The deep decision to choose life

This thought current was inspired by ‘Sadhguru (Jaggi Vasudev)’.
This writing is part of my effort to gain clarity.
I still have a lot of work to do myself.

Here are my musings:
A deep decision is made first:
Are you FOR life —OR— Against life?
This is also a bit confusing.
Because: It is like asking are you for white or black.
It seems like there isn’t a right answer?
And it is just about polarization.
That is why I think Sadhguru was saying:
‘Make a stronger choice, else you will be in the middle.
Being totally dead is fine, being fully alive is fine.
It is being half alive half dead that is the torture and strife.’
If I am for life: I have to give myself completely into enhancing my life and all other life around me.
If I am for death: I should commit suicide.
Anything other than these 2 choices, puts me in the middle.

This would be in line with the larger cycle of life-death existentially.
When life is on, you are on.
When death is on, you are not there anyway.
Death is sorta like deep sleep, it is not something you do, it happens existentially.
We can only facilitate it, just like we facilitate sleep at night by turning off the lights and lying down.
Similarly, even life can only be facilitated and harnessed.
So we are sorta facilitators/channelers of life energies,
And in a sense, we do not create anything fundamentally.
We are only co-creators/active-participants in creation.
This is the deep humiliation our ego/self has to accept.

There is only an appearance of choice,
Which is no choice really, because it is only a choice of suffering or not-suffering.
All resistance against the existential = suffering.
One has to be compliant to it.
This free will is only for supporting and enhancing life.
Else, all the free will does is create more and more suffering and unawareness.
The only real desire for everyone is a LARGER experience of life.
And it is the wavering in moving downstream with or upstream against this longing,
That is causing suffering.
The strife between the life drive and the death wish (Eros and Thanatos).
Facilitation of life —vs—- Facilitation of death.
Trying to die is like the same struggle of trying to sleep when the hormone has not yet released.
Trying to live is like overexerting yourself and getting debilitated as a result.
Any effort in any direction seems to be counterproductive unless it is done with total vision/clarity of the higher world of forces.

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