Meeting a twin-flame

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When I saw her the first time,
There was instant recognition,
That instant recognition was instant love,
Instant oneness, Instant connection,
Instant comfort, Instant understanding.
I knew I knew her intimately,
Beyond how much she knew about herself.
I have known her forever.
Like meeting a long lost friend.
Like meeting an old lover from a past life.
Like meeting someone from the same soul family,
Made of the same dough.

Night sea journey

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I often ask myself the question “what do you want?”
When I look inside myself for the answer I see a huge soup of impossible contradictions.
And because I want opposite things, it becomes impossible to move forward.
It is like a boat that is still in the middle of the ocean without a rider.
And say you ask the boat “where are you going?”.
And lets say it communicates the answer to you through its movements.
What would you see?
You would just see it randomly bobbing back and forth in random directions based on the wind forces around it and the undulations in the water surface.
My internal forces, drives and will-power have become like that.

Imagine you are in a boat traversing the night sea.
Say you had a map with you and now that is lost.
The waves, winds and other external pressures determine your steering and movement, but to you it all looks meaningless.
Everything is equally relevant, meaningful, and meaningless simultaneously.
My internal psyche feels like that.
This state of my psyche gets projected to the external world I inhabit too.
The world is only a prop for the movie that you project on it from your psyche.
This is a very strange, liminal, and limbo-like peculiar state of experience for which I have given a kind of poetic expression.
Basically it is the loss of the map.
It is being adrift and directionless.
Mirages of lands emerge at a distance, making me pursue that direction, but it is only temporary for it vanishes and it is replaced by another mirage somewhere else.

The map of reality tells you what is relevant, where to go, what to ignore, what to pursue, what to collect, and so on.
Without this map, now you do not know where to go(what direction), what is relevant or irrelevant, or what is to be pursued or let go.
You do not know what is a blessing and what is a curse, and the perception of things can flip flop too.
Your whole world views can change in a day which would reorder all your energies only for it to change again the next day and once again reorder all your energies.
So how can you make any investment if it can be voided anytime by a fundamental shift?
What can you do if your very ground and frame of reference is constantly shifting? (like undulating waters).

I don’t know if a stable map or a deeper map of reality will ever emerge again.
Will I learn a new way of living without having a map?
Will strong desires ever fill me up again? OR am I moving towards transcendent silence?
Such questions circle my mind.
But all the questions and answers in this territory are again only temporary appearances.
Every emotion arises and vanishes.
Every concern, Every doubt, Every focused area, Every meta-narrative is appearing and disappearing rapidly like a shimmer.
To say I am lost, is to imply that I believe I can be found.
But even that belief does not stay constant :).
I bob in and out of various creative potentials.

My response to someone going through a dark night of the soul

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In my experience I feel ALL is a dream.
A dream is real when it lasts, but it is totally unreal once it has passed.
I feel all of my life and experience has been this dream nature.
Neither can I point to a solid world, nor do I see a solid self.
The whole experience for me is just ‘alive spirit’ ranging from unimaginable suffering to unimaginable joy.
So not a DROP of this ‘dark night of the soul’ will be there once your dream shifts.
I have seen life plays hide and seek with me many times, and absolutely surprises me EVERY SINGLE TIME.
Even if NOTHING (absolutely nothing) is different in my life circumstance, suddenly I would feel really great sometimes.
At the same time, when the difficult time is present, it feels eternal and makes it impossible to access anything happy and removes even the vaguest conception of hope.
Life is like a milder psychedelic trip in my experience.
Although the experiences feel totally random and maddening, I feel something super deep is evolving from each of those experiences.
It is something like how a child grows up.
No one experience has made the child grow up, but rather it is the child living through 1000’s of mystical journeys after which it feels like an adult.
I feel the dark night is a journey into the unknown, like we keep bobbing in and out of the fire of the unknown, until deemed necessary.
Every experience is trans-formative in my opinion.
This is the fire of chaos(infinite potential), and I think you will come out of it as a higher dimensional entity – A Phoenix.
Also always remember:
“Nothing real can be threatened, Nothing unreal exists”

We all love the child

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We all love the child
Who dances like nobody is looking
Who sings like nobody is listening
Whose joy radiates and influences others
Who is spontaneous without a care
Who involves himself into you, giving no heed to your history
Who celebrates each moment in the mood of wonder
Who looks at the ordinary like it’s extraordinary
Who bears within him vast potentials
Whose total absence of self-consciousness is refreshing
Who invests in the moment like there is no tomorrow
Who trusts you so fully to be oblivious in your arms
We recognize the child, because that is us
The lost part of us, the treasure we have lost
Which we are seeking to reclaim

I am the phoenix

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I am the phoenix
I am the high vibration butterfly and have shed my older coat
Nothing escapes my eyes
I am the force of rising
I am that which uplifts/elevates
The force that dances and spins upward in a spiral
Like the 2 strands of DNA dancing
Like the dance between the Yin and Yang
Like a tornado moving everything upward
My presence is a fire
I shatter and scorch anything that isn’t truth
I transmute everything to its higher frequency
I am the force of transformation, transmutation, and transcendence.
I radiate light wherever I go
I am Neo, of the matrix
I see the duality of 0s and 1s in its full glory
I am the liberator/transporter of souls
I bridge the higher realms
I fly steadfastly towards the sun without looking away

Journey to home

“Keep you eyes on the real goal” – I keep telling myself
As I navigate this territory without the ego structure
Sometimes higher goals appear, at other times chaos appears
Various gross and subtle fragments of identification fill up my entirety and pass through/change.
I cannot yet sense a ground.
I fall through various fragments/shifting identifications -> and shifting worlds.
I am like a true traveler, a psychic nomad, moving through various landscapes of the mind.
This is my journey towards home.
This is a unique territory that is to be navigated with my own intelligence.

I tell myself:
Trust that for each fragment encountered, life knows what it is doing.
Nothing is ever wasted.
No effort is ever in vain.
Flow with the divine will.
There is nothing to do, but to get out of the way
And let thy be done