What you feel, experience internally –> Your corresponding outer appearance from that –> The reactions you elicit from others based how you appear to them –> i.e. their reactions based on their interpretation of your appearance (behavior, actions) –> Which is in-turn based on their own feeling and internal experience of you and the world —————–>> NONE OF THIS IS IN YOUR HANDS
Everything is from God or the Ultimate.
You may feel great, and accordingly elicit wonderful projections from people towards you.
You may feel miserable/terrible and accordingly elicit cruel/bad projections from people towards you (since they fear you).
Either way, the ride of experience is not in your hands.
It all comes from God or the Ultimate.
I am just the WITNESS.
All control is an illusion.
Even how much you suffer, in time, is not in your hands.
Everyone is helpless, innocent and simply WITNESSING themselves and the world.
I used to think its possible to tough it out, be alone, take on depression, suffering, with the strength of my mind. But even that is a game because once very intense suffering strikes, I am reduced to pulp, begging for dear life, begging just to breathe and live, yearning/wanting/needing to hold others and desperate for their help/support.
Journey to the Abstract 