We look for partners who will give us what we are denying ourselves. The ideal partner is one who counteracts all your beliefs or feelings that make sexual arousal difficult. This partner also counteracts all the emotional blocks too. Blocks are tied to guilt, neglect, fear. The rule for sexual arousal: “Have others do onto you what you feel guilty about doing to others.” Guilt inhibits sexual arousal, its diminution increases sexual excitement. It is the person who absolves you of all your sins.
You fantasies give you a strong clue as to what aspects are you denying yourself.