I cannot pick up any goals and materialize them, be it mine, or other’s goals such as work etc.
So the bane of my existence tends to be others’ expectations which are moving farther and farther away from my own cathexis which is based to reach higher and higher insight and letting go/dissolution.
This is unbecoming, but the expectation is for becoming.
That opposite movement is what causes more and more tension.
The FEAR of not fulfilling expectation (to maintain security) still exists and that creates the weak cathexis for becoming/doing/investing just enough to get by.
So achievement of security/protection is the ultimate aim behind all fear.
All fear is designed to protect me.
Once the pointlessness of all endeavor is seen, then egoic love/investment stops being a driving force. Its like the army has stopped all offense and moved to pure defense at this stage. All they are trying to achieve is to stand where they are, status quo.
Only fear/protective forces are left and they get weaker and weaker too in their ability to generate fear, because the ‘self’ to protect gets smaller and smaller (with more and more dissolution) and that smaller self cannot raise much of an army to do anything. Its like more and more soldiers are surrendering and only the last few are left.
So this is close to the end of my former world.
Once I totally surrender, only the God force shall move me.
Animals, Plants and Nature, do not grow leg by leg, branch by branch, being by being.
Everything is simultaneous and instantaneous, spontaneously arising from NOTHING.
All animals and plants and nature grow and transform holistically, wholly, synergistic-ally, organically, harmonically.
Even dreams at night don’t happen frame by frame or section by section in the scene, the whole scene instantly appears.
Similarly even the world, simply appears from nothing and the whole world comes into ‘being’ together.
That constant synergistic spontaneous instantaneous organic movement of existence as ONE WHOLE is the real nature of everything.
This nature of existence and all the phenomenon we refer to as the natural world is in great contrast to the human systems which use this whole divide and conquer, linear, staged, part by part approach to growth.
Spontaneous instantaneous simultaneous unfolding from Nothing is the real nature of everything.
Exactly like a dream.
Just as every frame of a movie is complete/valid/existant, every moment of experience is complete.
We move/slide/morph/transform from one complete frame to the next at every moment.
Since each frame is infinite in its nature(like an analog signal), we can say each frame is an infinite universe, and we are moving from one parallel infinite universe to another.
Analog signal = Nature of reality = Territory = Right Brain (symbolic)
Digital signal = Nature of mind = conceptualization = Map = Left Brain (symbolic)
Transcendence is to wholly encompass and go beyond both of the above.
Desire and fear seize and contract consciousness.
Even a desire to change the bad will imply contraction of consciousness around the bad.
Desire and fear go together too. Like 2 sides of a coin.
When one is there it’s complement is always equally present too.
Good desire or bad desire – both are personal – both cause a contraction of consciousness.
The truth/reality however transcends this.
Truth simply IS.
All suffering seems to come down to – Availability/Capability of energy to do what you are expected/supposed to do, in your situation.
– There are varying degrees of how much you can satisfy expectation.
– And then there is the threat of not satisfying it. Greater the threat, more the suffering. The threat might be from a probability of loss.
– So all personal reality desires/fears is in “resistance” or “potential resistance” with God reality and its movement. Union with ‘What IS’ is the only solution.
– God’s reality is unknowable, so the only way to live in it is to BE the moment, and embodying/living as the unknown/mystery itself.
– To live with any knowing, is to live with an anchor, and that would not be in line with the underlying mystery reality.
– Ultimately, the “person” does exist in darkness. Illumination removes/dissolves “personhood”.
– Because ultimately personhood represents desire. Desire comes with its concomitant of fear as part of the same coin. And desire is a contraction of consciousness, just as fear is.
– So personhood is a sort of tunnel vision, missing the larger picture, missing the point. Personhood can only exist in ignorance and light will fade personhood away. More the light, less the personhood.
– When there is maximum light, there is only infinite potential unfolding in a mystery.
When a person is dissociated, they are totally desensitized, its as if that dimension of themselves is dead and sacrificed for others.
There is no ‘real heart, desire, will’ behind the actions of their dissociated parts.
If people has dissociated from their body completely, like say girls in massage parlors, strip clubs, they may as well be looked at as bodies made of rubber.
In such places, they also have a pretend fake personality intended to lure you.
Even that personality is just deadness, plasticness.
It is not a personality they uphold from real love, or their true desire/will.
They use their body and personality as a means to an end. Its like the real person is somewhere hidden inside, using a joystick to control a rubber body and to portray a certain personality.
Deadness = Uncreativity. That is one easy way to identify if spirit is infused into something or not. Which is why a lot of times, you will find them highly predictable and robotic-ish.
If spirit is infused in something, that thing would be alive, ALIVENESS = CREATIVITY.
The body is not alive when it is dissociated from.
The issue with people who are dissociated like this, is that, they will be totally un-compassionate and unrealistic with their dissociated parts and they may potentially program others too under their care, to take on this burden and deal with it the same way, by disowning.
Because once a part is dissociated from, its as good as disowned or dead.
Its like that part has no feeling, like an anesthetized arm.
You can beat anyone as hard as you want with that anesthetized arm, even get your own bones broken in that arm, because ultimately you have disowned that part completely, it is just a dead hand. You do not care what happens to it and will use it as a tool to accomplish your desire, just like one uses a hammer and does not really care if the hammer breaks.
Dissociated parents, say who are overly polite, sacrificial to others, will demand the same of their children. So the child understands the 1. EXPECTATION and 2. Dissociation as the way to deal with it. Both these things are directly osmotically taken in from the parents and then the malady reproduces itself in the child.
This I assume must be happening in the whole sex workers industry too. The EXPECTATION+DISSOCIATION must be passed on and taught from generation to generation. Each one is taught to firstly disconnect their will from their bodies (dissociate) and then surrender the body for another’s will to get money.
But if we notice carefully, what we EVER want in life is only true spirit and true will. Without these, you only get DEAD stuff. All expectations are dead. This world we are in, feels like a sort of LIVING-DEAD, where spirit lives and navigates among the dead. As children we have much more spirit and more and more of it is lost as we age.
Psychopaths are essentially severely dissociated humans, most of what you treasure is something they have completely dissociated from. It might be something that is completely disposable to them, or they may even be totally unconscious of it.
If you have a girlfriend/boyfriend, who is being overly nice and sacrificial to you, if you truly show love to him/her, interestingly he/she could possibly start to express anger, withdrawal and so on. This may be paradoxical to you, because how can they get angry when you are giving them love. Well, that is because the love that you gave them, has caused them to doubt the validity of their whole facade. It is too painful for them to accept that the personality they put so much effort into maintaining, is simply a burden and not necessary with you. So they are overcome with fear and mistrust, and think its too good to be true and therefore start to sabotage it as a test – with the fine print saying “please fail me, so that I can be convinced my old way was right”.
There is no use of bestowing great love upon a person’s dissociated parts, because he does not believe he is THAT anyway and therefore cannot receive your gifts of affection no matter how profuse it may be. So in such a case, you may have the feeling of all your affection getting drained into a black hole. That is because nothing is received. Only what is owned by spirit can receive spirit. The dead cannot receive anything. Its like intensely projecting affection to a stone statue in order to bring it to life, won’t happen. So the truth of the matter of dissociation has to be seen clearly. Find out what the person believes he is, first, because that is where his spirit resides and that is the only part of him that can receive.
We exist in many worlds simultaneously.
Sometimes the higher worlds go asleep and you are left in the lower world – which can be called spirit death.
Sometimes the lower world goes asleep and you are left in the higher world – which can be called physical death.
Higher worlds = more changing, dynamic, fluid, greater potentials, greater possibilities, more creative, greater freedom, more experience variety
Lower worlds = more rigid, more deterministic, more law based, more concrete and solid, lesser potentials, greater restrictions/constraints, limited experience variety.
Desire is the only thing that creates suffering.
Because desire mandates that “Only if you get/do/attain/possess/experience xxxxx” will I release you from my grip/preoccupation.
Happiness is simply a state where there is no desire controlling my energies manifesting as freedom and release.
Happiness is a state where the present moment is good enough that I cease trying to move away from it.
Once desire comes back it controls energies in the direction of desire which are naturally in opposition to ‘What IS’.
From the outside you can never know if a person is aligned to the divine will or not.
Effort/Struggle/Resistance is a good indicator.
Another indicator is the person’s level of joy.
The extent of the above factors can determine how far away the person is from the divine will.
But again this effort/resistance/struggle factor is relative too.
For instance, during the dark night of the soul, a person can experience profound amounts of struggle and effort, but this comes from the illumination.
Ordinary person -> Effort.
God|xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx unconscious xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx| +++++++ effort
Illuminated person -> Effort.
God|xxx unc| ++++++++++++++++ effort
The illuminated person here is putting double the effort and facing double the suffering and stress as the ordinary person.
Can you see even though the illuminated person appears to put much greater effort, he is still much closer to God’s will than the average person.
