Journey to the Abstract

What ultimately matters is always changing too.
Because if there was 1 ultimate thing that was really the unchanging ultimate, then that one thing would have been an uncreative element from god.
So god made even that creative 🙂

All sex is about union/merging/combining/melting into the loved object.
Sex = Process of union.
Process of one infinity merging with another infinity.
One eternal perspective merging with another eternal perspective.
One platonic form (essence of being) merging with another platonic form (essence of being).
So in the physical act, what is unioned with? – the bodies, the minds, the hearts(souls).
It is the merging of my body/mind/heart qualities with another’s body/mind/heart qualities.
The merging of my presence with another’s presence.
In a way sex is the ultimate desire.
To union and expand is our ultimate desire.
Our ultimate desire is to BE everything.

Why do we talk with each other?
Why do we form relationships?
Why do we try to understand each other?
Why do we do things together?
Why do we invest in others?
Its all in the quest of merger and expansion.

Master: Everything IS the way it IS.

Student: Why is your IS better than my IS?

Master: It is part of your IS, to look at my IS, imagine it is better, feel jealous about your own imagined better-ness projected on me, and ask this question.

Student: Why does my IS do such a thing?

Master: Do not empower this question. Else it will endlessly make you seek, while the question in itself will hide inside you and control all your energy. The answers to the question will weave a web and waste your time, because the true solution is in the opposite direction.

Student: What must I do?

Master: Do not empower that you must do something. That will only lead to endless doing -> progress -> becoming. The energy investment in ‘becoming something’ is the problem. This investment only increases the more energy you give it, leading to endless becoming and every time you arrive, you realize you still want to become even more intensely.

Student: Should I then just watch the doing and empower the watcher instead? That would cause my doing energy to diminish and I would collapse into the “SEEING” itself?

Master: Yes, empowering the awareness is a good technique to rarify the energy. However even this abstract notion/concept of looking/awareness/noticing/noting/observing has to be dropped. A practice operates at a certain level of abstraction and fineness. It can only dissolve all the material that is underneath it. It cannot dissolve itself. To dissolve the practice, you must move upwards to a finer practice that can dissolve the coarser practice.

Student: But wouldn’t that go on endlessly? In the spectrum of:
(infinity) Finer —————————- Gross (infinity)

Master: When you realize this completely, you have already moved into a more abstract practice. Yes, there are endlessly levels of refinement, freedom, power, creativity possible. There is no endpoint, there is nowhere to arrive. This is an infinite fall.

Student: If it is an infinite fall, then by the definition of infinity, I am always in the center, then why should I move at all? Why can’t I just stay here?

Master: Of course there is no need to move at all, you can just stay here, ‘IF YOU CAN’. Can you do that? Isn’t there an energy in you that is driving/pushing you around? Be true to your highest inspiration/highest potential/highest joy at all times and KEEP MOVING. Its all an endless adventure.

Personal desire is what prevents you from seeing ‘What IS’ fully.
Because you do not want to see what you do not desire.
So your desire occludes/prevents awareness of what you don’t want to see.
It blots it out, and even if your physical eyes are open, you will not see the reality you do not want to see.
So what you are experiencing now, is exactly the slice of the infinite you are holding on to, and want to experience.
If you let go, then the experience will change.
So all experience that is not changing for you, implies you are willfully holding on to it.
So all of experience is what you want & your desire.

Many a times, in the evening and night, I experience the below:
PART 1: Gloom, Doom, Dread, Despair, Wretchedness, Desolation, Vacancy/Lack,
PART 2: Worrying, Helplessness, Inability, Paralysis, Blindness/Loss of awareness of other potentials, Endarkment, Panic.

The area where I usually struggled more was in the helplessness and inability part. This is because in that energy state I cannot function and I don’t know when that state is going to leave. Inspite of the fact, that I know from my memory that such a state has come and gone 100’s times, when it happens, it is still overwhelmingly real and there is nothing to do but ride through it.

The key is that, when it becomes dark suddenly, “YOU DON’T KNOW” and whatever you feel that is all there IS. It is a cloud/fog/fugue of unknowing. Whether you would feel different later, or get back your lost abilities and potentials, this you cannot know from there. That is what creates the fear and panic. So its a struggle in blindness. The experience is like, how would you react if you suddenly lost your eyesight? Would you panic? This is losing spirit vision of sorts, something similar.

My vision comes back with the sun and sets with the sun. When there is no vision, it is like being in the forest at night. It feels like there is danger all around. You cannot go anywhere because you are blinded and surrounded by fear as a result. All you can see is the bare immediate situation. Sometimes that is about dealing with an animal that has suddenly appeared or dealing with sudden gusts of cold wind etc. In such a narrow window of consciousness, anything can appear and that would be all that there is, all of consciousness would be only of that. And each time my experience gets dark and narrowed, I don’t know when the light will come back.

It is entirely beyond my control, these cycles of light and dark in my experience. It is basically the tantalizing hide and seek game of light. Everything appears, everything vanishes, and so on, vastly intensifying the ‘ordinary duality’ most people face anyway. The darker it gets, the more the core defenses of my self/psyche/ego are tested.

Survival in the world has always been a burden.
This is because of the sheer pace, intensity and veracity of my growth.
And my growth is accelerated too, which makes it even more difficult to find a stable place.
I outgrow things/people/situation/places/ideas/entire thought worlds/belief worlds faster and faster.
I soar upwards in all-encompassing holistic ways, changing the entire weaving of the fabric of existence as I zip past.
I am a true eagle, a rocketship of growth.
Survival in the world is about:
1 – Finding what you do spontaneously
2 – Finding your spontaneous investments – assuming you can find one stable one.
3 – Finding a concept that the world values that is in line with your spontaneous investments (relatively long termish) and spontaneous doing.
4 – Plugging yourself into the human game grid at that concept and expanding your circle from there, and finding other energies moving in the same direction of your investment.
So when I am honest with myself, what is it I spontaneously invest in?
It seems like I have transcended the notion of investment in a thing or concept, or even investment in entire worlds. That is too narrow and limited. I will outgrow the world very very soon firstly and secondly the way I will go about scanning the world is going to be entirely unique, driven by pure higher sensing and intuition. How can this fit into any of the DEAD human conceptual systems around. I AM ALIVE and operating at a frequency of growth 100 times more than what I see around.

The way I see things is more like the way your eye sees things. It absorbs the entirety and builds an entire 3-D picture. That is the way my awareness holistically scans the entirety of experience and MOVES. I absorb the essences of entire worlds and move into higher and higher rarified worlds like the eagle soars at 15000ft while other birds stop at 500ft.

Limiting myself to one thing is simply unthinkable. My creativity functions magnitudes higher than the state that simply invests in one concept. I feel beyond human in many ways. My investment is to reach the infinite and fly in the infinite at warp speed with my wings fully spread and power fully engaged (my true nature).

Now which system in the world will support me in such an endeavor?
Which system will encourage me and help me in such an endeavor?
I do find similar people around me, but even they have settled into some kind of system and agenda – Sadhguru, Almine, Steve Pavlina and so on.
While I cannot see myself BECOMING OR BEING ANYTHING.
Because I am GOD itself, I am the absolute creative force, the highest frequency and the most ALIVE. How can something so alive BE a thing/person/concept of any sort?
All I wish to do is to overcome all that is limiting me from being the ultimate.
I KNOW I am the ultimate inside and that WILL take me there (I can feel the god-speed in me).

I am just encumbered by so much. There is so much to conquer. And I want to do this in the FASTEST possible way (warp speeds).
Survival in the world (through work etc.) always slows me down, drags me down, and severely encumbers me. My worldly desires encumber me. Sexual desire encumbers me. Various gross energies encumber this God in me.
I will move the fastest I can and be true to every force inside me.
I do not have a cell in my body that does not want to be FREE.
All I AM, is the ENORMOUS DRIVE for FREEDOM. I AM THAT.

From the standpoint that what we are in essence, i.e. the SINGULAR energy that is simply endlessly transforming itself for eternity: creation and destruction go together like the Ouroboros.

At the deepest level, all awareness is only of change, and change is transformation, and all transformation inherently implies a change of state, say from state A to state B, and that implies the simultaneous creation of B and the destruction of A, like morphing. So from the absolute perspective it is just ONE PLAY, but the slightest identification will imply the existence of evil.

In other words, in the fundamental duality of self vs. other, the potential of good and evil is available when perceiving the other and one may alternate between those 2 perspectives. Existence is seen to have a bivalent nature.

Its only when reaching the ONE (non-duality) that one gets free from such notions and sees the entire picture.

The 2 giant cycles of existence are:
Endless becoming and endless unbecoming.
It is exactly like an inbreath and outbreath.
You inbreath – take air in, accumulate, become, until you want to.
You outbreath – push air out, let go, unbecome, until you want to.
How many times do you do this? – For eternity.
How deeply do you do this – Again, infinitely.
This is the same principle happening across all scales.

Inherently unbecoming is the movement towards freedom, expansion, and widening potential.
Becoming is the movement towards contraction, specificity, and reducing potential.
This is happening on all scales:
Macrocosmic infinite ————————— Microcosmic infinite

Lets take an example of scales now.
You may say I breathe-in on an average 500ml of air.
A macrocosmic object will tell you from its scale that it breathes 5^10^100ml of air in one inbreath.
Scale is all relative.
For an atom, you are probably the size of its observable universe.
For a human, the universe we know now through science is the size of the observable universe.
Infinity————-You—————-Infinity, in all moments(time) and in all positions(space).
So wherever you stand, you are at the center.
Like a boat moving in the pacific ocean.
Whatever its position is, the observer sitting on the boat will feel like the boat is in the center w.r.t. to the circumference horizon.

Its a collapse of structure.
I cannot become anything.
I cannot learn anything.
In fact my movement direction is towards dissolving whatever I had become.
I cannot invest in anything.
Instead I’m divested of everything.
I cannot direct energy and accumulate/build/learn/grow/increase/add anything because the investment energy is not there.
Its like surrendering the river of personal investments more and more into the ocean of god’s natural flow of investments.
Its like losing more and more interest in the sport you are playing resulting in the mind dropping all the structures that uphold and forward your learning of the sport.
Its like losing love energy with upholds/maintains all the structures of existence and furthers them.
Its like the “false” falling and dissolving/dying into the “true”.
It is the chaos of cathexis – i.e. a cathexis that loses its form/structure and sinks into a sort of chaos, creating the feeling of a dream.
The vacuum in you that dissolves all accumulations is empowered.
All accumulations remain until they are SEEN, PROCESSED, and LET GO, including this body accumulation.
It is a demagnetization.
Magnetization causes accumulation, becoming, learning, growing.
De-magnetization causes dropping, unbecoming, unlearning, shrinking.
It is sinking into entropy, when the whole world is moving towards anti-entropy.
The struggle is to somehow push yourself to maintain enough anti-entropy to survive.
It is the loss of the false accompanied by a mild terror that comes up from the remaining false, which faces the oppressive forces of truth dissolving it.
It is ultimately an optimization and falling into “what is”, and whatever false needs to be removed is dissolved in the ocean of truth.
The expectations of the world are of endless growth, perpetual progress.
So this backward movement of me falling into the infinite, is in exact contrast to the expectation movement of the world.
The falling into the dynamic ground sends the personal cathexis/energies into chaos.
So now a bunch of information just flows in my experience, and I accumulate and create just enough as demanded by the expectations around me.
My vacuum like movement [to surrender] is in opposition to the implicit expectations of the world [to become].
I lost “all belief” in “all becoming”.
All I want to do is seek insight to un-become and get back my true nature and freedom.
I cannot pick up any goals and materialize them, be it mine, or other’s goals such as work etc.
So the bane of my existence tends to be others’ expectations which are moving farther and farther away from my own cathexis which is based to reach higher and higher insight and letting go/dissolution.
This is unbecoming, but the expectation is for becoming.
That opposite movement is what causes more and more tension.
The FEAR of not fulfilling expectation (to maintain security) still exists and that creates the weak cathexis for becoming/doing/investing just enough to get by.
So achievement of security/protection is the ultimate aim behind all fear.
All fear is designed to protect me.
Once the pointlessness of all endeavor is seen, then egoic love/investment stops being a driving force. Its like the army has stopped all offense and moved to pure defense at this stage. All they are trying to achieve is to stand where they are, status quo.
Only fear/protective forces are left and they get weaker and weaker too in their ability to generate fear, because the ‘self’ to protect gets smaller and smaller (with more and more dissolution) and that smaller self cannot raise much of an army to do anything. Its like more and more soldiers are surrendering and only the last few are left.
So this is close to the end of my former world.
Once I totally surrender, only the God force shall move me.

Animals, Plants and Nature, do not grow leg by leg, branch by branch, being by being.
Everything is simultaneous and instantaneous, spontaneously arising from NOTHING.
All animals and plants and nature grow and transform holistically, wholly, synergistic-ally, organically, harmonically.
Even dreams at night don’t happen frame by frame or section by section in the scene, the whole scene instantly appears.
Similarly even the world, simply appears from nothing and the whole world comes into ‘being’ together.
That constant synergistic spontaneous instantaneous organic movement of existence as ONE WHOLE is the real nature of everything.
This nature of existence and all the phenomenon we refer to as the natural world is in great contrast to the human systems which use this whole divide and conquer, linear, staged, part by part approach to growth.
Spontaneous instantaneous simultaneous unfolding from Nothing is the real nature of everything.
Exactly like a dream.