Journey to the Abstract

The body’s internal symphony and symphony with environment etc. happens by itself. Everything happens by itself. I’m taking dream food and using dream remedies to cure my dream problems. My experience is simply mapped a certain way to this time-space-objects paradigm creating apparent cause and effect (Maya). But none of this appearance, is absolutely true.

Everything is all dream stuff. Ultimately its all just happening in the movie screen. I may be identified with certain aspects, and may try to maximize with certain goal equations. But the cause-effect is mysterious, therefore I can only believe and do actions, the result is not in my hands. Also at the highest level, everything is just happening including my identifications, beliefs, and imagination. Makes me question if there is really anything like soul, spirit, mind, body etc. All these concepts, mappings are just elaborate castles in the air.

Everytime I read something, talk to someone, or just think in a particular direction, I start to believe that ‘xxx’ is the cause of ‘xxx’ and it even becomes emotionally true many a times as I explore the thought. But in reality, none of it is true. Because each day even the attributed and believed causes keep changing and many of them are contradictory. So what is the real cause of experiences, apart from what I BELIEVE OR THINK to be the cause??

The issue is that my thinking generates such convincing stories that soon enough it hits my beliefs and I start to emotionally feel it as true. All my beliefs –> mapped to all my opinions –> mapped to emotions –> mapped to objects –> All of it is changeable. Therefore there is no real essence in them. I hold on to them because of the ground beliefs (which I do not determine, or have control over).

What is all this?? What is ALL OF THIS?? No logic seems to be convince me. WHY THIS? WHY even this question of ‘why this’? Why even this questioning of the question of ‘Why this’?….recursive.

Absolutely, nothing has essence and the only unchanging essence I have is ‘SENSE OF KNOWING’. (Sense of knowing is the highest abstraction. At a lower level for purposes of understanding, an analogy would be the ‘SENSE OF VISION’ i.e. see what you are looking at right now, then turn your head 180deg, you see a totally different image right?, but arent both the images ‘IMAGES’ or vision entities? Take that a level further and you see how everything is made up of ‘KNOWING’)

Everything else is changing or could change by nature. Just because its persistent does not mean its real (just like the same movie playing again and again does not imply does the movie screen is stuck to showing only that movie).

Say, you live your life well in your house, but suddenly there are spiders coming in every night. You close/caulk all holes, but yet they come. Now, you have to understand the spiders, only then can you figure out a way to let them live peacefully and yourself peacefully. The spiders are unaware of the pain they are causing you. They are blindly serving their needs and are completely unaware of yours.

Maybe that is the difference between animals, humans and Gods. Its all in the inclusivity of the perspective. Greater the inclusivity of perspective in consciousness, greater is the being. Also, inclusivity of perspective is a direct function of how abstractly you can think.

Inclusivity of perspective (Directly proportional to) Abstract thinking ability.
More the abstraction, higher the inclusiveness.
At the pinnacle of abstractness, time and space and all of manifest are encapsulated within it.

They all lie in a spectrum:
(Highest abstractness)God—————-Enlightened Humans————Great thinkers/Philosophers———-Regular Humans———————Animals(Lowest Abstractness)

Now back to the topic, so there are different ways of dealing with this issue:
1. Kill the spiders whenever you see them – Way of violence
2. Wait around to see if they will go away by themselves – Way of Inaction
3. Try to find out where they are coming from by examining your house – Way of Defensiveness
4. Feel paralyzed and helpless and sit put – Way of helplessness, powerlessness
5. Observe their patterns and behavior patiently – Way of observation
6. Read up on spiders, where they live, their lifestyle etc. to understand them first. – Way of intellect
7. Try to hide from the spiders somewhere else in your house (gradually the spiders reach there too and then you have to hide deeper) – Way of Avoidance, Dissociation
8. Try to distract yourself and avoid thinking about the spiders in the first place. – Way of Denial, Repression
9. Move out of the house, and find another place – Way of Escape, Rejection
10. Accept the spiders coming and going and let them be. – Way of Acceptance

You may use a combination of approaches to deal with this OR you could use them in a staggered fashion.

For example: Say you start off with 1 –>2 –>3 –>4–>5–>6–>7–>8–>9–>10, If any of these work, then the flow stops and your issue is resolved. But if none of them work then you go all the way through the flow.

You may also start with 7–>5 –>6–>3 and so on. This pattern you follow may illuminate your personality algorithms.

Let go of all NOT(What is), BE ‘What is’
Clue: Any movement away from ‘what is’ requires effort.

Being ‘What is’ is synonymous to the total dropping of ALL effort,
It is total union/being everything, and stillness with everything.

The mantra is simple: DROP ALL EFFORT and the truth that you are everything will be revealed to you.

BE the desire energy, and know its true nature. BE the mind and know its true nature. True knowledge is from BEING the thing.

All manifestation is from divine energy:
Ultimately all the energy for anything to happen is the mysterious/divine energy. Nothing happens without that. What we experience as individuals is a particular filtering/distortion/manipulation of the divine energy. It is like how, without electricity no laptop can work. But with electricity, we can run a macbook or a windows tablet. In the sense, the electricity is the divine force that makes everything happen. The specific structure of how that energy is channeled is our experience. The components of the machine that manipulates/distorts/shapes the divine energy are things like core-beliefs, beliefs, desires thoughts, fears, memory etc. They are the components of the human experience machine which convert the divine energy into a particular manifestation just like a macbook converts electricity into all the forms of function that you see in it. Transcendence is realizing you are not the macbook but the electricity driving it and infact the macbook is just one of your possibilities.

About Desire:
Desire is a creation of a certain potential energy in your being. If you are unconscious to this potential energy, then you will serve the potential until it exhausts itself. After that, your unconscious seeking algorithm will create another desire or potential energy, and once again you will serve this until it exhausts itself. If you think the desire is you, then the desire energies will consume you in their ‘blind’ games. Even the desire energies are puppets actually. They are created by core-algorithms in your psyche which create this fractal game of desires/potential energies.

Rat Analogy for Predicament:
The situation is like a rat who wants food. You shine a laser pointer somewhere, he thinks that is food and chases the pointer, but as soon as the rat catches it, he realizes that is not the food he hoped for. Now you shine a different colored laser elsewhere, now again the rat builds up hopes and runs after the new point, once again after capturing it with great difficulty (because you are turning it around in circles for your entertainment), he once again realizes its not the food he wanted. How long can this game go on? Well until you keep shining different colored laser pointers and moving it around everywhere OR if the rat himself realizes that the food is in none of the pointers.

Now this was an analogy to point to various aspects of our real existence.
The point of the pointer, is desire.
The pointer is belief.
‘You’ who is moving the pointer around and changing the colors of the laser each time is ‘MAYA’.
The ‘Rat Food’ here is complete fulfillment/complete knowledge of your true nature.

As Nisargadatta M said, w/o realization, you will be forever consumed by desires and fears and playing out this core algorithm forever. This primal ignorance of our nature (which is what Buddha referred to when he said all suffering is from ignorance of our true nature), is what causes the endless fractally generating games/unsatisfactoriness.

We denying ourselves what we want through elaborate unconscious mechanisms: That is the game of Maya.
How can you ever find yourself through desire?
Satisfaction cannot be found by playing any game OR attaining any desire. We only get a faint glimpse of it when we achieve something great, and then we are back to our old state. We create our own games and conditions for achieving this state, we deny it to ourselves by our conditional games. Its like creating elaborate structures to prevent the sunlight from reaching you. And then you climb all that you built just to get a glimpse of sunlight?

A kid would love to run around in a prison. There is nothing inherently prison-like about prison. The prison is because of the fact that you cannot leave that place, so that place becomes a prison.

So in an abstract sense, anything that you cannot move away from/or change, is a prison. This can apply to just about anything. Anything can become a prison, the only condition being, that you cannot move away from it. Positive or negative and other value judgments are irrelevant here, because no matter what, anything can become a prison if that is imposed. So any imposition is a prison.

Synonymous words would be: Limitation, Restriction, Attachment, Trappedness, Stuckness, Stifling, Constricting etc.

What is there is there, you either have control, or do not have control. If you have control, use it. If you do not have control, then what is there to complain/blame? If the situation does not work for you, its your responsibility to get yourself to a situation suitable for you. If you see no way out, then you must wait for clarity (something you do not have control over). Then what is there to complain or blame?

Why should someone choose to stay in the prison, when the door is wide open? And keep complaining about the prison, instead of simply getting up and walking out? That is the unconsciousness. The unconscious keeps one in a situation, and the conscious complains about it unconsciously. Because if you truly knew you have no control, why would you complain. Does anyone complain about the sky being blue?

Every human being or living thing could be said to be a certain kind of breath of life/adventure.

How do I create expectations about the future of what’s going to happen?
Based on past experiences? But relying on past experiences as a predictor for the future is playing into the same self-perpetuating fractal.

For example, if you believe deep down you are unworthy, then that fractal is working unconsciously under your nose towards creating a story from your life that would prove this back to you. Like if you met someone and had a good time, you would still be insecure. The next time you meet them, you would start testing them, asking all kinds of questions to prove you own case. It is a self-fulfilling prophecy. Since all of reality is basically our interpretation, if you construct a powerful story that proves they rejected you, aha! you proved it. The more intelligent the person, the more subtle and fantastic story they can come up with. But ultimately the intellect was just a servant of the belief that was trying to prove itself. That is the pattern of the belief, it will play itself forever.

The game between intellect and belief is like, to give an analogy, the intellect is like the painter and belief is like the master of the painter. The master says ‘Paint me a landscape, but only use the colors black and brown’. The painter is like ok!, Better the painter, more the detail and awesomeness of the landscapes. But ultimately he was just following the higher instruction coming from the master, to use only the colors brown and black. So no matter what paintings come out, they are all possible combinations of brown and black.

Similarly, our reality can be a recursive spiral/fractal of the same emotions of fear, guilt, rejection and it can create entire intricate worlds. It might even be unimaginable to think of alternative worlds, because you have made so much of intricate investment in creating those worlds. But completely different worlds (paintings) can be created with much better emotions (equanimity, peace, love, joy, celebration, ecstasy) and the intellect would use all its power to paint according to the new beliefs driving it.

Sometimes the more intelligent the person, the more convincing they sound, because their stories are so much more intricate, detailed, connected and the relationships between elements are very complex. This complexity can absorb the listeners mind so much, they might very easily lose sight of the fundamental core-beliefs driving this whole castle like creation.

Entire kingdoms of guilt-fear paradigms would vanish if the underlying belief structure is seen through.

So the 4 main attention hijacks in my life are:
Survival, Sexual/Eros feelings, Other people with expectations, My dreams/beliefs/vision.

1. Survival need makes me seek – Security, Food, Water, Avoidance of physical threats (and harm), Avoidance of pain, Avoidance of loss.
(Mind Free from primitive/primal needs——-<spectrum>——-Mind seized by primitive/primal needs)
Chakras: 1

2. Sexual/Eros/libido/pleasure energy makes me seek – status, power, prestige, respect, love/wantedness/desirability, achievement, praise, admiration, beauty, passion
Spectrum: (Happiness/Pleasure ——–<spectrum>———- Depression/Anhedonia)
Chakras: 2,4

3. Other people’s expectations makes me seek – acceptance, belonging, peace, harmony (states of flow), cooperation, trust, identity, security of relationships, stability of relationships, meaning from relationships
Spectrum: (Coherence, purpose, stability, openness ——- Fragmentation, confusion, chaos, narrowness) 
Chakras: 3

4. My dreams/beliefs/vision make me seek – truth (enlightenment), higher knowledge/understanding, intellect, expression, freedom, novelty(exploration, curiosity), higher purpose, higher vision, true identity, ultimate meaning, transcendent (God).
Spectrum: (Enlightenment/Knowledge————Delusion/Ignorance)
Chakras: 5,6,7

Hijack of attention because of survival needs: (insecurity, anxiety)
Even the things I need to do for survival is a motivation hijack.

Attention hijack –  Chakric activity: (sensation mappings to mood/thoughts)
For example, if there is strong sensation in the sexual organs, then I put all my attention there.
Another example would be a hollow uncomfortable sensation in the solar plexus chakra. Again all attention goes there and the sensation content consumes consciousness.
It becomes a loop, because the more that sensation captures my consciousness. Subsequently there is the part of, what I do with the sensation, which is related to the dopamine system fractals.
The dopamine system abstract algo/fractal is like:
If there is ‘X’ sensation in ‘X’ Chakra, do ‘X1-X2-X3-X4….’

When alone attention hijack happens because of thinking about what the immediate people in my life expect from me.

Attention hijack also happens to me based on expectations of the environment I am in. This again comes back to people, a people created system of reinforcement/conditioning and training.

Another attention hijack is my own perceived problems.
It grips my attention proportional to the intensity of the problem.

Another attention hijack is a future event expectation of pleasure.
It could be a new item I ordered, it could be the visit of some person I’m looking forward to see OR the most exciting would be some kind of new crush/sexual encounter.
Here in this case, that thought consumes all of my attention, and I am constantly fantasizing about it and imagining the kind of feeling I could get from it.
I cannot think of anything else at that time, because that would change my state, and I feel a great affinity/attraction/attachment to the pleasure state.
Once I have pleasure, all I want to do is pull on with whatever the stimulus activity was, and I have no drive to shift away from it. If circumstances force me to shift, I’ll be very heartbreaking to let go of the pleasure state. I use this all the time infact. Not only for eros stuff but also for reading an interesting article, anything that I have an inherent interest, curiosity, drive, passion for.

I dance to express.
I sing to express.
I write to express.
I draw to express.
All my movement is expression.
All my thought is an expression.
All my action is an expression.
Everything is an expression of this
Mysterious energy which I am.

Everything inside me moves
By a mysterious force which I am.

This shimmery ever-changing ecstatic reality
Is always accessible to me.

I can always cover up this reality though
This open experience, by holding on.
Everything I hold on to, conscious or unconscious
Is the reason why I do not experience the nirvana freedom.

There are endless fractals perpetuating themselves
At varied levels from Grossest to the Subtlest.
I now see myself out of most of them.

The more I let go and see, I can see
That I can get lost in my own acts.

Why will I voluntarily let myself get lost?
For the fun of it?
For the adventure of it?
For the experience of it?

Why would I ever want to experience getting lost
In my own creations? And Suffer?
Just for the experience of suffering?
So that I can experience the hidden aspects more gloriously?

When they are revealed to me?
This is like a hide and seek game
I play with myself
I hide from my power, and imagine I’m weak
Just for the experience

And then I go BOO!
And I have the power back again
What a relief it is
What a joy it is
To see I have never lost THAT

I play this game endlessly
Of hide and seek with myself
Because it is so entertaining

I endlessly discover my hidden aspects
I endlessly keep finding myself
I can do this endlessly because
I am infinite