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99.99% of our reality is the experience of our own personal psyche stuff

99.99% of reality is personal psyche stuff.
99.99% of the experience we have is from psychic projections/movement.
Only 0.1% of reality is the sensory world that is more or less objective and shared.
The external world/shared more or less objective reality/sensory reality is paper/wafer thin i.e. it forms a negligible part of reality experience.
That is why the dark night experience or ecstasy experiences can happen to anyone in any situation.
The external situation is irrelevant to such an ecstasy or dark night despair.
Because these experiences directly happen in the personal psyche as a certain projections movement.
So you could be in junkyard and feel almost 100% ecstasy, or be in the most beautiful safe place in the world and face a near 100% dark night despair.
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4 Golden rules for life

Rule 1: What others think about themselves and you, is their responsibility
Rule 2: What you think about yourself and others is your responsibility.
Rule 3: Do not take what is not freely given.
Rule 4: Do not give what is not freely taken.
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Dark night experiences

The route to hell is simple. If you are experience is at an emotional rock bottom, and when you have lost all strength to put on a mask of even basic happiness or something acceptable, then you carry and display the very experience which everyone abhors. Initially you struggle to put on a mask that can at-least grant you the most basic of acceptance. But later, there is no more energy to repress anything OR put on any kind of mask beyond a very short period of time. You are going through the deepest pit of despair that everyone loathes. How much can you hide it? You need people for your survival. Every person you can ever meet, reacts to you, the same way they themselves would react if they had the same emotion. However, they see you as SEPARATE, NOT THEM, and you remind them of their repressed horrific emotion. Most people simply walk away in a blink, and outright reject. The one’s who stay are usually ones who might exploit you, punish you, or be severely cruel and so on.
Its like you represent the experience itself that can provoke emotions like fear, horror, disgust. People witnessing that would accordingly react with all kinds of cruelty and rejection, because since they have repressed this experience in themselves, they see this(i.e.you) as AN OTHER and attempt to destroy THIS OTHER. So in your reality, all you have is cruelty, rejection, isolation, deprivation, starvation of every kind for who you are (i.e you in that emotional state, as long as you are in it).
So in other words, nobody will love you in that state, except you yourself. Maybe some very few great people can love you even when you are in that state. But most people will be afraid of you, reject you, or inflict all kinds of cruelty on you. Some people might be with you, if they too share elements of your rock bottom state but many a times, you might witness them hating themselves for feeling the same stuff. Since you are feeling the same, their hate of that stuff, is actually a hate of you (as long as you experience it). So you will have to witness them, in a way, hating you.
Its as if you are a walking sticky tar. Nobody wants to be near you, touch you, or have anything to do with you. Because now by virtue of your love, your consciousness is living the potentials of its greatest repression (and the repression shared by 99.9% of humanity). But only your own love and acceptance can take you through. This is a hero’s journey. In-spite of every single person’s opposition, rejection, cruelty, disgust, hatred, repulsion, avoidance, In-spite of every kind of privation and isolation, you stand and face the turbulent storm alone and love those parts which the entire of humanity cannot stand to see even for a brief second.
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There is no ideal action, no ideal way to bring up a child

In a way, I can see there is no way to ideally bring up a child.
For every (A) that I do, there is always an (A!)
If my child is a genius or idiot, bright or dull, sad or happy etc.
Each is a different WHOLE PARALLEL COMPLETE INFINITY
In whichever way you bring up a child, it just creates a different experience.
What is the value of experience?
I could focus on the gain OR focus on the loss and accordingly see different pictures
But what is the true picture when seen in totality?
This could apply to any personal action of any sort.
There is no way to absolutely win.
There is no absolute ideal action one can take.
All actions in the absolute sense are equivalent.
Its only relative actions that have this concept of winner/loser and so on.
In the absolute sense,
Each action spawns a new reality and this new reality is as real/valid/complete as the old.
This ties back to an earlier blog post I had written about ‘What is the value of experience’?
What is the value beyond the super ego value judgment framework put on it?
If the value of a thing is dependent on the super ego framework of the individual perceiver,
Then there is no absolute value for anything, value is entirely subjective.
Half full or half empty, but in both cases the whole picture is always the same.
The full does not exist without the empty.
The empty does not exist without the full.
If entirely full, I would not perceive the glass were entirely full.
If entirely empty, I would not perceive the glass were empty.
What about 25% full, 75% empty?
What about 75% full, 25% empty?
That is possible only when not seeing the entire picture.
Its like looking at ying yang circle with a smaller scope and as you move the scope around you see changing ratios of white to black.
Experience is like the poles of a magnet.
You can split it and smash it into as many tiny pieces
However even the tiniest piece will show polarity (-ve and +ve)
This is because in every explicit perception there is an equivalent implicit perception.
So Explicit + Implicit = Always Whole, no matter what the perception is.
The relative universe is the game of the absolute, by first spitting into duality.
All the games then happen within duality with infinite variety.
But all of this is contained in the SCREEN of the ABSOLUTE.
Karma is inevitable in all action and non-action.
Even karma moves experience to a different STATE.
Every experience or STATE is equally valuable, just like every picture is equivalent on a TV screen.
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The importance of having an ego

The realization is more about DIS-IDENTIFICATION with the ego in whatever form it exists. It is about being identified with the formless quality-less infinite consciousness. It is not about removing the ego. It is about being dis-identified, realizing that you have infinite choice and freedom, and that you have infinite adaptability and flexibility to create any ego you deem best serves the reality appearance.

The ego needs to exist, because without that, there is no basis for reality, no coherence, just complete noise signal.  The ego is the prism of this noise signal of reality, and it converts it to a defined coherent picture or movie.

My quest is to move more and more towards better creating an authentic self/ego for myself, and live with it in a way that serves (in harmony and awareness) the ultimate reality of consciousness as it appears moment to moment.

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About myself

In my childhood I was given very little ego structure.
So in a way, the structure of my identity was very diaphanous and airy, non-solid.
It would allow a LOT more reality.
There was not enough structure to repress.
So it was like living in a kind of psychosis.
So my enlightenment now is a movement from mild psychosis to full release.
That is why I am so much more in touch with infinite potential, because without a structure to really repress things, I got a trailer of infinity all throughout my childhood for a long time.
But my identification with a weak ego which is unable to repress, led me to develop various avoidance  patterns to protect myself.
This had therefore become a burden, causing me to seek enlightenment, remove my repression and get RELEASE.
The accommodations I had made to protect the ego made everything TOO restricting/limited/stifling.
I just wanted to FREE myself and know who I am.
Since I had seen so many realities, I was somehow in touch with a deeper truth,  I knew the direction I had to move to find the truth.
I always had the light with me.
Since I had a weak ego structure, I could not easily repress (repression needs a strong structure as a pre-requisite)
This caused the psychosis, adhd like situation.
So I had to stay in bounds and avoid a lot of things, to prevent myself from getting overwhelmed and threatening the framework.
If the framework got threatened, I would dissociate, withdraw and use other extreme steps to protect myself which was a lot of suffering to resist so much.
In childhood and even now in a way, I kept getting a mystical trailer of various infinite broad realities.
An analogy would be like, for most people, they see the movie of their life with one or a few themes.
In my case, without sufficient repression I was like naturally on a psychedelic trip.
I saw several themes, several flavors in the broadest ways.
But all of them had this painful identification with the ego which always restricted me a lot, caused a lot of suffering, avoidance, fear.
The psychosis meant a LOT more reality as experience entered me, so it created a severe mental decision challenge when I could see so much.
Now I see, I cannot understand infinite or God.
I simply serve the mysterious infinite as it appears moment to moment.
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What is the unconscious?

‘The Unconscious’ is basically ‘potential forms of consciousness’ that are prevented from entering consciousness by elaborate egoic mechanisms and repression.

For example: A workaholic may spend his whole day being productive to avoid the dual of feeling worthless.

The being identified with ego always lives in a state of tension and fear, because the unconscious is always threatening the ego by impinging on its boundaries.

So the ego creates elaborate mechanisms to prevent the unconscious (a bunch of repressed/non-accepted potentials of consciousness) from entering consciousness.

A weak ego, with weak repression, becomes desperate to prevent itself from being swallowed by the unconscious. The false identification with the ego, makes us believe we are something i.e. (finite infinite) and have to protect ourselves and fear the (infinite infinite) from swallowing us.

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Dark night experience

Dark night(DN):
– DN is basically a flooding of repressed material into consciousness, so that it can be seen, accepted, understood, seen as your potential, as you, and then released.
– So if life is constantly driving you to feel things which you repressed or don’t want to feel, then all the energy gets consumed in resistance so that you do not feel the repressed material.
– You end up being in a lifeless, stoic state and struggle to hold on to it, to prevent yourself from being consumed with all the repressed/unpleasant stuff.
– So this explains the dark night experience. Its when the contents of consciousness become the repressed material and this can happen to anybody trying to transform.
– The way out is to give out all your love for all the material arising, so that those energetic traps can be released.
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Other people are my consciousness

Other people are my own consciousness.
So their emotions, are emotions in my consciousness.
My non-acceptance of their emotions –> actually means non-acceptance of those emotions in my consciousness.
In a way, their anger is ‘Anger in consciousness’.
My anger or their anger is ultimately the same –> i.e. both are appearances in my consciousness.
What I repress or avoid in others, is by nature, what I am repressing and avoiding in myself too.
This is because if I do not want ‘X’ in my consciousness then not only would I not allow myself to experience ‘X’, I would also not allow the other’s display of ‘X’ to make me feel ‘X’.
For example: Say you repress anger. Then firstly you would not allow yourself to feel angry. Secondly, even if someone displays anger at something, you would not allow anger to arise in yourself inspite of your witnessing of that person’s display. In other words, you are not really seeing that person’s emotion at all and you dont want to really see it, because it is the very thing you have repressed in yourself. You would dissociate with that person’s anger and stay stoic or something. Now if that person’s directs his anger towards you, then you would have to put greater effort to repress your own anger arising as a reaction, and this repression would require a very strong dissociation. Maintaining this dissociation takes up a lot of resistance and is therefore suffering, since Resistance = Suffering.
When it comes to other people:
Their sadness, is ‘Sadness in consciousness’.
Their sadness or my sadness is again the same – both are equivalent appearances in consciousness.
Based on what the contents of our consciousness are, like anger, sadness (whether endogenous or observed in other people), we either accept(love) or reject(hate).
What we call unconscious, is essentially what you have repressed or hated so much, you have pushed it out of your consciousness. When encountered with repressed material, we either fight hard, resist or avoid it to push it away.
Ultimately both fight and flight have the same purpose. To get the non-accepted repressed part out of your consciousness.
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Union of opposites

The villian is heroically non-heroic
The hero is villanously non-villanous.
You can be arrogantly humble
You can be humbly arrogant
You can be wickedly right or rightfully wicked.
You can be fundamentally non-fundamentalist OR non-fundamentally fundamentalist
You can be violently peaceful or peacefully violent
You can desire desirelessness OR not desire desire
You can project lovely hate, or hateful love
You can relaxedly struggle OR strugglefully relax
You can walk the path of no-path OR walk the non-path of path
You can become ‘being’, or be ‘becoming’
And so on…