Pleasure and Pain musings

# Pleasure is beginnings, pain is endings
# Pleasure is expansion, pain is contraction
# Pleasure is success, pain is failure
# Pleasure is to seek, pain is to withdraw
# Pleasure is to accelerate, pain is to brake
# Pleasure is to birth, pain is to put to rest
# Pleasure is growth, pain is retardation/regression
# Pleasure is wonder, pain is horror
# Pleasure opens possibilities, pain collapses possibilities

The world as a 5D theater show

The 5 dimensions being the 5 senses:
Sight, Sound, Smell, Taste, Touch.

The power of these senses determines the level of realism and dazzle of the world.
Imagine, if the projector light is dimmed in the cinema hall and if the speaker volume is lowered a lot.
The image would then look washed out and translucent, you would be able to see the color, cloth like material texture and imperfections in the screen behind. You’d also hear all the noises and sounds made by the people around you.
Net result: The immersion thus would drastically reduce and what the projector is playing will not have much sway/impact in your experience at all.

Now, let’s say the opposite is done.
Imagine, they make the sound thunderous and surround, they also make the hall pitch black, have a projector that can shine as bright as the sun and make the screen look totally invisible like you are seeing reality through a window.
Net result: Then the movie would cast a powerful spell on you and drown everything else easily and totally possess your experience.

Now what happens if the projector is suddenly switched off or the speakers suddenly cut off? That entire dimension of experience is simply removed right?
Once a sense is cut, that entire dimension of the world disappears with it.

So the world can be said to be a projection of the senses.
The senses project the world just like a projector projects the image world, or a speaker creates the sound world.
So in a way, the world is secondary to the senses themselves.
The dimension of the world experienced, entirely depends on that sense being powered.
It is almost like each sense is like a ‘Yantra’ creating a portal/door through which you can perceive/access those reality dimensions.

Many corollaries or inferences can be made from this.
For instance: The power of the senses determine HOW REAL the reality projected is experienced to be.
Just like how a dazzlingly bright projector will be far more immersive than one that just projects a dim translucent like image. The projector must shine so bright that it effectively hides its existence itself. It must remove all awareness of the existence of a screen at all.
Any awareness of the screen will ruin the immersion.
It ties into those poetic concepts such as, ‘God projects a world so dazzlingly real, it forgets it’s own existence’.

In carnivorous animals such as tigers etc. one can see how powerful their senses are,
And consequently how powerful the experience of the world must be for them.
Even the experiences on LSD amp the senses to such heights, that the world appears to be dazzlingly real and alive.
Actually it is your own increased sense aliveness that is reflected back to you as aliveness of the world.
The world you perceive reflects your own state of aliveness.
When you are profoundly alive, the world also looks profoundly alive to you.

Similarly when you feel dead inside, the world also reflects the same back to you, that it is also dead.
We only see the reflection of our own level of aliveness in the projected world.
We see a sick world when we are sick.
We see a great world when we feel great,
And so on.

# Generally people with sense-powers that are really amped tend to be into sports, travel, physical adventures etc.
# In people where the senses have mellowed down a bit, there is an increase of the intellectual aspect. That detachment may also bring a more visionary attitude to things.
(Imagine, when you were 4 years old and went to the beach for the first time for a picnic, were you intellectualizing stuff or analyzing things, or just immersed/rapt in the sheer dazzle of it all.)
# If the senses are completely withdrawn from (pratyahara), one enters into states of meditation/dhyan/samadhi and so forth. The mystical ‘Naga’ dimension of life gets revealed.
These 3 steps are in a way the journey back to the source projector from its image.
To turn back and look at the projector, first the realization that the movie is unreal must happen.
Else how can you withdraw your mind from it even for an instant?!

Every new sense will usher in a corresponding new dimension of the world.
It is like the parable of the blind men and the elephant.
Each one experiences the elephant depending on what he is feeling.
The world is simply the sheer power of Maya to bewitch one.

About transformation and the revelation of faith

Faith is revealed in times of uncertainty/lack of control,
When your model of life (formed from your past) does not explain your current experience.
It would also apply when your experience is not stable and consistent, flickering all the time, where the doors and access to perception keeps opening and closing beyond your control (appearing to do so at their own whim).

A person will always judge “transformation” as negative since all judgment is only based on the past.
When there is the nulling of everything you were in the past, how can it be judged as positive in any light?
The only way transformation can be judged positively is by faith.
Transformation: Judging by past (negative) —–vs—— Judging by faith (positive)
What is loved has been lost —-vs—– What is loved has not yet come.
To live itself is to step into the unknown and it is to have faith.

The lowest nadir point in transformation,
Is like the point where the caterpillar has entirely de-structured and become the cocoon.
It is like where one walks alone into the unknown into pitch darkness.
It is here, where all movement happens through faith and faith alone.

Faith is the vehicle that carries you through such dark times,
Where one knows not where one is,
Where one knows not whether what is happening is a blessing or a curse,
Or even how to make any sense of what is happening.

Suicide, Depression, Bitterness, Alienation/Separation/Anti-social feelings, Thoughts of destruction of everything, all show a crisis or a lack of faith.

This faith is actually the force of life itself that moves everything inexorably.
In deeper reality, that is the underlying condition at all times anyway.
When growing or dying or transforming, there is a lot more uncertainty.
At such times there is a lot more of stepping into the unknown,
But also, in a sense, a lot more of change/life.
Life = change/unknown/mystery/spirit.

The vortex of time moves you through various stations.
When things are stable and repetitive, there is a chance to build something of your own.
There is then this transition to feeling like an independent individual capable having personal power.
Here, this underlying movement of faith/life sort of veils itself into a clear knowledge of the world/certainty.

However, the greatest mystery of death still lurks somewhere in the recesses.
Although greatly veiled in a steady structured predictable lifestyle lived in the known,
Death has still been the intrigue for all of mankind for all time.
‘What is before birth’, and ‘what is after death’, are still 2 unknowns.
We find our present self and its condition sandwiched between these 2 unknowns.
We know not where we come from, and we know not where we are going,
But life/god makes itself more or even most visible in times of great change/transformation, removing all apparent refuges/securities, and revealing that this was the only thing that was real and all else was only its appearance.

Doors open, Doors close

When something looks possible/doable to you, that door is open.
When something looks impossible/undoable to you, that door is closed.

Every relation/person is also a door,
That is open or closed to you.
They in-turn open other doors to things,
And/or open doors to other people,
Who then act as doors to more things and people,
And so on…

Doors can open in a cascade, like dominos falling,
And open a whole new vista of experience for you,
And all of it could be from a single door (a person you suddenly made contact with).

The reverse can happen too,
That is, all of your current vast arrays of doors can also start closing up in a rapid cascade.
A bodily problem can do that, it can just shutdown your open doors rapidly in no time.
Similarly a single relation with an difficult person can bring so much destruction,
That most of your doors could close off from that.

A good time in your life is when doors were opening and opening for you,
Keeping fresh enjoyments piling over one another.
A bad time is when doors keep on closing imprisoning you further and further,
Giving you the grief of loss again and again.

Insights on time-stream

The stream of time, the flow of time,
Ascends and Descends.

Descends into this density of creation as birth in this plane,
Ascends back into a higher dimension as death from this plane.

In between the ascent and descent, it stays more or less cyclic,
Thus performing creation, maintenance, and destruction,
By descent, maintenance, and ascent.

When the time-stream or flow,
Brings you what you want,

It is essentially growing what it itself created.
It grows its own accumulated creation.

If the time stream or flow,
Changes its channel, frequency, or pattern,

Against the accumulation it has previously forged,
Then it resists on its old accumulation/creation,
And transforms it with input from the new stream,
And this ends with the formation of a new self,
Which may or may not complete itself,
Because the next time shift could happen before the process completes.

So a strong personality in the world,
Is created when the time stream is constantly maintaining its focus,

And growing the accumulation in a steady direction.
A chaotic suffering personality is created,
When the time streams are changing/shifting and always at odds with each other,
And thereby having all the different accumulations resist against each other.

When time ascends,
It fades and thins out its own accumulation,
And finally moves into a higher dimension.

A good analogy would be:
Lowering a pencil onto the paper = Time flow descent.
Starting to draw a thin line = Birth into this density.
Pressing harder on the paper = Increasing the accumulation
Maintaining the pressure more or less = Time flow maintenance/plateauing.
Starting to lighten the pressure = Time flow ascent.
Taking the pen off the paper = Death from this density into a higher dimension.
The pen (let’s say) still keeps drawing continuously,
But now since it is in the air, it does not leave a mark on the paper (this plane).

So there are:
Good time streams to be enjoyed ——– Difficult time streams to be weathered.
I could also as well call it the winds of time vs. streams of time.
One is created, shaped, and dissolved, by the resultant of these forces and their streams.

What will I do with a billion dollars

I can only sleep in 1 bed at a time.
I can only be in 1 room at a time.
I can only be in 1 place at a time.
I can only eat 1 meal at a time.
I can only sit at 1 table at a time.
I can only use 1 laptop at a time.
I can only use 1 phone at a time.
I can only live 1 lifetime of around 100 years.

I cannot sleep in 100 beds at a time.
I cannot be in 100 rooms at a time.
I cannot be in 100 places at a time.
I cannot eat 100 meals at a time.
I cannot sit at 100 tables at a time.
I cannot use a 100 laptops at a time.
I cannot use a 100 phones at a time.
I cannot live for 10000 years.

What will I do with a billion dollars,
If I can just be and do only 1 thing at a time, and live only for 100 years?!

The death process

The withdrawal of the projection:
The world falls back onto the Indriyas (senses),
The Indriyas (senses) fall back onto Manas (mind),
The Manas falls back into the Pranas (life energies/breath),
The Pranas fall back into Tejas (fire/heat of the body),
Lastly, Tejas falls back into Sat (reality).

The mechanics of fear, desire, love, and hate

The mechanics of fear and love,
Is such a massively deep topic to explore.

I often wonder:
Is it possible to really be indifferent?
Is it possible to be without relationship?
Is it possible to really stay separate?
Is it possible to be neutral?
Is it possible to neither love nor hate?

From my intuition, it seems like that is not possible.
Life being a dynamic verb, nothing it still.
So everything has to move towards expansion or contraction?

It feels like that force that maintains and forwards unconsciousness and ignorance,
Is in the hate (contraction) direction,
While the force that maintains and forwards consciousness and knowledge,
Is in the love (expansion) direction.
Since all things are in polarity,
Whatever we invest and expand into, will inevitably disinvest and shrink its opposite?

I see everything is a state of pulsation in nature,
Like the heart beat, expanding and contracting.
Birth is like the expansion influx (like the inbreath),
Death is like the contraction deflux (like the outbreath).
I see birth and death as the alternating pulse between sound and silence.
The sound of creation booms into the manifest as birth,
And at death there is the return to silence/uncreated?

I feel like the experience of life is like music.
With multiple overlayed pulses of all kinds of instrument and voice timbers.
A multidimensional flow of pulses.
So then, both fear and love are as natural as expansion and contraction?

I have noticed that,
I fear all that I have an antagonistic relationship towards.
So maybe the presence of fear itself…,
Is revealing the antagonistic relationship present?
I wonder,
Is fear the ‘anticipatory recreation’ of the experience,
Of the repercussions/reaction from the other,
To my own antagonistic attitude towards the other,
Being mirrored back to me?

So then are fear and love, direct experiences,
Of the mirrored attitudes/relationship we hold towards the other entities we encounter?

Another aspect is self-hatred.
That is a condition where there is a projection of value and worth on the other,
While the self is cast to the shadow of unconsciousness/hate/shame.
There is then a constant focus on the other or on transcending oneself.

So here there are some interesting relationships I see.
When there is self-hatred of one’s body and its strength,
There is fear of other bodies and their strength.
I think here, the fear comes from the war with the conscious and unconscious identifications.
Unconsciously there is identification with the body,
But that is not supported by the conscious identification which is caught up with the other,
So the unconscious identification generates fear as resistance,
When you pursue the other.

So somewhere I wonder,
If we take extreme cases,
Like fear of a ghost/monster,
Is that the dissociated unconscious fragment of us,
That we have disowned,
That is getting attracted to us,
Because of our deeper desire for integration and wholeness?
Isn’t our worst fear that we will become the ghost?
That total assimilation/transformation is the terror.
What will happen to us,
If we let everything in?

Also I used to wonder about the fear of falling.
I have that fear because somewhere I desire to fall like that.
So is my intensity of fear of falling proportional to the intensity of desire I have to fall?
Is the intensity of fear I feel for death proportional to my own desire for death?

Fear and Desire seem inseparable like 2 sides of the same coin.
It seems like each is a resistance to the other.
Desire is a resistance to Fear.
Fear is a resistance to Desire.

Another thing I am reminded of is the story of the beauty and the beast.
The beast gets converted into the prince out of love.
Would this be true for all that fear?
That all that is feared if consciously loved,
Will become flowers from filth?
The ground of filth when nurtured by nature,
Becomes flower and fruit right?

Are all that we love/hate/desire/fear,
Are they all nothing but our own Self?

Supposing we want total wholeness and totally open ourselves up,
To attracting all of the unconscious to us back into our consciousness,
Will it result in a total war and destruction of all of our identity?
Is that what happens in enlightenment?
Is that the ultimate transformation?

The self here is the subset of qualities owned vs. the superset of all qualities in existence.
That division is what created self-other and the concept of relationship itself.
Love-Hate are like Yin-Yang.
The black fish has a white eye,
And the white fish has a black eye.
So total love and total hate do not exist and cannot exist.
Just like no absolute quality can exist without its opposite.
Going into total-hate or total-love,
Will result in transcendence to a dimension beyond duality.

These are some of my contemplations.
I’ll stop here for now.