Author: perceptionflow

Desire is what makes me disconnect from what’s there. It is not wanting/not liking what is there/present. Desire has a yang and a yin side.  Yin side is not wanting what is there. Yang side is wanting more of something that is there. If there is no desire, then automatically, you would just be and immerse yourself into what’s present.  Seeing the in-substantial nature of desires and their conditional arising and passing makes me weary about trusting them. This makes me lose faith in time and is bringing me to the present.

Life goes on forever/eternally. There is no beginning in time and there is no end of time. Time/change is forever. Time itself is an appearance projected by the timeless dimension above it. I am all of time (as a concept) itself and beyond it. I can choose to be in time or timeless.

This bodily manifestation can be seen as a particular frozen paradigm in my imagination space.
Its as if I’m put into a video game of sorts/ a preset set of laws and rules creating this specific flavor (of world, universe, body, others etc.).

Why MUST I play this game? The game is somewhat fragile too and it is easy to die. When I further question this, the concept of death too seems meaningless. Death in fact literally means freedom from this dream and ability to solidify another dream or experiential paradigm. How can it be anything negative?

What would prevent me from once again imagining another bodily experience? Why should I be weary of it in the first place? If I want it, I’ll imagine it, If not, I won’t. If I’m split minded, then the stronger part would decide. It all seems perfect.

An interesting question to ponder would be: what aspects of this bodily experience am I attached to? What aspects of this worldly experience am I attached to?

I feel even what we call instinct for survival is us basically fearing about losing this flavor. But what keeps us wanting to experience this manifestation flavor? What do we waiting for, what do we want to see, experience, witness?

How do I move into limitless possibilities of creation? How do I escape this particular flavor of manifestation? Why did I decide to lock this paradigm and make it unconscious? Why did I divide myself up into all this multiplicity and choose to experience from this point of view?

If I am experiencing only a small fragment of the real me, then what sense does it make to oppose all the creation flavor witnessed? It is literally like me fighting with myself. It is like cancer, a cell not behaving in harmony with the other cells causing disharmony. What is the point of having so many thoughts and concerns about the future when it is unknowable anyway? Why do I choose to choose to fight with all of this? How do I reclaim all of my unconscious and understand the true reasons for everything?

It seems like the only plausible answer for: What’s the point? is “The question you are asking, that is the point, to experience that, the point is THIS (whatever’s happening, unfolding).

Also, another confusing thing about the world manifestation flavor is that, it exists when I tune into its frequency and I can tune out and move into my imagination frequency too if I want. So the question is, who created this world flavor of experience?  If I am only a witness, who is creating the contents?

All the bodily problems and everything might be because of my aversion to this manifestation. So the stomach refuses to digest, the intestines refuse to assimilate, the liver refuses to detoxify, the bowels do not eliminate well, breathing happens in a shallow way and so on. Whereas if I love everything, then wouldn’t all of this happen far better? What is depression after all, it is wanting something that is not there.

Direct experience with hot and cold water 
Experience with cold and hot water – 2 dual direct experiences – the body stabilizes with whats there if it is kept going for a while. First the intensity of the experience rises, and then when it is too intense, the body disconnects and goes into some kind of void space, then again comes back to experience it but it does not feel as intense, its more moderated.

Life is the acceleration/deceleration and speed is meaningless
In other words it seems like we only feel acceleration and speed by itself is a meaningless concept. Even meaning, is basically the same thing, the change. Like if you were born in a rich family and always traveled in an aeroplane, that lifestyle would carry 1/100th the meaning compared to a poor kid dreaming about it. Change is life. More the change, more the life. Experience/Awareness is as change happens, it arises simultaneously with change and disappears when change stops.

Every night all the acceleration/euphoria/dancing/ecstasy of life particles almost stop causing deep sleep. Then once again they dance and their accelerations are experienced as life. The interesting part here is that there is no beginning and end. It happens forever in infinite patterns revealing infinite beauty experiences.

You are all of life’s particles and you create life but setting them in motion. The unconscious part is when you have set some particles in motion (like the night in the picture) and then you forget that you set those particles in motion even. The completeness of the picture is seen once you witness all the particles and their motions.

Everyone is playing a game. But everything happens with the same infinite set of particles and motions.

Again the shiva and prakriti analogy strikes me. Shiva is all of life’s particles and prakriti is the force that sets all of them into motion to form infinite patterns of beauty. This is the eternal dance.

Trust, love, belonging, safety, relaxation, merging with all of existence, connection, openness, embracing, fearlessness, freedom (no attachments, no bondages, nothing to protect), true meaningful service (what I was meant to do, following my highest passion and excitement), full alignment with the universal energy, finding true purpose of my existence, finding my true essence, transcending all desires, transcending and freedom from the self, effortlessness, healing of self from all its trauma from neglect, removing all neurosis (procrastination, the forcefields prevent me from doing things expected), removal of all divisions within the mind, full integration, realization of my infinite nature, infinite peace, complete clarity of reality and all perception phenomena (complete clarity on cause, effect, purpose, decisions, other people, behavior, psychology etc.), removal of all prisons of the mind, finding the origins, purpose and reasons for all the aspects in myself, exploration of extraordinary states of mind, exploration of psychedelics, reaching peak experiences and seeing experience with microscopic intensity and clarity, staying with knowing, reaching childlike wonder and fascination, complete understanding of duality and how to play, complete fulfillment at all moments, complete and maximal functioning of my brain, Experiencing ecstasy, delight, rapture, Extreme concentration powers and flexibility, super high processing speed of incoming information, removal of all shame, disgust, embarrassment, guilt, seeing through all belief structure realms, ability to reach any altered state at will (full access, full freedom), express my true infinite self to the world in its full light, perfect working of memory, accessing all potentials of my consciousness space, a state of receptivity and aliveness, seeing the truth at all times.

Meditation on weed:
I could see myself switching between the 2 modes: social mode of thinking and my personal mode. I was the arbiter choosing between those 2. It seemed like the ‘external world’ was far out, and my ‘self and emotions’ were much much nearer to me.  There was a clear sensation of the ‘me perception’ (self and emotions) I was carrying around. The self was a baggage I was carrying around. A psychic object made of energy.

Also I could see my ‘Will’ center was very very deep. In fact I could almost not find it at all. The command just comes from the infinite space behind, and it materialized itself and accordingly shifted my focus. I could see that I am the creator of all perception, I create it by virtue of my choice. The self was the filter which restricted this choice making and seemed to make it follow patterns and meta-patterns.

The more I withdraw and let go, the deeper I go. By this logic, it seems certain that maximal equanimity with super depth would give me the experience of infinity or deep sleep. As I go backwards and see everything as one substance ‘knowing’, I can see that there is nothing but the movement of knowing (including the self psychic structure(filter/focuser)) which is happening by itself. There is no experience of a separate doer OR the ‘doer’ and the ‘done’ are the same. All awareness content is aware of itself, there is no agent. All manifestation in perception is because you will it into existence.

Thoughts about Shiva and Prakriti analogy:
Its like shiva (awareness) and prakriti (dance). There are infinite such combinations(prakriti) available for the self(shiva) to participate in, but the self is free to choose and completely withdraw to nothingness if it desires so. The real ‘you’ is like the kid in the park(shiva) free to choose any game(infinite games created by prakriti) to play. Another way to describe would be shiva is ‘space’, prakriti is ‘content’. The space is free to choose among its own infinite contents or withdraw from everything and stay as no-thingness. The self is free to choose any level in this spectrum. The self is also free to decide what level of involvement it wants, with what games.

Detachment and true choice:
Attachments (even the subtlest ones) are the prison preventing this freedom. The longing to escape the self is the longing to escape attachment. Attachment and fear are the same thing. Attachment IS a fear in essence. True choice itself can only happen with true detachment (True detachment == fearlessness). Otherwise, if attached, what freedom do you have to choose anything?

Refinement of the analogy:
In fact, even this analogy can be improvised. It is not even an external game(prakriti) that the self(shiva) participates in, with the self being separate from the game. Its more like, the self itself has infinite potentials of modulating patterns within its own substance.

Its like imagine your computer monitor or TV came alive and it show display any picture it wanted (infinite potential for pictures). The same applies to ‘experience’. We are the infinite potential space for experience. The potential for modulation is ‘prakriti’ and space or nature is ‘shiva’.
Shiva = nature, Potential = prakriti.

I can take this even further. Space itself is an experience, time itself is an experience. So the only thing I can rightly call it would be ‘no-thingness’ (the ‘-‘ is intentional, indicating it is no thing and beyond everything). Because any ‘thing’ is only one of its potentials out of an infinite number. It is this vast undefined no-thing in which something appears. So all the contents of experience, is only an appearance (among infinite such appearances).

All expression possibilities are available in all moments. At every moment, there is an appearance that satisfies the emotion you want to feel. Go into the appearance in the moment that allows you to feel what you want to feel, and feel it. The situation is immaterial, because it is as infinite and whole as any other appearance.

Its the belief that the situation does not deserve certain expressions from you (joy, love, involvement, interest, fascination, wonder) that holds you back. If this belief stays persistent, it causes depression. When this belief is removed, the lost freedom is regained.

In fact reality itself is this infinite possibility space. Finding your true nature is finding out that ‘You are THAT’. You feel what you want to feel. If you think a mental/world model prevents you from doing this, then that is the belief illusion. This is because the mental model exists in a totally changeable thought space. Enlightenment is basically finding out that ‘You’ are the true essence of everything. No external object has any intrinsic essence. There is only ONE SPACE where everything appears and ‘You ARE that space’.

– So in a true sense, you can never really say ‘I do not know what I want’.
– Whats preventing you from fully experiencing that ‘Something’ you denied yourself in that case?
– There is some belief/belief network you are unaware of because the minute you become aware/observe this belief network, it is transcended and seen for what it is.

Removing beliefs:
– Removing beliefs is a bit like a the ‘short term memory picture test’.
http://www.brightfocus.org/alzheimers/resources/matching-pictures-memory-game-1.html
– When you find all the same picture blocks they disappear. Similarly we test spiritual insights with the contents of our memory and experience causing the insight to get more and more internalized.
– Like take the statement ‘Everything is made up of consciousness, the one substance’. Now verify this with all all the contents of your immediate experience (all the contents of your memory).
– So if you have internalized an insight logically and to a beginner level experientially, then you can take a substance that enhances memory access/recall/unblocks/frees it or a good psychedelic to sift through your memory folders and investigate if it meets the insight.

We look for partners who will give us what we are denying ourselves. The ideal partner is one who counteracts all your beliefs or feelings that make sexual arousal difficult. This partner also counteracts all the emotional blocks too. Blocks are tied to guilt, neglect, fear. The rule for sexual arousal: “Have others do onto you what you feel guilty about doing to others.” Guilt inhibits sexual arousal, its diminution increases sexual excitement. It is the person who absolves you of all your sins.

You fantasies give you a strong clue as to what aspects are you denying yourself.

There are perspectives of perspectives of perspectives. We draw the objective line from subjective when it is deemed convenient, common and when it satisfies the goal. So the goal drives the research. So we would always find what we seek in research. You see what you want to see.

In a way, quantitative research is a subset of qualitative research. Because what we call quantitative is basically a set of qualities taken to be true and the edifice of quant stands on top of those chosen set of qualities – concept of measurability, divisibility, independent essence etc.

While staring at a digital clock ticking, I started to get anxious about how much time I should spend staring at it. As I watched the seconds and minutes pass by, I felt more and more anxious and tensed. Since there is always something we are supposed to do and we need to push ourselves to do it. But then suddenly my perspective shifted and I thought, what is the point? What is the point about worrying about this time ticking?  Right now it shows 18:01 in the stop watch. It is basically going to tick forever and forever until it shows 100000000000000000000000000….

Power in the mystic sense is the unfolding from the un-manifest to the manifest. All of manifestation is your creation. From this perspective, power is simply an appearance. There is an appearance of personal and impersonal power and sometimes neither. Power is just part of the grand unfolding of the dance of awareness, and it is nothing that needs to be held on to. Why should we hold on to power, when there is nothing to protect. The experience of a mystic is like empty space, nothing is impeded, nothing is encouraged, since there is no need for that. There is simply the effortless dance of awareness.