Category: Uncategorized

Authenticity and Harmony are the primary drivers of my life
They are my deepest desires
Harmony is so beautiful
Its probably the most profound experience of beauty I have felt
Esp. the harmony of musical instruments
Choirs, choruses, large number of people singing together, duets, seconds etc.
That’s why I loved playing the piano and synth
It was the harmonies I could create
I feel like HARMONY = BEAUTY itself
And I feel, AUTHENTICITY = CONFIDENCE and SECURITY
I also feel DEVOTION is the MOST BEAUTIFUL EMOTION
To drop down on your knees in the presence of immense greatness
DEVOTION = INSPIRATION (both feel like the same thing)
That is, something that makes you larger than yourself, part of something much bigger, in service of something much bigger
I think all experience of beauty is from FEELINGS
Its almost like BEAUTY = FEELINGS (all feelings)

Imagine you visit Germany now as a tourist with your family and friends and you go into the gestapo camp boundaries and stand against those barbed fences
how would you feel?
Now compare this to you standing in the exact same spot, but it being real and you really being trapped within those fences with no hope.
JUST IMAGINE THE DIFFERENCE!!!!
That is the difference between TRAPPEDNESS vs FREEDOM
Same exact situation and circumstance, but there is a world of a difference.

Thought is Digital
Reality is Analog

Do not push things out
Do not collect things faster than they come to you
Do not hold on
Do not maintain
Do not try to relax when you are active
Do not try to be active when you are relaxing
Do not try to participate when you are withdrawing
Do not withdraw when you are naturally participating
Do not practice anything whatsoever
Do not suppress
Do not express
Do not be courteous
Do not do your duty
Do not CARE when you DON’T CARE
Do not pay attention
Do not listen
Do not perceive
Do not think
Do not respond
Do not speak
Do not move
Do not see
Do not……….
Do not do any action
Do not do anything

Do not get in the way of the whole
Do not make a part disturb the effortless movement of the whole
Surrender/Relax all effort because all effort is “the part” trying to drive “the whole”
This is impossible and it only disturbs the smooth movement of “the whole” and creates suffering and disturbance of the unfolding of the effortless whole

When I become effortless,
The world disappears
So I put all kinds of efforts
To maintain my images
Even maintaining the most basic images becomes a struggle

I get angry at this
I start thinking I deserve my basic world
Then I even catch this thought
That my begging was still the entitlement that I deserve this

The soul withdraws from the senses and world
Everything falls away
I cannot even maintain the image of my body without effort
How can I to survive?
The world starts looking like a hostile harsh place

Having this pull happen in the state of civilization we have now creates fear
Because this is beyond most people’s experience
They take a ton of things for granted
Whose value you realize only when the soul pulls everything out of you.

My soul loses interest in everything
I lose all will to even live
I frequently contemplate about just sitting down
And letting myself to rot to death
But when the suffering increases the threshold
I am forced to move

To maintain “awareness” itself becomes extraordinary effort
Even the most basic mental tasks needed to keep a job and so on
There is just no will to live
That force has gone asleep
I am left with a whole self left struggling for survival without a source upholding it

This explains the struggle I faced
I was just holding on to the most basic status-quo with all my might
I cut down severely on everything
Isolated myself, lived almost like a zombie
But even that took an extreme toll on me
I could not even cry for mercy
Such an emotion would have been a luxury.

Its like death was pulling me
But I just wanted a bare existence at-least
Somewhere I also felt that my higher self was least interested
And wanted the lower self to die off/dissolve
But the struggle of my lower self was real
It was literally dying and struggling to maintain a most basic existence
So I felt deep compassion for myself
As I witnessed all my functions disappearing
As I fell into fatigue and chaos from the lack of integration that ensued
I stood in the dark of absolute unknowing
There was nowhere I could stand
The grounds itself would keep changing in a mysterious way

All kinds of fears came up
Will people understand me
Will they persecute me
And people did persecute me too
This would usually bring out my deepest defenses
I felt completely entirely trapped
There was nothing to do but endure this unknowing

To make the world disappear, it is not necessary that you die
All that needs to be done is that, a force needs to suck your attention out of the world
Like an inward pulling blizzard wind
That pulls you into an abyss farther and farther and farther from the world
The world recedes from your perception.
You are no longer in it or of it.
You just cannot hold on, holding on takes extraordinary effort
So you let go – let go – let go as much as you can
To reduce the suffering of “effort”

Eventually I learned to ride with the death wave
I got used to the concept of loss
I never thought such immense loss was possible
In fact I realized that this loss is my future freedom
This pulling force is an ultimate purifier
It is the same force that creates birth and death itself
It is the giver of rebirth
It is therefore entirely beyond all human understanding
Your ego dies to your higher nature basically
The higher nature creates a strong backwards wind
Towards the unknown
Stripping all the known away from you
The comfort of the known is no longer there
You ego now is perennially afraid
Because it has lost its support and cannot survive without it

Every known then becomes something you cling too
All the knowns work for a while giving me structure
But then they vanish soon after

In such a condition, all my unfinished businesses became desperation
Because time’s up and I sensed this sucking force will kill my desire
So I tried to fulfill my desires as fast as I could
An urgency was created
This wind from above also illuminated my whole psyche structure by its friction and pain
Pain always illuminates objects
Its like, only when your hand is hurt do you know you have a hand

All spiritual practice is only to awaken this kundalini (sleeping giant, mystery power)
Once that is awake, it is just about bracing yourself
For the ride that is about to unfold
It is a stage where “Thy shall be done”

To react is to be ‘Enslaved’
ENSLAVEMENT = REACTION
FREEDOM = ACTION

When one is very hazy, one tends to seek clear people outside.
When one is powerless, one tends to seek powerful people.
When one is unsure, one tends to seek people with surety.
In a sense, I think the rule is:
“We try to externally procure that attachment which we have internally lost”

So if an object like say “Pride” for you is lost from your awareness, you will seek “Pride” in outside people and try to KEEP THEM in your awareness and therefore be drawn to them and hang around them.
But when you have internal pride(like a storage), you do not have this need to externalize and maintain. You are much freer in a sense.
So in essence, there is attachment to pride say, then the goal will be to keep it in your AWARENESS. If you can internally naturally get it, that’s awesome, you’ll feel free and great. Else, if you lose your internal source, you will cling to an external object representing pride (because that keeps that in your awareness basically)

So its very interesting, in a sense – the internal, external distinction does not even matter. The issue is always [what is my attachment? Is the object secure and stable? How much control do I have over maintaining the object?]
If external then control is much harder and you are enslaved in a sense
If internal and if present effortlessly then you can ignore that need and have freedom (just like your body is transparent to you when in perfect health).

So a deduction here would be:
with internal loss -> will come external clinging and enslavement
as a stage of development.
So every internal loss of “attachment objects” will lead to clinging of “external objects”(representing the same quality that one is attached to).

Do not witness, even that is effort.
Do not perceive, even that is effort.
Do not observe, even that is effort.
Do not see (verb) anything, even that is effort.

Do not do exercise/exert the slightest energetic control over whatever you are feeling.
Do not try to think anything, that would be effort.
Do not try to feel anything, that would be effort.
Do not imagine anything, that is also effort.
Do not even try to BE anything, that would also be effort.

Now, drop even the effort to drop effort.
(infinite)…..Drop [Drop[Drop[Drop[Drop……….(infinite)]]]]…..(infinite)
(infinite)….[Then Drop the whole equation above too]….]]]]…(infinite)
Its a complete complete complete…(infinite) surrender/relaxation into ‘IS’
An ABSOLUTE UNION
Go into the deepesttttttttttt….(infinite) sleep

US is like a macbook and mac’s philosophy.
India is like win10 and the win10’s philosophy.

All death is just a matter of perspective
Because every death also implies creation of something new on its other side
So we could say, there is only transformation
There is no exclusive creation or destruction
Everything is a lila (play of energy)