Pain is a demand on our attention

Every pain basically demands (seizes) attention.
When we would rather attend to something else,
That is when the pain creates suffering.
The suffering is from the resistance,
Of not wanting to attend to that which is paining.
It could be argued the pain itself appears,
Only after one has ignored something for long enough,
That it starts to break into the threshold of consciousness and escalate.

I’m creating 2 definitions here:
Selfish = attends to self, neglects the other.
Selfless = attends to others, neglects the self.
Broadly I’ve seen:
The selfless person may suffer from a lot of pain themselves,
But others are fairly happy/ok with them.
On the other hand, the selfish person may be quite well themselves,
But others struggle and have a lot of pains in relation to them.

Whatever is not loved creates pain.
When the self is not loved, it creates inside pain = selfless person.
When the other is not loved, the other gives you pain = selfish person.
Only what is loved is satisfied,
And what is not loved is in pain.
The separated disowned parts of your psyche are wanting reintegration,
And the pain is to get you to attend to them and finally own them.

This self-other distinction I wrote above,
Is more for the convenience of speaking and analyzing.
In reality or essence, there is no such division.
They both are only parts of a single landscape.
They are both parts of your current dream in consciousness.

Emotional health in relationships

Here are some of the signs (imo) of emotional health in relationships:
# Consistent high emotional responsiveness
# Consistent high engagement
# Consistent high involvement
# Consistent high availability
# Consistent reciprocal/matched/tuned participation
# Consistent responsibility/ownership for the relationship
# Consistent proper clear honest emotional communication
# Consistent connection (not handling connection like interrupts)

Consistent and high [x] —vs— Erratic and low [x]
[Where x = responsiveness, engagement, involvement, availability,
participation, responsibility, honesty, connection]
The latter here would describe an environment of emotional suffering.

Love and Expectation

‘The power of Love’ being subservient to/within a ‘Structure’ = Expectation (A love that is bound/conditional).
‘Structures’ being subservient to/within ‘The power of Love’ = Free-Love

Earlier I believed that unconditional love was a virtue to strive for.
But now I see that conditional love itself happens from ignorance,
From the ignorance of the mixing of form and essence.
It is like shining light on objects,
And mistaking the light reflections to mean the objects are inherently emitting that light.

Generally greater the love = Greater and Subtler the identification.
There is a finer-perfusion and extension of that into the forms of this realm.

Love is also what allows you to see.
To see something you must love it first.

All expressions/symbolizations/representations of love,
Are understood and self-evidently known,
Only when one is in it.

We believe we love the loved-objects,
But what we really desire is love itself.
We only really love love itself,
And enjoy the reflections of the love we ourselves put out.

When we love very little,
But take on enormous overheads and burdens to uphold those things,
It is a case of the yin-yang black fish with the white eye.

When our love is enormously large (for a great many things),
But the overheads and burdens are negligible to uphold those things,
Then it is a case of the yin-yang white fish with the black eye.

To feel blessed(abundant) —-vs—- To feel forsaken(abandoned)
White fish with black eye —-vs—- Black fish with white eye

Some thoughts on dating

This is a very vast subject,
And no matter what I write here,
I’d still only be scratching the surface.

In my understanding,
All relationships/dating/romantic pursuits,
Are about mutually fulfilling needs.
At a broad level, the needs might be:
Emotional, Social, Psychological (Companionship),
Physical, Financial…and so on.

I feel the root of all of these needs starts from early childhood,
From the relationship with the parents.
How did the parents reflect the child?
In the formative stage,
A child knows itself only by parental reflection/mirroring.

If the parent treats the child like a satellite,
(Like an extension of themselves instead of an independent entity),
That has to revolve around the planet,
Which is the parent in this case,
Then that creates the co-dependency dynamic.

If the mother/father is herself/himself profoundly needy,
They may project the role of the hero/savior/martyr to the child.
Due to this, a role-reversal would take place,
Causing the child to be the caretaker/peacemaker/emotional-regulator for the parent.
This would create the hero/martyr/savior dynamic.

In other cases,
The child may be conditioned to be overly dependent on the parent,
And the parent would encourage that to keep them dependent/enmeshed.

An opposite kind of enmeshment is also possible,
Where the parent depends upon the child from an early age,
Causing the child to be unusually independent early-on,
And assuming adult-like responsibility from a very young age.

There are many more cases like this,
Which then create a plethora of possible dynamics.
I feel it is these dynamics that are once again enacted in romantic relations.
The role-plays conditioned early on,
Perpetuate themselves in future relationships for most.

Whether negative or positive,
The dynamics go on unless deeply introspected.
Essentially the holy-grail sought in these romantic relations is:
If original dynamic was positive: To perpetuate that same successful dynamic with the other, and have that pattern simply live on.
If the original dynamic was negative: To once again find someone to trust, and then attempt to get our narcissistic wounds healed through their positive reflection of us.

Generally, I observe, that if the original dynamic was positive,
The person has very little trouble finding a partner and continuing it.
Trust comes easy, it happens seamlessly somehow,
And suddenly in a wink of an eye,
You see them all settled, happy, continuing their shtick(lol).

Most of the drama however, happens in the latter case,
Where the original dynamic was negative.
I feel the reason why this case is so difficult is because,
Not only was there a lack of trust to begin with from both sides,
But also, each of them continues to be still attached to their parent(s) in a negative way.
After enduring huge amounts of narcissistic injury, they buried all of their hurt/shame/anger/sadness…and so on,
And all this buried resentment and unprocessed parental enmeshment/attachment,
Makes both of them project their own ‘unfulfilling-parent’ onto the other.

For each of them:
The real quest is to get a cocktail of the following validations from the other:

Emotional/Self-esteem/Achievement/Specialness,
/Significance/Importance/Greatness/Worth/Value,
Trustability/Lovability/Likeability/Attractiveness,
Intelligence/Status…and so on.
It is a quest for redemption:
To be seen in a positive light,
And granted entry into a better world,
That is now finally safe for them to enter.

But in order to get the above,
They first have to become vulnerable to the other,
And open themselves up to a new internalization.
But to have history not repeat itself, and double the hurt,
They would have to test each other first.
And this testing part is where things break off eventually.
Because:
1. Usually nobody passes their tests (far too steep).
2. Secondly they attract partners who resemble their parents (the ones who created the issues to begin with).
It then becomes a sort of negative-prophecy that keeps repeating.

The quest could be worded as:
“How do I find an other,
Who is safe/trustable/adept/and wants my best interests?,
Who gives me the positive-reflection of myself I have longed for,
Who thereby opens up a new safe world for me to start thriving,
Which is the opposite of the hellish in-between ambivalent place I am in now.”
Most of the time, such an other is never found or never passes the tests,
And therefore results in “serial-monogamy” or other forms of disguised-despair.

Imo the only way out of a negative illusion like this,
Is to wake up (to awaken).
Unfortunately, it is not as easy to change a negative illusion to a positive one.
The only way out is to make EVERYTHING conscious.

Why perspective is so important

Suppose:
I took photos with an awesome DSLR of only cowdung in a place,
And sent you a collection of 150 such photos,
What would you think?
That the whole place is nothing but a pile of shit?
But the reality of that is, all the dung was spread quite a bit.
Each picture might have looked larger than life on your HD screen,
But the actual place was completely different,
A neutral normal ordinary place with everyone going about their usual business.

Now let’s take the opposite case:
The opposite phenomenon may happen in a place like Instagram.
When celebrities etc. take photos of places from strategic spots,
Wearing exotic dresses, and add magical filter effects,
All this would make the place itself look like a dream fantasy.
Based on watching all these exotic posts of such places,
I’m sure many might have traveled with their family with the hope of getting some taste of that same magic.
And maybe what they found was that the places fell far short of their expectation?
Maybe they were just usual ordinary places with everyone doing their usual stuff?

The kind of information pouring into our HD digital screens,
Can seriously warp our perception about everything.
It is of course not only pictures but also narratives of different events that hugely shape our perception and experience.

A very interesting story I read a while ago was about this very perceptual distortion.
The story is titled: The island news network, I think.
The story goes like this:
In a group of 100 islands, each island had its own news station.
Whenever there was a shark attack, which would happen once in 2 years in one of the islands, that would get reported in that island-specific news channel.
Then later they unified all of the islands and created a single news channel.
Now the news of the shark attack started showing up in the citizen’s HD screens every 2 weeks.
It was so frequent, and shown in such detail, that everyone in all the islands entirely stopped swimming.

So the amount of information in the world is infinite.
We have to be aware of the balance of our perspective and be conscious about this kind of warping and distortion that can so easily happen, considering how we have abundant access to audio/video/writings in today’s INFORMATION AGE.

The idea of causation begins with you

The idea of causation begins with you.
If you see yourself as the ‘doer’,
You would accordingly see causation everywhere.
On the other hand,
If you see yourself as a non-doer,
That is, as an effect (of a deeper mystery/plane of forces) rather than a cause,
Then you see the same mystery reflected everywhere outside too.

Our perception of the outside is a fractal projection,
Whose pattern self-replicates from our inner pattern/understanding/view.
The depth to which you know yourself,
Is the same depth with which you see the outer existence.

Why I like progressive trance

Lightspeed_Tunnel

I like to listen to progressive trance,
Because I want to spin as rapidly as I can,
Like a tornado or windmill,
With the greatest oomph, thump, power, push, momentum,
With perfection, balance, stillness, harmony, symmetry,
Until all of the me inside me is all freed,
Until all of my freeze is fully shaken off,
Until all that is not me is centrifuged out of me.

I want to just ‘get lost’/vanish/disappear into the groove,
I want to completely escape into another altered state,
I want to just run away as fast as I possibly can,
I want to be moved, overpowered, carried away,
I want to be absorbed, engulfed, enraptured, entranced, enthralled,
I want to get lost in the frenzy,
I want to lose myself.

Competition serving Cooperation or Cooperation serving Competition

Cooperation serving Competition:
This is like most team sports.
The cooperation is within the team,
But it is meant to serve the higher goal of competition.

Competition serving Cooperation:
This is like the musician maestros of ancient India.
They would all bring their instruments,
And compete to best the other’s performance in each round,
But all of it serving to elevate the level of the art form itself.

My orientation has been towards ‘Competition serving Cooperation’.
Which is of all of us working towards a higher purpose/goal,
While also competing/playing with each other for fun,
Or competing in a way that ultimately serves all.
Like a “win-WIN” (serving as an encouragement for the smaller win),
Instead of a “WIN-LOSE” which is winning at the COST of the other.

Most of the activities I see in the world today,
School, College, Political Debates, Work, Sports, Making money, Business,

Almost all of it seems like the case of “Cooperation for Competition”.
Where everything happens in the same level playing field,
As a kind of zero-sum game,
In a quest for supremacy,
Where it is every man for himself.

Everything goes around

Whatever you give out,
Gets stored in the other.
In your every action of relating,
You are passing on that energy to the other.
They then store it and manifest that same energy you gave,
To someone else, sometime or the other.

It is a grand game of passing the parcel.
Whatever a mother gives a child, the child will then store that, and then manifest that in the world.
Whatever a spouse gives the other spouse, the other stores that, and then manifests that to the world, sometime later.
Everything goes round and round.

So by relating well with the other,
You are actually planting those seeds in the other.
Your deep intention etc is stored in them,
And they may manifest that same energy much later,
To some other person, in some other place and time.

Not all causation is from what you see.
These hidden unseen causes may have passed on the real seeds.