Category: Uncategorized

We want to be desired by other people(Visible God’s forms)
OR God itself(in our internal reality as qualities like inspiration)
Desire is Love.
Being needed is a form of resentful desiring, but it is still desire.
Even someone wanting to abuse you, is someone desiring you.
So there are only different qualities of desires/love.
There is constructive desire/love or destructive desire/love.
But in a way its all desire/love.

The dual is dreamed as being the subject and then the action spontaneously spawns from this subject to quell the dual in equal and opposite measure.

Like I can experience being a subject who is super powerless (through being taught that by belief directly, or subjected to abuse when helpless – which ends up convincing me of the same), and this is a potential energy which would then manifest as all kinds of kinetic power displays in later life.

Its important to remember though, that the whole thing is dreamed up instantaneously, the subject and its outward action.

The action and its dual arise spontaneously in emptiness as manifestation.

When this is seen, then one is liberated from the identity of the subject.

My job is to:
– Nurture/Nourish/Help/Flourish myself and others
– Harmonize/Balance/Stabilize myself and others
– Inspire/Elevate/Encourage/Enliven/Free myself and others
– Understand/Comprehend/Master myself and others
– Explore/Uncover/Unravel/Discover/Unearth/Find myself and others

When there is an other with me, I’ll do that for them.
When there is no other with me, I’ll do that for myself.
To the extent to which I master myself, I can master the other too.
Because they both are different nodes of the same fractal of existence.
Enlightening myself – will reveal the enlightenment and potential of all other minds.

Activity without soul desire is empty.
Activity without ego desire is empty.
So when desire withdraws from all activities,
Those activities lose power and become burdens.

Until desire energy withdraws from the main nodes.
Even if desire energy is withdrawn from the branches,
You will still struggle with low energy and somehow fulfill those branch activities.
This is because there is still identification and desire with the node, and the node depends on all its branches for its fulfillment.

For example, desire might have withdrawn from the work you do everyday,
But you still struggle and drag yourself to work everyday,
If there is still desire in the security of the concept of work and the money/status/security it provides.

So here the nodes are money/security/status and the branches are your work etc.
So even if desire has withdrawn from the branches,
Until it leaves the node, you cannot quit work.
This explains the struggle, fatigue, non-responsiveness factor.

That is why, follow your deep desire
Where-ever it takes you, where-ever it leads you
Know the difference between an empty/shallow desire and a real/deep desire
Empty desire gives shallow fulfillment that is very short lived
Real desire gives deep fulfillment

Fulfilling the soul’s desire gives the most enduring fulfillment.
In a way renunciation of shallower desires is so that you can find the deep desires.
Else life is just lived in emptiness with very temporary fleeting joys.
Deeper the desire, greater the joy of living it.

The soul energy initially occupies the entire ego and gives it power…then in the DN, it starts descending through all the egoic entities…everytime it crosses an egoic entity that entity floods experience with its reactions….so we may experience guilt, terror, sadness, hopelessness, bleakness, fatigue, powerlessness, anger, hatred – all kinds of stuff…..but the soul energy is falling from the gross ego to the (higher) subtler dimension…so that is why the reactions do not repeat again and you experience various intense phenomena like dreams but which happen only once….the reverse karma principle.

Now if soul energy is withdrawn from an egoic entity, that entity cannot sustain itself like before, like a car wheel has been de-clutched from the engine….so it desperately tries to survive with whatever little energy it contains by throwing you into all kinds of vices, desperation and compulsions. That may be the reason for the very high fatigue because the soul(engine) has withdrawn power, but the identification is still there, so it fights for its life translating as struggle, but without soul energy there is no power in the entity to survive (powerlessness and fatigue).

This continues until the soul energy has stabilized at its new subtle level and all previous grosser identifications have been extinguished.

There are 3 worlds:
– Mental world
– Astral world
– Physical world
The dream of waking life is in the intermingling of these 3 worlds in a particular configuration.

The 3 worlds are actually independent “dimensions” of existence, but they get coupled together in a certain relationship to create the full experience you are having now. These 3 worlds are actually independent of each other.

For example: If the astral world becomes still suddenly, i.e. it stops responding/dancing/moving in response to the physical world objects, you will still be in the physical world, but feel absolutely no emotion, just nothing.
The opposite of that might be, if you are sitting in your room and take LSD. The astral world will come alive, and though you are sitting in the same physical setting, the astral movement initiated by LSD will create numinous emotions and a sense of great significance and joy in you.

There is a mapping between worlds, where ingredients come together to create a full dream experience.
For example: Consider eating an edible, made up of sugar and a number of ingredients. The physical edible, its sweetness, the desire and love for the sweetness sensation, and the concept of eating an edible, all come together in creating the experience of eating an sweet edible.
If the sugar is removed from the sweet, the sweetness quality is lost. You are then eating a tasteless physical object.
If the model of the conception of you eating, and all its prerequisites are removed i.e. if the meaning of “Eating a sweet” is removed, then the experience is meaningless and there is no you and no sweet edible and no eating.

So the analogy here is, the physical edible is the physical world.
The sweetness from the sugar in it is from the astral world.
The mental world is the concept of you, the edible and the relationship of eating the edible.

I use my imagination, and create forms in my imagination, to trigger various sublime states of being. I refer to this as the world of imagination/fantasy. It is joy of creation in the subtle world of forms.

This entire sensory world I experience is like one particular crystallization of the higher world of forms. So for anything I can experience in the physical world, I can imagine an ideal form in my mind – and feel the quality essence of that form which gives great sublime joy.

Inability to feel pleasure/joy in sensory world essences is a DN(dark night) of the world of senses and inability to feel pleasure/joy in the world of forms/imagination is DN of the world of forms (same as DN of the spirit, St John of the cross).

All fears are unconscious actions (conscious reactions)…the ego itself is an unconscious action (or the ego can be said to be a reaction to some unconscious content, which is what is made conscious in the DN).

I want to be free of unconscious action….I need to stop doing completely to know my essence…The deeper I go into ‘non doing’, the more I’ll see my ‘doing’….and the more I’ll see others’ doings too….it is the height of stillness reached that determines how much you can see….when ‘doing’ becomes conscious, only then is the burden of ‘unconscious doing’ seen.

To find the source of any ‘reaction’, withdraw energy from the reaction and invest energy to find the source of the reaction….instead of the usual case, where energy is invested IN the reaction itself.

One must empty oneself to experience the world without coloring. The persistent experience is what we experience as an enduring ‘self’ and that is the burden. Reach ground 0. Drop everything and trust. The same way you were when you came into the world. At each moment ask yourself ‘what is the persistent experience?’ That is precisely the ‘self’ burden carried. Experience like a child who is himself empty and the world is dancing emptiness. You must first be outside something to see that something clearly. I wish I would flow with no holding on to anything.

What is there to protect? Apart from attachments? And attachments are based on beliefs. All beliefs are unconscious anyway (else they would not beliefs). So consciousness = knowing = freedom. Fears focus/contract consciousness and fear is just a protection for something I want to protect. If I am nothing, then what is there to protect? That means I must believe I am something to feel fear. There is always identification behind fear which the fear merely protects.

There are 4 levels – enhancing life, supporting life, impeding life, destroying life. Good is the former 2, evil is the latter 2.
These forces could exist in all dimensions – i.e. physical, astral, mental, belief realms. Enhancing life is freedom, impeding life is imprisonment.

If you have anything to protect, any identification, then its a burden. And that identification invariably carries fear as its protector. No identification should be done even with the concept of freedom or good. Just identify with the ultimate truth. You will then serve the ‘whole’ as an (enhancer).

Once my own ego is dissoluted, until I find my higher will center, in-between, the world just becomes a mine-field of others egos. The only task is to negotiate with other egos, survive and somehow find your way to your original will.

The giver and receiver can be reversed in their roles when seen from a different perspective. The one who takes attention vs. the one who gives attention. This giving-taking relationship is an empty pattern. Its all smoke, generates from nowhere and gets pulled into nowhere. And this kind of relationship stays constant in its pattern until the belief of either the giver/taker is changed. Even the realities attracted by a person in a certain pattern of relationship happen instantaneously. This is not in time, and will go on eternally enacts the pattern until there is a change. The giver and receiver duo are just a pattern in emptiness. That is why it is said, your vibration, who you are, that root code, which is invisible beliefs, attracts and creates the whole experience of your reality and all its relationships.


Its a fractal pattern inside the larger life fractal. So it adds additional dimensions of limitation on the larger life fractal reality. The ‘relationship fractals’ are simply triggered in you from the world objects including other people. So each and every relationship reveals – the CAUSAL unseen parts of you, your identifications, the invisible beliefs you carry, that cause you to have such a relationship. Unconscious frozen beliefs and mental models is what creates your current limited reality experience, the entirety of it. The entire reality experience is like moving smoke in an empty background. What appears to be crystallized is not the outer world and other people but the causal belief layer. We choose fear instead of joy because we believe what we fear is real, unconsciously. If it were conscious and we could choose whatever emotion we want, we would obviously choose joy.

All physical fear of bodily harm, loss of function, loss of faculties, and so on is from identification with the body. All mental fears of being influenced by other people’s thoughts is from identification with thoughts or thought models. All fear of being controlled is identification with the notion of agency.

In simple words it is loss of self that we fear. Loss of objects we identify with. Attachments too are secondary since they are for objects that support identification. For example if you believe you are intelligent then you are attached to all objects that validate and enhance that idea.

Identification is primary, attachments are secondary and exist for the support of the identified. Desire is for everything that enhances the identification. Desire is similar to attachments except that attachment is the holding on/possession force while desire is the seeking energy. Desire is the precursor to attachment. First desire – then possession – then attachment for what is in possession – then desire to enhance this network of identification and its ‘supports’. All this is a fractal inside the larger fractal of existence itself we could call god reality. The narrower our identification, the narrower our attachments, the narrower our desires, the narrower our reality will be.

Desire is always there. It is only the identification that changes in enlightenment. The identification gets broader and broader until it is ‘all that is’ and then desire always serves to enhance identification. In enlightenment since identification is for all that is, the desire is to enhance everything. We can call this universal love. Love is basically the desire to enhance and identify with. There is no fear in enlightened desire because identification is with the indestructible ‘I am’ consciousness.

Sometimes your thinking/imagination/ego totally fails you – you feel a pain/discomfort/uneasiness/emptiness – and when no direction of effort in imagination/thinking can remove it.

You can at most cover it up a little by putting effort. But even this effort is not possible once the self is dissoluted enough, because then this self is too thin and weak to generate effort to remove this awareness of the root unease. It is at that stage the discomfort becomes literally unavoidable and the DN ensues.

So this means you cannot go anywhere in the world, have any kind of relationship, whatever, no action of yours will remove the discomfort. The cognitive dissonance and madness is seen, escape is no longer an option. No direction of effort in thought/imagination appears to remove this awareness. You cannot forget it no matter what you do and all action of any kind is a cover up from this base state you have discovered in the journey towards peace. It is when nothing you can do can truly make you forget this. Where the only direction to move is to go into that uneasiness space itself and try to remove those shards from your being – by contemplation. You are made aware of your disconnection from God and all the false stuff that stands between you and the ultimate. Thereafter it is the untangling of all the fibers of your being and the gradual removal of all the unconscious binding forces (which are created from false definitions and beliefs).

This is the journey towards removing all unconscious effort. In your earlier years, this egoic veiling effort was automatic. But now you are literally aware of the effort you are putting, it is conscious, and you are also aware of the purpose of the effort – i.e. it was to avoid the reality you are facing now which IS the DARK NIGHT ITSELF. So the Dark night space, is the very reason for the existence of the unconscious ego. So with the consciousness of the unconscious ego effort, one enters into the region which was the reason for the ego’s creation in the first place. Those cluster of DARK NIGHT experience creating beliefs which created and maintained this unconscious ego effort. But getting past this region is quintessential to reaching great peace and freedom and the removal of all fears. Peace is not possible if there is unconscious effort. Peace needs 100% consciousness and freedom.