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All control is an illusion, I am just the ‘WITNESS’

What you feel, experience internally –> Your corresponding outer appearance from that –> The reactions you elicit from others based how you appear to them –> i.e. their reactions based on their interpretation of your appearance (behavior, actions) –> Which is in-turn based on their own feeling and internal experience of you and the world —————–>> NONE OF THIS IS IN YOUR HANDS
Everything is from God or the Ultimate.
You may feel great, and accordingly elicit wonderful projections from people towards you.
You may feel miserable/terrible and accordingly elicit cruel/bad projections from people towards you (since they fear you).
Either way, the ride of experience is not in your hands.
It all comes from God or the Ultimate.
I am just the WITNESS.
All control is an illusion.
Even how much you suffer, in time, is not in your hands.
Everyone is helpless, innocent and simply WITNESSING themselves and the world.
I used to think its possible to tough it out, be alone, take on depression, suffering, with the strength of my mind. But even that is a game because once very intense suffering strikes, I am reduced to pulp, begging for dear life, begging just to breathe and live, yearning/wanting/needing to hold others and desperate for their help/support.
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What is happiness?

Happiness is not to be found in any situation, place or circumstance, or with any person.
It is to be found now.
Actions do not cause happiness, they are simply the expression of that vibration.
Happiness is a certain quality of fine light you choose to emit from yourself/OR BE at this MOMENT.
Happiness lies in the quality of your SEEING itself.
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All avoidance is repression

All the entities from your repressed consciousness have to be seen, accepted, relaxed(no resistance), loved, and dis-identified/released(set free).
All avoidance is repression.
The ego fundamentally is a structure that represses the ultimate reality.
Repression is unconscious by definition.
When conscious, it is called suppression.
When repression is made conscious, you become aware of your suppression.
Let everything flow no matter what form it may take.
BE content agnostic.
Since I have seen the dark night,
I know such a possibility exists.
But I am no longer afraid of it.
Whatever comes, I will love and release it,
However long it may take or stay (time does not matter).
If such a formation were to ever befall me again,
I will handle it with full expression and love.
I will always be grateful for the something that is there instead of nothing.
No matter what the something is.
I will be grateful for every breath that arises from nothing and goes back into nothing.
All the ‘something expressions’ from the ‘nothingness space’ are the ULTIMATE manifested.
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Insights from Aya

Aya is a higher vibration spirit:
That increases the taker’s vibration, as a process, and thereby reveals to it whatever is stopping the change – it makes the person go through the process of raising vibration and all the resistance encountered in the process of transformation.
There are various vibrational entities that I experience IN ME but are not ME:
Because I am just the space, container, light for them to exist. I am LIGHT in my true essence.
This light modulates itself into various self-aware vibrational entities.
The transformation of lower vibrational entities into higher vibrational ones is experienced as death/transformation/terror.
The ‘What is’ or ‘Is-ness’ is the highest vibration that exists.
Everything is vibration.
Various vibrational entities in various frequencies all moved by the mysterious ultimate.
All we can do is love and illuminate what is there (various vibrational entities in various frequencies).
The movement and change of these myriad vibration entities is not in our hands. It is the mystery.
Identification shifts from lower vibrational entities to isness itself which is the finest vibration.
This is the movement of subtle-ization.
There is no death, there is only transformation.
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The lesson is to be aware of what you want

A 3 step process:
Step 1 – Be aware of ‘what you want’ when alone.
Step 2. – Be aware of ‘what you want’ in front of others.
Step 3. – Be aware of ‘what you want’ in front of others as they tell you about ‘what they want’.
Energy purification/cleansing everyday with attention, breath and sound healing should be done.
Ask the question, what is not flowing and then use the attention, breath and sound to make it flow.
All experience vibration must flow.
1. Attention healing:
Continuously focus on the vibration sensation in your body that is heavy or unmoving(stuck).
Do this until the sensation is flowing again and gets unstuck.
2. Breath healing:
Breath into this stuck/unmoving/heavy sensation and then breath it out completely.
Do this until the sensation is flowing again and gets unstuck.
3. Sound healing:
Locate the chakra where this stuck/unmoving/heavy sensation is in, and then chant the correspond chakra sound.
Do this until the sensation is flowing again and gets unstuck.
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4. Lastly, DISIDENTIFY from this heavy energy that you are carrying
5. Request the universe to release this ‘weighty lower vibration gravity’ from you.
6. Visualize yourself as white light and a protective white light bubble around you.
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The answer to all questions is ‘Yes’

Everything is perspective. Your own eyes determine what you see. The object merely reflects the light quality you emit on it. But ‘I’ emit the light. I can see something as heavenly or evil. Its just the way I look at it. Half full becomes heaven and half empty becomes hell. But heaven is (heaven in foreground, hell in background). Hell is (hell is foreground, heaven in background). So for any issue, what I find is based on what I seek. My seeking determines the finding and there is NOTHING inherent in any object. The object simply contains and reflects the quality I emit on it.
The answer to all questions is ‘Yes’.
Is it wonderful = Yes, Is it harmful = Yes, Is it terrible = Yes, Is it great = Yes.
A single object contains all qualities, if you run your scrolls of projections on it.
All objects in the world are simply props for your psyche projections on them.
So the external world is actually paper thin, and the entirety of the meat is your psychic energy projections (This is the exact concept of Maya).
It is possible to see ANYTHING as a blessing or a curse.
But then the sincere question you may ask maybe – but what is the object’s quality really? Is it really heaven or really hell? Is me seeing it as heaven an illusion and it is actually hell? OR Is me seeing it as hell an illusion and it is actually heaven? What is its actual quality? The answer to that is, it is what you want to see. We see what we want to see. There are infinite worlds that are just switched by our SEEING. You can travel all around the world, and not experience a single thing as different because your seeing is the same OR You could be in the same place, same routine, but with your SEEING altered, you would see an entirely different world.
Think about how you saw the world as a child, and how you are seeing it right now? The external/sensory world perceptions are exactly the same right? What is the thing that is massively different now? Your psychic projection space – your beliefs, your models, your knowledge, your accumulations, your attachments and so on. That is 99.99% of the world you experience.
This also means for 100% of the time, I am simply witnessing my own psyche and its movements.
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What is guilt?

Guilt is basically the force that makes you do what YOU don’t want to do.
So essentially this force creates suffering until its desired ‘your undesired action’ is done, and this repeats itself again and again.
Guilt desires that you do actions or move in directions you do not want to.
However YOU desire to move in the direction you want to.
So there is a constant wrestling between the self and guilt. 
When guilt is active, the self is creating suffering.
When self is active, guilt is creating suffering.
From guilt -> comes resentment sadness and depression.
Because guilt is like a constant insidious force working to prevent you from moving in the direction you want.
It is like a virus. Guilt can only exist in unconsciousness.
So with self inquiry to the depths, the roots of guilt can be made conscious.
The roots of guilt are complex abstract algos of algos of algos with lots of assumptions.
So a certain advanced skill of abstract thought is a prerequisite.
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Analogy of the Lake, True self, Life and the Ego

cc by-nc-nd Bruno Monginoux www.photo-paysage.com & www.landscape-photo.net

Lets take an analogy:
Imagine looking inside a lake of water to see oneself.
Lets say the true self (of which the reflected self is part of) is found in the ground of the lake.
Lets say the ego is an entity that is residing in the entire water column of the lake.
Even a small movement of the water, means you only see movement, a slightly disturbed reflection and not the lake bottom.
The ego could agitate both the  lower layers of the water OR higher layers.
If the higher layers are turbulent, then you only see turbulence, and you see only the distorted literals (reflections like your face, sky trees etc. but highly agitated, blurry and distorted).
If the lower layers are turbulent, and the upper layers are clear, then you see your face, trees, clouds, sky etc. fairly clear with very mild turbulence, but when you look for the ground of the lake, all you find is turbulence and the unknown. Once the entire water in the lake stops moving  i.e. if the ego relinquishes itself to the truth, then in that stillness, you could see through all of the water and  the ground of the lake.
Life is the reflection in the lake.
Your true nature is the entire lake and its ground.
The entire lake – ground + water is your psyche and life is the reflections (appearances) on the lake water.
The ego is a hijacking entity living in the entire water, that agitates the part of the reflection in the lake that is not favorable to itself, and stops this agitation once it finds what it wants, but the algorithm is such that after a short pleasure from the release of finding what it wants, it creates another desire. So it is as if things are back to square one again for the ego (as if nothing was ever got).
So we could say the ego is a fractal entity living in the water, that conditionally withdraws its agitating action when the life reflection is desired, and disturbs and agitates the water when the life reflection is undesirable to itself.
The only power the ego has is to agitate the water (the water is the whole psyche substance say) i.e. agitate the psyche substance.
So it could be said, the ego is an ‘Awareness obscuring’ entity.
The ego could be said to be a fossilized repression of consciousness.
It continues to exist until the divine light penetrates it and make conscious what was unconscious (ego).
The whole world or life is reflected in the water i.e. psychic substance.
The truth of one’s true being is found from looking into the water of the lake (i.e. looking into the depths of the psyche to find infinity).
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Existence cannot be comprehended, it is ABSURD

I think my mind can understand existence.
But existence is simply ABSURD.
It is beyond understanding.
Spectrum:
Subtle ————————————————————————–Gross
Ultimate Reality –> Belief, Self –> Thoughts –> Emotion/Energy –> Actions
How can Emotion understand Thought, when emotion comes from thought?
How can Actions understand Emotion causing them?
How can Thought understand the Belief generating it?
Finally how can belief, thought, emotion or action understand the ultimate reality from which all of these rise from.
To go into the subtlest realm and access the ultimate reality, awareness has to become very fine, very quiet, very still.
The skill required to reach ultimate reality is analogous to the spectrum below:
Cutting vegetables (ordinary awareness) ——————-Brain surgery with a scalpel (ultimate reality subtlety)
In a way suffering, disease are all experiences on the same ultimate screen in different forms.
Depression too is an appearance in the ultimate screen.
Why does depression exist (or any other condition) maybe asked by the mind.
Then we could trace it back – from physical –> emotion –> thinking –> belief –> ultimate reality.
A human’s ultimate question is WHY? WHY THIS? But even asking why assumes certain things like – there is cause-effect, a cause for every effect, a reason for every happening. When those assumptions are broken. Everything just IS.
Then there is the transcendence of reason. This is beyond reason, beyond cause.
This is causeless and simply IS.
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Interacting with people with different levels of consciousness

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Lets say there is a person H with levels 5,4,3,2,1 conscious.

Lets say there are 3 other people I, J, K. (The others A, B,C, D, E, F, G, H are just placeholders)

For I – levels 0,1 are conscious. Levels 3,4,5 are unconscious (as shown in the shaded area).

For J – levels 0,1,2,3 are conscious but levels 4,5  are unconscious.

For K – levels 0,1,2 are conscious but levels 3,4,5 are unconscious.

So lets say level 5 –> controls level 4 –> controls level 3 –> controls level 2 –> controls level 1 –> controls level 0.

Spectrum in each quadrant:

Level n = Infinite ———————————– Level 0 = 1 possibility

So the stuff H create in levels 4,5 is incomprehensible to I, J and K.

Similarly stuff H creates in levels 3 is incomprehensible to I,K – and stuff H creates in level 2 is incomprehensible to I.

So imagine instead of H having 5 levels of conscious, H advances and moves to the 15th level, then H is literally alone in 13 levels of creation.

So this might cause H to feel completely alien, like a much vaster creature.