My musings on death

Death fills me with a sense of deep awe, respect, wonder, and a sacred silence.
I bow down to its power.
Death fills me with a kind of gratitude.
That I have had the privilege of having this stream of experience, 
And to be a witness of this body’s inner life process.

Every death is liberation from the form.
Seen from a higher perspective, death isn’t a separate unconnected event.
Birth and Death are part of a singular continuum.
They are different parts of the same process, the same thread,
That continues on inexorably.

We have all done this countless times before,
Living from different points of view.
When moving from form to form, it is the point of attention that shifts.
All forms are temporal in nature.
Every form that is born also dies.
We descend into form and ascend back into the formless.
Birth and death are the grandest events that can happen to anyone.

Birth and Death happen to us as ‘consciousness’.
We are not born and we do not die.
We are the eternal substance (consciousness),
Witnessing the plays of both birth and death,
And all that happens in the middle we call our lives.

The deepest fear and the deepest desire

The deepest fear is the ‘fear of death’.
It is not ‘death’ itself that is feared (because it is unknown), but the ‘fear of death’.
The fear is of the ‘image of that possibility’.

Fear is not about the actuality but about the possibility (as imagined).
Fear is the projection of a negative possibility onto the unknown.
But it derives its substance from the past memories/known.
So the unknown is defended against, by fear.

All fears are illusions though, because:
“Nothing real can be threatened. Nothing unreal exists.”
So in a way, our greatest fear is of total disillusionment.

I feel the deepest desire/longing is the desire for:
Liberation, Mukti, Transcendence, Enlightenment, The highest possibility,
To merge with the deathless source,
The desire for God itself (omniscience, omnipotence, omnipresence).

I think all other desires and fears are different mixtures of the above 2.
Like how sugar and salt is mixed in different proportions in different foods.
They all taste unique, but carry these 2 essences.

When the heart is fully cleansed,
It radiates deep devotion.
It feels like a boundless vacuum, or an infinite fall.
It is like falling in love, but with the fall never ending,
Because it is a state inspired and generated from within, not from outside conditions.
Devotion is the highest expression/potential/possibility of the heart.
Devotion is just you being really straight and committed to your own deepest desire/longing.

The holographic field

We live in a holographic field.
We are the holographic field in essence.

Birth into form and Death into the formless,
Is from the crystallization and dissolution of the ‘organic structure’,
That creates the ‘point of view/lens/focal apparatus’.

A fully crystallized self structure creates/projects a fully crystallized world.
On the other hand, when the self structure is in transformation,
The world seen/perceived/experienced also appears to undergo a transformation.
Birth and Death is like the shifting of the point of observation/attention/focus.

For visualization: Imagine a 360 degree camera moved around your room.
At all times, all the contents of your room would be visible in the video.
However, you would see the details and sizes of objects varying wildly depending upon the camera’s position.
Similarly, we experience the same general field from all the points of view within it.

Since the field is holographic,
Every point in the field contains the whole in principle,
Just like a drop of water contains the same essence as the whole ocean.
Or just like the structure of the atom is said to mimic the structure of the universe itself.
So through studying the self, all knowledge of the world/universe too can be gained.

The self and the world are complements of each other.
As is the self, so is the world.
As is the world, so is the self.
They both go together.
They arise together and pass away together.
Studying the self is also a study of the world.
Studying the world is also a study of the self.
You are only aware of the world, to the extent you are aware of the self.
You are only aware of the self, to the extent you are aware of the world.

I could say, from more practical terms,
The lens through which you perceive the world,
Would be the entirety of your biochemistry (inc. all neurotransmitters).
So the biochemistry and neurotransmitters would be the switching station to access all possible worlds in the human body.

I am generally witnessing the play of the field/existence/god through a point of attention within my body.
If I move this point of attention outside/beyond my organic body, then it would be called an out of body experience.
Generally when we say out of body, or this concept of beyond or outside, we imagine a certain direction or a different point in space-time.
But in my experience, out of body experience is far vaster than that conception.
It is a non-linear, non-Euclidian movement in the field.
It is like the idea of ‘concepts’.
All ‘concepts/ideas’ actually transcend space and time. Even simple ones like a ‘chair’ etc.
When you shift your mind from one concept to another, what direction are you moving in?
(x, y, or z axis?)!
When you move from between the states of consciousness from waking to dreaming, what direction do you move in?!
Even in general science today, we speak about movement in the 4th dimension, but this is quite inconceivable. What direction would you move in to move in the 4th dimension?!
There are many such movements possible in the consciousness field that are outside of the space-time physical reality framework we generally think in.

Energy transforms energy

Energy transforms other energy.
“Bigger stronger energies” transform “Smaller weaker energies”.
Shakti is the only real currency – i.e. Energy currency.

To be Influenced —and—- To Influence.
You are attracted to what you care about —-and —- You transmit what you care about
They both go on together.
Everyone starts off as an infant right, in the yin receiving state.
We are a conduit for influences passing through us.
[Yin -> Yang -> [Yin -> Yang -> [Yin -> Yang…. 
Just like the firecracker that bursts forth, and the tinier bits burst forth again, and so on.
The influx of life causes the bursts —–and—– The shimmers/embers (that fall down from the sky) are the vacuuming/absorption action of death (deflux of life).

It is like an endless waterfall = ….Receive -> Absorb with -> Share/Transmit…
…Receive from above and raise oneself -> Serve and raise the others below…

The 4 layers of past

The shaft of time can be divided into 4 parts.
Traversing from the big bang, origin of this universe through:
# The inanimate forms
# Different life forms
# Human life forms
# This life until present age
The memory of all of this is present now and recorded at some level in the field of consciousness (present within one).
So there is an imprint/record of the entire history of the universe from its origin to the present date within each one.
This further expands upon the concept of past lives because generally we think of past lives only in the human form or at most we extend it to certain animals.

The big bang and the black holes are entry and exit points of space into time.
The explosive emergence of the manifest existence —–and—– The return of getting vacuumed out of manifest existence.
Or I could word it as:
Big Bangs and Black holes are the births and deaths.
They stand at the interface guardians between the physical and non-physical.

Human life seems to be a conspiracy between the moon and earth

Human life is a descent into earth as a physical form,
While death is the ascent back to the non-physical.
A woman’s body is tuned to the cycles of the moon.
The egg that is produced every month is a seed possibility.
An egg gets created once every month from the age of puberty until menopause,
From say 13 to 50, i.e. for 37 years.
The egg will however take a human form only if it receives the necessary inspiration.

If the right inspiration is received, things move forward,
And like a potter’s wheel, the human being is then forged by the forces of time.
Like a paint smear from start to finish, it starts thick and fades out.
Time in the womb – Birth – Infancy – Childhood – Teenage years – Adulthood – Old age…and so on.
We start off as a witness of the body, and over time grow into our power to control our faculties.
The body vehicle is a continuously transforming vehicle going through its own process from birth, growth, stability, reduction, to death.

Everyone else is moving in their own path in time,
However I will experience all of them relative to my own path in time.
We experience everything relative to our own movement.
Generally our experience of the world is only a reflection of the experience of our body.
The changing or fixed world is only a reflection of our changing or fixed bodies.
The world is the screen, while the body is the projector, while we are what witnesses the light shining through.

Generally a lifetime is said to last for around 1008 moon cycles (84 years).
And we could say there are 4 seasons between – 0-21, 21-42, 42-63, 63-84.
From the body’s perspective, these time periods would be: spring, summer, fall, winter seasons.
We are travelers in time, meeting other travelers in time.
The system reminds me of a giant clockwork with 9 planets/moons forming its whirling hands.
We seem to descend condense into the form, and then fade out of the form as we age.

This makes me wonder about the nature of the body itself.
It feels like the body is only a product of the time path and circumstances it was forged in.
We could be born again and again, and descend into other bodies with other time start points and paths.
In those other births, we would once again experience a totally new world, because the world would now appear relative to those new bodies and their new time paths.
It is as if we are experiencing the same general matrix from different paths in every birth.

States and Stations of Death

It seems like there are 2 deaths,
We need to contend ourselves with,
Existentially speaking.

To go through the process of:
# Psychological death
# Physical death
Depending on where one is in these processes,
That would be his/her “STATION” of experience.
And it is from that station,
That various “STATES” of experience would unfold.

The resistance to these 2 processes,
Is one of the primary sources of our existential suffering.
The suffering of the growth/emergence/birth process,
And the suffering of ripening/dissolution/death process.

Description of the realm of ‘dread, trance, and emptiness’

The dark night of the soul is the journey from:
Illusion -> Illumination -> Union.
During the ‘Illumination -> Union’ phase,
There are different bardo realms of experience to be passed through.

Here I’ll describe the bardo I am presently going through,
Which is of ‘Dread-Trance-Emptiness’.
The ‘dread-trance-emptiness’ bardo,
Has a lot of chaos, confusion, and disorganization
There is deep exhaustion,
In my ability to ‘be/become’ anything.

Like the king is unable to act anymore.
He is just a passive witness to his collapsing kingdom,
Which is falling into evermore chaos-confusion-randomness.
He has even lost interest/desire in it to keep it going,
And is simply now a passive spectator,
Of the spectacle of his kingdom falling into chaos,
And getting reabsorbed by all its surrounding forces.

‘Neglect’ and ‘Withdrawal’ of anything causes death of that thing.
So the process is very much like the process of conscious ego death.

This paradoxically feels like a descent and ascent at the same time.
The plunge into the depths is also the ascent to the heights.
To see everything from above is to see everything from below, and vice versa.

There is a process of passive purgation,
Of a journey into the purgatory playing/unfolding itself out.
I abide in this space passively,
In a ‘continuous falling’ into it.
It is like being in a kayak on a river current.
You cannot stop moving,
But you can influence the kayak with your paddles.

There is again a paradox here, that:
It seems deeply personal and yet so deeply impersonal at the same time.
Passions emerge, actions happen,
But the emptiness of all of it pervades my being.
Almost no experience is riveting enough,
To make me lose sight of the emptiness in the background.

I feel if I pass through all this madness,
I might bottom out and emerge on the other side.
This feels more like a time-energy thing,
Rather than a defined spatial thing,
Where there is a definite distance to cover.

The loss of identity,
Causes a fall into the shadows underneath.
Like sinking into the ground of chaos-filth,
From which the trees of identity spawn and return to.

This is a place where will/action are heavily suspended,
(Hanged man tarot archetype),
And one must mostly only abide/allow.
The only freedoms I have are to resist or allow.
And resistance hurts anyways,
So there is no actual freedom at all.

This archetypal chaotic dream madness (which is also the creative ground),
From which identities/egos in the world spawn,
Resembles the ’12th house’ described in astrology.
It is like the state of ‘dreaming and imagination’.
Waking > Dream > Sleep is what we ordinarily think.
But I think in the spiritual ascension path,
It is the reverse.
Being awake in ‘Sleep’ = Prajna (direct insight),
Being awake in ‘Dream’ = Vigyana (special meta knowledge),
Being awake in ‘Waking’ = Gyana (knowledge)
I feel like my awareness of emptiness is me being awake in the dream world/space/bardos.

This underground/underworld,
Feels like falling into a bottomless pit,
Where there is an infinite fall,
And where I am always in the center in spite of the continuously falling.
Only the scenery continuously keeps changing.
Sometimes I fall through clouds of scintillating mist,
Other times I fall through clouds made of acid.

The only way to communicate or share this experience with others,
Is through imaginative symbolic expressions.
A person going through a similar experience would probably instantly relate.
For others it may be a bit of a stretch to imagine/see.

The inspiration from the void takes form

Inspiration is basically potential energy.
From the void, an inspiration takes a form,
And when the inspiration has completed its surge/influx,
The form drops back/returns to the ground of being/void.

Every in-breath is from an inspiration.
It reaches its cresendo/peak,
And then there is a full emptying of all that was gathered.
One then abides in the emptiness of breath,
Until the next wave of inspiration happens.

Like the milk getting heated from the flame of inspiration,
And swelling from that,
And when the flame of inspiration goes off,
The milk swell starts to lower, until it is level again.

Inspiration I feel is ever present like the air.
But I think it is the limitation of our form,
That it can only draw/hold so much before stopping all further reception,
And needing to empty first.

Existence in this form is therefore a duality,
Of the alternation of filling and emptying.

In theistic terms, when they say
‘god loves you’ Or ‘connect with love’,
I think it essentially means,
You are connecting with the energy that inspired your form.

So every form is from an inspiration.
It could however be in the process of waxing or waning.
Every form is an expression of a certain potential/possibility.
Life is this influx into form,
And Death is the return to the void.

A description of the Dark Night of the Soul

# Participation turns into Withdrawal
# Investment turns into Disinvestment
# Enchantment turns into Disenchantment
# Attraction turns into Disgust
# Love turns into Hate
# Passion turns into Dispassion
# Interest turns into Disinterest
# Attraction turns into Aversion
# Energy turns into Tiredness
# Ecstasy turns into Deep-Grief
# Gain turns into Loss
# Vitality turns into Depression
# Vibrance turns into Listlessness
# Activity turns into Inactivity
# Vigor turns into Torpor
# Order turns into Chaos
# Focus turns into Confusion
# Hope turns into Hopelessness
# Bliss turns into Dread
# Peace turns into Suffering
# Laughing turns into Crying
# Pleasure turns into Pain
# Meaning turns into Meaninglessness
# Quest towards life turns into Quest towards death
# Ambition turns into Apathy
# Happiness turns into Sadness
# Clarity turns into Fog
# Awakeness turns into Stupor
# Aliveness turns into Deadness
# Desire turns into Fear
# Reality turns into Appearance
# Truth turns into Illusion/Maya
# Flow turns into Resistance
# Light turns into Darkness
# Knowing turns into Unknowing
# Becoming turns into Unbecoming
# Good-Sleep turns into Sleeplessness
# Novelty turns into Tedium
# Prized-Assets turn into Burdens
# Health turns into Disease
# Relationships turn into Isolation/Desertion
# Growth turns into Decay
# Prominence turns into Fading/Invisibility
# Importance turns into Neglect
# Development turns into Stagnation/Atrophy
# Victory turns into Defeat
# Pride turns into Humiliation
# Independence turns into Dependence
# Thriving turns into Desperation