Author: perceptionflow

The truth needs no borrowed energy. It is absolutely effortless, spontaneous and independent. The false stuff (maintained through stress and borrowed energy) has to be done away with to find the truth.

I initially started observing that I could stay equanimous at the sensation level (esp. vipassana retreat) i.e. which is essentially no pushing or pulling at any sensation, at the sensation level. Then later, I noticed the same exact thing also applies to the thought level.

What is our reaction to thought – push or a pull. For some thoughts we react with a pushing force (i.e. we try to push them away). For certain other thoughts, there is a pulling force (i.e. we try to pull it towards us, it could be for various reasons, even when we are intently trying to solve our long standing problem, or when we get obsessed with something, we are pulling on it).

It is possible to be equanimous at both levels i.e. no push, pull in sensation and no push, pull in the thought space. In reality there is no separate thought space and sensation space. They both permeate each other. The gross and the subtle permeate each other and exist in the same singular space of awareness.

You will never find what you seek by striving for it. Because that is the game itself. It is a fractal game that plays endlessly. There is no end-point in anything. Everything eternally moves. Absolutely, there is nowhere to go, nothing to attain/seek/do.

This game space/sandbox allows you to play any kind of game forever. Can you even imagine a time in your life when you would have satisfied every possible desire and you have completely finished it up? Nope. No such end point exists. In fact if at all it exists, it exists NOW, this moment is the Nirvana, if you surrender completely to it, that is the ultimate satisfaction and mystical moment you can have. Because you cannot find yourself, but looking outside of in Time or Space.

There can be good and bad systems of enmeshment when the 2 parts can supportive or destructive to each other, or 1 part could destroy the other. There are a number of enmeshment combinations possible.
Enmeshment is voluntarily/involuntarily giving away power to the other person.
Its like in the spectrum there is:
Total independence, 0 relationship ————— Total Enmeshment, 100% relationship. In math, enmeshment is 1+1 = 1, i.e. there is no individuation.
So the idea is that, the ideal place to stay is to explore and be flexible completely towards both ends of the spectrum and be comfortable everywhere.
It is however always easier to start from independence and then slowly move in as the parties gain more and more balance. After all when you lean forward, you do it slowly right so that you do not tip over?

Enmeshment is like siamese twins. Total independence is like 2 people living separate lives in different countries.

When I look at the whole all movement stops, i.e. looking at all the forces in my awareness. Since I see all the contradictory forces, the resultant seeking energy is close to 0.

There is completeness, there is wholeness, the perception of movement has stopped. I am still. it is seeing the gestalt of the gestalt of the gestalt which ->tends to-> [0 movement, wholeness ]

‘I’ move only when I am identified with 1 fragment seeking another fragment,  but when I identify with the whole space of it…..I am still and things only move within me. I am nothing, and all the somethings appear, move and disappear in me

The somethings are only possibilities in the infinite nothing… the something is one of the possible modulations in the nothingness field

The nothingness field, is impossible to know, it is the ultimate mystery…because by definition if you try to imagine, know nothing, it is not nothing, but a something….it is not possible to know it, it is only possible to BE IT, LIVE IT

Living from the Unmanifest unborn, is living in the ultimate reality

Only the self is truly loved.

Highest perspective ——————–<spectrum>———————– Limited perspective
– At the highest perspective, I can see that both pleasure and sadness are insubstantial.
– I can also see that there is sadness bg for pleasure and pleasure bg for sadness. So the picture is always whole.
– When I seek something, I’m moving from an imagined minus to an imagined plus.

– How does another person’s demands affect my perspective?

I find loss of perspective very disturbing because of fear of loss and standing on no man’s land. When I know I’m not seeing the real picture, there is a fog, blindness and therefore more unknowns and fear.

I find even expanded perspective scary because then I see both the sides of duality and it paralyzes me. I freeze when I see the whole picture with both the -ve and +ve in one picture. Then the only thing moving me is my own commitments(job, society) and habits(chores etc.). All drivenness ends because I see the whole picture and therefore do not move from one fragment identification to another.

Limited perspective+positive emotions = Enjoyment+Fear of it going away Limited perspective+negative emotions = Suffering+Longing for the positive Expanded perspective+Positive emotions = Seeing positive and negative in background Expanded perspective+Neg emotions = Seeing negative+ positive in background

Its very interesting to notice the direct sensations of horror. My 3rd chakra gets ‘pulled out’ and towards the horror object. Also my attention gets transfixed on the horror object. Basically I become hyper-focused and my attention is hijacked.

But even something very attractive can transfix our attention. Falling in love , is an uncontrollable force, seizing all of your attention towards an attractive object. At a more abstract level, from the ‘direct experience’ point of view, Is there any real difference between getting your attention transfixed on horror or attraction?

It seems like attraction/horror is more about our interpretation of these direct energetic and attention pulling phenomena. When our attention is transfixed on something you do not want, we call it horror.When it is transfixed on something we find highly desirable, we call it attraction. But at an abstract level, both these phenomena involve seizing of our attention.

Do we like to have our attention seized? I would say ‘Yes’, once in a while. After all, how would you really understand what safety is unless you fully experience a horror movie. The dualities potentate each other. This seizing of attention phenomena, potentates the dual experience of our daily life mental freedom.

The whole spectrum has to be transcended:

Freedom ———-<spectrum>———– Trappedness, Seizing, Prison

Deepest meditation on Moda – 3 hours

Cyclic Diagram:
Stage 1: Karma creation/Dispersion/Spreading/Externalization/Explosion/Fragmentation
Stage 2: Karma re-absorption/Integration/Internalization/Implosion/Rejoining.

Just like the big bang, the source bursts itself outwards as fragments, expands, breaths and then pulls all the fragments back in to form the whole again. That is like one breath of the cosmos or God.

‘I’ am a small wave in that massive gigantic cosmic breath. Everything is breathing i.e. experiences are arising and passing i.e. experiences are growing, maturing, fading. Everything can be reduced to 1 FINAL SUBSTANCE that is ‘EXPERIENCE’. Everything is an experience(or appearance in consciousness), and all experience is breathing i.e. arising and passing away.

We think of death as one final event. But there is no such finality. There is no 1 independent thing that dies. First of all, there are NO independent things in the first place. All things are interdependent on each other. (Read more about the concept of dependent arising on google)

For example: The experience of looking at glass needs your sense organ – eyes to be working. Everything we experience as the outer world is from sense perception, so our senses are doors to this outer world itself. Without the senses, the outer world is GONE. The senses are what make the outer world perception possible. The perception of the outer world is entirely dependent on our sense organs and how well they work.

There are millions of smaller micro-objects that make up the so called large independent object. Accordingly, for the micro objects, there are numerous micro-births and micro-deaths. The whole of the experience space is shimmering with objects arising (born) and passing (dying) at different rates.

For all these objects, their timelines are different. These trillions of micro objects everywhere exist in different scales/impacts/size etc. and timelines. Consciousness has infinite such objects, but the commonality is that all of them are made up of the unspeakable substance we call ‘Consciousness’ or the ‘Ultimate reality’.

Experience spectrum frequency:
There are a spectrum of numerous smaller waves riding on the gigantic cosmic wave. The frequency of the waves could range from 10^100 years to 1 nano-nano second just for an imagination.

A question to ask ourselves would be, what is the frequency of our personal perception. What is the smallest subtlest experience we can perceive?
What is the largest picture we can perceive?

The frequency for the wave of our human body experience is 80 years say.
But the frequency of our breath of one breath is say 5 secs.
The frequency of a subtlest blip (arising/passing) the eye can detect would be around 1/100th of a sec say.
What is the frequency of thought?
What is the frequency of an blip impression entering and leaving the mind? Maybe 1/100sec again?
What is the frequency of a paradigm of experience in the mind? Maybe 2-3 years? (for example: Say you believed in buddhism for 3 years and then moved on to another belief which changed your experience noticeably)

So an interesting question would be, if we can agree, that the experience spectrum is the final spectrum that contains all other spectrums, where does the human being apparatus fit into this?

So just like the colors of light we see fall only in a narrow band of the light spectrum, our human experience falls into a very narrow band of experience spectrum possible in the cosmos. All scientific spectrums can be ultimately reduced to an experience spectrum (After all, there is NOTHING that is not an experience. Sound, Light, Concept, Mental model etc.).

There are 2 attributes for an experience object wave:
1. Quality (Direct experience, ineffable, unspeakable, direct energy perception)
2. Timeline/Duration (Time dimension, how long it lasts, its arising, growing, falling, passing)

So at every moment we are dying and renewing ourselves. We are changing at every millisecond. We may change at different rates at different times say (like say you have a sudden accident and there is a sharp change of experience (pain) arising) but everything is continuous. There is never a moment when we are not experiencing, EXPERIENCE IS ETERNAL.

Our attachment to experience objects is another experience wave which exists in ignorance (attachment itself is an experience object). When we see the entire picture with our awareness i.e. when all aspects of our EXPERIENCE are illuminated, existence is seen as an endless free falling change (celebration, dance, ecstasy, shimmering, ever-renewing), then all attachment falls away and there is only just BEING THAT FREE FALL OF EXPERIENCE.

We are always free falling, we have always been and always shall be. This is an eternal movement (beyond time). We are not in time, WE ARE TIME(change) ITSELF. That mysterious substance which changes forever but has no fixed form, quality (formless, quality-less, indescribable, ineffable) is US.

The only thing holding us back is the delusion that we think we are one of those experience objects, and we spend all our life living in fear of losing it, and trying to protect it from the force of life which always keeps threatening it in some way. We are identified with one of the fragment appearances which is FALSE, NOT US. Life always threatens our attachments OBVIOUSLY, because LIFE IS CHANGE ITSELF.

We need to see this absolute truth of change and see there is no need to hold on to anything, and firstly dis-identify with EVERYTHING. When I say everything, I mean ‘EVERYTHING’. Only then we can clearly see WHAT WE ARE NOT, we can stop identifying ourself with THE FRAGMENT, THE FALSE, the APPEARANCE and start living from the FREE FALLING ECSTASY.

Existence is SHIMMERING IN ECSTASY with various arisings/passings of a trillion experience objects like a dream.

When we identify ourself with a concept(experience object) or the body(another experience object), we contract around it in FEAR, and when LIFE TAKES it away from us as it always does, WE CLUTCH, WE HOLD ON TIGHT, WE GET DESPERATE and then anyway in the end, the object does pass away in its own accord. Then we identify with another fragment and repeat this pattern of desperate holding on to an UNREAL THING in the first place. When we see the truth, the MOST OBVIOUS, SANEST thing to do is to LET GO, LET GO, LET GO, LET GO OF EVERYTHING. Because we are NOT THIS, NOT THAT, NOT (XXXXXX anything that appears XXXXX). EVERY POSSIBLE LEVEL/OBJECT of experience has to be LET GO.

We do not NEED ANYTHING. All need is belief based. We believe we need things. Its a fractal manifestation. See the fractal completely and free yourself from it.

ALL FEAR IS FROM IGNORANCE of the nature of reality. See everything as an experience object and witness how you exist even after it falls away. Because YOU as AWARENESS can never be destroyed. YOU ARE ETERNAL and you will forever ride the FREE FALL ECSTASY of shimmering experiences.

Every experience object contains the secret of why/how it exists within itself. If you want to find out the true nature of your stomach pain say, observe it, OBSERVE IT very very subtly until the secret of its nature and reason for existence is revealed to you. It is the divide and conquer strategy. Break the solid experience object into smaller objects and yet smaller objects and so on, until you reach an atomic level of perception. There the shimmering secret of micro-arisings and micro-passings are revealed to you. There are just endless waves over waves over waves riding over each other.

The only thing impeding this FREE FALL is our holding on which solidifies certain aspects of experience. In a  way, its easy to see, what we are holding on to, whatever does not change in our experience day after day is precisely the thing we are holding on to. We might be doing this for fear, insecurity whatever reason. But seeing an object completely is the same as ACCEPTANCE. LETTING GO of the experience object is the same as giving it permission to CHANGE. Then we all will return to the SHAMANIC/DREAM/CHILD like THETA WAVE reality.

At a certain levels, we will have to reach trans-human levels of letting go. Initially the letting go is only at the personal level. Then after that it reaches letting go at the consensus cultural level frameworks. Then we have to let go at the human level itself (we approach very broad problems faced by all of humanity and take it on). Then there is letting go at trans-human levels of mystical insights, states, out of body experiences, astral experiences, oceans of bliss etc.

BE THE LIGHT yourself and illuminate everything you come in contact with. After all, you cant help doing that, that is the nature of light itself and YOU ARE THAT.