Depression seen from a deeper place

fathermothershadow

When we are young, the conditions of love are told to us.
Even if they are not explicitly told, we can easily intuit it.
We look at the environment around us with the question:
“What must I be? What must I do? What must I become?” to get the love I desire?

Love is first for survival, because if nobody loves you, you will not survive.
Even if you were unwanted and parents took care of you just as a duty, that is still because they love to be morally right/socially right etc.
So love is required to survive when you are dependent esp.

After the survival stage is passed, love is still needed for enrichment, growth, expansion, flourishing, prosperity, real wealth, and so on.

So coming back to the topic, depression is from the loss of hope, that you can ever be/become/do something that will get you love.
Thereafter the person just lives hand to mouth existentially.
Some force in him keeps living mechanically like clockwork in cycles, but he loses all hope and falls into grief.
All his mental energies fall like a dead weight on him, like a cross which he carries and walks in despair, in the endless desert.
He becomes totally apathetic, and wishes for deep sleep to carry him away to non-existence permanently.
His daily life with this cross on his back then resembles the ‘Sisyphus myth’ i.e. rolling a rock up the hill only to watch it roll down again and repeat.

What I have described is only the surface. Let’s dive further in.
From the archetypal perspective, the world is your projection.
Everything including love shines forth from you, from the source.
If you give all of your projections away to impossible ideals, depression is inevitable.
How does this happen?
It could be a combination of your own innate tendency to do that (hyper-ambition) coupled with being born in a family (which you might have attracted from a tendency match).
So in such a case, usually the family i.e. parents, siblings etc. feel they are profoundly unworthy and undeserving, and each of them have an impossible ideal which receives their light.
As a result of that, they are always in the dark shadow of undeservingness, poverty, desperation, grief, unworthiness, and deep-ambivalence of hope.
So now when you are born, you osmotically pick up the ideals from them which may go unconscious in you by the time you grow up.
But it is those ideals that are getting your light, which are unconscious to you.
In your conscious experience, you may only see meaninglessness, darkness, apathy, disinterest, futility, despair, dim view about the future etc.
But the far away faint ideal receives all of your light.
It is like how when we have a full solar eclipse, that shadow blocks off a large portion of the earth.
In this case, the ideal that you have given away your love to, casts a huge shadow on you, turning you into its prisoner in deprivation.
This is the abstract description of the situation of depression.

I’ll give an example.
Say you look at magazine images of male and female models, and compare yourself to them.
If you project all of your love on them, and believe only they deserve love, and if you are far from that image, then to that extent you will fall in the shadow of hate.
You see them 100 times more clearly than you see yourself because they have received all of your light, like the other side of the moon in the eclipse.
Loving others more than loving yourself, or co-dependence is likely, because the other has been projected as lovely, which means in relativity to that, you will definitely fall in the shadow of hate.
Hate is darkness, which means literally, you will be mostly unconscious to yourself.
Now many different actions are possible from this condition:
* You can try to become like them, give all of your energies to that, depending on the level of shame you feel and the level of idealization you have projected on them. This will not give you depression, but will make you pursue the ideal like your life depends on it.
* If you realize it is impossible for you to be like them, then you lose hope of ever becoming something worthy of love, and fall into hopelessness, despair, unworthiness, and the smoke of grief we call depression.
For some people these ideals are more literal = like money, body, possessions, achievement etc.
But often, these ideals are more obscure, elusive, and contradict each other.
The contradiction is what makes the depression impossible to overcome on its terms.
Like what if the one who is loved has to be:
“Extraordinary enough to be admired, adored, worshipped.
But ordinary enough to be loved, included, and belong.”
So the 2 conditions above are contradictory almost.
So you could have tons of such impossible ideals.
Then they will definitely paralyze you, take away all of your light, and leave you with nothing, in the shadow.
I see this as one of the chief deeper causes of depression.

The source of joy

The source of your joy is within yourself.
It can just be brought forth, if you feel you have permission/allowance from others and yourself(internalization of caregiver projected approved images), to be that way.
If you cannot allow yourself or give yourself permission to be like those who are joyful, then you choose between 2 possible responses:
# To resent, hate them, and bring them down
# To get inspired, be drawn to them, and uplift yourself.
In both cases, there is a relationship, between you and the other, be it positive relationship or negative relationship.
The way to transcend needing this relationship at all, is to find out what prevents you from being like them, and investigate that fully.
Those others who are a certain way, which you will not give yourself permission to be, ARE your own disowned potentials.
So then, naturally you will have a positive or negative relationship with your disowned potentials.
You cannot recognize someone unless you can perceive the potential they represent.
All recognition is that.
Look at all the people you hate.
Are they not essentially representing potentials that you will not allow in yourself?

Placebo vs Nocebo

placebonocebo

Placebo —-vs—- Nocebo
It looks like:
Positive imagination/expectation —-vs—- Negative imagination/expectation

Positive and negative imagination tend to spiral.
* When you life has been going well with better and better things, positive imagination spirals.
* And when your life has loss after loss, negative imagination starts to spiral.

It seems, life is like an indifferent movie, that keeps playing, and you sit in the theater seat and watch it unfold.
* If great things happen, you start to see positive future visions (+ve imagination).
* If bad things happen in the movie, you start to dread the future scenes (-ve imagination).

Desire is what makes the potential for pleasure possible.

Desire = Potential for Pleasure.
No Desire = No pleasure.
Attachment to pleasure = Attachment to desire.
Attachment to pleasure = Attachment to denying oneself -> by projecting a part/possibility of yourself out on someone or something.
Every desire gives your power away.
Greater the desire = Greater is the power given away.
So ironically, your capacity for pleasure is totally related to your capacity to deny oneself and project outward.

The desiring process is as follows:
First divide/compartmentalize/multiplitize yourself -> then deny yourself of some divided parts and project them into the world -> play complex games to seek for those divided parts (in such a way that you will never get it completely and you can keep playing).
So that inconsistent getting and losing of the desired, keeps you hooked and playing the game round and round.
Greater the inconsistency and the sharper the reward = Greater is the addiction and enslavement (that is why the more addictive drugs have the greatest and shortest possible highs with the greatest drops).
If you want greatest pleasure, then you will seek the most unattainable and impossible.
Because then you can enjoy the greatest possibility for pleasure at the time of reunion.

It is a game of hide and seek.
Game rules: Separate yourself into many fragments, and ask all the fragments to hide into the world, and then play the game of hide and seek in the world to RE-MEMBER yourself back.
Every reunion brings great pleasure.
The soul splits itself into a million fragments(like a big bang event) and then takes on a hero fragment/avatar who searches and unites himself with all the other fragments.

All identity is relational

The self-other is like a single magnet with its 2 poles arising together.
In our outer life:
* The self is implicit and the other is explicit.
* The self is the background and the other is the foreground.
And this seeing can be reversed too, as is done during deep introspection and contemplation.
* The other can be made the background, and the self can be made the foreground.
* Similarly the other can be made implicit and the self can be made explicit.
So the picture is the same in both cases, but depending on where you focus, the other pole get blurred out. 

The image below shows the 2 possibilities of focus:
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So the self-other arise together mutually and interdependently.
* So whenever there is a self, there is an other.
* And whenever there is an other, there is surely a self.

The sun-signs zodiac literature classifies the signs into 3 kinds of identity natures:
* Cardinal = Identities that have a firm foundation and keep expanding (Rajasic) = mind dominant = positive charge (in the magnetic field) = Symbolizes a Volcano = Conscious mind = Dynamic, Action-oriented, Initiating.
* Fixed = Identities that are fixed (Tamasic) = body dominant = neutral charge = Symbolizes a Mountain = Unconscious mind = Stable, Determined, Unyielding.
* Mutable = Identities that are constantly changing (Sattvic) = soul dominant = negative charge = Symbolizes a New Born baby = Superconscious mind = Subtle, Transformative, Reflective.
There is a lot of deep literature on this subject, I have really said very little above.
But this will help me to speak about certain other points.

You can either change yourself to fit more and more into the world or change the world to fit more and more into your self-conception.
* The cardinal identity type will only associate with things people places concepts etc., that expand its own identity structure. And it will avoid all the negative forces.
* The fixed identity type will try to change the other and the whole world to validate its own attachment to a fixed way of perceiving itself.
So the fixed type is in a way against both positive and negative forces because it wants to maintain the same perception.
* The mutable type will keep adapting and changing/shape-shifting itself into different roles and identities in the world like an explorer. It changes itself to explore the different dimensions of the world, rather than change the world per se.

Charter of principles for relationships

PRINCIPLES:
***************
Make: “Compulsion” -> “Choice”
Realize: Your compulsions are your unconscious choices.
Become: “Conscious” of “Expectations”
Understand that: “Unsaid Expectations” are the root cause of ruin in all relationships.
{ Work towards: “Communicating expectations” to others, and “RESOLVING” conflicts.
Insist on: Reaching an Agreement. }
Remember to: “Do what you are doing willingly, and don’t do anything that you are not willing to do.”
Remember: All anger is from expectation (said or unsaid).
Replace: “Expectation” with “Truth”
Do things: “Willingly” without “Expectation”
Remember: If you do things willingly from your own desire, it maximizes your intrinsic happiness. The happiness from relationships is only the icing on the cake of your own intrinsic happiness. The icing cannot substitute for the cake, nor will it compensate much for a bitter tasting cake.
The goal is: “Unity in diversity”, not “Unity of sameness”
Focus on: Making “systems” for everyone, that also “maximize” the “freedom of individuals.”
Let: Each person freely and naturally give to others, what they themselves naturally value, without expectation.
Orient your: Life around your values.
Focus on: Discovering your values, and then orient and shape your life around them.
Do not: avoid conflict. Use each conflict to clarify/illuminate/communicate expectations and arrive at a mutual understanding and agreement/validation.
The goal is: Harmonic existence, with maximum freedom (which allows and gives space for the growth and flowering of the individual).

The unspeakable torture possible from the mother

This is to speak about a case where the mother clings to the infant stage of the child’s growth, and actively and violently opposes its development and independence beyond that stage, so as to keep getting great narcissistic supplies from the child of “adoration/respect/desirability/admiration/grandiosity/greatness/praise” and enjoy a god like feeling of power and omnipotence in comparison to the child.

Remember, all power is relative.
So the power differential between the infant and the mother is the greatest possible difference.
The mother can get instantly addicted to THIS level of narcissistic supply from the child, and this will esp. happen if the mother did not have any life of her own and had a dependent personality before the event of child birth.
Once deeply addicted to this care-giving and protecting role, the mother may actively oppose the child’s independence, be hostile to the developing child beyond the age of 2 itself.
The mother can actively reinforce the dependence again and again ad infinitum, conveying that “you need me, you cannot live without me” in a million ways said and unsaid.
Such a mother focuses the child only on itself, and the child sacrifices its own self-awareness to please the mother developing codependence.
Really after all the origins of codependence is the narcissistic parent who purposely enforces dependence in subliminal, indirect, and direct ways, and actively opposes the child’s developing separation and independence, so that they can have an endless source of narcissistic supply and meaning from the child.
Often they also cleverly hide it by programming the child to believe, it was its own choice to be that way, and that it can’t help it.
They may even keep telling the neighbors and friends things like “my child needs me for everything, they are such a burden, I keep telling them to do things by themselves, but they keep coming back to me, what can I do?!”
This is just the narcissists game.
This is a microcosmic version of the game of training a slave to believe that he is actually not a slave, but is choosing from his free will.
It all starts at this level.

Just like doctors who save patients are considered to be doing a divine profession higher in value and weight than most other professions, mothers are given this kind of deification and supreme value too.
So a mother can exploit this for a long time, by actively working to keep the child dependent on her and opposing the child’s development/independence in every crooked, unspeakable mystical way possible.
I can elaborate on all those psychic techniques but that may detract from the main points I want to convey in this post.

This can be experienced as extreme suffocation, stifling, and pain, for the child.
But since it is programmed to idolize the mother, it can never imagine going against the mother.
So it condemns itself, and thinks it is the real problem, and the god-like omnipotent mother is always right.
It thinks if it is pained by the mother, it is because, it is defective and needs to be fixed.
And later in life this may slide to depression if it loses all hope after trying out everything and failing.
In truth, this whole thing was really engineered and transmitted from the mother herself.
In the progression of this myth, from this child’s point of view, total powerlessness and despair and depression is an EXPECTED stage that has to be passed.

The mother’s relationship has to keep evolving as the child evolves/grows/matures/separates/independent-izes itself.
So for different people this happens at different times, depending upon the stage of development the mother herself is in.
If the mother herself identifies with being a helpless infant, then she resonates with the child only at that stage, and the child cannot grow beyond that, because it directly faces the threat of losing resonance with the mother.
So the child is then forced to stay infantile even in its later years.
It may be successful in society, but internally its egoic climate is still at the level of the infant only.
So the child may find himself/herself as helpless, powerless, at the mercy of circumstances, unable to establish any identity, and constantly wandering aimlessly.
It may find itself as hyper-sensitive, easily hynotizable and living in a dream-like feeling all the time, and many other such feelings.
It becomes like a Bonsai(miniature) tree, that has grown but not been allowed to grow at the same time.
Often, the child may feel this as a global feeling of being trapped in an incredibly oppressive world, and may become apathetic and depressed from the impossible struggle it would take to change anything in its favor.
Really, this projection of such a tyrannical world, has its roots in the tyrannical mother herself, because it was the mother who was tyrannical in the sense of opposing the child’s independence, and that is later felt by the child as a tyrannical world view itself.

What I speak about here is of unspeakable depth.
Things far less deep, are spoken about so much in society, as so called deep issues.
Real power is always invisible, and the power that is visible is always much lower.
For example here, the mother-child bond is done in secrecy, in the darkness, in great trust.
Nobody ever questions it, and you are shamed even if remotely begin to investigate.
This is a giant taboo in society, because any questioning of it breaks its supremely sanctified and sacred status.
My point is, great wonders and horrors can happen at this stage, at intensities even beyond the most powerful psychedelics.

There has always been extensive talk in society about abusive husbands etc.
Imagine a hyper-possessive husband who keeps his wife like his possession and pet, and pleases her when he wants, beats her up when he wants.
Basically keeps her like his trophy wife, seals her from the outer world, prevents her from having any life outside of him, and controls her like a pleasure-giving slave.
Does this horrify you?
Now, this example I gave above is a weak analogue of the mother-infant situation I describe.
Think about it: What is power? Isn’t all what we call power, a relative concept?
The relativity comes from the power difference.
What is the difference of power between this man and woman living as husband and wife?
And compare that to the difference between a mother (say aged 25+) and an infant(age 0-2)?
The mother for the infant is like an omnipotent god-like being and giant.
But you know what, society will speak endlessly about male violence against women etc.
And this mother-infant dyad, is shrouded, kept under wraps and wraps, sanctified, deified, and any torture that you faced here gets buried as YOUR shame, unspeakable shame of phenomenal intensity.

My point here is not to entirely blame the mother.
The mother herself maybe unconscious of her real power, and how much she affects the infant (the other developing being).
I might have pushed some buttons in this article, but this is in the interest of really looking into this territory of deep psyche experience.
Even if you are a woman, you were also brought up by your mother, so this is not gender-specific.
The purpose of this article, is to illuminate this realm, and to awaken people to it so that they can heal themselves and gain their own insights about their own deep psyche.