Every aspect of existence that we see outside, Has a corresponding component of that within ourselves too. Perception is from resonance/recognition/alignment. That is why it is said “You only experience the self, not the world”, OR “You experience the world only as reflected in your self”.
All perception is a kind of resonance between the outer and the inner. It is not that the outer and inner are separated in time by a linear process. They simultaneous spawn, Like how the dreamer character and the dream environment spawn together simultaneously. Like for example, if you start to hate some aspect of yourself, At that very instant, you also simultaneously prime yourself into hating all other potential reminders/representations/symbols/patterns of that aspect from the outside.
This is because, reality is ‘experience’, And experience is fractal in nature. What you hold in mind, you see outside. And what you see outside, you hold in mind. You see similar motifs/patterns/symbols/representations, i.e. all that reflect the idea that you are holding. The outer-inner appear to be in a constant state of transaction. Sometimes an inner change alters the outer perception. Sometimes an outer change alters the perception of the inner.
So from this level of perspective, There is not even a you vs an other or inner vs outer. It is a single swath that instantly manifests together. The attitudes I hold towards every aspect of existence, Multiply themselves infinitely and instantly throughout the entire scape of existence.
When saying ‘The attitudes I hold…’, I was implying that I am the determiner. But actually, when delving deeper, I see that even these attitudes, Also seem to be ‘appearances’. Rather then being something I determine, They seem to be flowing through and expressing through me. My ability to alter them or control them, Seems to be determined by how much energy/power I have, And my level of perception and dis-identification i.e. whether I can even perceive those attitudes as objects in my awareness. This energy level is again conditional of sort, again the effect of many other cyclic processes.
To dis-identify from anything, you must first have the power/energy to separate yourself from it and see it as an object. When enmeshed and identified into something, Even if you can see this enmeshment, You need enough power/freq/energy to extricate yourself out of that. It is similar to how we need enough external force to overcome newton’s first law of inertia.
Generally, you function from a certain station of freq, While accessing all kinds of states from there. This I call the LOC (level of consciousness) of the subtle body. I could say, ‘What you are is where you are seeing from’. What you do not see, will be something you are subject to, and it will rule you from within. What you do see, is something subject to you, and can be ruled.
For many people, what I see is that, their life-fires/soul are enmeshed and identified with their genetics (to varying degrees/levels). It is like they are embedded inside those grids, and therefore all of their life fires only serve the demands of those structures. They are completely unaware of this, because they identify totally with the feelings/perceptions arising from these grids. It reminds me of animals, how they function only within 2 lines, only within a certain set pattern. For human beings, it seems, The bottom line is similar to reptiles/mammals, But the top line is super high. The spectrum is vast and there is enormous potential to rise up in awareness.
# Impermanence – removes the notion of ownership/possession. # Cyclicity of the nature of time – removes the notion of progress/gain So, it seems like both ownership and progress are temporary phenomena.
The greatest civilizations rose into order/glory and later fell into chaos/oblivion. The pain and suffering in life I feel is caused by – Trying to maintain the permanency of our illusions while also trying to make them endlessly progress.
The forward moving tides initially greatly assist us in building whatever we want, Then the same tides reverse their direction and oppose us until everything is brought to a halt.
Our so called free will seems to be at the mercy of these cyclic larger forces. We can only have anything or dance according to the terms dictated by these forces. Generally we try to oppose these forces tooth and nail, But nature eventually wins and swallows us back into itself at death. We can prolong our life by various clever strategies, But eventually, some day, we are forced to yield to death. And death acts in the same way to all.
Our life as an individual with freedom, Seems to be a kind of gift or privilege, Bestowed to us as a possibility by these larger forces. But whatever is given is also taken away.
The only way out of this I see, Is to voluntarily merge with the deeper reality, And gradually transform our individual self in alignment to that.
Every gain is a loss, and every loss is a gain, depending on how you look at it. ‘Psychological meaning making’ is sort of an art. We are then like artists, Shaping our experience through every moment, From wherever we are.
Every quality seems to perpetuate itself, Cycling between the 2 ends of its spectrum, To create all of the experiences of itself.
It’s like every quality is its own dimension/flavor of experience. Where the 2 opposites within that quality, Create the experience spectrum of that quality itself. Like: Sour ———— Sweet. Those are the 2 ends of the spectrum of that ‘flavor dimension’.
Other instances: # The therapist for others, later receives therapy for themselves. # The one who save lives, later has their own life saved by others. # The one who bullies, gets bullied later. # The one who protects others, get protected. # The one who hurts others, get hurt themselves. # The one who cheats others, gets cheated over by others. # The oppressed become the oppressor, then once again the oppressed, and so on. # The loved one becomes the lover, and then consequently the loved again, and so on. # The server becomes the served. # The caretaker becomes the one cared for. # The one who was subjected to tyranny, then becomes the tyrannizer. # The one who wonders, makes wonderful things, and that leads to more wonder, and so on. # The student eventually becomes the teacher. # The disciple becomes the master. # The helpful becomes the helpless who is helped. # The powerful eventually become the powerless. # The dutiful person, gets others to do their duty towards them too.
All of these things look to be cyclic. There are these interminable causal cycling chains running from the past, And thereby causing the current reality.
In general language, we treat the 2 opposites are 2 distinct things. But actually in reality they are mutually creating each other, Like how in a tapestry, the same thread runs up and down. For example, take sadness/despair and joy/hope. They are both mutually creating each other. If you fully live through your sadness, you open the way to much more joy. If you fully work through all of your pain, you pave the way to greater pleasure.
The current life seems like suddenly watching Season 5 Episode 3 of a Drama, Without having seen any of the previous seasons and episodes. However the general flavors of the serial can be perceived through any episode.
Each of our lives is like the continuation of one long saga, From the big bang till today, and still playing out. Each of us, are riders of eternity. It is love that makes one seek knowledge at all. Without love, why would you bother to seek knowledge at all? So even ignorance itself shows a lack of love.
Birth is like the start of a skydive, The jumping off the plane. Imagine there are some clouds that you first pass through. Then just after that, one is overwhelmed, mesmerized, and stunned, As the stunning vista becomes visible.
There is the feeling of falling at warp speed, But the visuals look like everything is almost still, With the earth inching towards you ever so slowly. This is the time of great splendor of vision, Where you see a bird’s eye view of all the possibilities.
While growing up we go through 3-4 stages of faster biological development. -0.9-0 = Development in the womb (passing through the clouds) 0-7 = Physical development (grand vista first sight – 20s) 7-14 = Emotional/Sexual development (next 20s freefall) 14-21 = Intellectual development (next 20s freefall) 21-25 = Higher intellectual development (extra 10s of freefall) So till the age of 25, we are on a magical ride of sort, Hitting all the numerous developmental milestones. The part from 0-25years of age I feel is like the free fall part of the skydive.
Then once we reach a lower altitude of around 5000ft, The parachute is opened. There is then a drastic reduction in speed, Things slow down quite a bit, And now we stabilize mentally and emotionally. This parachute descent I feel is like the next phase of adulthood from 25-90. Here the number of possibilities for our life has been narrowed down to a great extent. We are fairly stable with a stable identity that moves us along through the rest of our life.
When the parachute comes fairly close to the ground, We still don’t realize the reality of the ground. It still looks like something unreal happening with toy buildings and toy cars put in place. The reality of the ground suddenly hits when you are around 50ft above. It is only then you realize, ‘Oh, this is for real!’. On touchdown there is last run you do before coming to a full halt.
I feel this mimics the stage when we are close to death. Death here is the ground. The final 50ft descent and the touchdown run is the final drama of death. Things once again get a bit dramatic in the last bit.
Here are the different combinations: # This Time, Same space, Same people # This Time. Different space, Same people # This Time, Same space, Different people # This Time, Different space, Different people # Different Time, Same space, Same people # Different Time. Different space, Same people # Different Time, Same space, Different people # Different Time, Different space, Different people
Here, time, space, and people refers to what/whom you hold in your mind more than the actual physical reality differences or the actual people around you. Since your conscious experience of reality is mostly only from what/whom you engage/invest/attend to in your mind.
A timeline for your life can be charted out with these 3 variables, Marking out the broad episodes and flow in your lifetime till date. A diagram might look something like this say:
I wonder if this time-space-people position is some sort of destiny, or prewritten to some extent. Is it prewritten that we would be at this particular time-space-people point now? Is the overall map of our life already charted out in a vague way? In terms of where and whom we’d be with in our minds at a certain time?
In our lifetime we may meet around a 1000 people? 1000 in proportion to 7.5 billion is like ‘7.5 millionth’ of the world population. That means I would have to live 7.5 million lives interacting with 1000 new people in each life to cover the whole population? And how much do we even understand the few people around us? (let alone the 1000 people we may roughly know). We may reach some depth only after many years with a few people, that too only if we keep up the intensity. Imagine the varieties of experiences possible.
Every piece of knowledge must be digested to liberate more fire/spirit from itself. It is similar to real fire from firewood. If you put dry wood, it further enhances the fire. Whereas if you put wet wood, it diminishes it. Similarly, if knowledge quells the fire, then that knowledge is not serving the fire.
There is no good knowledge or bad knowledge. However, whether your fire can handle the knowledge or not is the real question, i.e. whether you have the necessary supports, enzymes, tools etc. to digest it or not, And that is what needs your discretion.
Knowledge must serve and enhance your spirit, Like dry firewood enhances and fuels the fire. If the knowledge being consumed does the reverse, Then that knowledge is not serving your spirit, And it would then diminish your life force.
Every answer you get for a question, When digested fully, will spark 10 other subtler questions. The purpose of an answer is to act like an enzyme to break the question up into subtler and subtler questions.
In a way, this principle also holds true for physical food. If you can digest what you eat, the the food serves you and increases your energy. If the food takes more energy to digest than it provides, It leaves you with lesser energy than when you started off.
This is something that has perplexed me since childhood. I’d keep hearing slogans like ‘be yourself’, ‘love yourself, ‘believe in yourself’, and so on. I used to wonder, what is this self that they are referring to, while pointing at me. Where is this self? What is it? Is it my image of their idea of what I am, what I should be, or what I think they want me to be? Is it my own image of what I am independent of them being around me? But generally my own image of what I am, is heavily and actively conditioned/influenced by who is around me (in silent or talking level interaction with me) and the larger surroundings in that place. Even if nobody is around me, my self is some sort of a more diffused response to the environment around me.
My general personality/disposition/investments/ways of thinking-perceiving-feeling etc. are part nature and part nurture. I can recall an active self forming at the age of 6, then a more developed one at 11, and I think after the age of 28 it seems to have stabilized itself. But what was that active self that first formed? What existed before the age 6? It feels like I just emerged from a bunch of situations throughout early childhood.
Ok, then was I born a clean slate? – I don’t relate with that too. I have no continuous memories of anything below the age 4-5, but I intuit I could have already had a seed with its potentials/proclivities/tendencies/patterns (what they call samkharas and vasanas in vedic literature). So maybe the selves that formed through 6, 11, 20, 24, 28 etc. were different milestones where a distinctive evolving pattern emerged in my vibrating sands (like the sand patterns in Cymatics as the frequency is raised). So my deeper self then could be my bio-memory embedded in the whole body (in its trillions of cells)? – Coming from my forefathers, ancestry, genetics, lineage. That genetics could have passed on its own fantasies, ideals, projects, works, characteristics, goals, preoccupations etc. that I identify with or dis-identify with depending on my own past lives? In my own past lives, again the same situation might have been there, of genetics, upbringing, conditioning, social environment (the yuga at that time) and its influence etc. So it sort of loops on itself. When did it all start?
The dilemma is like, when you are a tree, you search for your source. You find out, you grew from a seed. But a seed cannot grow without the fertile ground. So the ground is also responsible for the tree. But that seed itself has come from a previous full grown tree (the past life), and so on. It goes into an infinite regress loop. My whole quest to find an independent self eludes me. I just cannot grasp a ‘me’ that exists independently.
From my contemplation, I see none of any of this is me. Because if I can perceive it as an object, Then the me must be separate from the object right?! The deeper I contemplate this, I realize that what I am is transcendent of language itself. It is a transcendent dimension, what they call consciousness.