Loving and Hating

“Loving” is the “process” coming from “wanting to become conscious…” of something/someone.
“Hating” is the “process” coming from “wanting to become unconscious…” of something/someone.

The mechanics of fear, desire, love, and hate

The mechanics of fear and love,
Is such a massively deep topic to explore.

I often wonder:
Is it possible to really be indifferent?
Is it possible to be without relationship?
Is it possible to really stay separate?
Is it possible to be neutral?
Is it possible to neither love nor hate?

From my intuition, it seems like that is not possible.
Life being a dynamic verb, nothing it still.
So everything has to move towards expansion or contraction?

It feels like that force that maintains and forwards unconsciousness and ignorance,
Is in the hate (contraction) direction,
While the force that maintains and forwards consciousness and knowledge,
Is in the love (expansion) direction.
Since all things are in polarity,
Whatever we invest and expand into, will inevitably disinvest and shrink its opposite?

I see everything is a state of pulsation in nature,
Like the heart beat, expanding and contracting.
Birth is like the expansion influx (like the inbreath),
Death is like the contraction deflux (like the outbreath).
I see birth and death as the alternating pulse between sound and silence.
The sound of creation booms into the manifest as birth,
And at death there is the return to silence/uncreated?

I feel like the experience of life is like music.
With multiple overlayed pulses of all kinds of instrument and voice timbers.
A multidimensional flow of pulses.
So then, both fear and love are as natural as expansion and contraction?

I have noticed that,
I fear all that I have an antagonistic relationship towards.
So maybe the presence of fear itself…,
Is revealing the antagonistic relationship present?
I wonder,
Is fear the ‘anticipatory recreation’ of the experience,
Of the repercussions/reaction from the other,
To my own antagonistic attitude towards the other,
Being mirrored back to me?

So then are fear and love, direct experiences,
Of the mirrored attitudes/relationship we hold towards the other entities we encounter?

Another aspect is self-hatred.
That is a condition where there is a projection of value and worth on the other,
While the self is cast to the shadow of unconsciousness/hate/shame.
There is then a constant focus on the other or on transcending oneself.

So here there are some interesting relationships I see.
When there is self-hatred of one’s body and its strength,
There is fear of other bodies and their strength.
I think here, the fear comes from the war with the conscious and unconscious identifications.
Unconsciously there is identification with the body,
But that is not supported by the conscious identification which is caught up with the other,
So the unconscious identification generates fear as resistance,
When you pursue the other.

So somewhere I wonder,
If we take extreme cases,
Like fear of a ghost/monster,
Is that the dissociated unconscious fragment of us,
That we have disowned,
That is getting attracted to us,
Because of our deeper desire for integration and wholeness?
Isn’t our worst fear that we will become the ghost?
That total assimilation/transformation is the terror.
What will happen to us,
If we let everything in?

Also I used to wonder about the fear of falling.
I have that fear because somewhere I desire to fall like that.
So is my intensity of fear of falling proportional to the intensity of desire I have to fall?
Is the intensity of fear I feel for death proportional to my own desire for death?

Fear and Desire seem inseparable like 2 sides of the same coin.
It seems like each is a resistance to the other.
Desire is a resistance to Fear.
Fear is a resistance to Desire.

Another thing I am reminded of is the story of the beauty and the beast.
The beast gets converted into the prince out of love.
Would this be true for all that fear?
That all that is feared if consciously loved,
Will become flowers from filth?
The ground of filth when nurtured by nature,
Becomes flower and fruit right?

Are all that we love/hate/desire/fear,
Are they all nothing but our own Self?

Supposing we want total wholeness and totally open ourselves up,
To attracting all of the unconscious to us back into our consciousness,
Will it result in a total war and destruction of all of our identity?
Is that what happens in enlightenment?
Is that the ultimate transformation?

The self here is the subset of qualities owned vs. the superset of all qualities in existence.
That division is what created self-other and the concept of relationship itself.
Love-Hate are like Yin-Yang.
The black fish has a white eye,
And the white fish has a black eye.
So total love and total hate do not exist and cannot exist.
Just like no absolute quality can exist without its opposite.
Going into total-hate or total-love,
Will result in transcendence to a dimension beyond duality.

These are some of my contemplations.
I’ll stop here for now.

The 4 personalities and the 4 elements

This is my own intuitive understanding,
Of the 4 personalities types as they correlate to the 4 elements.

The 4 personalities:
# The Rigid personality = Earth element
Quality: Strength
The driving belief: The harder you are, the better it is.
The ideal: The hardest metal (like tungsten)

# The Flow personality = Water element
Quality: Malleability
The driving belief: The more flexible you are, the better it is.
Ideal: The thinnest liquid (lower viscosity like alcohol)

# The Power personality = Fire element
Quality: Transformation
The driving belief: The more fire-power you have, the better it is.
Ideal: Hottest fire (Blue flames), Highest transformative power.

# The Freedom personality = Air element
Quality: Limitless Expansion
The driving belief: The more freedom you have, the better it is.
Ideal: Lowest air density (like the top of snowy mountains)

The animated series ‘Avatar – The Last Airbender’,
Does a brilliant job in representing the myriad dynamics between the different elements.
There are many fascinating interrelationships between these elements.

Here are some:
Water dissolves solids = Lots of emotions, can loosen your rigidity.
Like how after you see a movie with a roller coaster of emotions, you feel more light.
Air can put out fires = Lots of deep thought, can put out passions/desires.

Fire = Passion, Air = Thinking.
A lot of deep and varied thinking could you make you appear a bit stoic, sort of.

Water = Emotions, Earth = Structure/stable.
So very emotional people may appear to be quite unstable.
Because there is no structure to hold the water in any configuration.

While earth dominant people may appear be stable/solid.
Their emotions are directed, controlled, predictable, and stable.
Their water is passed through a specific structure with only specific outlets.

The 4 stances people take towards an alien

Suppose you were totally alien,
The 4 stances people might take towards you are:
1. Dominate
2. Oppose/Fight or Avoid
3. Live and Let Live
4. Explore

I’ll describe each of the aspects:

Domination is like the way we deal with children and education.
The stance that, “They don’t know anything and we have to shape them”.
This is also the stance held by all conquerors.

If we feel threatened by them,
Then we actively oppose or fight them,
Or passively avoid them,
Depending upon what we believe is the better way to protect ourselves.

The 3rd option of live and let live,
Comes when we no longer feel threatened by them,
And we are strong enough to be equals with them and let them be.
We then live with mutual understanding while keeping our boundaries with them.

The 4th option happens when we perceive them to be higher than us.
Then we pursue/explore and attempt to know more and more of them,
So as to transform our selves and our own lives through that knowledge.

To be fully alive

Life is change.
All that does not change is dead.
So total change is total life.

To be fully alive,
Is to be like a fire,
That blazes, sparkles, and dazzles.
Everything you do must change everything,
So as to fall into endless transformation.

Whatever you do must be:
Towards what matters to you the most,
Towards what means the most to you,
Towards what you most deeply feel/desire/care about.

It must transform and change you fully from moment to moment.
Living in a way where the whole moves the whole.
Where all of you is free,
In full power, glory, and splendor.

Living every moment from the creativity,
Of ushering a whole new world at each moment.
Bringing/Gathering all of one at each moment,
Only to fire up and change it all up in the next.

What transmits from generation to generation

What I have observed is that,
There are 2 factors that determine a person’s actions:

# The situations/circumstance/surroundings/cultural-setups/environments (their adaption, fitting-in strategies, accommodation to all of that etc.)
# Their own interests/desires (which they pursue)

Generally, in the transmission from say parents to children (in the flow of genetic lineage),
Only the real essential desire of the parent is transferred to the child.
And whatever the parent did as adaptation, accommodation, and adjustment based on family/cultural/socio-political pressures of those times, does not pass over to the children.
This is because the children were brought up at a different world-time/age, with different family/socio-cultural/political/situational variables.
The world itself is at a different generation when the children are born,
And therefore the children adapt to those conditions,
And only the essential desires of the lineage continue through them.

For instance,
Say a father worked loyally in a single company all his life as a duty,
While the son decides to not work at all, and only work on his private passions.
On the surface, this looks like the father and son are entirely different.
But a more in-depth examination might reveal,
The father never had any real heart vested in the company affairs.
He may have done all of it from familial/moral/socio-cultural pressures,
While his real heart desire was in his personal interests.
So it is only the real heart desire that passes on to the son.
This can be taken much deeper than this,
But even now, with only this much penetration into the matter,
The son’s decisions do not look so outlandish in the light of this understanding, right?

Another instance would be,
If the mother dutifully married, had children, spent her whole life mixed up with them etc.,
Her daughter might take up a completely different meaning in life and become ultra career focused.
Again, on the surface, both look completely different.
But on deeper examination,
Maybe the mother, as an adaptation to her circumstances, went along with that wave,
But her real desire was to fuse her identity into something larger.
Her situation might have been such that the role of caretaker was what allowed her this larger experience and expansion.
So the daughter in alternate times, may seek to fulfill this same desire by absorbing herself into the corporate world and its goals (career).
It is the same desire expressing itself in 2 different situations and times.
This is actually still just slightly under the surface, but even this level of understanding reveals the continuity and similarity of desires passing through.

Everyone gravitates towards freedom of some kind

I feel like every person finds their niche,
Where they seek their freedom from.

Some like the freedom of having plenty of money,
And all of the potential/possibility that brings.

Some like the freedom of enrolling into the institution of marriage.
This frees them from the prior insecurity of relationship,
And now they have a safe space to build a bond with the other person.
Then once you have a stable bond, you can have the additional joy of having children,
And having the joy of sharing a profound relationship with a few beings/souls.
Then there is also the social dimension which approves of this and gives you the freedom of social connection (camaraderie/rapport) with all of the others who are similarly married and having children.
And so on.

Some like the freedom of being a nomad and traveling and exploring different parts of the world.

Some like the freedom that the latest technology brings.
Like having the most powerful computer or smartphone or camera etc.
These uber level tools help them access many kinds of potential experiences.

Some like the freedom of buying their own land and house,
And making whatever they want and however they want in that space.

Some like the freedom they get when working for a stable job in an MNC.
Because this frees them from job and social insecurity.
It provides a common frame (a shared environ) for many people to collude with and connect to.
Now they have a safe container to thrive in and explore all its possibilities.
Every company premise nowadays is like a small township right? (before 2020)

Some like the freedom of sexual conquest.
That is, working to making themselves as desirable as possible,
So that they can have the greatest freedom to choose mates and explore that aspect of human nature.

Some like the freedom of the internet in terms of acquiring all kinds of knowledge they are interested in.
The internet is like an unlimited library of knowledge giving immense possibilities for learning any kind of thing.

The list is endless.
As of me, where I find my freedom from, is in the niche of creative self expression.
I get it from expressing/translating/conceptualizing/depicting/articulating/symbolizing and sharing the flow of visions/insights/ideas appearing in my inner space.

What is health?

Health = ease, happiness, fascination, passion, wonder, focus, curiosity, joy, vigor, vitality, hope, independence, strength, power, capability, usefulness, freedom, lightness, robustness, stability, clarity, fearlessness.

The opposite of health = disease, sadness, weakness/infirmity, depression, lethargy, dullness, scattering, dependence, tiredness/fatigue, hopelessness, despair, futility, powerlessness, incapability, imprisonment, burden, vulnerability, instability, confusion, anxiety/fear.

The 2 kinds of relationships I’ve experienced

I’ve seen 2 kinds of relationships in my life:
# Connections through resonance
# Connections through projection/role-play

Connecting through resonance:
Two minds understand each other when they are attuned/honed to each other,
That is, when both the minds are operating at a similar frequency, they see similar views.

For instance, say you are floating on a hot air balloon.
If you spoke to someone on the ground, his view would be entirely different from yours.
You may be able to talk a little about his surroundings, because you know where he is standing,
Similarly, he might see your balloon and ask you a few questions about that.
But overall, there would not be much to share or connect about.
But suppose you spoke to another person in another hot air balloon at the same height,
Then so much of the view is shared, and thereby you both can easily connect, right?

Two minds can connect if they share the same level of subtleness of perception.
I call this the “LOC” – The level of consciousness of the subtle body.
Generally, things like world view, concerns, ideas, perceptions, thoughts, feelings can be easily shared with another being at the same LOC level.

There is ‘what you are seeing’, and ‘from where you are seeing’.
The LOC is about ‘from where you are seeing’.
If the ‘from where you are seeing’ is common,
Then understanding each other would be very effortless.

Connecting to another being who shares your LOC level,
I call ‘connecting via. resonance’.

Whatever you say to them will be understood fairly easily.
Actually you both already see from the same place.
The talking is more a celebration of the connection already active.
It is a sort of mutual enrichment.
Often there is instant recognition here.
This kind of relationship does not need much time,
And feels comfortable and deep at the start itself.

The other kind of relationship I have had is via. projection/role-play.
These kinds of relationships are mostly from external situations (sharing the same environment, context etc.)

What are called ‘situational relationships’ would come under this.
# Like the roles of being a colleague/coworker/college lab partner/project partner/college friend in the same class, neighbor next door etc.

# I would also include specific interest group connections under here.
Because interest group connections are also somewhat goal based – Check this out, What do you think of this? etc.
They are fairly circumscribed and specific to a certain frame and scope.

# Also, any work related relationships would come in this category.
Like even the relationship you may have with people standing in the same queue as you to buy movie tickets.

# Even healing group members are not necessarily at the same LOC level.
For instance, Two people might connect with each other from their unresolved anger issues, or through their common addiction to something, but their LOCs could be vastly different.

# Even relations with family members, relatives etc. could fall here.
Because they too are certain frames of role-play.

# Even romantic relations are often projection/fantasy/role-play based.
If it does not have enough of resonance elements, then the relationship would fizzle out quickly, i.e. after the ‘enjoyment of the novelty/projection/role-play/fantasy/specific-quality-admiration based interaction’ is completed.

Sadism and Masochism: Complementary strategies arising from the same root

Both sadism and masochism are based on attacking vulnerabilities.
A sadist is identified with the vulnerability in themselves,
While the masochist is identified with the strength in themselves.

The interesting thing here is that, “identification is always unconsciousness”.
You are unconscious of what you identify with.
So the masochist is unconscious of their strength/power, but sees it projected outside themselves.
While the sadist is unconscious of their weakness/vulnerability, but sees it projected outside themselves.

The masochist thinks, if only I could end all of my weakness, needs, and vulnerability,
Then I could be fully free to be myself (which is strength in this case).
The sadist thinks, if only I could get rid of all the threats in my environment,
If only I could weaken all the stronger people around me who could be potential threats,
Then I can be fully free to be myself (which is vulnerability in this case).

Accordingly, 2 strategies are used by the sadist and masochist to end the threat to their identification.
For the sadist, the strategy is: 
To preemptively attack the other’s vulnerabilities, or prepare for doing that,
So that the other is prevented or disabled from attacking yours.
It is a combination of weakness inside, strength display outside.

For the masochist, the strategy is:
To preemptively take on oneself the task of attacking one’s own vulnerabilities,
To try to put an end to them and remove all traces of them.
This is a combination of strength inside, weakness display outside.

But the root for both the cases here is:
The idea of “EXPECTING” the same things to happen – i.e. rejection/attack/abuse.
What unites the sadist and masochist is = The deep expectation to be attacked/rejected/abused etc.,
And this is coming from the deep memories of the same inflicted on them from the past.

The responses to these similar kind of memories are complementary because of opposite identifications.
The masochist is identified with strength, and therefore works to remove his vulnerability – in preparation or in reaction.
The sadist is identified with vulnerability, and therefore works to fight all threats off – in preparation or in reaction.

Since this expectation seeks to prove/validate itself again and again,
It seeks/attracts the same circumstances/people to confirm and justify itself again and again.
So it creates a vicious loop that has a strong gravity of its own,
Which keeps these patterns constantly spinning and repeating in one’s experience.

The sadist and masochist both attract each other,
Because each believes the other is helping them towards attaining their aim.

But the full reality of this is weirder.
The sadist can never destroy the strength of others by attacking their vulnerability.
Often it counter-intuitively makes them even stronger and thereby even more threatening.
Similarly, the masochist in one’s attempt to end all vulnerability,
Feels powerless to do so, because it is impossible to fully rid themselves of it.

So acting out the sadistic or masochistic impulses,
Make one feel even more powerless.

Ultimately the root/source of all of these patterns is in the memories of abuse coming from the deep past (even ancestral/lineage/genetic).
Because it is these memories that create the expectancies.
Then these expectations are projected on others,
And thus these patterns play themselves out again and again.