Realize your source and live from there

My ego is mostly about – detect threat -> ward off threat
If there is no immediate threat around me, I try to foresee threats and start preparing for them.
What is fear?
Fear of being attacked.
The anticipation of being attacked.
Now I fear everyone and everything.
This fear forms the bricks of my heart prison.
As I remove each brick, I see each corresponding fear.
And I can see huge common clouds of increasing size.
Which means all these fears are coming from a “common large archetypal threat” whose class spawns the “individual instances of people/insects/situations” whatever they may be.
There is a hierarchy I perceive here too – from literal to the abstract.
Archetype is the class -> whose influence is carried by the beings who serve as its agents.
So I feel and make friends with the archetype itself or ask for forgiveness/contemplate on it, and live through whatever message that has for me, and I feel that dissolves the nexus of the multifarious threats coming from it.

All resolutions happen in the deep archetypal realms I feel.
The general context of our lives only reflects the larger puppeteers’ actions of moving the strings of the many characters and situations.
Fear and control go together.
Someone can control you, only once they install fear in you.
I thought – Create the correct environment in your psyche, use the correct deterrents and defenses to repel all parasitic beings.
Just like how one can keep one’s backyard clean – avoid wasp nests etc. – by planting repelling plants, coating with soap water solutions, and adding decoys, and so on.
Let the predator go about his business and leave you alone to do yours.
I think the purpose of the predator from my pov is to learn to transcend and protect myself from it – it’s a game.
Add beautiful repellents in your backyard (metaphor) -> and when there is a will there is a way -> there are so many things waiting for me to adopt them and cleanse myself of all the predators inside -> be it subtle ones like viruses in my gut and body, or overt ones like painful people around me.

I however see another issue, that my action will simply send the predator to someone else.
So should I be the great one, and withstand the predator, to save someone else?
That doesnt make sense in the larger picture – that looks like martyrdom, and it doesnt serve anything.
Others are tough enough, the creator upholds them, not me.
I am not responsible for protecting others from the TRUTH – that the world has both light and dark forces, and creation and destruction forces.
Such a protection harms them rather than help them.
They are going to live in dependence and fear anyway.
My responsibility is to affix myself with my own oxygen mask first.
This will allow me to overflow with power.
Then I can stand as an example as to how to be stand on your own feet, with vitality, with your own strength and knowledge, having conquered all your parasites/shadows/destructive, impairing, disabling, fears, and forces.
My service is my living example and exposition to others.
My being and commitment to abide with god/truth is my service.

Now there are some philosophical questions here.
Is the predator bad? —————- Is the exterminator bad?
Is the virus bad? ——————- Is the anti-virus bad?
Is action bad? ———————- Is re-action bad?
Is attack bad? ———————- Is defense bad?
This is like the chicken and egg problem.
It is cyclic.
What comes first?
Because the issue is that -> If I take the position of the “predator/virus/action/attack” -> It sees the opposite force “exterminator/anti-virus/re-action/defense” as the enemy.
If I take the position of the self-sufficient one -> then the enemy is these parasites who live dependent lives by hunting/attacking others.
So it is war of forces of desire/force.
Light desires/forces ———– Dark desires/forces
The linearity is only in the mind’s conception, in reality it all happens now instantaneously.
We have to take a position that transcends morality.
Because in the duality there are both:
life enhancing forces/intrinsic power ——— life diminishing forces/parasitic power
First I have to realize my own polarization.
I definitely identify and feel intrinsic life enhancement as the core in me.
All actions that I do, serve this.
So my task is to simply be more of my own true desire and let all my actions reflect who I am.
In other words, I “BE” THE CHARACTER I am meant to be and play the “God’s will role” fully.

Every fear is a call to toughen up/see/understand/conquer/master.
Develop and nurture your force until it rises above everything.
The enneagrams, myers briggs type, archetype identification, numerology, astrology – star signs etc. all serve in finding your source/power in the field.
These maps may initially serve as a guide to orient and triangulate your true position.
One has to FEEL one’s way through resonance.
RESONANCE is the compass.
It is all in FEELING your way through.
Each person’s “source/home position” is different, and that source position is their source of spirit.
When operating from there you are operating from what the creator intended you to be vs. this strange disconnected ego pov we find ourselves as which feeds from the source from afar, like faint moonlight.
Move towards your source, and journey into the dark night until you find it.
Find the “infinite power point” within yourself and then live from there as an example to show ‘WHAT POSSIBILITY EXISTS for each person”.

I want to be in alignment with the highest truth/highest will/highest vision/highest context – call it truth/love/god etc. that is secondary to me.
I want to dissolve all creation and BE the unmanifest/the highest solvent and live from there in absolute freedom.
Find the sun within you, and live from there.

Beyond Freedom

Even freedom is relative.
Freedom is only relative to YOUR NOTION, and not what is actually available to you around you.
Because I could always tell myself that I have a 100 other things most people do not have.
But does that make me feel free?
That makes me mentally feel good – as a concept, but that’s about it.
I cannot feel it powerfully.
The lifetime of the mental feeling of freedom is very short lived and teeny.
Freedom is an inner condition of abundant spirit.
“You are what you love and not what loves you” – I read this quote today and felt the truth of it.

“To want to gain Freedom” is again operating in a paradigm that also contains the fear of losing it.
So wanting anything carries an implicit fear of the loss of the thing.
So what is beyond freedom? That is my contemplation.

Distillation of insights

‘All is appearance’
‘The unmanifest far transcends all of the manifest’
‘All can change’
‘The real is NOW’
‘Timelines/time are within the NOW’,
‘Yin-yang cycles/alternations/pendulum-swings are happening across all scales’
‘The movement of energy is a mystery and I am that mystery’
‘There is only ‘singular’ being, and this being is being its nature of ‘mystery”
‘Control is an appearance’
‘Free-will is an appearance’
‘Conscious experience is conditioned by a vast subconscious(which can be intuited)’
‘All is one/All is energy/I am THAT energy’
‘There is only experience(inward or outward)’
‘All mental knowledge is through contrast (duality)’
‘There is nothing to fear, because whatever is lost is anyways what one is not’
‘The self and knowledge are memory, but memory is not me but an accumulation’
‘Desire creates and upholds consciousness itself’
‘Desire -> Consciousness[Energy[Mind -> Body]]’
‘Let all of you serve your highest truth’
‘There is no causation, There is only emergence’
‘We are the spontaneous unfolding of karmic potential’
‘We are evolution itself’

Prayer of a weary soul

prayer

[I] hand over my really tired, weak, and weary desireless exhausted [self] over to thee
There [is] an incredible amount of emptiness in [me]
[I’m] barely conscious
Like [I] have been fully knocked out
There [is] not much left in [me] to put up a fight or resist.
[I] can barely stand on my own feet, let alone walk
What [is] this deathly condition?
[I] feel heavy, encumbered, overwhelmed, paralyzed, burdened, weary and can barely keep my head up
[A] severe deficiency of will power/desire/energy
The viruses or entropic agents within are getting the better of me, and [I] have exhausted [my] fight now
[I] can no longer ward off this inevitable destruction
So [I] stop resisting and surrender to death or total transformation
Which [is] what [I] avoided, most of [my] life
Why resist [the] inevitable? This has always been waiting for me anyway
So [I] give myself fully into [the] fire and chaos of transformation
[I] am actually dying into [the] fire of life
[My] avoidance of death [is] the avoidance of life
Because to give [oneself] into the fire, is to give in to 100% change or the ‘life process’ itself
[I] am fulfilling “Thy shall be done”
[I] have no belief anymore regarding what is on the other side
Because to have belief [is] to not give in sincerely
[I] am willingly entering the chaos of profound unknowing
Paradoxically entering this space [is] giving me profound knowings
How can [this] ever make logical sense?
How can [the] substrate underneath every possible contradiction make sense?
[I] previously lived in the digital world whereas now [I] am collapsing into the analog world
[The] analog world of the felt presence of direct indescribable experience
[I] know not where [I] am going, [I] have no map
[I] realize true life is the full entry into mystery and this is also a full entry into dying each moment
Each time [I] fully refresh and re-cognize, [I] create vacuum for the unimaginable to enter
This pulse of life [I] feel [is] similar to the pulse of breath [1/0]
[I] take a breath in fully leaving no gaps -> [I] Experience/Feel it fully -> [I] release it fully leaving a total vacuum
The more [I] give in to the fire, [I] see [I] am none of what I believed [I] was
[I] am a witness of this flow and all is changing
[I] drop into the [Abyss] and lose my [self]
[I] see nothing of true value is ever lost
The [self] BEHOLDS everything, but holds nothing
Like a mirror, Like water and its reflections
Every loss [is] gain
A trading of [the] finite for the infinite

My Longing

longing

I feel a longing in direct experience, but it is hard to describe it.
Here is my attempt to come close to describing it:
Longing for God
Longing for Rest
Longing to Relax
Longing for Disappearance
Longing for Deep Sleep
Longing for Ecstasy
Longing for the Infinite
Longing for Release
Longing for Liberation
Longing for Wholeness
Longing for Integration
Longing for Silence
Longing to be released from the Body
Longing to be released from Identity
Longing to know ‘What I Am’
Longing for Flow
Longing for Death
Longing for Peace
Longing for Love
Longing for Understanding
Longing for Purpose
Longing for Revelation
Longing for Freedom
Longing for Bliss/Pleasure
Longing for Clarity
Longing for Mystery
Longing for the Beyond
Longing for Surrender
Longing for Truth
Longing for Light
Longing for Inspiration
Longing for Connection

Madness and Belief

cloudshadow

Madness is basically the breach of integrity between the lower reality and the higher, and initiated by the lower.
For example: To believe in separation (the core madness).
Because that belief is out of integrity with the higher reality and therefore veils the higher truth.
Another example: Belief that there is nothing higher than mind blocks all of the higher reality beyond it.
So each belief is a veil.

Belief is madness, and madness is relative.
Every breach between the lower and higher reality is madness.
The worst prison is a closed heart.
It closes itself off to all of the higher reality/field and veils it.

Infinite/Unlimited [A] —-[B]—–[C]—–[D]—–[E] Finite/Limited
B is mad wrt. A
C is mad wrt. B
And so on.
Because B is only one of the possibilities of A, while A is far more expansive.
B looks like a narrow reality tunnel to A.
I could also refer to this as a recursive tunneling of contexts.
Infinite/Unlimited [Universe]——[Galaxy]—–[Solar system]——[Planet]—–[Island] Finite/Limited

Will good really triumph over evil?

Ying Yang Fish

Is this a naive conception? Fairy tale concept?
OR is there any real deep basis to this?
Will creation really win over destruction?
Will white really win over black?
Will light win over darkness?
Will consciousness really win over unconsciousness?
Will evolution really win over devolution?
Will progress really win over regress?
Will good really win over evil?
Will knowledge really win over ignorance?
Will enlightenment really win over delusion?
Will order really win over chaos?
Will truth win over the false?
Will virtue win over vice?
Will heaven win over hell?
Will pleasure win over pain?

If the ultimate reality/god/logos etc. is everything, then,
How can we equate god to only the: good/white/light/consciousness/evolution/progress
/good/knowledge/enlightenment/order/truth/virtue/heaven/pleasure?
Isn’t god also: evil/black/dark/unconscious/devolution/regress
/bad/ignorant/deluded/chaos/false/vice/hell/pain?

Many would acknowledge the dark aspect of god, but somehow they would have a reservation about it that god is more light than dark somehow.
Why should this be the case?
There is an equally infinity on both sides isn’t it:
-ve infinity ———-0————–+ve infinity
Why should the positive portion be any more real than the negative component?

Look at the Yin-Yang symbol itself:
Destructive forces everywhere can reduce creative forces to a seed potential.
Similarly, creative forces everywhere can reduce destructive forces to a seed potential.
The seed potential is the black eye in the white fish and the white eye in the black fish of the Yin-Yang symbol.
The opposite potential never gets extinguished and the drama is free to make that arise however intensely it deems it so.

The more I think about it:
God is “NOTHING”.

True persona vs. False persona

true-false

There are various equivalent spectrums:
High spirit power —————– Low spirit power
God attuned Ego/Self ———– Distant tuned Ego/Self
Vitality —————————— Depression
Coherence/Effortless harmony ———– Chaotic/Efforted harmony
Seratonin, Dopamine abundance ———- Seratonin Dopamine scarcity
Sun ———————— Moon
Truth ———————- Falsity
Giver ———————- Taker
Source ——————– Parasite
Home ——————— Exile
Abundance ————– Scarcity

The false persona needs borrowed energy to live OR it must live super frugally.
The god attuned persona on the other hand does not need energy from anybody else or anything, it has an infinite source of power within itself.
The false persona suffers when the true persona has not been cut off.
The constant conflict between the false person and the true persona manifests as disharmony and suffering.
Like 2 radio frequencies interfering with each other creating a lot of noise (which is suffering in this context).
When the false persona entirely cuts off the true persona, it lives without suffering and in full disconnection from abundance.
So such a persona lives purely opportunistically.
Since all connection is derived from connection to the true self, so a total severing of that connection is also a total severing of love.
So then the false persona works as an independent agent solely caring about its advantage and using the world as much as it can for its benefit.
Whereas the person who still has connection to his true self experiences a divide between:
Abundance/True self ———————————- Scarcity/False self
Service to other —————————————- Service to self
There are various degrees of polarization along this line.
People may fluctuate and move along this line experiencing suffering THROUGHOUT from the conflicting values of the 2 sides.
After all, Conflict = Suffering.
No Conflict = No suffering.
If you polarize to any one end, you would not suffer.
However when you are in the middle, there is a choice.
What will you choose?

Sensations, Psychological activity, and Integration

There are multiple sensations of chaos/pain -> simultaneously happening in:
1 – Sensation/physical reality
2 – Mind/psychological reality
One is not the cause of the other.
Rather both are simultaneous.
1 – Every sensation carries the potential for the psychological effects
2 – Psychological effects carry the potential for sensational effects.
[Sensation effects Psychological effects] = Are ONE, they come together
Focus shifts:
1 – However it is possible to focus on the sensation alone.
2 – OR It is possible to focus solely on psychological effects.
Generally the psychological reality is much more complex that the bare sensation and it can trigger a world of thoughts/memories.
1 – If one wants to rest, then it is possible to simply rest on sensation which by virtue of focus suspends the psychological animation/activity. [Depression – depression by itself is simply rest]
One then experiences only pure sensation with no interpretation.
2 – If one wants to delve into the psychological world of the sensations, then a channel of expression such as free-writing can reveal all the webs of meaning of potential opened up by the sensation.
Here one can get absorbed into all the narratives, stories, webs and principles.

‘Attention/Focus’ is what limits reality to one or the other.
Can one pay attention to the sensation and thought together?
Yes, to an extent, but there is a limitation here – it can tire you quickly.
As a rule:
1 – Divided attention tends to tire – because it takes a lot of energy.
2 – Single minded attention tends to relax – because it uses a much thinner stream of directed energy.
So interestingly, paying attention reduces energy expenditure since the reservoir of energy available is channeled.
That is how people can do focused work for many hours(one thing is relevant, rest is irrelevant), but when they are restless with nothing to do(all is relevant), they can get depleted very rapidly.
It is similar to a circuit.
– If the circuit is not properly closed, then the energy leaks in a lot of places.
– If it is fully closed, then energy is conserved.
The next question though will be about the focus structures themselves.
‘Focus structures’ are driven by desire.
But desire is usually shaped by self-concept/ego-concept structures created in the early years.
Then there is the deeper archetypal desires of your self/soul which are more global and abstract.
So generally again there is a dichotomy here:
1 – If your ego-concept aligns fairly well with your soul/deeper desire -> you function and explore happily within the structure of your ego in the world.
2 – If your ego-concept is distant from your soul desire (your true wisdom) -> the soul will drive most of the efforts into correcting that and seeking learning.

In point 2, that disharmony = pain, and this pain will drive you towards the task of acquiring the necessary understanding to bridge the gap that will integrate and reshape the self-concept.
In such a case, there may be a movement towards dissolution of structure and entering the deeper chaos (the chaos is from lack of conscious nurture) again to realign with your soul-potentials which were abandoned earlier.
Why is there a dissolution? – because probably the structure has already served its purpose and most of its potentials have been explored OR it could be from having many neglected potentials which were not included in your early structure, necessitating integration work via. intuiting of higher order principles as executive agents for the reassembly.

e-motion = energy in motion.

rainbowhearts

Emotion is what makes us move.
The mind/intellect is the map.
The emotion is the motor.
If you have no emotion, then the map only shows you infinitely possibilities.
In fact if you have only the mind, it will simply show you the pros and cons with every investment.
It will paralyze you with indecision by showing you infinite EQUIVALENT possibilities.
It is love that moves everything.
All “will” is from emotion, from the heart.
The seat of vitality is in the heart.
All instruments serve the divine heart.