I feel like suffering is like the pressure inside a pressure cooker.
The walls of the cooker are my ego functions:
1. To protect the physical body
2. To navigate the social world
3. Behavior appropriateness…and so on.
As suffering builds up inside, I try to release the steam through the whistle carefully and in a socially acceptable way that does not harm my body.
But I’ve seen as the suffering becomes stronger and stronger (esp. when its hard to breathe), it gets harder and harder to contain it in ways I described.
Lets say there are 10 levels of suffering:
From Level 1-4 I will be able to contain it inside, and carry out my activities, maintain physical behavior, social behavior, in-spite of the background suffering.
Level 5 suffering:
I will start clenching my jaws, fists, tighten muscles, secretly breathe harder and combine it with pushing the chest out, squirm in my seat, bite my teeth and so on, scream inside my head and so on.
I can maintain my function only upto level 5.
After that I start to lose it more and more and it starts to create terror and extreme contraction to try to contain it.
Level 6,7 suffering:
Physical symptoms get stronger and stronger.
And I become uncontrollably aggressive and start attacking myself, others, and physical objects around me.
Level 8 suffering:
Encountered this in ayahuasca.
It reaches terror.
Where I start banging my legs on the walls and floor
Bite the ground, t-shirt, my hands, fabrics
Start thrashing, flailing with my hands
Moan, scream, wail loudly.
Express the suffering in words like “This is terrible, somebody stop this, save me…etc.
The ego here barely maintains control.
Level 9 suffering:
I might cause serious harm to my body, cutting myself, breaking bones, breaking teeth, eating myself.
Level 10 suffering:
I would self destruct completely.
The walls of the cooker are my ego functions:
1. To protect the physical body
2. To navigate the social world
3. Behavior appropriateness…and so on.
As suffering builds up inside, I try to release the steam through the whistle carefully and in a socially acceptable way that does not harm my body.
But I’ve seen as the suffering becomes stronger and stronger (esp. when its hard to breathe), it gets harder and harder to contain it in ways I described.
Lets say there are 10 levels of suffering:
From Level 1-4 I will be able to contain it inside, and carry out my activities, maintain physical behavior, social behavior, in-spite of the background suffering.
Level 5 suffering:
I will start clenching my jaws, fists, tighten muscles, secretly breathe harder and combine it with pushing the chest out, squirm in my seat, bite my teeth and so on, scream inside my head and so on.
I can maintain my function only upto level 5.
After that I start to lose it more and more and it starts to create terror and extreme contraction to try to contain it.
Level 6,7 suffering:
Physical symptoms get stronger and stronger.
And I become uncontrollably aggressive and start attacking myself, others, and physical objects around me.
Level 8 suffering:
Encountered this in ayahuasca.
It reaches terror.
Where I start banging my legs on the walls and floor
Bite the ground, t-shirt, my hands, fabrics
Start thrashing, flailing with my hands
Moan, scream, wail loudly.
Express the suffering in words like “This is terrible, somebody stop this, save me…etc.
The ego here barely maintains control.
Level 9 suffering:
I might cause serious harm to my body, cutting myself, breaking bones, breaking teeth, eating myself.
Level 10 suffering:
I would self destruct completely.
Journey to the Abstract 