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I am being done, I do not do anything

There is only happening, no doing
All I can do is “BE the ‘What is'”
Everything else in the mind is just a dance in the ‘What is’ space
I do not even move my mind and thoughts
They all just come to me

Everything is made up of ‘isness’
All perception is the projection of divine light
All forms are the divine, no matter what our interpretation is
Even the ‘interpretation’ part is the divine’s work

The notion of the existence of an autonomous self is a myth
As if a concept of ‘who I am‘ has any power to drive destiny
How can a concept like that have any intrinsic power.
No object in the world has any power.

No mental object, no physical object, no perceived phenomena has any will

The only will is the mysterious divine will that moves everything

Divine will is like the movie projector light
Which projects objects on the screen of existence.

The objects projected derive all their essence and power from the light

They have no intrinsic power

I am a work/artifact/creation of this same divine light
The same divine light that creates everyone

Why should I hold on to anything?

If everything is divine light?

If the essence of everything is the unmanifest mystery

Why should I hold on to any objects of the world?
Even this concept of ‘me’ which is also a divine work?

Destiny simply happens
Even this concept of ‘who I am‘ simply happens.
Everything is the dream of the divine God. I
(concept) don’t do anything.
In fact the Divine unknown mystery does both me (I concept) and my actions.

All pain, suffering, desire
Deadness, aliveness, beauty
Happiness, ecstasy, tension
Anxiety, fear etc. is the act of the divine.

I am being done
I do not do anything
Why should I contract as Deepak?
Why do I need to protect anything

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Contemplation – Essence, Depression, Frozenness

Contemplation:
There is nothing to search, nothing to find.
This appearance (‘What is’) is IT.What am I resisting then?
Is it the loss of attachments which constantly happens as the winds of reality move the sand?

In champaign, was it a kind of partial ego-death essentially?
A pilgrimage like place where a lot of what I was attached/bonded to, was taken away from me?

Why am I attached to any state/experience?
Aren’t attachments and aversions both from unexamined beliefs about essence/identity/who I am/who I should be?
Beliefs can only exist in darkness, correct?
An examined belief becomes knowledge and therefore does not remain as a belief anymore.

Doesn’t the fact that something that can be taken away from me, imply it is not my essence at all, and I falsely hold on to ‘that something’ thinking my nature lies in that?
In a reality where everything is changing, isn’t being non-attached, non-identified the sanest thing to do?

How can I be anything that changes?
How can I be anything apart from the unchanging?
Is there really some unchanging part or am I really ‘Nothing’?

Content generation:
My frozen ball of energetic accumulation of unresolved experiences, contradictions, memories, engages me when I’m alone.
This explains how I can generate so much content.
Because there is so much of content inside me waiting to be untangled and resolved.
There are so many beliefs which I have to shine light on and convert to actual knowing.
It feels like this content/belief is from the experience of 1000’s of lives.

What is depression?
A bundle of complex intertwined energy fibers stuck in a ball is what we call depression.
It causes an unresponsiveness, listlessness, lack of feeling or lack of movement of emotion or evocative ability of the world.
Because the fibers of energy are stuck in a ball and therefore are not moved by the wind of life.
Depression forces you to introspect your life in silence, in an environment of no demands/expectations, in solitude, because only then it is silent enough, for you to reach this hardened ball of energy.

When there are a lot of expectations from you and when the environment is teeming with activity and life, you will feel the sensation of some burden you are carrying or that something is missing, but you will continue to keep pushing your identity (created by other people’s expectations) forward.

When when you are alone, the environment is not demanding anything, and when there are no expectations of any kind, then you reach this frozen ball of unresolved collected energies.

Frozen ball of energy = Depression = triggered by Silence and Solitude?
What are my autonomous energies that are not getting expressed and which are frozen?
Wouldn’t sitting in absolute silence be the only way to uncover them from their frozen state?
Wouldn’t total silence inevitably sensitize the psyche enough to see, animate, untangle and open the frozen parts?
Is depression essentially what happens when things get silent enough (and when I’m alone enough)?
Does the silence make me eventually encounter the frozen ball of unexpressed pain, desire, emotions?
Is this frozen ball the ultimate insensitivity, which prevents me from actually experiencing life as vividly as when we were children or EVEN more than that?
Loss of external world participation and interest:
When I see the extent of this unresolved content ball in myself, I lose all interest in making any further commitments in life like career, marriage etc. and all I feel like doing is sitting alone somewhere and untangling and cleaning all of that up.

This is because marriage, career, other investments etc. would create additional content over this already existing mountain of content and would act as a distraction further preventing me from attending to his pressing task of resolving everything. So I only invest in things that will help me in my quest.

IMG_20141211_112102IMG_20141211_112110  IMG_20141211_112127

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Bondage, Fears, Consciousness, Identification

Consciousness gets bonded to beliefs(belief energies).
Consciousness gets identified with things/objects.
When all identifications with this plane are removed, there is only identification with the infinite and transcendent.

Identification Object – When threatened, creates contraction of consciousness around the object, so as to tightly hold on to it.
So if your reality is highly mercurial, there is a constant struggle to hold on to the objects of identification. This manifests as controlling, clutching, gripping, grasping, desperation, holding on tight, struggling to hold on.
Fear is basically contraction of energy around the object that needs to be protected.

What essentially happens is that, reality takes away a sensation/experience from you, but since you are identified with that, you do not allow reality to make that feeling fade. You struggle to hold on to that feeling, like a child trying to hold on to his parents (only source of security) when being dropped off at school.
To some people with ‘high identifications’, reality is kind and plays along with them and their identifications.
For some others, reality moves swiftly like a storm and keeps removing objects of identifications, resulting in a constant desperate struggle to hold on to the identifications.
When reality gets fierce and starts causing everything in your consciousness to change, then its like a hurricane in consciousness, which will blow everything away. This process removes all identifications because it experientially proves to you what ‘you are not’.
It is the quest to find the ‘unchanging’, which is ‘nothing’ (since everything is moving).

Analogy: Reality can become a sandstorm and blow away all the sand object built.

Any kind of holding on in an ever changing reality is bound(inevitably) going to create suffering in ‘vain’. If reality is seen to be ever-changing with 0 essence, then the sanest thing to do would be to not hold on to anything.

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Reality cannot be described

Reality is indescribable.
Description is only a fractional component of reality. Reality is not a child of description.
Reality is not limited by description either.
Reality can go on even if we completely stop all language and descriptions.
Description or storying is something we do to make the infinite manageable, organized, coherent in some way.

Is reality really made up of atoms?

Is reality really made up of vibrations?

Is reality really made up of energy?

Is reality really made up of various souls inhabiting bodies in a material dimension?

Is reality really made up of consciousness?

We take one small concept, such as atom, energy, vibration, materials, consciousness and apply it to everything around us.

The more intelligent and expressive someone is, the more convincingly they can put across any sort of meta-model, meta-paradigm, meta-concept, meta-story of what reality is.

We can filter all of reality through that one concept or group of concepts and therefore everything appears to satisfy that.

Each meta-concept is like looking through a colored glass. When you look through such a concept glass, all of reality takes the color of the glass. You see what you believe.

Some stories are so convincing, that they can cause instant conversion of belief glasses to the story.
The act of creation is from the play of belief. Belief is the potential energy for the creation of desire itself. Then desire is the potential energy for the creation of thoughts. Thought is the potential energy for creation in the material plane.

So: Belief –> Desire –> Thought –> Action

Somebody believes in the existence of ghosts. They see ghosts everywhere.
Somebody believes in the existence of god. They see god everywhere or whatever their vision of God is.
If you believe you are worthy, your confidence convinces everyone else that you are worthy.
If you believe you are attractive, eventually people will start to see you with your own eyes (belief).
At a further level, there are meta-meta-concepts that are embedded into your very eyes, so much so, you literally think you are that.Ultimate freedom is from the ultimate cleansing of this seeing. See from nothing, do not see from any presumption, supposition, belief, ideology, concept.

One awesome proverb comes to my mind:
Reality is THAT which reveals itself TO our method of questioning.
Our method of questioning is the lens.

Change the method of questioning, change the premise, change the belief, the reality will entirely shift.

That is why, it is always the quality of the question that matters much more than the answer.

People do not get enlightenment, because they are looking at the wrong places. Its like a man who has lost his keys on a dark alley but is searching for it in another location just because there are street lights there. Well the darkness has the answer. What you know, you already know. You cannot get to the unknown from the known.

Knowledge and belief is reductionist, it reduces to infinite to a manageable finite. But the problem happens when we lose touch with the fact that this knowledge/belief is an accumulation and not intrinsic of our nature. Certain beliefs(ways of seeing) gets embedded into our very eyes (even beyond wearing glasses) and we start to believe we are %this person%.

The act of description and believing in description is reductionist. By explaining something and believing it, you are solidifying the filter of your reality and LOSING AWARENESS of the filter itself.
You are moving further from the infinite as you believe and internalize more and more descriptions.
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The prison of ‘The need to make sense’

Is the need to make sense the major vice like inhibition I have?
Maybe nothing makes sense in reality
What is ‘making sense’ anyway, besides a constructed illusion?
A complex illusion but nevertheless unrealWhat if everything is basically non-sense?
Am I really sane? OR Is being sane just a belief structure/mythology I hold onto?
What if the belief that I need to act sane is the very trap?
What if my need to make sense is the very prison?

Sanity is a restricted form of insanity
Insanity is where freedom lies
Sanity is like the paved path in the forest

Insanity is the whole of the forest which includes the paved path

I need to let go of the need to make sense
If all of what is going on is basically non-sense, then it is my complex illusion (holding on) that I think ‘my sense’ is not the same non-sense that is there all over realityI’m withdrawing my emotional investment from everything
Since nothing makes sense to me anymore
Everything appears to be empty, all paths appear to be empty

This perception of emptiness paralyzes me

But what if emptiness of everything is the point of existence?

If something were real, then how can reality be infinite?
Would that so called ‘real thing’, limit reality in someway?

Aren’t my actions, thoughts, words, writings, all of it, just a random celebration
As spontaneous, meaningless and senseless as a bird chirping?
How is my stuff any different from something totally meaningless and absurd?

Its all the same space right?

Does existence really care if something makes sense?
In the way I believe it should make sense?

Isn’t reality far vaster than my interpretation of it?

I always cared about the content
I always cared about speaking the truth
But what is this truth I care about, besides a small part of reality I hold on to as a filter?
What difference does it make whether I dance with meaningless joy OR sit seriously and solve the riddles of existence?
Aren’t both of the actions just games?
Isn’t everything ultimately beyond meaning and meaninglessness?
Why cling to sensibility, meaningfulness?
Each person is like a crow, croaking nonsense
And I am also a crow, croaking my nonsense
This is a nonsensical croaking celebration
No matter how serious a crow may sound, no matter how advanced his language might be
No matter how serious his face may appear
It is still all merry croaking nonsenseDo not be misled into thinking, its anything else
Apart from merry absurd nonsense
There are infinite kinds and types of non-sense, that’s all
But its all nonsense
The nonsensical ecstasy of existence.
Doesn’t this nonsense pique your curiosity?

Isn’t it hilarious?

Identification –> Investment –> Rewards/Satisfaction –> Reinvestment –> More rewards –> …Hooked cycle….
People are invested in all kinds of non-sense this way
But I’m paralyzed because I want to invest in something that makes sense.
So I’m holding back on all my emotions like the deepest in-breath you can take
But I cannot release it on anything, since everything is nonsense
This is creating a lot of super stress in me
But what if ‘what I think is sense’ is also the same nonsense?
Then would there be any reason to hold back anything?
Then why would I hold this gigantic in-breath and suffer?

Learning about enlightenment is like the most gigantic inbreath of knowledge you can take
At the peak of this breath (collection/accumulation/insight/knowledge)

Is the ultimate release
Is the hidden truth of the nonsense of everything

Of the absurdity of everything

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Voluntary and Involuntary are happenings, concepts of no-self, grand-self

Sometimes I feel, what comes to us as drug experiences, crazy experiences with people, experiences through meditation etc. are all the same. In other words, at a certain level voluntary and involuntary (external world is also involuntary) doings, are happenings in the same space (modulations of the same space). There is no difference between what comes to you and what you bring to you using your will/energy/power/control. Both are appearances and we are both those appearances: voluntary and involuntary.

Lets talk about the self and how to identify a self. The self is what stands out from the background. If you have no self, then you would literally be in the background and not noticeable at all in any way, i.e. absolutely not stand out. On the opposite end, if you have a very high self, you would conspicuously stand out from the background either with your looks, ideas, thoughts, opinions, beliefs, imagination etc.

The transcendent view is beyond the appearance of self or no-self. The idea is not to have a large self or a no-self. The idea is to fully FREE FALL into the EXPRESSION of ‘WHAT EXISTS/WHAT IS’. This free fall might be a movement of desire to have a stronger or more powerful self, or it might be a movement towards self abnegation i.e. a return to unknowing. Either ways, none of them is more holy that the other.

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Going beyond the metaphor of ‘You projecting the world like a movie’

In the initial stages of understanding, its extremely helpful to see all of experience like a movie your are projecting. Like we project emotions, mental subtle feelings, memories and stories to objects and this causes most of the richness of our lives.

What I am trying to describe here is that, it is possible to move even beyond this metaphor. It is not you who is projecting from your body this life movie. In fact, even if we go further, it is also not right to say we are projecting this world in the experience dimension from nothingness.

That is, it is possible to go beyond both these analogies:

In the physical/material dimension:

Your body ——–> <Projects>————> Experience Movie (like a prism projects the white light as the color spectrum, color spectrum == Experience)

Proof: The body is a vehicle that transforms the prism of awareness light into the specific experiences that you are living now. You are therefore experiencing awareness from this prism point of view. There is both the automatic functioning of the body and the quality of volition that allows you to control experience.

In the experience dimension:

Nothingness ——-> <Projects>———-> Experience Movie

Proof: When I withdraw projections from the external world to a thought in meditation, the external world falls away for that period. I could extrapolate and infer that if I withdraw all projections from all subtle and gross objects, I would reach nothingness. As a corollary I could conclude that experience therefore projects itself from the ground of nothingness.

So the way beyond is that, consciousness is not projected from <A> to <B>. That is a particular kind of imagination, a particular meta-paradigmatic-conceptual thought.

Next Leap:

Consciousness is what experiential space is doing. Which means the notion of a point of origin, concentration and a projection from that point is removed. It is everywhere. Its as if we are inhabiting a 3-D space filled with consciousness pixels and we ARE those pixels. What the pixels are doing is what ‘WE ARE DOING’.

It is not that light of consciousness is shining through me. Consciousness is not in the body at all. It is outside and everywhere. Like everything is not a light projected from you to it. It is what space is doing itself, every molecule of space experience is choosing to be as it is.

So that is about ‘Experience Space’. In terms of experience time, WE are the experience of time, We are not in time, WE ARE TIME ITSELF. TIME IS US.We are both all the pixels of EXPERIENCE TIME AND EXPERIENCE SPACE.EVERYTHING IS EXPERIENCE, and WE ARE EXPERIENCE.

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Exclusion of stories from insight

I hide behind the mask of impersonality like the ‘V for Vendetta’ movie. Because I care about the message, the idea, not about myself or my story, but just the direct condensed insight, like a scientist or physicist presents his equation and leaves the story of how he arrived at it to your imagination. The story would be interesting for sure, but the main point is the condensed message itself which is why I exclude all stories.

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Qualities of a diamond mapped to experience

diamfcts-001

The ideal +ve experience is where the mind is like an infinitely large diamond that is clear, does not hold anything but yet, reflects/refracts the infinite contents around it brilliantly.

Qualities of a diamond mapped to experience qualities:
Interpretation = Refraction
Awareness = Reflection
Time = Movement
Belief = Light
The game of reflection, refraction, movement and light is perceived as meaning by the witness.

When it comes to imagination, the best imagination of reality is like a diamond, the least imagination of reality is like a mirror which simply reflects ‘what is’.
When it comes to awareness, the best awareness is ‘Infinite’, while the least imagination is ‘Unitary object’.

I could also call this: Mind and Contents.
Mind like a diamond with infinite contents ——————–Mind like a mirror with single content
Infinite awareness+Diamond like imagination+Optimal movement/change.

I could also call it: Interpretation and Raw Materials(Objects).
Interpretation like a diamond + Infinite Objects ————————————— Interpretation like a mirror + Single Object.

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Mirroring of qualities in interactions, equanimity as a transcendent relationship

Qualities <x> tend to be simply mirrored among people in interactions:

Algorithm:
We feel <x>, when witnessing <x>
OR
We feel <x> towards <x>
OR
We react with <x>, towards observed behavior <x>

Negatives:
Anger towards Anger
Hatred towards Hatred
Judgment towards Judgment
Intolerance towards Intolerance
Destruction towards Destruction
Violence towards Violence
Irritation towards Irritation
Anxiety towards Anxiety
Sadness towards Sadness
Frustration towards Frustration
Depression towards Depression
Fear towards Fear
Rejection towards Rejection

panic towards panic
unrest towards unrest
distress towards distress
struggle towards struggle
resistance towards resistance
fighting towards fighting
silence towards silence
indifference towards indifference
neglect towards neglect

Positives:
Love towards Love
Attraction towards Attraction
Admiration towards Admiration
Excitement towards Excitement
Calmness towards Calmness
Happiness towards happiness
Fascination towards Fascination
Jovialness towards Jovialness
Energeticness towards Energeticness
Acceptance towards Acceptance

Equanimity is about transcending this action/reaction paradigm and just a clear seeing of ‘What is’.
Its like moving in the ‘Z’ axis and seeing the whole ‘x,y’ paradigm and then projecting ‘Acceptance’ as a mega-relationship to the entire ‘action/reaction’ paradigm/plane and all its contents.

Equanimity is a transcendent relationship to the action/reaction plane.