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Codependence – Contraction of consciousness around perceived reflections from others

Codependency stems from fear.
Fear of being rejected, abandoned, persecuted, exploited and so on.
It is a kind of hyper vigilant state where we put all of our attention resources to the perceived expectation and sacrifice ourselves.
In our consciousness, we are aware of both ourselves and others.
Both appear on the same screen and we are aware of the whole.
Attention is evenly distributed to all of consciousness when we are at peace.
However fear, can contract all of attention around the feared object and blur out the rest of consciousness content.
When there are perceived expectations from others, we quickly sacrifice ourselves and put all of our attention to satisfy the expectations of the people or environment around.
The awareness of oneself is lost, until the “perceived expectation environment” or the “person with the supposed expectations” leaves.
I would emphasize the word “Perceived expectation” because it may or may not be the real expectation of the environment or person. Its what we think/believe that causes our reaction.
A simple example of this would be, if someone told you there is a dangerous street where people with rob you at gunpoint from just about anywhere. And say you are compelled to walk through that street to get to your apartment. You would get into a hyper vigilant state and put all the attention on threat detection right. Even if a small fly passed by your ears in this state, it would STARTLE you.
Now what if that was a prank and the street was totally safe? So your experience is determined by what you think or believe.
It is questioning the thoughts/beliefs and facing root archetypal fears that can transform codependency.
The cause of this, is probably related to early childhood conditioning, relationship with caregivers, beliefs formed during that time and so on. They control our energetic workings at a level below the conscious mind. Automated protective instincts, one could call it.
So another way to describe this would be, a contraction of attention due to fear, around others and their expectations the way we perceive it. We are afraid they might reject us, abuse us, do us harm, exploit us, neglect us and so on. So we stay hyper-vigilant to avoid those realities because they could threaten our very survival. This would be totally true when you are a small helpless child. But the issue is, the fear memory is so strong that it continues throughout adulthood.
It is the story of the baby elephant who was tied to a thin rope. How much ever he tried to escape he could not. He tried and tried and just gave up in helplessness. Now once the elephant is an adult, it can snap the rope effortlessly, but yet the fear and learned helplessness is so strong, the elephant simply stays chained to the rope and does not make one effort to escape.
This is the kind of conditioning that happens even in humans. As an adult we have great powers and knowledge, but our learned helplessness and unquestioned root beliefs and fears keep us trapped.
But the root of all of this is that, the FEAR needs to be transcended and then questioning the beliefs will help you create the new reality you desire.
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Have I lost interest in all of God’s creation?

Have I lost interest in all of God’s creation? The ‘What IS’?
Does the Ego exist precisely because of hatred/aversion of ‘What IS’?
The degree of aversion, creating a proportionally larger ego?
So while dissolving the ego, what I am dissolving is aversion/hatred itself?
Which is why there is such hatred for ‘What is’ in the dark night?
Because the ego encounters the non-self/’What is’ and reacts with the very reason for its existence – the hatred of ‘What is’?
How can we love evil? The people who hate us? Our dual personalities which threaten us entirely?
Its like how can a forward moving wave in the ocean, accept the backward moving wave going to hit and destroy it?
Maybe that is why – the ego is not capable of love.
The wave does not love the other waves. It is the ocean that loves all waves, including the forward and backward moving waves i.e. both creation and destruction.
Only the disinterested/dispassionate/transcended is capable of love. 
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We are essentially in love with concepts

I want to find someone who is in love with the ‘Concept of ME’.
That is what I keep seeking.
Why? Because I am identified with the ‘Concept of ME’.
Why am I identified? Because I myself am in love with the ‘Concept of ME/Myself’.
Identification = LOVE. They are the same thing.
We love our nature, who we are (OR rather what we think and believe we are, which are various concepts)
We are lonely in our love for ‘Our concept of ourselves’, and we seek to expand this by looking for others who are in love with the same concept too.
All of love is for Concepts. Each person in this world is a ‘Living concept/A seed of potential’.
We love our nature. We are love itself. But we believe we are a concept.
Identification with concepts is the dream state we are in.
Waking up is about shifting identification out of concepts into ‘The Ineffable Consciousness’ itself.
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Everything and Everyone is God’s will/desire

Every person’s existence is God’s will.
Every person’s will is God’s will.
All egos are God’s will.
Every person’s desires is God’s desires.
Every single appearance is God’s Form.
Every being’s experience is God’s experience.
Everything in your awareness (which is all that IS) is God’s doing.
You yourself are something God is doing.
When he stops doing/dreaming ‘You’, you return to the God nature.
You are a gift that awareness has given itself.
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The 3 Buddhist Truths are Resoundingly True

The 3 Buddhist principles/Golden Truths are really TRUE:
1. Impermanence (annicha) – Nothing can be held onto, everything is A&P
2. Non-self (annatha) – Non-essence/Emptiness of all experience
3. Unsatisfactoriness of all experience (dukkha) – Nothing finite/no object can satisfy
The truth is the Grand Emptiness-Objectless-Whole-Infinite-Mystery-Unknown in which all experience APPEARS as simply an appearance.
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About fear

Normally fear is an unpleasant experience and we avoid it as far as we can.
But we are in a reality, that we do not entirely control, so the reality could very easily take the form which triggers your fears, and you once again need to escape. Sometimes reality provides opportunities to escape, but sometimes it does not or makes escaping increasingly harder.
Life starts to become wretched when that happens.
So, then we could inquire into it:
Can we avoid it? – Maybe, maybe not, you are at the mercy of reality, an unseen unknown force.
Can we face fear? – Yes, we can. It would be very unpleasant. In my experience I have tried to face many of my fears head on (whichever ones I could manage). This approach is useful for the irrational fears. Like fear of flying insects, bees, bats and so on.
But what about the RATIONAL fears?
Like of REAL DESTRUCTIVE forces?
One possibility is to use various religious concepts – like whatever happens, even if very destructive, is ultimately for my good. This is some kind of trust in the ultimate good/perfection of everything. A belief in a higher power beyond your intelligence.
But again, its not possible to maintain/hold on to beliefs in the face of an ever changing unknown reality.
Today you believe ‘everything is for your ultimate good’.
What if tomorrow you believe that ‘everything is out to destroy you and that you need to protect yourself’. Again the fear will be back right?
I have spent years sifting my mind through 100,000s of beliefs, ways/eyes of seeing and none of them are true. I cannot hold on to any way.

So then the next step in addressing fear would be: to fully face it and be fully equanimous in the face of it. Watch it happen to you a several times, and fully see its impermanence once it passes away.

Even after this, I’ve noticed the experience of fear nevertheless still gets triggered. The milestone reached at this stage is – I have lost the fear of looking at fear. So fear of fear has been overcome.
But there is still the experience of fear when triggered.

But now, since you can look at fear, you can try to see where it is coming from.
It comes from identification – i.e. who you think/imagine is you.

What I think I am IS the entity that I am trying to protect.
FEAR is a protective response of this entity, that is trying to protect itself from the possibilities reality is throwing at it.
So addressing FEAR by itself does not address the cause of fear, which is identity/ego/attachment itself.
Now the identity is a verb – an ongoing investment (desires) for certain potentials in reality – and that creates the shadow side i.e. everything that threatens your desires (fears).

Investigate first who you are.
A better and faster way in fact, would be to investigate who you are NOT.
The dis-identification with ego would also dissolute all fears.

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War(Abuse), Identifications, Consciousness

When the phenomenon of war is in consciousness, you witness both the attacker/perpetrator and the defender/victim in consciousness. One may identify with the attacker. The other may identify with the defender. But from the consciousness point of view, both have seen the same phenomenon with different identification poles (different points of view in the same phenomenon). So in a way, war is war, in your consciousness, as an experience, whether as a perpetrator or victim, it only changes the point of view. To transcend war is to transcend both the points of view – of attacker and victim, that is, to leave the entire paradigm of the experience itself and remove identification with either perpetrator or victim.

Its like you win/lose is only possible if your investment is in the game.
Without investment in the game, winning of losing is irrelevant.
So withdraw the investment from the perpetrator/victim duals of the game of war.
Once the investment is withdrawn, perpetrator/victim is irrelevant.
Therefore there is neither guilt nor blame.
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Transformation Process

Dreams of energy will go on forever by the ‘mystery unknowable (beyond/underneath of knowing) creative force’.
All that there is to do is to surrender into the ocean of subtlety/dissolution, which is not a ‘doing’ but more of an ‘undoing’ of grosser structures and subtleizing, to allow identity to move and function in subtler levels. Ego is at a very subtle level under thoughts themselves. So once the energy gets subtler than the ego, and identity shifts to that, then the energy/identity has the capacity to witness the ego itself and thereby transcends it.
It is like screen resolution.
If the resolution of your consciousness screen is 640×480. Then you cannot see minute objects that you can see when your resolution reaches 1280×720 OR 1920×1080 OR 4k resolution. As the resolution increases, smaller and smaller (subtler and subtler) objects can be perceived. Ego is an object that would be visible say only in a 4k screen. So once you go beyond 4k to 5k or 6k, you have transcended the ego, because you would witness the ego itself. Whereas a person with a resolution of 1280×720 cannot see the ego because it is too subtle to be seen. His resolution does not capture it.
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Nature of structures and projection mapping

The world seems to have various emotion/projection mapping matrixes.
Like various activities – mapped to various emotions.
Everything going in circles everywhere. That is the wheel of samsara I would surmise.
Projection mappings to various structures.
The free market and products are essentially selling “Inviting structures” for people to invest their projections in.
The steps are simple:
Create a structure –> Try to consolidate/ground your structure into the already existing frameworks (existing through history) –> Use persuasion/enticing/influencing/subliminal/marketing techniques to create the attraction –> Get people to invest their projections –> Once a sufficient number of people have invested their projections, a GRAVITY is created drawing more and more.
The idea is to build on the mega-investment of the world as it is. Like everything starts off as a seed (like say capitalism) and then as more and more people get invested, more and more creation happens, later all creations are simply standing on the shoulders of the giant already created.
What kind of a stupid game is this? which EVERYONE IS PLAYING?
What if interest in the entire Goliath structure (existing through history) and the people investing further on its shoulders – what if this entire interest is lost?
Basically I have LOST INTEREST in ALL GAMES. Everything is just a structure on which I invest my projections on. Earlier the mappings were UNCONSCIOUS and I took them as TRUTH. But now I see the truth is NOTHING OF THAT, and all those MAPPINGS are simply unconscious mappings. They are PRISONS when seen with the light of consciousness.
When fully consciousness, the sheer magnitude/amount of imprisonment and helplessness is seen through, the sheer magnitude of the task ahead for consciousness to harmonize. With such a massive magnitude, it creates a HUGE HUGE desire to be FREE.
The cloud of unknowing – a divine process is initiated. Until this cloud processes your reality, you will be living in deprivation (Dark night – which is basically loss of projection potentials – a death of potentials/projections). The super structure of the mind (the concept of the entire physical world in included in that) is the matrix, on which our various projections are caught up/stuck.
We have to reclaim them back and only invest anything as a conscious choice.
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Dark night is the receding of libido to the unconscious

Let’s say, God/Self/Soul/Spirit is in the deepest depth of the unconscious (also said by Carl Jung).
Now, the libido/interest of the self usually resides both in the conscious and unconscious.
What happens in the dark night depression is basically a soul retrieval where, the libido is brought back to God which is in the deepest depths of the unconscious.
As the libido withdraws itself from the consciousness screen, your interests start to decline.
When almost the entire libido has withdrawn from consciousness, there is 0 interest in the ‘Entire consciousness screen’.
So in such a case, you are not interested in ANYTHING and also lose all will to live, because the entirety of the libido has moved to the unconscious.
All you have now in your consciousness is various manifestations/things of god, but 0 interest and possibly even a distaste.
There is incredible despair and all you want is to die/completely change/completely transform. But you dont see any way of that happening. So you just surrender to the mystery because with the loss of all hope, there is nothing to do but surrender. This drives the libido into intense contemplation and there is a cloud of unknowing across your entire consciousness screen because of withdrawal of interest which creates the dark night.
Eventually, the libido reaches the self(depth of unconscious), the experience of everything fundamentally changes, illumination happens and you are transformed.