Control and Freedom are opposites

Control and Freedom are the opposites of each other.
The spectrum:
Control (holding on to control & having the need to control) ————- Freedom (letting go of control & not having the need to control)
To let something free is to relinquish control over it.
You let it return to its “natural” state, without your interference/intervention/action/effort.

Every controlled action cannot be sustained indefinitely.
Consequently, when it is dropped, the result swings to its opposite.
All opposites inevitably swing between each other:
# Extreme pursuit/seeking ——-vs——- Extreme retreat
# Extreme outgoingness ——vs——- Extreme withdrawal
# Extreme activity ——-vs——– Extreme tiredness
Like a spring:
# If you pull the ends of the spring, it contracts when you release it.
# If you shrink the ends of the spring, it expands when you release it.
Essentially:
# Extreme Rajas (activity) ——vs—— Extreme tamas (inertia)
Activity and Inertia follow each other.
The “middle or 0 point” of these poles is not a location or a quantity but a DOORWAY.
Now, I must speak more about what I mean by “middle or 0 point” here.
The “middle or 0 point” is not in the same “plane” or “number line” as the 2 poles are in.
0 or the middle is not a quantitative thing here, rather it is representative of the doorway/portal/wormhole to the next dimension itself.
Passing through this doorway = transcends both the poles and opens you up to the higher dimension.
A more 3d analogy of this would be a whirlpool.
The dualities spiral around each other and lead into the doorway/wormhole that acts as a portal to the next dimension.
This permeation/dissolving of you into the higher dimension by the relinquishing of control/effort (which happens naturally in time once you experience and acquire true understanding) is true freedom.

That is why controlling any one aspect of life will never lead to transcendence but rather it will only lead to a swing in the opposite direction when your will power runs out.
You can allow this process to happen fast by moving with the intensity of a hare and lose will power much faster, or you can walk like a tortoise and exhaust your will-power supply after an eon.
Once that happens, your state will swing to its opposite pole, and the attainment will be lost until the next cycle begins.
Just like how, if you work very hard one day, you will feel very sleepy that night and fall into oblivion for a while.

When control is relinquished, things return to their higher harmonic state.
This is because when you step away, all the winds and tides within existence move you into a path, that is very different from what you thought.
Your karmic equation changes, and you become karma-less in this plane of existence.
And the paradox here is that, you cannot relinquish control by controlling.
It happens as a consequence of true understanding/gnosis/contemplation/inquiry/insight/assimilation/digestion.

Energy Fluctuations

The available energy for my ego/agency/power keeps widely varying/fluctuating throughout the day.
It is quite random and unpredictable.
The energy withdrawal at times is so sharp that it sharply nose dives towards emptiness.
When this happens, whatever I still haven’t let go of, gets crushed by the reducing energy.
Imagine, you suddenly receive only 1/10th of your monthly salary. Doesn’t this put a huge crunch on your finances for that month? All your possessions feel like a burden and you may have to sell some stuff, give away stuff, cut corners and somehow get through the month.
This is something like that.
My wildly fluctuating energies, prevent me from holding on to anything.
Because I do not know when I would suddenly lose everything.
Suddenly, I get squeezed like a lemon.
OR
I can say it is like the jaws of the tiger’s mouth suddenly tightening on the ego (the structure I hold on to as me).
So the rajas, tamas, and sattva are quite unpredictable.
As a rule:
I get the insight in the sattvic times, and try to apply the insight method in the tamasic times.
The tamasic times feels like immobilizing encumbrance, burden.
The rajasic times feel like desperation, turmoil and anxiety.
The sattvic times are the times when I feel clear, peace, clarity.
I have to be ever-ready to deal with whatever fluctuation happens.
When the energy rushes in, I feel fear because I don’t know when it might be taken away from me.
When the energy is low, I feel fear it might remain that way for too long.
At both times, the “This too shall pass” creates a fear contraction and tightening in me.
This is like an endless moment to moment surprise adventure.
It reminds me of a part of the navy seal training.
They train you to face unpredictable situations without giving into fear.
The face of the person in training is covered with a black cloth bag.
Now the bag is suddenly removed, and he is made to face some unexpected situation.
It could be 3 people trying to attack him, or something as trivial as someone asking him where the nearest station is.
This energy fluctuation I am going through feels similar.