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The flip flop of patterns in generations, and why seeking goes on forever

We perceive what was not given
what we lacked –> and we give that to our kids
For example:
If you were poor – you try to give your kids all the luxuries
If you were uncared for – you try to give out more care
If you could not study because of lack of opportunity – you give all the opportunities to your kids.
So its like a sine wave of duality or an endless flip-flopping from generation to generation
Say, if we use a simplistic analogy
Its like vanilla and chocolate ice-cream.
If I give vanilla icecream to my kids, they will feel the lack of chocolate.
If I give chocolate icecream to my kids, they will feel the lack of vanilla.
If I give both chocolate and vanilla, then they would lack the fullness of either , and therefore seek that
In other words, the only way out of lack is transcendence.
Because the system has been created to go on forever, like a rotating wheel, a pendulum
Which simply moves you from one limitation to another limitation
One lack to another lack
One object to another object
But never the infinite
Because you cannot be the infinite as long as you are an object
No matter how great, big, awesome that object might be
(Infinity) – object = What the object lacks, which by infinity math is again an (infinity)
So as long as you are an object (no matter what its size and expanse is), you will have infinite lack
Which will propel infinite seeking
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Interesting things about Love

I realized some very interesting things about love
Firstly self = = love…there is no difference
What you call yourself is basically the reality you love
Also love is not necessarily for something pleasant or unpleasant or simplistic classifications like that.
For example:
You can love – messed up ppl
You can love – being with messed up ppl and then hating them, that whole dynamic
You can love – being isolated in a group and feeling alien
You can love – getting subjugated by others, acting like a slave, and then trying to run away from them
You can love – finding a stronger opponent and getting beaten by him/her, and the bitter aggressive defeat that happens post that event
You can love – finding a weak person and then constantly messing with them, and bullying them, and all such patterns
You can also love – hating yourself
Bottomline, the concept of love is much vaster than we think
All kinds of things can be loved
So basically an expansion of this ‘love’ to a transcendental height,
where all of reality is loved and accepted, a total YES to everything
IS enlightenment
Self == Love == Identification, because, that is the very reason you even identify yourself with that
Out of all of the infinite reality entering you,
the narrow set of experience possibilities you hold on to, is because of love/identification/self
Each person loves different things
If each person is a venn diagram – circle
There are various venn diagram circles with small overlaps, big overlaps and so on
But transcendence is like one super circle that encompasses all these smaller venn diagram circles
love diagram
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Your prison walls are made up of the very ‘THINGS’ you are avoiding.

Your prison walls are made up of the very ‘THINGS’ you are avoiding. You are always keeping the ‘THINGS you are avoiding’ in awareness and then later using your mind dedicatedly to avoid those things. The -(-1) situation.-(-1) is NOT EQUAL to +1. They are 2 different realities.

The game which I am trapped in is about: How to Avoid ‘X’

I am always living and will live in fear, even if I successfully avoid ‘X’ completely, because even if I successfully avoid ‘X’, ‘X’ would still be there in my awareness which is the root problem. And funnily, me trying to avoid ‘X’, somehow paradoxically brings me much more of ‘X’. When analyzed deeper it is not a paradox at all, because my belief that ‘X’ is real always stays in the subconscious and the subconscious will obviously retain what you think is real, all the time. That is the reason the experience repeats itself again and again.

The way out of this is to first understand that ‘Nothing is real’, after that, it is a question of shifting deeply from a -(-1) mindset to a +1 mindset. Now after this is done, further transcendence can be achieved when you see ‘Everything is self, and you have never left it EVER for eternity’. That can bring about total peace.

 There are 2 operations here in this algorithm:
1. Keep X in awareness
2. Avoid X by using all your mental and emotional faculties.
The delusion is that: I think ‘X’ is real, even if its out of sight. But how is what is out of sight even real, unless I hold on. So this means, I am holding on to ‘X’ firstly, and holding on to the interpretation of ‘X’ as bad, and then holding on to the interpretation that ‘I must escape from ‘X”. I want another reality ‘Y’ which is not there, only ‘X’ is there (because I have held on to it).

So I hide until ‘X’ goes away. Another person can have the same reality structure with only the last element being different. So then, instead of hiding or dissociating from ‘X’, the person tries to beat the ‘X’ out of the other person (say X is an undesirable quality in the other person).

So then the 2 people have more or less the same reality by en-large but in the first case, one hides/dissociates from the other, and in the second case, one attacks/tries to manipulate the other. But the end motive is the same, ‘I WANT TO GET RID of ‘X’. Which is in turn based on believing that X is a reality (it is not really real at all in truth), X is bad (There is no inherent good or bad besides the quality you choose to project).

Regarding the ‘I must get rid of ‘X’, that is just an unnecessary violence against the energy form that your consciousness has taken. Firstly all appearances are YOU, so that energy form is ‘YOU’. Secondly, that energy form is persisting precisely because you are holding on to it and fighting it to get rid of it. It is a ludicrous game where you create your own tiger and then try to fight the tiger to death. This game is unconscious, and once we get conscious of it we can see how ludicrous it is.
Question all the beliefs that I have outlined above and set yourself free from this avoidance, controlling, manipulation, lashing out, dissociation and so on.
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About ending co-dependence

Let’s say there is a person ‘X’ I meet who feels offended and hurt for every small thing, blowing things over the top, making emotional mountains of issues, to create guilt in you for making them feel that way.

But their feelings, experience, emotions is their responsibility.
My feelings, emotions, experience is my responsibility.
I need to stop feeling responsible and hypersensitive to other people’s reactions to me. That speaks more about them than me. Because they see my appearance in their sensory input and interpret it based on their imagined mental castle worlds. I see their appearance and imagine them in my mental castle world.  Each person’s experience is their own making, their responsibility, including mine.
Else the situation is like, interacting with that person is like as if their mental castle is full of booby traps which I have to devote so much attention on ‘how to avoid them’. That is so much of baggage to hold on to all the ‘Do/Dont’s rules’.

This greatly impedes the functioning of my spontaneous self, as a result, I resent it and don’t desire it at all. Interacting with another person, should open up new vistas for me, not put me in a minefield or booby trap castle where I have to constantly hold on to the ‘What to avoid’ algorithms as an enormous burden and stress.

My fear of their emotional  unpleasantness is precisely the reason I am enslaved. Similarly the other person also unconsciously uses their unpleasantness as a power to reduce the other to a slave.
In co-dependence, the caregiver has convinced you, that your actions are intimately tied to her emotions and well-being. She has not taught you that you are independent and she is independent. So then you keep a constant watch on how you behave, act, speak and even think, so that you match the caregiver’s expectation so that no untoward reaction is triggered. Once this paradigm is set, you are as controllable as a TV remote is to a TV, for the caregiver. She moves the invisible remote of her emotions in response to everything you do, and your task is to ‘please/maintain neutrality’ and avoid things that ‘displease’. This is a prison like paradigm itself. Co-dependence is basically slavery where in this setup, the other can use his/her emotions like a remote control to control the other. In childhood we have no choice, because displeasing the caregiver means DEATH when you are that helpless. But it is a totally different ballgame once you are an adult. However this pattern tenaciously stays deep in the psyche and has to be uprooted.

The solution I feel to get over this fear is to allow the feared thing to happen: Let them abandon you, get angry, scream, shout, get dejected, frustrated, cut you off, attach you, be hostile etc. or display any of your feared emotions. Let things get bitter, sour, hostile, horrible, disgusting, messy, terrible, violent.

I fear these reactions in them, and it is my own fears that keep me in the prison of ‘attention hijack’ where all  my attention is directed to ‘What to avoid, and how to please’ like a slave. The more reactive, negatively sensitive, trigger-able the other person is, the more my fears are triggers and my own fears subjugate me to a slave.

I explained the caregiver part, how she can control the child by using the framework of co-dependence.

There is another case that can happen too.

In case the parents are highly non-responsive to the needs of the child, OR if situations emerge where the child is struggling with his/her needs or emotional pain or insecurity or chaos, the child may use the co-dependence remote to gain control, stability, security. If the caregivers also buy into the co-dependence paradigm, then the child can use his/her strong emotions and escalate them more and more so that his/her concerns are immediately addressed by the caregiver to avoid unpleasantness.

So thereafter the child uses this strategy to control his/her caregivers in an unpredictable situation and gains control in this way.

Either way, the controller or controlled in this game, is participating in the same game called CO-DEPENDENCE.

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About the Overself WINDS pulling at the Chains of Ego (Illustration)

Imagine a desert like sahara desert.
Imagine there are 100 posts with 100 dogs tied to them, with a chain.
Let’s say the ego is = all the 100 dogs.
The dog’s main mission is to do things within the chains, but ensure that the post does not get plopped off from the ground by external forces.
The external forces is the overself (God’s Karma, which is outside our control).
Now imagine there is an enormous wind. So all the 100 dogs have to struggle to hold on.
Life is a struggle for them until this wind stops.

Imagine now, the wind is so extreme, that one by one, dogs give up and get blown off by the wind. The wind makes it a struggle to maintain the identification. So as you surrender the dogs one by one to the high speed wind, you get dis-identified from those dogs, you let go of them and their tethering post (belief). You start to partially identify with the wind now at this stage.

Eventually all 100 dogs fly away in the wind.
That is total freedom or transcendence. Now the identity shifts from the ego (100 dogs) to the wind itself (overself).

dog

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Loving the overself is loving everything

The projection we can have for all things is either LOVE or THREAT (fear)
‘Exclusive love’ is suffering because everything else becomes a threat to the loved object
Addictive drugs are one of the most dangerous exclusive love
But so is highly exclusive love of any kind
Because such a love can make everything else a threat
When you love the entirety of overself with 0 attachments
Then, you would never leave the state of love
Because there is nothing but the overself
So you love everything
The more threats you have in your experience
Less is your love, and more is your ‘poverty of love’
The ego holds the divine love energy hostage and releases it conditionally
Only based on what it conditionally loves
Everything else apart from what it loves is a threat to it
Dark night:
When the ego loves nothing
(maybe when it realizes
that there is nowhere to go,
nothing to do,
no way to win,
how it in itself is the hindrance)
Then it withholds ALL of the divine love energy as hostage
And releases nothing outside of itself
Because it realizes nothing can give it what it wants
The entirety of the overself has now become a threat to it/entirely unwanted
It is utterly disinterested/averse to EVERYTHING
You lose ALL your interests, I really mean ALL, including the desire to even live
Everything just keeps going on by habit, but inwardly, you are inside a dark cloud
This is a period of great deprivation or dark night
At this stage, all of the divine light is captured by the ego
It lets nothing out
Life is a struggle
Because everything appears threatening/undesirable
But yet survival is constantly grating on you
With 100’s of undesirable things to do
Then gradually the ego understands the predicament
It surrenders and dissolves itself in understanding
And then releases the divine light through it again
This time much more unconditionally than before
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The only thing we love is our own essence

My feelings of attraction are not actually for the object (that is only an appearance), but rather, the object triggers the feelings of attraction. I love the feeling induced by the object and the object by itself has no essence apart from the essence I project on it. All objects are empty props and it is me who projects my essence of them, and then believing it is the object’s essence. A phenomenon of externalization of my own essence (projected).

The object may or may not induce the same feelings, and the mapping of objects to feelings keeps on changing. That is why it is an illusion or Maya. Because then nothing is what it appears to be. The appearances are constantly changing, because the essence mappings are constantly shifting and dancing. The objects get mapped to my feelings (my essence) and we think, getting the object will give us the corresponding feelings because the essence of the object is that feeling. But rather its more like, that object triggers that feeling (may or may not) and that feeling or any other feeling is your essence, not the object’s essence. Also since, the triggered feelings are ever changing, when the change is observed closely in direct experience (and not as frozen mental concepts, like, I love this person, as if love is some kind of unchanging feeling you constantly have for the other, it is just ‘Low sampling rate’ to think that, a generalized concept lacking subtlety, a blanket statement, like saying, all animals are aggressive or something as blanket as that) we can see that our real essence is the infinite.

When we realize that, everything we have ever experienced as others, outside, other people, surroundings, universe, was all in reality our own essence, we project  the self-love to everything. The reason we do not do that now is because, we reserve the emotion of pure love to only our concept of ourselves (which is akin to saying, I am only my thumb and I only love my thumb, the rest of the body is not me).

The light is always shining bright, but our darkness is self created, because we are not open to the moment of direct experience. Open yourself fully to the direct experience fire of life and the ecstasy would be revealed.

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In the Absolute Reality, Meaninglessness cannot exist

When I say everything is meaningless, that is impossible, because total meaninglessness can only apply to ‘Nothing’, and it is not possible to perceive ‘Nothing’, because the ‘Subject’ of such a perception would again be a ‘Something’.

So the meaninglessness experience is basically the egoic structure’s inability to continue itself anymore because it is realizing its own darkness/delusions. So meaning is always there, any ‘Something’ is inherently meaningful and there is eternally a something (nothing can never exist, even if it did, that would be a moment of 0, or non-expeirence, so it would not count at all).

The meaninglessness is because of  the ego getting paralyzed as it realizes that it can never satisfy itself, because it in itself is the unsolvable problem.

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Life is a TV screen

Lets say, life is a TV screen, and based on what I saw on the TV screen I collected some portions of it as me, as my nature, and ever since then I’ve been trying to protect those parts.

But once I realize that the contents of the TV screen is all that there is, everything has the same essence i.e. pixels of that screen, then I let go of all I was holding on, on the screen.

Also what the contents are going to be, is not determined by the previous content but the TV signal itself, which is an unknowable mystery.

Imagine you were sealed from the world, and always shown only one kind of channel/movie again and again, you would start to think that is real right? You might build a complex reality structure by observing the patterns you witnessed. But what if later, I changed your TV signal and you started getting 100s of channels with extremely varied content? What would be your reaction? What would happen to the old reality you had created and held based on everything you saw in that one channel?

Lets say Shiva is pure awareness – the witness of the screen and Prakriti is the dancer – the mover of the screen contents. So the idea is to surrender control/let go to prakriti to create ecstasy, and STAY/REMAIN/BE as Shiva – the pure awareness of everything in the screen.

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Even comparative elements (like intensity, size, distance, difference) are quality objects in the Consciousness Screen

When we see a red object, we think the quality of the object is red.
We associate the redness to be a quality intrinsic to the object.
But is this really so?
The object surface has absorbed all the other colors of light and only reflects red.
Also if I shine an entirely different light color on it
I get a different reflected color
Like say I shine blue light on an otherwise red object in white light
Then the object reflects a darker blue.
So what is the REAL color of the object?
Darker blue or red?
It depends on the kind of light I shine on it.
We could say the nature of the object observed
Depends upon the light of the observer
But now we are still assuming that the light comes from the observer and thereby evokes the quality of objects
(the object intrinsically is infinite, it can assume any quality depend on the kind of light you project on it)
But the light does not come from the observer, rather it shines through the observer and illuminates the observer himself
Another issue with this imagination however, is that, we feel like it is in time
That the light actually flows from a point A to point B or through point A to point B
Point A being the observer, to point B being the observed
But then in our observation the 2 phenomena happen instantaneously
The observer and the observed
Just like how a dream materializes instantaneously and not in sequential steps.
Also does the observer have any control on the light emitted through him?
From practical experience, it seems like ‘yes’, but the observer can only change the quality of light
But not provide the light itself.
What provides the light itself?
That light which is outside of time and space
Which allows you to even perceive time and space as its possibilities
Is the transcendent light.
———————————————————–
Total energy of the universe is constant.
Total experience/qualitative space is constant.
We are always that infinite screen
All comparative qualities are also objects in the screen
In other words, all comparative qualities are also ‘Qualities’ on the screen
Like distance, length, size, intensity etc.
But the screen is always shining the same intensity of awareness
Its only the objects that change
But the essence of the screen as awareness is constant.