Tag: Psychology

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The art of seduction

sexy-woman-diffuse-abstract

The art of seduction is to build the potential energy of attraction.
You make the prospect of intimate pleasure as alluring as you can, but you give only enough that it keeps the interest building.
If you give too much the interest goes down.
If you give too little, the interest is lost.
So you keep giving reinforcements just enough to keep the interest.
At the same time, you keep demonstrating your desirability via. status, power, style, domination, worthiness etc.
And then when you finally give it to them, there is a large discharge of potential energy towards you manifesting as them wanting you so bad.
It is physically evident how much the other wants you.
And then you again leave an optimal gap and give cues now and then.
The thing about seduction is that, its all about what’s behind the translucent curtain.
You veil the desired object just enough that your imagination fills up the gap with fascinating allure.
If you reveal too much – the mystery is over, and the literal is there.
If you reveal too little – there is not enough interest to pursue.
Also,if too little is revealed the hope of attainability may be lost and it might be abandoned as involving too much effort.

In seduction, there is a play between:
seducer -> seduced.
The seducer plays the game of touch me/touch me not.
The seduced waits and longs for the seducer to give in and release the withholding.
This seduction applies not only in the sexual area but it could apply to any area where there is a need.
A need for validation, attention, affection, care, nurture, support, entertainment, love, understanding.
So all seduction involves perceiving WHAT THE OTHER NEEDS DEEPLY.
Deeper their need, and greater your ability to meet it fully, greater is the potential ability to play seduction.
Because you essentially have a reward with you – which is I would say similar to 2 drags of high quality coke.
So then using this reward one plays the game of alternating between the poles of withholding and giving.
This can be incredibly addictive to both parties, the seducer who is in power and the seduced who is addicted to this.
Take this too far and make it too unfair and remove all other sources of fulfillment of that need, and we would call it enslavement.
When in balance, it is very interesting, engaging, and addicting.
Any human need can be used for seduction.
And ultimately seduction is used by the seducer for ‘power and control’.
It is a game like any other game (computer game etc.)
Mysterious enough to want to uncover unravel demystify pursue —-AND—–
revealing enough to hold tangible promise and hope —–AND—- attainable enough by clear positive feedback as one progresses towards the goal.
So the majority of seduction is a game of illusions and imagination.
The allure is in the imagination only.
The seducer plays on your own imagination by giving the right cues, reinforcement, and concealment/mystery, using the principle of how any good game is made.
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True persona vs. False persona

true-false

There are various equivalent spectrums:
High spirit power —————– Low spirit power
God attuned Ego/Self ———– Distant tuned Ego/Self
Vitality —————————— Depression
Coherence/Effortless harmony ———– Chaotic/Efforted harmony
Seratonin, Dopamine abundance ———- Seratonin Dopamine scarcity
Sun ———————— Moon
Truth ———————- Falsity
Giver ———————- Taker
Source ——————– Parasite
Home ——————— Exile
Abundance ————– Scarcity

The false persona needs borrowed energy to live OR it must live super frugally.
The god attuned persona on the other hand does not need energy from anybody else or anything, it has an infinite source of power within itself.
The false persona suffers when the true persona has not been cut off.
The constant conflict between the false person and the true persona manifests as disharmony and suffering.
Like 2 radio frequencies interfering with each other creating a lot of noise (which is suffering in this context).
When the false persona entirely cuts off the true persona, it lives without suffering and in full disconnection from abundance.
So such a persona lives purely opportunistically.
Since all connection is derived from connection to the true self, so a total severing of that connection is also a total severing of love.
So then the false persona works as an independent agent solely caring about its advantage and using the world as much as it can for its benefit.
Whereas the person who still has connection to his true self experiences a divide between:
Abundance/True self ———————————- Scarcity/False self
Service to other —————————————- Service to self
There are various degrees of polarization along this line.
People may fluctuate and move along this line experiencing suffering THROUGHOUT from the conflicting values of the 2 sides.
After all, Conflict = Suffering.
No Conflict = No suffering.
If you polarize to any one end, you would not suffer.
However when you are in the middle, there is a choice.
What will you choose?
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Society and the chakras

spiral-dynamics

In a society run primarily in 1C, 2C, & 3C, life revolves more or less around these 3 chakra values with some fringe activity in the 4C,5C, 6C, & 7C.
Generally societies have a center of gravity which forms its nucleus and all the other chakras orient around the center, which is the organizing principle.

Societal levels:
1C(physical) = The physical power/fitness/looks/health marketplace.
Here the rule would be ‘might is right’.

2C(informal/group/relationship status) = The socio-sexual marketplace. Dealing with personality and seduction. Here the rule is ‘seduction and influence wins’.

3C(formal/political/societal status) = The socio-political marketplace of power/authority/influence/certifications/proven-worth. Here the rule is ‘formal positions of power/control/possession win’

So the 3 levels are of increasing scope from – individual -> group -> society.
And there is status and value attributed to each of these levels.

If society was run with the center of gravity in the 4C, 5C and 6C, here are some possibilities of what that might look like:
4C society = altruism, cooperation, willingness to see/understand, willingness to include(love), culture-centric pov, DEEP and TRUE interests (not vested interest) for the thing in and of itself and for its own sake.

5C society = ecological understanding, truth/wisdom seeking, planet-centric pov, symbolic level depth understandings (motifs, hieroglyphs, mythologies), gestalt vision, harmony, pure fundamental science.

6C society = seeking the philosophers stone, true vision, understanding various worlds/povs and altered states of consciousness, grounding in the pov of ‘all is consciousness’ as the foundation, intuitive depths, instant knowing, psychic potentials, formless in-sight, w-holistic, law of ONE etc.

7C society = non-local, non-dual, quantum, non-linear, formless, transcendence of time-space, powers beyond imagination etc.
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Sensations, Psychological activity, and Integration

There are multiple sensations of chaos/pain -> simultaneously happening in:
1 – Sensation/physical reality
2 – Mind/psychological reality
One is not the cause of the other.
Rather both are simultaneous.
1 – Every sensation carries the potential for the psychological effects
2 – Psychological effects carry the potential for sensational effects.
[Sensation effects Psychological effects] = Are ONE, they come together
Focus shifts:
1 – However it is possible to focus on the sensation alone.
2 – OR It is possible to focus solely on psychological effects.
Generally the psychological reality is much more complex that the bare sensation and it can trigger a world of thoughts/memories.
1 – If one wants to rest, then it is possible to simply rest on sensation which by virtue of focus suspends the psychological animation/activity. [Depression – depression by itself is simply rest]
One then experiences only pure sensation with no interpretation.
2 – If one wants to delve into the psychological world of the sensations, then a channel of expression such as free-writing can reveal all the webs of meaning of potential opened up by the sensation.
Here one can get absorbed into all the narratives, stories, webs and principles.

‘Attention/Focus’ is what limits reality to one or the other.
Can one pay attention to the sensation and thought together?
Yes, to an extent, but there is a limitation here – it can tire you quickly.
As a rule:
1 – Divided attention tends to tire – because it takes a lot of energy.
2 – Single minded attention tends to relax – because it uses a much thinner stream of directed energy.
So interestingly, paying attention reduces energy expenditure since the reservoir of energy available is channeled.
That is how people can do focused work for many hours(one thing is relevant, rest is irrelevant), but when they are restless with nothing to do(all is relevant), they can get depleted very rapidly.
It is similar to a circuit.
– If the circuit is not properly closed, then the energy leaks in a lot of places.
– If it is fully closed, then energy is conserved.
The next question though will be about the focus structures themselves.
‘Focus structures’ are driven by desire.
But desire is usually shaped by self-concept/ego-concept structures created in the early years.
Then there is the deeper archetypal desires of your self/soul which are more global and abstract.
So generally again there is a dichotomy here:
1 – If your ego-concept aligns fairly well with your soul/deeper desire -> you function and explore happily within the structure of your ego in the world.
2 – If your ego-concept is distant from your soul desire (your true wisdom) -> the soul will drive most of the efforts into correcting that and seeking learning.

In point 2, that disharmony = pain, and this pain will drive you towards the task of acquiring the necessary understanding to bridge the gap that will integrate and reshape the self-concept.
In such a case, there may be a movement towards dissolution of structure and entering the deeper chaos (the chaos is from lack of conscious nurture) again to realign with your soul-potentials which were abandoned earlier.
Why is there a dissolution? – because probably the structure has already served its purpose and most of its potentials have been explored OR it could be from having many neglected potentials which were not included in your early structure, necessitating integration work via. intuiting of higher order principles as executive agents for the reassembly.
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Depression is a protective system

printed-circuit-board

The psyche is like a dynamic living structure/circuit.
Its physical correlate might be the ‘nervous system’.
There is a variable amount of electricity/spirit that can be passed through the nervous system.
The self (ego/self structure) is the determiner of how much spirit (dynamic energy) should be received.
The brain is a reducing value rather than the creator of reality.
The brain is more of a focusing instrument.
The RAS(Reticular activating system) in the brain determines how much power/electricity/spirit must be passed through the nervous system – and this also correspondingly activates the psyche structure.
We could say the ego/self controls this RAS and uses this like a volume control to optimize output based on its goals.

The psyche structure has a circuit.
– If the wiring is very chaotic and silo like(i.e. there are multiple contradictions, conflicts, incompatible compartments, lot of split-selves(locus-es, clusters)), then there the self turns down the RAS to maintain circuit integrity and limit circuit connectivity.
– On the other hand, if the wiring is sound, well integrated, without any incompatible wiring, then the RAS can be comfortably turned up and the system can work more powerfully and efficiently without a short circuit and the parts can function coherently, harmoniously with minimum interference.

An important thing is remember is that, PAIN in essence is from conflict.
So depression is a protective mechanism against PURE PAIN.
Opiates are released in response to pain.
That is why depression and high opiate release are highly connected (which also explains why the depressed person feels a flat AFFECT and loss of memory access).

A depressed person has a lot of internal chaos and conflict.
[Conflicting values, conflicting drives, conflicting ideologies and so on]
This chaos and conflict creates pain.
Now, if greater energy is passed from the RAS through the conflicting circuits, then there could easily be a short circuit and something may blow up.
Whereas if the energy passed through the circuits is lowered, then only the critical circuits receive power, and large areas of potential conflict could be kept low-key and relatively dormant.
So depression kicks in, to make chaos manageable, to mitigate pain, and it is an attempt of the organizing system to handle one thing at a time starting from the most critical.

That is why sometimes LSD and Ayahuasca can cause violent reactions, because it would increase the circuit power and connectivity reach via. RAS, forcing disconnected, compartmentalized, and dormant parts to interact with each other, which could potentially cause a lot of conflict/chaos = pain.
But however if one wants to function as ONE integrated personality, then such a pain could be a good learning experience in terms of facing this chaos so that one could see through the transcendent principle behind it.
These transcendent principles thus seen can be used to integrate the disconnected parts.
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The final rites of letting go

letting-go-hazel-billingsley

I have relinquished almost all investments with others.
Now, I stand alone with only my parents around me.
As I let go more and more, I am falling into an energy space that has no overlap with my parents.
My parents are my final investment, and I am getting desperate in trying to connect with them in some way.
This is because if I don’t achieve some connection/structure/basis then I will fall into no-self, chaos, the dream, and emptiness.
This is scary to me, and that part of me is driving my efforts for desperate connection.
Even if it means finding fault with others(parents), and infusing urgency into the fact that they MUST solve their problems, and I will help them, and so on.
I can see through this though, and I have compassion for that part of me.

In fact I see that there is no overlap between my energy and ANYBODY else.
I see the part of me that is freaking out
That part which seeks out support/connection/bolstering for my identity.
That part is actually my identity/ego/social-self itself.
Without this bolstering one falls into the unknown, into the dream, and into emptiness, without a story, continuity, identity, or a structure.
That is how it appears.

The illusion of continuity and structure is maintained by others.
Without others, there is nothing to UPHOLD the self/ego.
Our self/ego is only a social-construct thriving on continual reinforcement.
The grief is in dropping this mega-project of the hope of securing validation of my value and worth from an other, and of contact with an other who would give me the respect of fully seeing me.
I have never received the “seeing/validation of worth and value” in any consistent way all through my life.
It has come in bits and pieces and has created so many fragmented selves.
Maybe that is what drove me towards the project of freedom, because the chaos and a lack of a stable pov was getting painful.

But now, I want to be emptied of all these dependent coagulations/structures/identities and give up everything that is not upheld inherently by existence itself.
The price to pay feels like everything, but I can also sense that nothing of true value is ever lost and all I am losing is my burdens.
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Hate crimes are the tip of the iceberg

iceberg

We all have our unique points of view (from long causal chains) and it may happen that the system around you (which has its own causal chain) might get seriously hostile to you (it’s relative, like an unfolding drama).
The hostility may be a direct abuse or even through utter neglect of you or whatever you are offering.

THERE ARE 2 BROAD BRANCHES:
Blaming of self/self is responsible —————- Blaming of other/other is responsible
The 2 are not water tight compartments though, they are oscillate.
Also at a broader level the basic emotion is the same, but the center of gravity of the individual may differ widely based on the conditioning he/she received. The arrow of it points to the self or the other and accordingly has consequences.
We usually do not look into self-destructive types much and usually a lot of them stay totally invisible, however the other-destructive types usually hit the limelight.
So the phenomenon itself is much broader, we only see the tip of the iceberg which is the people who commit really prominent hate crimes against others.

INNER FEELINGS:

* So the first feelings to arise are: SADNESS/HURT which comes from THWARTED DESIRE or FAILURE.
* You then re-examine, re-evaluate, try again with a new strategy and if you either fail to break through or you realize the situation is quite hopeless from your analysis you fall into GRIEF/DEPRESSION.

So depression is the lower part of the iceberg while hurt is the tiny upper part.
Similarly grief is the lower part of the iceberg while sadness is the tiny upper part.
Sadness is the ‘pain of loss’ or ‘failure’ or ‘realization of the impossibility of achievement’ of a quick immediate goal.
Grief is the failure/loss/’impossibility…’ of the entire context/ground on which you are standing.
“FUTILITY” then arises, which is when you cannot conceive of a way out no matter how hard you try.

FEELINGS TOWARDS THE OUTER: “Which mirror the inner states in an attempt to amend”

* In the first encounter with ‘hurt/sadness’, the outer feelings could be:
– ‘ANGER'(if you think the other was unfair or you were unfair, which implies you have a firm fairness structure in you) = translates into you projecting the anger into suppressing yourself or suppressing the other – violence to self or violence to the other.
– ‘CONFUSION’ (if you cannot figure out what happened/no structure in which to understand) = Here you invest all your energy in a hyper-vigilant state of other-awareness and most of the time, you behave like a zombie when in this confusion.

* Then secondary outward feelings develop on repeated failures and pain:
– Anger turns into HOSTILITY/HATE/CONTEMPT = directed to the self or the other.
– Confusion turns into RESENTMENT/FRUSTRATION/RUMINATION = directed to the self or the other.

* Then tertiary feelings happen when the previous step once again fails with intensification of pain:
– The hostility turns into BLIND RAGE/AGGRESSION/MURDER – towards self (self mutilation, suicide) or the other (hate crimes, murder, mass killing)
– The endless frustration turns into TOTAL NIHILISM/PSYCHOSIS – here it is only to self because he/she barely has the strength and structure to affect others who may just desert him/her.

So to sum it up, I have laid out a model here. It isn’t complete but I wanted to demonstrate the complexity of these phenomena. What we call serial killings etc. are the tip of the tip of the iceberg of some of the dynamics and mechanics I have described here.
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Conflict of values

conflict-of-values

This is a very vast and deep topic.
David Hawkins had a very interesting abstract picture regarding how values emerge: Context -> Meaning -> Value -> Goals.
So context creates meaning, meaning creates values, and values create goals.
I am going to narrow my analysis here, but the same could be applied to any set of conflicting values.

A conflict which I often face is between orienting myself towards “likeability” or “truth”.
When I agree with everything someone says, usually, I am not “liked” per say by that person, but I get a background of ‘acceptability’ in their life.
It is primarily a strategy to avoid conflict and rejection.
So “Conflict avoidance” and “Rejection avoidance” are some of my values.
Now, if I go out of my way to please a person by showering them with compliments, astute positive observations in a sophisticated subtle way (if you are too overt about it, it will backfire, make you look desperate and they will avoid you) or buy them gifts and basically give them a lot of loving attention, then I enter the “Likeability” territory.
So that is another value I have: “Secure Likeability points”

On the other side of the spectrum, I want to speak the truth to people and not filter anything out, whatever it may be.
It may be a combination of things I like and do not like.
OR I may want to ask for something I need from them.
This is my value of: “Truth”
Now, this is a dangerous territory.
Because, things are not equally weighed.
You may give 10 compliments and get +10 points, but if you are critical of something they are sensitive about, it may shut down the whole conversation and result in instant rejection or may greatly reduce all the goodwill accumulated.
And once they get defensive, now if you persist in what you said, the inclusion will be lost and it will become a war.
And this would go against my value of: “Inclusion”

Also, once I trigger something in the other turning them into ‘defense’/’attack’ against me, I have lost the inclusion and lost the trust in that moment.
This makes me fearful and makes me defensive too, in both cases, esp. in the attack case.
This goes against my value of: “Safety”

Always agreeing to everything the other says, is not “interesting” and neither is it “genuine”, and it also lowers the value of my agreement because I give it out to everything the other says. Also I may never express my own opinion about the issue.
So me doing that violates 4 values of: “Being interesting”, “Being genuine”, “Being valued”, “Being heard”

But I also value “Listening”, so I may not interrupt the other when they speak.
There are also some other values like: “Fair Participation”, “Fair involvement” & “Respect, i.e. both the people in conversation get to express all that they had in mind, both were equally involved in each other, both were equally heard, and both contexts were embraced.

My social life and interacting with others tends to invoke this chaotic soup of values in me which then drive my actions.
I am looking for a way to resolve this chaos.
There are 2 ways of resolving this in my understanding:
1 – Commit to certain values, polarize, and discard the rest
2 – Shift the center of gravity to a higher value structure that includes and transcends all these values.
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Every heartbreak is a disillusionment

Broken-Heart

Every heartbreak is a disillusionment.
Essentially every break up is a break up with a certain alive context in our experience.
Our life consists of multi-layered hierarchical contexts.
For instance, it could range from a context as small as losing your favorite wallet to as large as losing all frame of reference/your ego/your beliefs/your religion/how to live etc.

I’ll focus on breakup in the context of relationship here.
It removes the context of what you thought the person was and what their relationship to you was.
That frame of reference is lost, and to the degree to which that frame of reference was integrated in your whole way of being in the world, to that degree you are now put in chaos.
It is a separation, a kind of ripping apart, and that is painful.

It has disillusioned you, and revealed your previous conception as illusion.
But neither does it totally reveal what that person really is.
It leaves you in a limbo of not-knowing/chaos/grief.
You don’t know if it was your fault or their fault.
You don’t know if this is in their best interest or not in their best interest.
You don’t know if this is in your best interest or not in your best interest.
You don’t know if you should try to get the partner back or let them go.
You don’t know if you should even try another partnership or just abandon that whole path of trying to secure a relationship.
You don’t know if you can trust your perception anymore, because it has just proved itself to be empty.
You stand at the precipice of the unknown with a fallen frame of reference.
It can throw you into an existential crisis too with questions like – how can you trust anyone? How does trust even work? Are we just under the mercy of god, who acts like a chameleon and suddenly changes color casting a cruel joke on us?
Then it just comes down to faith.
In time, the void of this chaos is filled with a new structure, healing happens, and you have grown.
Isn’t this how all growth happens – Isn’t all growth disillusionment in a sense?

Another facet I would like to include here is about success in terms of proven lovability.
And this variable would affect the intensity of your breakup too.
Failure is tolerated only by a person who has succeeded previously.
What if you have never succeeded?
What if nobody has ever loved you, no matter how much efforts you put?
Will you try again? Where would this hope come from?
Would you once again trust your bursts of irrational hope? or just give up?
The most painful wound of this sort can happen when the parents are on the extreme end of conditional love or if they just keep the child alive and barely functional as a duty/obligation and thoroughly neglect the child and kill its spirit.
I very strongly feel, romantic love is a replay of that original bond.
Because that is when we were THAT SENSITIVE to feel it in THAT INTENSITY.
So it is THAT memory that makes us seek partners with a kind of LOVE MAP structure (that has a lot to do with our parental conditioning, unless we overcome that with extraordinary spiritual effort).
Children who were loved by their parents well, have tremendous resilience to rejection, break-ups etc. Like a positive spiral they are quite unlikely to go through a break-up in the first place because they attract the conditions that mirror loving environments and perpetuate that.
Almost seems like a cruelty of nature, where the rich get richer and the poor get poorer – even in the love department.
The only way out that I have seen, is to overcome the ignorance that keeps you repeating the same things and to just constantly keep growing.
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Different ways of dealing with others

When watching YouTube videos of influential speakers, I often read through a lot of the comments too.
What I have noticed is a broad pattern.
I haven’t totally thought through this, but I was excited to present my immediate findings.

Firstly, I’ve seen the more popular/contentious you are, the more the intensity of fans and haters.
In people’s responses I see the following trends:
The speaker say Person A makes an argument, assertion or simply presents his view “X”.
Now lets say people B, C, D, E react to this.
* Person B says “X is wrong, X'(X complement) is true”.
* Person C says “X is wrong, Y is true”.
* Person D says “Not only is X true but it is also supported by Y”
* Person E says “X is true, but Z is truer than X”
The responses of B,C,D and E represent the 4 broad types I’ve noticed.

Here is a more algorithmic form of the response types:
For X then X’ = Position X’ (Oppose X) – Reactionary
For X then Y = Position Y (Invalidate/Deny X, Present Y) – Blind
For X then Xx = Position X+x (Clarify/support X with x) – Bolstering
For X then U = Position U (Transcend X and dissolve it in a larger frame U) – Transcending