There can be good and bad systems of enmeshment when the 2 parts can supportive or destructive to each other, or 1 part could destroy the other. There are a number of enmeshment combinations possible.
Enmeshment is voluntarily/involuntarily giving away power to the other person.
Its like in the spectrum there is:
Total independence, 0 relationship ————— Total Enmeshment, 100% relationship. In math, enmeshment is 1+1 = 1, i.e. there is no individuation.
So the idea is that, the ideal place to stay is to explore and be flexible completely towards both ends of the spectrum and be comfortable everywhere.
It is however always easier to start from independence and then slowly move in as the parties gain more and more balance. After all when you lean forward, you do it slowly right so that you do not tip over?
Enmeshment is like siamese twins. Total independence is like 2 people living separate lives in different countries.
Journey to the Abstract 