Journey to the Abstract

There is no absolute cause-effect.
Rather every cause comes from an effect.
And every effect comes from a cause.
So its more like a loop.
…cause1 -> effect1(cause1) -> effect2(cause2) -> effect3(cause3) -> effect4…and so on
Cause/Effect are dualities just like Yin/Yang.
The real truth is non-dual.

The deepest secrets of life can be known through the experience of the breath.

Inbreath/Outbreath = Living/Dying, Becoming/Unbecoming, Accumulating/Letting Go, Doing/Undoing, Building/Dissoluting, Being/Non-being, Identifying/Disidentifying, Chokmah/Binah(from Kabbalah)
[see all the words as verbs]

This is what goes on for eternity:
… -> InBreath -> Outbreath -> Inbreath -> Outbreath -> …
Equivalent to the matrix code: …10101010101010101010…
That is the ultimate secret.
It is the binary fundamental principle, the 1s and 0s of life.
Every breath reveals the secret principle to you, each time.

As is the atom, so is the universe.
As is the breath principle, so is the universe principle.

I used to think the dark night is basically a situation of severe binding and preoccupation with the content of psychic realms.
But its not preoccupation really, because preoccupation implies a will behind it, choosing that and having the power of choice.
In the Dark Night of the soul, there is no choice (no will), but to face the astral storms – affecting the emotions and mental, and belief realms. When this storm happens – one’s available energy for the world severely reduces, which is what makes it an extreme poverty situation, and creates this fight for bare survival. The suffering becomes great, and to function in that state of gloom, despair and severe burden is like weathering a severe storm in the sea, not knowing when it will end or abate.
Add to that the fact that NOBODY will understand this, or empathize with this, because it is so far beyond their experience. They will infact project all their negative emotions on you.
So it is truly a protracted mystical trial and tribulation – A great suffering.

I think the dark night is literally the adaptation/transformation we go through to fully live in the 5-D reality.

Earlier we were living with identity in the 3-D/4-D(Space-Time self) – basically a 4-D self I can say, because the 4-D encompasses all the possibilities in 3-D.
That is how most people in the world are living.
A 4-D self has full freedom of movement within 3-D space and it might just be restricted by physical laws which it tries to bypass – airplanes, submarines, rockets etc.

But the entry to the 5-D self means, the 5-D is a faster moving much subtler dimension to the 3-D and 4-D. So if identity moves up to the 5-D, then the 4-D identity is dropped into a fast moving river, which eventually powders this 4-D identity into the subtlety and refinement of the 5-D, adding an entire dimension of additional degree of freedom

If you(3-D) put your finger into a 2-D world, the 2-D creatures would see it as a point appearing and then growing into a circle (the circumference of your finger). And as you draw your finger out, the 2-D creatures would see the circle shrink into a point and disappear. Similarly, I feel I am a 5-D creature slicing into 4-D worlds each time while writing my [blog insights and posts and while describing my experience worlds].

All worlds exist simultaneously – from the subtlest worlds of freedom to the grossest worlds of matter. It is just a matter of what world you are tuned to.

So in this 5-D reality, the future is literally unimaginable.
Because unlike our earlier reality – we are not moving in time – but rather the entireties of space-time are moving.

Earlier: [WORLD 1] was where we lived.
Past ————————– Present ————————– Future
Now its more like:
[Past-Present-Future]World1—[Past-Present-Future]World2—[Past-Present-Future]World3.
So the world I am in this moment is going to change in a few hours.
So each world has a different past—–present—–future view.
So even if my future looks like absolute doom right now.
When the next world comes in, it might be entirely different, so my predictions, knowledge that I am holding onto now to safeguard my future are of no use when the next world comes in. The holding on is useful only if you are persistently living in the same world view.

So the future is literally unimaginable, inconceivable – it is just coming from BEYOND – stepping into the 5-D involves getting used to this and living in that higher dimension mystery with greater aliveness.

I feel like suffering is like the pressure inside a pressure cooker.
The walls of the cooker are my ego functions:
1. To protect the physical body
2. To navigate the social world
3. Behavior appropriateness…and so on.

As suffering builds up inside, I try to release the steam through the whistle carefully and in a socially acceptable way that does not harm my body.

But I’ve seen as the suffering becomes stronger and stronger (esp. when its hard to breathe), it gets harder and harder to contain it in ways I described.

Lets say there are 10 levels of suffering:
From Level 1-4 I will be able to contain it inside, and carry out my activities, maintain physical behavior, social behavior, in-spite of the background suffering.

Level 5 suffering:
I will start clenching my jaws, fists, tighten muscles, secretly breathe harder and combine it with pushing the chest out, squirm in my seat, bite my teeth and so on, scream inside my head and so on.

I can maintain my function only upto level 5.
After that I start to lose it more and more and it starts to create terror and extreme contraction to try to contain it.

Level 6,7 suffering:
Physical symptoms get stronger and stronger.
And I become uncontrollably aggressive and start attacking myself, others, and physical objects around me.

Level 8 suffering:
Encountered this in ayahuasca.
It reaches terror.
Where I start banging my legs on the walls and floor
Bite the ground, t-shirt, my hands, fabrics
Start thrashing, flailing with my hands
Moan, scream, wail loudly.
Express the suffering in words like “This is terrible, somebody stop this, save me…etc.
The ego here barely maintains control.

Level 9 suffering:
I might cause serious harm to my body, cutting myself, breaking bones, breaking teeth, eating myself.

Level 10 suffering:
I would self destruct completely.

How present are you?
Imagine there is a tiger walking in your room.
– How present you would become?
– How intense that experience would be?
– How intensely focused and aware you would be?
– How immersed you would be in the NOW?
Suddenly ALL OF YOU would be IN THE ROOM, the NOW, the PRESENT SITUATION.
People have these kinds of experiences even in accidents and so on, where the NOW(present moment) completely pulls all their energies in.
This is a good exercise for testing for dissociation.
The distance between your current state (STATE A) and this state of full presence and immersion I described (STATE B) is the extent of background fear.
When fully immersed in the NOW, there is 0 fear because there is no distance between STATE A and STATE B.
They have become one and merged as STATE U say.
The distance between STATE A and STATE B is the dominion of the Ego and its activity.
The ego is the distance between ‘You current state(state A)’ and the ‘PRESENT MOMENT(state B)’.
State A ——-[ego domain]———- State B
So when State A merges with State B, in a moment of say a tiger in the room, the ego is collapsed and suddenly there is total immersion, and there is no space to even maintain a faint self-referential concept.
Maybe this explains the fascination people have for dare devil activities, because their direct encounter with death, paradoxically makes them feel the most intensely alive.

Dissociation too might be the distance between State A and State B.
State A —[less dissociation]—State B
State A ———-[more dissociation]————State B
So the extent to which state A is alienated from state B(the present moment), represents the extent of dissociation.

All performance comes from structure.
Better the structure, better the performance.
Structure is what channels energy.

Lets take an example:
Lets consider 2 laptops.
Say the 1st one is a 2015 macbook retina pro.
Lets say the 2nd one is a 2005 macbook.
Why is the performance of the 2015 macbook pro SO MUCH BETTER than the 2005 macbook?
Its because of structure.
They both may be consuming the amperage and voltage even, but yet one is just EONS better than the other.
What is the difference between the 2?
You can go through all the technical specs and analyze.

Apply a similar analogy to a psyche.
Generally as a rule, subtler the structure, higher the performance potential.
(Its like have 10nm transistor technology (2016, subtler) vs. having 100nm technology (2009, grosser), which is capable of better performance?)

Another example would be of 2 runners. Say one runs the 100m dash in 13secs and the other runs in 20secs. Why is the former so much faster? What is it about his structure that makes him faster?

For the past 10 years or more, I have been trying to write and understand my structures.
Now I’m seeing more and more, there is no intrinsic structure or self.
The more I look, the more everything dissolutes.
Until there is only the “looking”.
Then I realize, What I am is the ‘Looking itself’.
What I am is the LOOKING as the verb itself.
I am the SEEING, LOOKING, AWARE-ING.
Everything emerges and passes “IN AND AS” this “SEEING” that I am.

The reality before and after description are separate realities.
They are like 2 different frames of a movie.
Each frame has its own valid existence independent of the other.

So say, you see a flower.
I then describe the flower to you – i.e. tell you a story, connect to other concepts/images/memories/conceptual hierarchies/ontologies (you already know).
Then you may say, “Oh, now I understand what this flower is”.
If I ask you what your previous state was, you would say it was “Ignorance”.
But in truth, both your “previous state” and “post-understanding state” are like 2 different full/complete/whole/valid/separate frames of the movie.
They both are equally valid and complete reality states.
So in a sense, nothing has been added to you in your new state of knowledge, from the absolute point of view. Only the experience content/form has changed.
You are the same ‘whole’ that has changed. Nothing has been added or subtracted from your essential substance by this knowledge.

That is why the mystics say on realization “We have never left THIS, ever”.
So the THAT they are in contact with, is transcendent of all experience (and all experience is essentially content, so it is transcendent of all content too).

The ultimate reality is the infinitesimally close to the present or NOW, that point-instant.
But the ultimate reality is not the content of the point instant because that content is always changing.
The content of the point-instant is not apart from the ultimate reality, but there is nothing apart from the content too, because only content can be perceived and the ultimate knows itself only through the content/form.
So then what is the ultimate reality?…it is even beyond all contradictions, it is the “ultimate pointer” -> to the BEYOND, UNNAMEABLE, UNKNOWABLE, UNFATHOMABLE, UNTHINKABLE, UNIMAGINABLE.