The available energy for my ego/agency/power keeps widely varying/fluctuating throughout the day.
It is quite random and unpredictable.
The energy withdrawal at times is so sharp that it sharply nose dives towards emptiness.
When this happens, whatever I still haven’t let go of, gets crushed by the reducing energy.
Imagine, you suddenly receive only 1/10th of your monthly salary. Doesn’t this put a huge crunch on your finances for that month? All your possessions feel like a burden and you may have to sell some stuff, give away stuff, cut corners and somehow get through the month.
This is something like that.
My wildly fluctuating energies, prevent me from holding on to anything.
Because I do not know when I would suddenly lose everything.
Suddenly, I get squeezed like a lemon.
OR
I can say it is like the jaws of the tiger’s mouth suddenly tightening on the ego (the structure I hold on to as me).
So the rajas, tamas, and sattva are quite unpredictable.
As a rule:
I get the insight in the sattvic times, and try to apply the insight method in the tamasic times.
The tamasic times feels like immobilizing encumbrance, burden.
The rajasic times feel like desperation, turmoil and anxiety.
The sattvic times are the times when I feel clear, peace, clarity.
I have to be ever-ready to deal with whatever fluctuation happens.
When the energy rushes in, I feel fear because I don’t know when it might be taken away from me.
When the energy is low, I feel fear it might remain that way for too long.
At both times, the “This too shall pass” creates a fear contraction and tightening in me.
This is like an endless moment to moment surprise adventure.
It reminds me of a part of the navy seal training.
They train you to face unpredictable situations without giving into fear.
The face of the person in training is covered with a black cloth bag.
Now the bag is suddenly removed, and he is made to face some unexpected situation.
It could be 3 people trying to attack him, or something as trivial as someone asking him where the nearest station is.
This energy fluctuation I am going through feels similar.
It is quite random and unpredictable.
The energy withdrawal at times is so sharp that it sharply nose dives towards emptiness.
When this happens, whatever I still haven’t let go of, gets crushed by the reducing energy.
Imagine, you suddenly receive only 1/10th of your monthly salary. Doesn’t this put a huge crunch on your finances for that month? All your possessions feel like a burden and you may have to sell some stuff, give away stuff, cut corners and somehow get through the month.
This is something like that.
My wildly fluctuating energies, prevent me from holding on to anything.
Because I do not know when I would suddenly lose everything.
Suddenly, I get squeezed like a lemon.
OR
I can say it is like the jaws of the tiger’s mouth suddenly tightening on the ego (the structure I hold on to as me).
So the rajas, tamas, and sattva are quite unpredictable.
As a rule:
I get the insight in the sattvic times, and try to apply the insight method in the tamasic times.
The tamasic times feels like immobilizing encumbrance, burden.
The rajasic times feel like desperation, turmoil and anxiety.
The sattvic times are the times when I feel clear, peace, clarity.
I have to be ever-ready to deal with whatever fluctuation happens.
When the energy rushes in, I feel fear because I don’t know when it might be taken away from me.
When the energy is low, I feel fear it might remain that way for too long.
At both times, the “This too shall pass” creates a fear contraction and tightening in me.
This is like an endless moment to moment surprise adventure.
It reminds me of a part of the navy seal training.
They train you to face unpredictable situations without giving into fear.
The face of the person in training is covered with a black cloth bag.
Now the bag is suddenly removed, and he is made to face some unexpected situation.
It could be 3 people trying to attack him, or something as trivial as someone asking him where the nearest station is.
This energy fluctuation I am going through feels similar.
Journey to the Abstract 