Journey to the Abstract

All states of mind lie in a spectrum:
Non-functional (low-energy, attention hijacks, low control)—————–| <–More Fear|——————————<spectrum>——————-|Less Fear –>|——————- Functional (high energy, high control)

So as I move through myriad states in the day, the non-functioning ones make me contract in fear in an attempt to preserve power and control, the functional ones make me feel comfortable and powerful.

Then there is another spectrum:
Desires out of harmony with the collective culture/situation/environment —————–| <–More Fear|——————<spectrum>——————–|Less Fear –>|——————— Desires in harmony with collective culture/situation/environment.

– Because when you are in harmony, the environment supports your ego (like say you love to dance, and all your friends love that too and admire you).
– But when out of harmony (say you want to meditate, when you are expected to party), then your ego is threatened by the outside forces which are opposed to your desire.

– If your desires are entirely out of harmony with the collective culture, then there is constant anxiety because everything outside becomes a threat.
– Whereas if the desires are mostly in sync, like say you have internalized the capitalist mindset, your self esteem is in work and success concepts, and everyone else around you lives by the same concepts), then your ego is not threatened at all, so you feel quite safe and there is at-most just a vague unease but very mild.

Since the ego itself is an illusion, it requires a lot of reinforcement for its sustenance. Without this reinforcement, either in terms of habits, rituals, or other people’s constant validation, it cannot survive. Thus, we spend most of our lives trying to bolster support for our ego. How much support do you need? Depends on how unstable and insecure you feel.

There is another spectrum here of how we coexist with others in the ego state.
Totalitarianism (total domination, imposition of your will) —————<spectrum>————————–Live and let live (you have a space, I have a space, and we interact when its mutually beneficial)———————————<spectrum>—————————–Transcendence (We all will mutually help one another to find the truth and our highest potential)

Competition model:

Totalitarianism is like despots, tyrants who are wanting to crush all threats/differences. The rule is like ‘I own everything and everybody, every person is subject to my control. I have ABSOLUTE control’. Now obviously absolute control does not exist, but yet, it is possible to live a life and have a mind dedicated to the mission of seeking absolute control. It is a certain direction of thought, that you do to end your sense of insecurity. You could spend endless hours pouring on how to influence, subjugate, control people to your way in the best possible way and become an expert manipulator or mind gamer. Why do all this? So that you can reach a situation where nobody can threaten you anymore and your egoic concept will be safe and you would feel at peace. Physical violence is a very crude way of achieving control so such despots quickly move into mind games to get their way. The more intelligent the person, the more intense his mind game will be and the more people he might pull into his antics.

Co-operation model:

In the live and let live idea, you divide everything up into spaces, and you have your space and let other people have theirs and interact only when mutually beneficial. So in that way, you can continue your egoic activities and the other can continue his in his space and you both can interact where-ever it is mutually beneficial with 0 unnecessary dependence. So this is a nice mature way to coexist peacefully as egos. This also enables cooperation between egos, because since each member has his own space, he is not threatened and therefore can genuinely freely interact with others. This arrangement is far more secure than the above because, no matter how strong you are, you are still constantly under threat, the world is too large and there are just too many threats.

Transcendence model:

Even higher on the spectrum is transcendence where, along with living and letting live, the ego attempts to find its own truth to end all of insecurity in an ultimate way. And all the other ego’s too assist each other as much as they can to free themselves of ALL limitations.

In this lifetime, I had millions of potentials in experiences appearing on and off with varying intensity.
I tapped in and out of a million unconscious inspiration energies.
That unconscious inspiration in myriad (1000000000…) flavors in movement is so beautiful/desirable.
The desire is for spirit which is what I seek to find in psychedelics.
A kind of transition from waking to the dreaming realm of the spectrum with vaster possibilities.

For an analogy, say your life is like a TV screen is showing the same images again and again with very little movement, but suddenly explodes into this kaleidoscope of colors and other fantastic imaginations. That signal, electricity that is animating and moving the TV images is God.
So I’m not talking about the manifest at all, but the spirit energy driving it.

That potential energy/unconscious force of inspiration pushing manifestations/creations, that creative force, that spark, that spirit is the MOST desirable thing EVER.
That is the force of God, spirit, the spark, the moving energy, the presence of potential, inspiration, drive, curiosity, motivation, fervor, zest, vitality, ecstasy, the awareness of unconscious inspiration force. That Fire.
That FORCE is the God force.
The force that makes you move, dance, cry, sing, feel, connect, relate, express – all emotions, feelings, sensations, perception etc.

The experience of infinite potential energy, THE UNMANIFEST FORCE that propels the manifest is the experience of the fire of GOD.
So the dark night is precisely that, a great reduction of this VITAL UNMANIFEST FORCE as a result you feel something terrible has been lost but you cannot put your finger on it.

Guilt is a thought about ‘what should be’, vs. ‘what is’
If you drop the ‘what should be’ and stay with ‘what is’, guilt will end

Because ‘what should be’, is a certain hardened concept of ‘What once was’ which has not been let go
And thereby stored as an empty mental concept
So it is not in line with direct experience
If everything is changing, then ‘The what once was’ is now a different ‘What is’
So holding on to the ‘What once was’ as a mental concept
And imposing that in the BRAND NEW present moment induces guilt

I am the prime mover force that moves all of existence
All appearances move because of the force that I am.
I am that unknowable force itself.

All movement that I witness is my movement.
The movement of my hand is the same substance as a bird flying at a distance.
One happens without my personal will – the bird flying
Another one uses personal will energy – moving my hand
But I AM AWARE of both.
They are only different appearances of the same substance.
It takes much more effort to move my body than to watch a bird fly.
But effort OR no-effort, is still an appearance.

Its like you are playing a video game
To move the main character, you will have to press a lot of buttons on the joystick controller (requires your control, effort)
In the video game however, the monster characters which you have to kill move by themselves (without your control, effort)
But from the perspective of the LCD screen on which you are playing, both your main character and the monster are both are equivalent entities right?
Now, even this analogy falls quite short of what I am trying to describe.
Because here, you are separate from the LCD screen and using a joystick/keyboard that is also separate from the LCD.
Imagine you, the joystick and the TV were inside a larger TV screen, that would be FAR closer to what I am trying to describe.
Like the screen behind the screen watching not only the screen but also you and the joystick controller and all your actions.

Its like shifting from first person view to the third person view in a game. In the first person view, you see what the character sees. In the 3rd person view, you not only see what the character sees, you also see the full character.

Now this notion of habit, investment, and ‘your past determining your present’ is a giant delusion that can lead you to a thinking pattern 180 deg opposed to the truth. We think we are held down by the weight of our habits and the gravity of them. The truth is EXACTLY the reverse of that. We have got it backwards.

The WHY QUESTION for ANYTHING AND EVERYTHING is a mystery and unknown, just like you cannot conclude where a ship will go by analyzing the wake of the ship in the water. You can make any kind of complex theory of where the ship is going to turn next by looking at the trails it leaves on the water, but where the SHIP IS ACTUALLY going to turn, totally depends on the driver, and I’m basically saying, this driver is UNKNOWN to us. So where the ship has been previously as seen in the trail of water (analogy for our past/memories) is NOT AT ALL a cause for the current direction of the ship’s movement.

We believe in this (as 99.9999% do) and that causes this particular fractal manifestation of experience in our awareness.

Key to humor:

Know what makes you laugh. Like your own jokes. Learn the stimulus that stimulates your brain’s humor center. Then the same stimulus will also stimulate others, because everyone has the same seeds (like Indra’s net). Everything is reflected everywhere.

Key to sex:

Know what gives your pleasure. Learn what exactly pleasures your own body. That allows you to do the same to another, because of the fractal like recursive nature of all humans. (because of Indra’s net, all seeds of potential are there/reflected everywhere)

The karma of God, as we see it now,
Goes round and round forever, or is like a fractal, or recursive pattern
Human beings, living creatures, society, culture, sunrise, sunset, various world events, tensions/dance between dualities
All keep perpetuating themselves like recursive fractals with changing/unchanging components.
Reproduction is basically perpetuation. A cell divides and duplicates.
Everything is changing, all atoms in our body are replaced in 3 years, but yet, we look more or less the same.
What creates this sameness of everything, even though everything is constantly vibrating, arising/passing, appearing/disappearing into nothingness (a mysterious space)?
Its similar to how in a movie theatre. We have 24 fps. Each frame is slightly different from the previous, but still there is a story and a lot of elements are repeated. Everything is fluidly moving/changing. The movie theater light is constantly flickering. If seen very closely, even light is basically vibration at a very high frequency. That means all appearances are appearing and disappearing at warp speeds (different speeds and intensities). That means there is a will behind the appearance that reinstates the appearance each time the 0(nothing, infinite) is touched (like a Cos wave say). The frequency of the appearances is so high, that everything looks solid. But when we closely closely examine our experience, we see that everything arises out of nothing and returns to nothing at warp speeds. Let’s say this ‘infinite boundless mystery nothing’ is 0.

IF we put an ULTRA ELECTRON MICROSCOPE on our experience:
So, Appearance 1: 101010101010202020202020303030303040404040
Appearance 2: a0a0a0a0a0d0d0d0d0d0d0r0r0r0r0r0g0g0g0g0g0g0h0h0
And so on.
Lets analyze appearances 1 and 2.
What are the appearances? – 1,2,3,4,a,d,r,g,h right? – However, these appearances keep on changing therefore none of them are real/unchanging. They are all completely insubstantial, non-essence, and impermanent like pictures on a TV screen. Then the next question is: What is the essence of everything then? if it is not these fleeting/changing/disappearing appearances 1,2,3,4,a,d,r,g,h? The unchanging is found to be observed to be the ‘0’ or the infinite nothing which can be potentially found through contemplation.

Lets take a case of a hypothetical samadhi when the appearances cease:
Then we would have: ……0000000000000000000000000000000000000000…….
which would reveal the unchanging truth. It is as if the movie projector stops projecting the movie, the film was removed and now just white light is thrown on the screen which is UNCHANGING (unlike the movie which is changing). And ultimately all of the movie is made up of that SAME WHITE LIGHT.

The form/appearance right now is constantly in flux, fluidly changing.
We always seek what our mind lacks at THAT moment.
There is always a ‘What is’ or ‘Something’ in the mind
But also a desire for images of a 100000000 other things
So the mind being infinitely deficient endlessly keep seeking
So it is the belief in deficiency that causes the mind to endlessly chase new experiences
So the persistent theme in all our experience is that, THIS IS NOT GOOD ENOUGH.
Let call that (-1).
So our experience stream is like: (-1)a(-1)b(-1)c(-1)d(-1)e(-1)f(-1)g(-1)h(-1)i(-1)j(-1)k(-1)l(-1)m(-1)n(-1)o(-1)p….
So no matter what appears, the (-1) is always there and it spawns another <alphabet>
Its like (-1) is the potential for the next bit.
When this deficiency or potential energy runs out, there is a return to the source.

Karma is action.
Action is Inevitable.
Even non-action is action
And all action is obviously action.
Karma is therefore unavoidable.
Karma is inevitable.

Now there is God’s action/karma
And YOUR action/karma
God’s karma is the ocean
Your karma is like a wave on the surface of this ocean

Our karma is a smaller wave
Riding on the larger wave which is God’s karma
Even our karma is actually God’s karma only
But I’m separating the 2 just for purposes of description

We could think of God’s karma as our initial conditions
OR everything that happens to us
And our karma as all action we do from the standpoint of being a person
Our karma is actions we do with the personality power and energy given to us

This personality karma returns to God’s original karma
Once its potential period is over
Just like a wave arises and passes into the ocean

Now we are aware of what we mean by personal karma
Or actions done by our personal will
The thoughts we think, where we direct our attention, what tendencies we encourage
Now, the question might be, what is God’s Karma?

God’s karma is everything that happens without your control
For example, the existence of YOU itself is God’s karma
Just like the existence of an ocean wave, is from the ocean’s will

Think about the questions, why do YOU exist as this person?
Why does the earth exist? Why do other people exist?
Why do the mountains exist? Why does the external world exist?
Why do dreams exist? Why do we sleep? Why do we have these physical laws?
Why do we have day/night? light/dark? Why do we have duality?
Why do have civilization, society? Why do we have all these living creatures and objects?
Why do we have any kind of concepts or mental models?
Why do we have desire, emotions? Why have THIS something instead of nothing?
Why do we have space, time? Why past, present, future? Why is everything in motion?
Why do we have death, sickness, suffering?

The answer to all of the above is that, it is God’s karma.
Ironically, the fact that I am asking all these questions means
My personal karma is doing the action of contemplation about God’s karma
Which is again ultimately God’s karma, because God created everything including the personal karma
Its an interesting loop

Now all karma has gravity.
What you invest in grows, where you put your attention
That part grows, is reinforced, is encouraged, is cultivated, is nurtured.
Everything is an investment.
Investment is inescapable.
Even non-action is an investment.
Even action is an investment.
This is exactly akin to the gravity in Space
Just like Stars, revolve around Milky way, planets revolve around a star, and moon’s around planets
There is gravity everywhere
Similarly, karmic energy has gravity
For example, if I invest all my attention in an activity for a long time
I will create a giant perpetually growing investment in that direction
For example someone like Bruce Lee, Mike Tyson
All my life would get structured around that, if something consumed all my attention for a long time
That gravity would subsequently attract more and more of that stuff

This does not have to be positive
I can invest all my energy in patterns that create very unpleasant experiences
And those could have the same degree of gravity as a pleasant experience pattern
I could spend all my life, chasing my tail and create such a strong gravity for it
Such that, I would spend most of the day doggedly running after my tail with more and more fervor.

However this personal karmic energy is given to us by God to play with
So it can just as easily be withdrawn from us and we slowly lose interest.
Ability is what is acquired after a sustained period of interest, attention and growth.
But if the karmic energy is withdrawn by God, you can no longer continue to do that action.

Generally, the rule is, your highest excitement or highest pleasure happens
When you clearly see your greatest potential and act on it.
When there is nothing else you would want to do at that moment
When the importance of that task is the highest and most meaningful in your mind.
YOU DO THAT THING!

Transcendence can only happen if it is God’s will itself.
Because the contemplative movement needed for transcendence itself is a potential provided by God to you
And if you act on this potential, you are sucked back to God and all knowledge is revealed.
Your personal action can do nothing to absorb you into God’s will
In fact all personal action is counterproductive to realization of God
The egoic energy that makes you think you are a separate person
Will only perpetuate itself by ANY ACTION it takes
And ANY ACTION it takes is counterproductive to realization
Because IT IN ITSELF is the block to realization.