Tag: Truth

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The cycles in psychoactives/stimulants

In all psychoactives and stimulants, I can notice one common cycle.
When fresh just after taking it, there is a good period for the first 3 hours.
Psychoactives/Stimulants would include: mushrooms, lsd, weed, alcohol, coffee, modafinil, adderall etc.
Then after that initial period of enjoyment, I get tired.
And then once that happens, the fatigue reality slowly kicks in.
Then instead of actively exploring, it is now night for my head, and I am mostly just spending my energy to guard myself and push off unpleasant thoughts.
The will gets depleted.
The experience then starts to get somewhat burdensome and undesirable, but I have to ride it out for its full duration.
Like for instance, in LSD, it lasts for 12+ hours, so after the first 4-5 hours, I need to ride out the somewhat undesired period of the remaining hours.
Because in the intial hours, all my positive fires get mostly depleted – i.e. the seratonin, dopamine, norepinephrine, oxytocin, vasopressin and other joy, worship, love, connection, wonder, thrill chemicals/neurotransmitters get depleted.
They would get renewed(in their cycle) only if I slept, but I cannot sleep and I have prematurely exhausted all of these, so now, that makes it hard.
So in a way, I just wait for rejuvenation after that and try to pass time reasonably productively.
I either relax in tamasic stupor, or resort to rajasic activity like hearing masters/satsangs/or about some deep interest or intellectual topic.
But mostly, all I really desire is the sattva – the joy, brilliance, vitality, well-being, high vibration, freedom, power, serenity, appreciation, imagination, connection, feeling, love, happiness etc.

So each of these substances has a day and night component associated with them.
When full of energy/interest/enthusiasm/exploration it is day, when depleted/tired/fatigued/burdened it is night.

Even in my daily life, just after getting up, things are good in the initial hours.
Then they slowly slide into tiredness/fatigue.
So everyday I go through – sattvic time (morning), tamasic time(late afternoon, evening), rajasic time(night), tamasic(late night).
I’ve seen the same general principles apply to every stimulant or psychoactive substance.
They are sattvic when I have a lot of energy(will-power, interest) in me to experience them/control them/direct them/explore with them, that is, when they are SMALLER than me.
Eventually I get depleted, but the substance action still continues, and now it becomes BIGGER than me and a burden of sort and I have to ride through it until its wave of power is over.
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What is the right orientation?

What is this ‘world’, ‘human being’, ‘duty’, ‘responsibility’,… crap?
Why does the world need so much effort to run?
Doesn’t everything just happen by itself?
Even if we disappear, the world will continue as it is, wouldn’t it?
Why do we strongly believe we are ‘required’ or ‘needed’ in any way
Isn’t that just a burdensome responsibility we unnecessarily shoulder?
All responsibility seems largely imagined
If everything is happening by itself, then where is the responsibility?
The concept of responsibility comes because of the need we feel to make reality correspond to some kind of ‘image’
Our eyes are looking at everything through the context of a dead concept, a dead philosophy, a dead principle, or a dead ideology
And we orient ourselves with that which creates the dream of needing to change things to other than the way they are
And to the degree to which that dead xxxx orientation is not in line with actual life movement, to that degree we suffer
And life keeps on moving
It may totally align with our dead xxxx, in which case, we feel that is the truth and harden it up to stone
And then later, as inevitable as it is, life changes
Then this same dead xxx we oriented ourselves with starts torturing us.

What is the correct orientation to have?
The correct orientation is DIRECT SENSING/EXPERIENCE (pointer)
Any holding on is inevitably going to cause pain
Because ALL IS CHANGING, ALL IS MOVING, ALL IS A DREAM.
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Life and Death, Desire and Fear

Fear = To catch-up/make up the deficit = making up for loss
Desire = expansion = gain

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Reminds me of the concept in Kabbalah of emptying your kli/vessel.
The emptying process is death -> emptying, passing -> descending
The filling process is life -> filling, arising -> ascending
When identity is a ‘partial filling’ (a something) -> then the extent of that something will determine how much there is to die.
[Fear] and [Positive Anticipation] are both moods – Fear is the mood of death, positive anticipation is the mood of life.
Now the important part here is that, gain and loss are simultaneous forces.
So these moods coexist, and oscillate between each other.
Life is when gain is greater than loss – creating the predominant mood of positive anticipation
Death is when loss is greater than gain – creating the predominant mood of fear
Life and death are both simultaneous forces.
They simply play with each other like day and night.
Darkness hides behind the light, and light hides behind the darkness.
Life and death are not linear processes that follow one after the other, like a sine wave.
They are more like this:

lifedeath

The central column which is formless non-dual, breathes in and out a dream of duality into existence.
And to the extent there is life there is also the fear of death.
They are inseparable opposites.
In a sense life and death are not 2 different things, they are one and the same thing like the poles of the same ‘magnet’.
What can we call this magnet that encompasses both life and death? – dharma/reality maybe?

In order to see daylight, you need to hold the implicit night in your perception.
And in order to see the dark, you need to hold the implicit daylight in your perception.
Similarly, one knows what life is only because there is death.
And one knows what death is only because there is life.
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What is Wisdom?

Wisdom is the architecture of the machine/system/play of existence.
It is the grand blueprint.
Wisdom IS, and does not change.
Knowledge on the other hand keeps evolving.
Wisdom is true understanding.
All essences are present in the play of existence.
Only their degree varies.
An analogy would be – a spectrum analyzer.

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All the 16 channels are present and are available as potentials for the music system.
One can independently understand what these 16 channels are.
That would be wisdom.
Then the music plays the essences of these 16 channels, like the strings of a harp, to varying degrees.
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Sympathetic and Parasympathetic Nervous system

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There is downward energy flow = para-sympathetic nervous system(psns) = sleep(surrender, rest, relaxation)
And upward energy flow = sympathetic nervous system(sns) = doing (includes all attention, consciousness, thinking, moving)
These are 2 energy flow directions.

The self/ego (conventional) = sns (it is an identification with a certain activity of ‘doing’/verb).
When satisfied or exhausted – psns takes over and sleep happens.
Highest sns/Lowest psns = highest waking point(waking)
Low sns/High psns = dreaming
Highest psns/Lowest sns = deepest sleep point(deep sleep)

sns = pingala = male = doing = solar = order = anti-entropy = motivation = seeking = waking/dreaming = left brain
psns = ida = female = relaxing = moon = chaos = entropy = de-pression = assimilating = sleep = right brain
sushumna = harmonizing = transparent = transcendent pov = neither wake nor sleep = turiya = corpus callosum(brain)
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The beginning of the Dark Night of the Soul

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The departure/fading of inspiration is the fading of the 7th chakra force (This is the feeling of being disconnected from God).
Each higher chakra has a subtler stronger force – like how ether is stronger than air, how air is stronger than fire, how fire is stronger than water, how water is stronger than food.
As inspiration fades, all the other chakras start collapsing like a melting painting until all of consciousness substance rests in the formless chaos ocean again.
One’s whole life dream fades back in the ocean once the inspiration is gone.
A new inspiration will then come as divine spark of rebirth – creating the beginning of a new wave.
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Memory = Continuity = Time = Self = Thought frame

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Memory = Continuity = Time = Apparent Self = Thought frame
Flows:
—-[Memory appearance 1]—-[Memory appearance 2]—-[Memory appearance 3]—-
—-Discontinuity 1—-[Continuity 1]—-Discontinuity 2—-[Continuity 2]—-Discontinuity 3—-[Continuity 3]—-
—-[Timeline 1]—-[Timeline 2]—-[Timeline 3]—-
—-[Context Self 1]—-[Context Self 2]—-[Context Self 3]—-
—-[Thought frame 1]—-[Thought frame 2]—-[Thought frame 3]—-

From the bed of chaos/creation/ocean of all possibility – arises an ordered linear temporal self(verb), like an ocean generating a temporal wave – and the wave rises to its peak and then falls back into the ocean.
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What is hell?

hell

RULE: “Hell is the extent to which you believe things must be otherwise.”
This creates enormous resistance.
But resistance also awakens consciousness.
And the seed of overcoming the resistance through letting go into transformation is hidden inside the resistance.
So the hell itself contains the seed to come out of it.
Hell is like getting into a deep adventure and finding your way back home.
To the degree to which you are far away from home/your source, to that degree the intensity/suffering and thereby force for getting back home will be greater.
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Others can never give you love

Others can never give you love.
That is the illusion.
You witness the love that they give you and that gives you permission to love yourself.
It is a core belief of: “I will give myself love only if it is proved by others i.e. by them validating that I am lovable”.
So all the love is not from others, or the world, or from objects.
It is all from you only.
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My practices

My endeavor is to just stay aware of the whole.
I orient myself to the effortless center point in each state.
I also observe the flow of energy from the ‘wholistic’ point of view.
I relax to such an extent that “my breathing and my doing” happen without the sensation of effort or resistance.
I work on letting go of various resistances, and understanding wisdom in deeper and deeper levels of subtlety.
I constantly endeavor to contact and stay in touch with life force, and allow more of it to flow through me by relaxing and taking in more.
I try not to pre-meditate or plan anything, and let go of such plans if I do have them formed in me, because holding on to such plans is a tension I feel.
I try to release tension, and when I cannot release it, I genuinely inquire into the reasons behind why I am holding that tension.
I endeavor to live in greater trust, and relinquish more and more control and knowledge (because control and knowledge both are forms of pain/contraction/grasping/holding-on/limitation), and let things come and go as they may please – including people, and I focus on what is really present and glide with those energy potentials only.
I stay as a pure conduit of effortless energy flow – nothing more, nothing less.
I am basically relaxing back into my ‘true self’, which works autonomously like my heart-beat.
I use writing as an conduit to let streams of coherent information come out, and to gain wisdom about my processes.
I also work on acceptance, which is basically non-resistance, and I observe all the emotions I feel as I do this practice, and then I have something to work on.
I follow my highest truth, highest motivation, highest integrity and live from the whole.
So I am in permanent contemplation of my own pain and pleasures at deeper and deeper levels.
I just relax more and more and encounter all the pain and suffering on the way with the intention of fully immersing and understanding each piece of suffering.
I see all suffering as my unconscious doing, and I gradually go deeper making this unconscious conscious and slowly go inwards.