The stream of time, the flow of time, Ascends and Descends. Descends into this density of creation as birth in this plane, Ascends back into a higher dimension as death from this plane.
In between the ascent and descent, it stays more or less cyclic, Thus performing creation, maintenance, and destruction, By descent, maintenance, and ascent.
When the time-stream or flow, Brings you what you want, It is essentially growing what it itself created. It grows its own accumulated creation.
If the time stream or flow, Changes its channel, frequency, or pattern, Against the accumulation it has previously forged, Then it resists on its old accumulation/creation, And transforms it with input from the new stream, And this ends with the formation of a new self, Which may or may not complete itself, Because the next time shift could happen before the process completes.
So a strong personality in the world, Is created when the time stream is constantly maintaining its focus, And growing the accumulation in a steady direction. A chaotic suffering personality is created, When the time streams are changing/shifting and always at odds with each other, And thereby having all the different accumulations resist against each other.
When time ascends, It fades and thins out its own accumulation, And finally moves into a higher dimension.
A good analogy would be: Lowering a pencil onto the paper = Time flow descent. Starting to draw a thin line = Birth into this density. Pressing harder on the paper = Increasing the accumulation Maintaining the pressure more or less = Time flow maintenance/plateauing. Starting to lighten the pressure = Time flow ascent. Taking the pen off the paper = Death from this density into a higher dimension. The pen (let’s say) still keeps drawing continuously, But now since it is in the air, it does not leave a mark on the paper (this plane).
So there are: Good time streams to be enjoyed ——– Difficult time streams to be weathered. I could also as well call it the winds of time vs. streams of time. One is created, shaped, and dissolved, by the resultant of these forces and their streams.
I can only sleep in 1 bed at a time. I can only be in 1 room at a time. I can only be in 1 place at a time. I can only eat 1 meal at a time. I can only sit at 1 table at a time. I can only use 1 laptop at a time. I can only use 1 phone at a time. I can only live 1 lifetime of around 100 years.
I cannot sleep in 100 beds at a time. I cannot be in 100 rooms at a time. I cannot be in 100 places at a time. I cannot eat 100 meals at a time. I cannot sit at 100 tables at a time. I cannot use a 100 laptops at a time. I cannot use a 100 phones at a time. I cannot live for 10000 years.
What will I do with a billion dollars, If I can just be and do only 1 thing at a time, and live only for 100 years?!
The withdrawal of the projection: The world falls back onto the Indriyas (senses), The Indriyas (senses) fall back onto Manas (mind), The Manas falls back into the Pranas (life energies/breath), The Pranas fall back into Tejas (fire/heat of the body), Lastly, Tejas falls back into Sat (reality).
The mechanics of fear and love, Is such a massively deep topic to explore.
I often wonder: Is it possible to really be indifferent? Is it possible to be without relationship? Is it possible to really stay separate? Is it possible to be neutral? Is it possible to neither love nor hate?
From my intuition, it seems like that is not possible. Life being a dynamic verb, nothing it still. So everything has to move towards expansion or contraction?
It feels like that force that maintains and forwards unconsciousness and ignorance, Is in the hate (contraction) direction, While the force that maintains and forwards consciousness and knowledge, Is in the love (expansion) direction. Since all things are in polarity, Whatever we invest and expand into, will inevitably disinvest and shrink its opposite?
I see everything is a state of pulsation in nature, Like the heart beat, expanding and contracting. Birth is like the expansion influx (like the inbreath), Death is like the contraction deflux (like the outbreath). I see birth and death as the alternating pulse between sound and silence. The sound of creation booms into the manifest as birth, And at death there is the return to silence/uncreated?
I feel like the experience of life is like music. With multiple overlayed pulses of all kinds of instrument and voice timbers. A multidimensional flow of pulses. So then, both fear and love are as natural as expansion and contraction?
I have noticed that, I fear all that I have an antagonistic relationship towards. So maybe the presence of fear itself…, Is revealing the antagonistic relationship present? I wonder, Is fear the ‘anticipatory recreation’ of the experience, Of the repercussions/reaction from the other, To my own antagonistic attitude towards the other, Being mirrored back to me?
So then are fear and love, direct experiences, Of the mirrored attitudes/relationship we hold towards the other entities we encounter?
Another aspect is self-hatred. That is a condition where there is a projection of value and worth on the other, While the self is cast to the shadow of unconsciousness/hate/shame. There is then a constant focus on the other or on transcending oneself.
So here there are some interesting relationships I see. When there is self-hatred of one’s body and its strength, There is fear of other bodies and their strength. I think here, the fear comes from the war with the conscious and unconscious identifications. Unconsciously there is identification with the body, But that is not supported by the conscious identification which is caught up with the other, So the unconscious identification generates fear as resistance, When you pursue the other.
So somewhere I wonder, If we take extreme cases, Like fear of a ghost/monster, Is that the dissociated unconscious fragment of us, That we have disowned, That is getting attracted to us, Because of our deeper desire for integration and wholeness? Isn’t our worst fear that we will become the ghost? That total assimilation/transformation is the terror. What will happen to us, If we let everything in?
Also I used to wonder about the fear of falling. I have that fear because somewhere I desire to fall like that. So is my intensity of fear of falling proportional to the intensity of desire I have to fall? Is the intensity of fear I feel for death proportional to my own desire for death?
Fear and Desire seem inseparable like 2 sides of the same coin. It seems like each is a resistance to the other. Desire is a resistance to Fear. Fear is a resistance to Desire.
Another thing I am reminded of is the story of the beauty and the beast. The beast gets converted into the prince out of love. Would this be true for all that fear? That all that is feared if consciously loved, Will become flowers from filth? The ground of filth when nurtured by nature, Becomes flower and fruit right?
Are all that we love/hate/desire/fear, Are they all nothing but our own Self?
Supposing we want total wholeness and totally open ourselves up, To attracting all of the unconscious to us back into our consciousness, Will it result in a total war and destruction of all of our identity? Is that what happens in enlightenment? Is that the ultimate transformation?
The self here is the subset of qualities owned vs. the superset of all qualities in existence. That division is what created self-other and the concept of relationship itself. Love-Hate are like Yin-Yang. The black fish has a white eye, And the white fish has a black eye. So total love and total hate do not exist and cannot exist. Just like no absolute quality can exist without its opposite. Going into total-hate or total-love, Will result in transcendence to a dimension beyond duality.
These are some of my contemplations. I’ll stop here for now.
All sadhana is preparation, That is, it is the work towards creating the conditions, For the opening to happen, And for the bounty of life to be received. In my understanding, Karma = Work/Effort/Sadhana that leads you towards or further into bondage/illusion. Kriya = Work/Effort/Sadhana that leads you towards liberation/freedom.
# Impermanence – removes the notion of ownership/possession. # Cyclicity of the nature of time – removes the notion of progress/gain So, it seems like both ownership and progress are temporary phenomena.
The greatest civilizations rose into order/glory and later fell into chaos/oblivion. The pain and suffering in life I feel is caused by – Trying to maintain the permanency of our illusions while also trying to make them endlessly progress.
The forward moving tides initially greatly assist us in building whatever we want, Then the same tides reverse their direction and oppose us until everything is brought to a halt.
Our so called free will seems to be at the mercy of these cyclic larger forces. We can only have anything or dance according to the terms dictated by these forces. Generally we try to oppose these forces tooth and nail, But nature eventually wins and swallows us back into itself at death. We can prolong our life by various clever strategies, But eventually, some day, we are forced to yield to death. And death acts in the same way to all.
Our life as an individual with freedom, Seems to be a kind of gift or privilege, Bestowed to us as a possibility by these larger forces. But whatever is given is also taken away.
The only way out of this I see, Is to voluntarily merge with the deeper reality, And gradually transform our individual self in alignment to that.
Every gain is a loss, and every loss is a gain, depending on how you look at it. ‘Psychological meaning making’ is sort of an art. We are then like artists, Shaping our experience through every moment, From wherever we are.
Every quality seems to perpetuate itself, Cycling between the 2 ends of its spectrum, To create all of the experiences of itself.
It’s like every quality is its own dimension/flavor of experience. Where the 2 opposites within that quality, Create the experience spectrum of that quality itself. Like: Sour ———— Sweet. Those are the 2 ends of the spectrum of that ‘flavor dimension’.
Other instances: # The therapist for others, later receives therapy for themselves. # The one who save lives, later has their own life saved by others. # The one who bullies, gets bullied later. # The one who protects others, get protected. # The one who hurts others, get hurt themselves. # The one who cheats others, gets cheated over by others. # The oppressed become the oppressor, then once again the oppressed, and so on. # The loved one becomes the lover, and then consequently the loved again, and so on. # The server becomes the served. # The caretaker becomes the one cared for. # The one who was subjected to tyranny, then becomes the tyrannizer. # The one who wonders, makes wonderful things, and that leads to more wonder, and so on. # The student eventually becomes the teacher. # The disciple becomes the master. # The helpful becomes the helpless who is helped. # The powerful eventually become the powerless. # The dutiful person, gets others to do their duty towards them too.
All of these things look to be cyclic. There are these interminable causal cycling chains running from the past, And thereby causing the current reality.
In general language, we treat the 2 opposites are 2 distinct things. But actually in reality they are mutually creating each other, Like how in a tapestry, the same thread runs up and down. For example, take sadness/despair and joy/hope. They are both mutually creating each other. If you fully live through your sadness, you open the way to much more joy. If you fully work through all of your pain, you pave the way to greater pleasure.
The current life seems like suddenly watching Season 5 Episode 3 of a Drama, Without having seen any of the previous seasons and episodes. However the general flavors of the serial can be perceived through any episode.
Each of our lives is like the continuation of one long saga, From the big bang till today, and still playing out. Each of us, are riders of eternity. It is love that makes one seek knowledge at all. Without love, why would you bother to seek knowledge at all? So even ignorance itself shows a lack of love.
The active approach (in second person narration): Whenever you want, you create/resurrect the relation, Whenever you want, you terminate it. You want the power to control/direct/create/destroy/determinerelationships. So that you are never in that position again, Where you land up with rejection from the other side, Without any power to make them want or desire you, Where you are fully open, yet abandoned, Like what happened in childhood. Because you were perceived to be unlikeable/unlovable/ugly/unworthy/disappointing? So that you are never abandoned again without your control, You do the reject-first strategy and do the abandonment preemptively by yourself. In a way, you inflict the same punishment onto the other (and to yourself) that you felt was inflicted on you. The reasoning is: “If I expect that you will reject me, I’d rather reject first, So that what is anyways inevitable is something I perform consciously, Rather than it coming and hitting me from behind unexpectedly and shockingly out of the blue. If I consciously expect it, and preemptively inflict it on myself and the other, Then I will not get hurt again like that, and it’ll therefore be much less painful.”
So the guiding force of this behavior is a certainty wrt. the expectation of rejection/abandonment. That is, of people ultimately being disappointed/angry/frustrated with you and leaving/abandoning you.
All of the above is the active approach. But there is also a passive approach. There are 2 strategies to deal with rejection, forming a polarity: Passive —– Active The active one seeks to start and end relations as per their own whim – seduce/idealize then devalue/abandon. The passive one lives alone in receptivity, and let what comes come, and let what goes go. He does not seek what he needs/desires/wants, but lets everything come to him by the other’s seeking of their needs/desires/wants.
It is like: # The Bee —–vs—– the Flower. # Power —–vs—- Receptivity. # Male (or rejected female) —–vs—– Female (or male with suppressed/inhibited will) # Outward looking eyes —–vs—– Inward looking eyes # Extroverted consciousness —-vs—– Introverted consciousness # Things will come to you if you seek for it —-vs—- Things will come to you by what you are. # Projection —-vs—- Introjection (of the same essential rejection theme) # I will use everything (appearance of selfishness) —-vs—- I will get used by everything (appearance of selflessness) # I am perfect, others must change —-vs—- I must change, others are perfect. # Change the environment to suit you —vs—- Change the self to suit the environment. # Inner rigidity, Outer mobility —-vs—– Inner mobility, Outer rigidity # Borderline —-vs—— Narcissist # Unconscious of self, Conscious of others —-vs—– Conscious of self, Unconscious of others. # Controlling others, leaving self uninhibited —-vs—- Controlling one’s own desires, self inhibited.
Both are narcissistic wounds in essence and reactions to the same root condition: # I will be what I am, not change anything, and rather search for the one who will love me unconditionally —-vs—- I am not good enough, and must make myself worthy, so that then everyone will come to me. Both of these are opposite polarizations of the same theme, and therefore will tend to get attracted to each other and play out the dance. The attraction is because of the same root similarity and resonance of the theme of rejection. They are just the 2 opposing ways of dealing with the same dilemma, From the same magnet with its 2 opposite poles.