Need for Recognition and Deep Insecurity

The infinite creation pours out through me in abundance and infinity.
Another person may acknowledge my creative work(a portion of it).
In fact it would be even better if someone acknowledged my potential vs. work, after seeing all my work.
Because then I could get bolstering for the potential itself vs. a specific piece created by me.
Ideally I would want to be seen/admired/revered/loved/wanted for being an infinite god (my highest conceivable potential).
Because that would bolster that reality, and give greater security (stability, solidification) for that version of reality experience.
But what is evident here is that I am still then attached to the pole of plenitude and am seeking this as an effort to move away from emptiness.

I see all need for recognition, coming from DEEP INSECURITY.
Because when it comes to your social image self, it is entirely sustained on others’ validations of you.
The ego = social self = socially conferred identity, and most of it is the internalization of what people told you you were.
Even the so-called high self-esteem people are simply the ones who have received enough affirmations of their potential (as a formative age, and beyond), which has reified in them as high self esteem.
The point is, the whole social self/ego reality is insecure.
If you have received a lot of positive social food, you are secure and probably forwarding that reality as an independent agent, and supporting others who have not received enough social validation food and are therefore living parasitically.
But for most people, the social self/ego is their only identity.
So giving up upholding/maintaining and forwarding the social self, will cause its total collapse from lack of feedback.
This self survives on FEEDBACK.
This self is inherently maintained by – EFFORT.
The social self/ego is inherently insecure, for it relies on external validation and continual reinforcement to survive.
The counter of this reality is to live in the effortless what is, and let everything else fall away, and thereby let the EFFORT created realities fall away.

So recognition is a kind of outer initiated solidification, security – of my own work, in my own mind space.
My creations are entirely validated by me, when I create them, but without external validation, they do not become concrete but rather pass away quickly like a dream. And then I dream another dream.
In a certain sense, recognition might add limitations to my creativity, because it might create a gravity towards those kinds of works.
To be totally free is to be totally free of such forces.

Recognition might hold me back from the perspective of infinite creation, because it will crystallize those formations, and I am likely to live up to them so that I can get security of 1000 people supporting/appreciating/liking/admiring it.
If I ever start relying on external support, then I am back in the insecure reality, and this social reality will EXTRACT/EXACT its price from me for conferring this security/support/solidification/feedback in its machine.
I will be forced to BE SOMEBODY and that will be a limitation.

I see seeking recognition as an attempt to hold on.
Recognition allows you to hold on, because your creation is held onto by others.
You have replicated that formation in others and that is solidifying your own creation in your own mind.
It is all coming from your DESIRE TO BE SOMETHING/SOMEBODY.
We are always BEING without effort.
But this is coming from the desire to BEING a specific ideal/somebody/something, not just BEING.
In essence it is coming from a desire to BE A “THING”.
To give up/let go/relinquish/move beyond being a “THING” = ENLIGHTENMENT.

Enmeshment/Entanglement Issue

I am unable to maintain my preferred reality against another’s reality frequency.
For example, if the person with me says – I hate X, then it is like:
Other person ———HATE————> X
Me ———————————> X
My relationship to X is [undefined] and is [open to influence] like a mirror.
So I get influenced by the other person and this affects my perception:
Me ——————HATE—————-> X
Now I do not want to hate X, and I feel powerless/helpless to change that HATE relationship towards X, which is not my preference, and which is osmotically being transferred to me by the other’s presence.
Its as if, if I don’t already carry a strong opinion about something (which is rare), then that opinion slot is simply open and receiving, and downloads the other person’s opinion (‘imagined by me’ or ‘clearly stated by the other’).
Its as if my whole substance is like a mirror.
I mirror the other person’s opinion and it is not my inner preference.
So then, I attack the other person for HATING X, and try to convert the other person into LIKING X, so that the mirroring will allow me to like X, which is my actual preference.
In that person’s presence, it is almost impossible for me to see X in any other perspective apart from how the other sees X.
So the silliness is that, I try to change the other person into liking X, so that I can like X.
The core belief seems to be: I do not give myself permission to have a relationship with a person/thing other than what the person next to me has(really stated or imagined). I fear having a contrary view, contrary opinion, contrary world view etc. I also fear being more open than the other, and I tend to contract my viewpoint, direction of energies, energy structures to match the other’s openness. Its like I am at the mercy of the other and the only control I have is to AVOID or CONFRONT. But the confrontation is only so that, I can ultimately have my own preference back.

This sounds really silly, but this is a DEEP ENMESHMENT/Entanglement issue.

About traumatization

Traumatization is like a rigid state of unmovingly getting stuck into threat possibilities.
Its a freeze-contract response.
Until this is eased out, the energies will be stuck in that configuration and cannot move into their other states.
It cannot change until released from the traumatic freeze.
Why did I freeze in the first place? that is perfect too in response to all the circumstances you were in. It is the divine condition.
It is like, if you are put in a room full of your fear, suddenly only that would be real for you, because that possibility crystallizes into a hard reality to the exclusion of all other realities. For example, say you are put in a room full of bees, suddenly the whole outer world would vanish and only that room would become real. The same effect a horror movie has, of extreme contraction and focus.
When you are the most threatened, the most hardening/concretization of a possibility will happen.
To return to the infinite possibility space requires the dissolution of the current concretized possibility which you are holding on to.
Always ask yourself, why are you holding on to you current reality?
What is real for you right now, is exactly what you are holding on to.
It is serving you in some way to hold on to this vs. not holding on.
There is something you are trying to get from it and until you get it you will not let go back into the possibility space.
Ultimately there is only infinity, and we are the ones holding on to a finite possibility for our own deep learning/goals/desires.
When we are ready we will let go and return to higher possibility spaces.