Everything goes around

Whatever you give out,
Gets stored in the other.
In your every action of relating,
You are passing on that energy to the other.
They then store it and manifest that same energy you gave,
To someone else, sometime or the other.

It is a grand game of passing the parcel.
Whatever a mother gives a child, the child will then store that, and then manifest that in the world.
Whatever a spouse gives the other spouse, the other stores that, and then manifests that to the world, sometime later.
Everything goes round and round.

So by relating well with the other,
You are actually planting those seeds in the other.
Your deep intention etc is stored in them,
And they may manifest that same energy much later,
To some other person, in some other place and time.

Not all causation is from what you see.
These hidden unseen causes may have passed on the real seeds.

Interaction of life-fire and memory

Experience is from the interaction of life-fire and memory.
All experience is imagination (seeing both as verbs).
Imagination is from the life-fire playing with the lego-blocks of memory.
When imagination is trapped in memories – You feel stuck (imagination trapped in the imaginary).
When imagination is free from memories – You feel free.
The memories have a certain gravity to them.
When the life-fire is stronger than them, you feel free and liberated.
When the life-fire is weaker than them, you can only play around within the confines of the memory-bank you find yourself in.
All agony and all ecstasy is from memory.

By this logic, we are all in some form of “life-fire/energy” imprisonment.
That is life-fire/energy trapped in memory banks.
How do we thin/subtle-ize our memories and liberate ourselves from their gravity?!
To liberate is to transform the gross to the subtle.
To convert solid into liquid, liquid into gas, and gas into ether.

The sufferings of Rahu Mahadasha (12th house)

This is from my own experience,
Of going through this for the past 7 years.
But I have written this post from the ‘2nd person point of view’.
This post might give some solace,
To all of those going through similar experiences.
I have observed that describing things clearly,
Takes a lot of weight off them.

Actual post:
I have noticed in the Rahu Mahadasha (12th house),
Numerous problems related to senses/nerves/body/pain/brain(mind) appear,
But all of them are unsolvable.
They come and go as they please, outside of your control.
You are only a spectator to all those events.
And if you research, you will get deep into rabbit holes,
Getting totally mired in swamps,
And deep complex pits of despair with nothing working.

The medical industry will drive you crazy into their hopeless universes,
Of terrifying conditions/issues/problems/diseases/syndromes/disorders.
The experience is just off feeling: Confused/Distraught/Terrorized/Despaired/Panicky.
Hopelessness/Futility/Desperation/Obsessiveness/Exasperation are the smells in the air.
You feel more and more inadequate and powerless as you keep researching.
But you can’t stop and you go down the rabbit holes more and more,
But nothing works, everything keeps on failing and confusing you.

Like existence has a conspiracy against you,
Where you helplessly flounder, flail, struggle, to no avail.
You feel assaulted/persecuted/victimized/targeted/oppressed.
All the pure sufferings of the mind.
Since the mind is what creates reasons, this is even beyond reason.
The mysterious moods/feelings/struggles just keep on coming,
And they constantly shape shift,
And escape all your attempts to research and pin down.
They come and go as they please, with you having no control.
You feel utterly humiliated, powerless, meaningless, control-less, and destroyed within.

The sufferings just keep playing out, everyday a new one.
It’s like falling through a valley of shadows, sorrows, miseries, and suffering.
All of it is suffered mostly in silence.
It would not help even if you spoke about it,
Because people would just avoid you like plague anyway.
It is the peak of psycho-somatic troubles.
The mind-body feel so merged, it is not possible to differentiate,
As to what is physiological and what is psychological.
It all assaults you together in ways you simply cannot get a hold over.

It borders on you feeling mad almost,
Because nothing of this world and its methods gives you any idea.
You are carried/dragged helplessly through a storm in the pitch dark night.
Not knowing where you are going or if your actions matter at all.
Nevertheless you can’t help putting a strong front,
And all of your intelligence and might,
To research and research, and figure some way out.

The thoughts that come to you are:
‘I wonder what the learning of this kind of Bardo realm is.
Is it just a quota of sufferings that I must go through to extinguish my karma?
Will this ever end? Will this fog ever leave?
What is the guarantee it will not come back?
How will I ever feel faith again in life if it can do this to me?’
You are then forced to surrender.
These experience unite death and life, and bring you back to the moment,
To a kind of primordial innocence.
When just about anything can happen, in total insecurity,
It challenges everything.
“Let thy will be done” is the feeling.

The suffering of trying to gain self in anything of this world

I’ll go over a list of pleasures.
Sexuality is a very limited pleasure.
The orgasm is very brief, but the regeneration is much longer in comparison.
If that is the only source of pleasure in life, it is woefully inadequate.

Video time, Music time, Internet browsing etc.
All of it has great limits.
For instance: Hearing too much music removes all pleasure and makes you numb to it.

Alcohol gives a pleasure for a while, but has a long hangover too.
A recharge period is needed too, to re-experience that pleasure.
Tea/Coffee if taken too often can drain you a lot, make you irritable/antsy.
Supplements also have their limits.
Eating too much sugar brings ‘Insulin Resistance’ and depressive moods.

Hot water bath:
Hot water bath feels good,
But stay too long and you risk burning your skin.

Talking to People/Relationships:
The pleasure of talking to others has a lot of limits too.
Usually there is a charge between 2 people (assuming they get along), and once that charge is neutralized they must do their own things to allow this charge to regenerate.
The same holds true for romantic relations too depending on the level of ‘potential difference/energetic charge’ that has to be diffused and neutralized from both people.
They may still continue to stay together for other reasons, but the pleasure comes only from the ‘charge’ which is also referred to as ‘chemistry’.

Intellectual pleasures/learning:
Pleasure from learning has a lot of limits too.
And a lot of breaks are needed for assimilation/digestion of what you learnt.

Pleasure from food has great limits too.
You can only get pleasure when you are hungry.
And once the hunger feeling is neutralized, the pleasure goes with it.
And you can get this pleasure only a few times a day basically.

A lot of experience seeking pleasure is about novelty.
So it is all a one shot thing mostly.
Once over, you cannot recapture the magic again.

Fulfilling images/Achievement:
The pleasure may be projected to a certain image/goal.
As you come closer to fulfilling that goal, you get more and more pleasure, until it peaks when you achieve it.
But then it gets empty after that, and the mirage updates its location to something else.
Achievements also hide a sacrifice in them. So they are not the ideal deals too.

Sleep recharges our pleasure as part of the wake-sleep cycle.
But the waking experience exhausts it, and then we have to go back to sleep for the next recharge.
This could be said about birth-death also.
We get most of our pleasures before the age of 25.
After that things sort of plateau.
We would have to wait to be reborn to experience the joys (and pains too) of childhood/learning/growth/teenage hormones and so on.

There are many more examples,
But it seems like the bottomline is,
The pleasure got from everything is:
# Too limited/short
# Followed by a long rest period for its regeneration.
Because all this pleasure is only a tiny part of the cycles.
None of them can deliver pleasure continuously.
Also it is not even 50-50.
Often the regeneration period is far greater.

This got me thinking about the philosophical aspects of Maya itself.
It is as if Maya is never going to satisfy.
Chasing anything totally, leads to its opposite paradoxically.
Pleasure leads to pain,
Achievement leads to burnout,
Gain leads to loss,
And so on.

All is empty,
All is paradoxical/contradictory.

What looks like pleasure today turns into pain tomorrow.
What was an asset in the past, becomes a liability later.
What was a profound source of meaning today, turns into an empty burden tomorrow.
Even the 120 year life-cycle of Dashas from Vedic Astrology,
Is fractal in nature, and it seems like each next phase contradicts the previous phase in some way.

Reality/Source has its own laws,
And it seems like the only option is to abide in and as them.

The cyclic processes of the body mind and the pleasures they bring look ultimately empty.
It’s like there is nothing in it for me.
Nothing will add anything to me.
Everything gets nulled (Shunya).
There is only the empty divine play appearing.
There is no holy grail, no philosopher’s stone, no ultimate prized thing.
All is nothing, All is the same Maya substance,
The same Maya just transforming itself into all these opposites and cycling between them.
It appears as everything, but is itself no thing.
It is that nothing, that 0, which is the union of all opposites.

This reminds me of the 3 truths in Buddhism:
# Annicha (impermanence)
# Dukkha (suffering)
# Anatma (insubstantiality)
The Dukkha is actually the result of trying to gain self,
In the impermanent and the insubstantial.

There is no real independent essence/substance,
To anything that is appearing/visible/known here.

It is the same Maya substance, but it appears as everything we experience.
It is the great illusion, and we have been bamboozled/tricked into its spell.
But that would be the very purpose of Maya, so it is doing a great job at concealing the actual reality.
Sort of like the game of hide and seek.

The burning of karma


Our experience has 2 components:
# A cyclic-physical component
# A non-cyclic intelligence component
The non-cyclic intelligence is like the fire of consciousness/awareness.
The cyclic-physical portion is what we call birth and death of the body-mind.
The residue of all the countless lives lived in the past,
Or time spent in different planes,
Keeps gathering as samskharas/tendencies in us.
So the fires of our current life rotate around these stored memories/patterns/imprints.
Just the experience of everyday living is coming from this fire burning up this karmic collection.

If we want to be truly liberated,
We have to raise the pitch and intensity of this fire of consciousness.
So that it burns like a bonfire.
This intensity of fire would then consume the karmic material at a much higher pace.
All that would have happened to you in many years, happens in a month or weeks say.
Experience happens with great intensity, including both sufferings and joys.
Life experience is then on fast forward.
Everything is a blur and whizzing past.

This raising of the pitch/intensity of the fire of consciousness,
Happens naturally as the longing to transcend deepens.
This longing naturally happens as a consequence,
Of our own ripeness, maturity, and level of evolution/development.
This then naturally increases the speed and intensity of our life experience,
As a result of this fire burning larger and stronger.

Eventually this fire consumes everything,
All your stored residues,
And you will be liberated.
You would then identify with the fire rather than the material it was burning through.
This identification slowly shifts as the process commences.
Initially you are identified with the material and feel there is also a fire present.
But eventually the fire gets more and more strong, and this causes a fundamental shift in identification.
You start to experience yourself as the fire itself more and more,
A deepening of this identity shift keeps happening,
Until finally, only the fire remains.

The singular dream unfolding

Singular Dream:
There is only the singular divine process,
The singular dream unfolding,
That began before birth even,
And has continued till this day.
There is just this grand whole unfolding,
From where you are now.

3 states cycling:
The 3 states of wake/dream/sleep are like the 3 gears of this dream.
They are in the wheel of the bicycle that keeps moving round and round,
And moving towards the ultimate destiny.

Giant clockwork:
# Every rotation of the earth is the day and night.
# Every rotation of moon around the earth is the month.
# Every rotation of the earth round the sun is the year.
# The sun’s movement round the galaxy makes up the 4 yugas.
# The galaxy’s movement around the super cluster makes up the 4 maha-yugas.
The giant clockwork of the universe goes on.

We experience all of this universal change,
From this particular point of time and space,
From the instrument of this body.

Vertical hierarchy:
There are also the subtler dimensions,
Which is the vertical hierarchy of the universe.
From: Gross ——— Subtle.
From: Thing ——— Nothing
The deepest nothing is from where all the manifest emerges,
Creating many vertical planes of existence.
All of which, we too in our microcosmic bodies,
Experience simultaneously as: Spirit – Mind – Body.