I am fundamentally running out of egoic energy in every form.
All intellection, thought, practices, even the finest ones which “I DO” is resistance against ‘What Is’.
In fact intellection and thought is subtle energy, it requires imposing control on mental frames which is really tiresome.
All “doing” is resistance against ‘What Is’ – from the subtlest to the grossest doing.
What is running out is this separate self/egoic energy.
I have exhausted my tank of imposing my will on ‘What IS’ or struggling/resisting ‘What IS’.
Even the subtlest imposition of will on ‘What IS’, is resistance against the tide.
It is like movement against an existing medium, like walking in water, or swimming.
At times, I feel less resistance from the medium relatively when there is “higher energy” but when “energy reduces” there is higher resistance felt.
It all comes down to “control” again. Are you controlling experience? In any form?.
All control is invariably resistance, because it is imposing a will on a medium, and the medium does offer resistance no matter what.
Reality is forever eluding my concepts/understanding about it, no matter how rich, vast, complex or incredible my models might be.
It takes energy to uphold concepts/understanding/imposition of frames. And this is precisely the energy that is running out. I can nowadays only hold frames for a few hours at a time.
After that, the energy runs out, I go back into a sort of obliviousness, but when I come back, a different frame appears and I hold that for the next time period, and so on.
Reality is infinite, boundless and mysterious.
“Infinite” in a noun form is analogous to “boundless”
“Infinite” in a verb form is analogous to “mystery”.
As each day passes, my learning paradoxically is about how “I don’t know”.
This unknowing is instilled in me at finer and finer levels as each day passes.
There are so many fine grades and levels of this seeing of unknowing.
All intellection, thought, practices, even the finest ones which “I DO” is resistance against ‘What Is’.
In fact intellection and thought is subtle energy, it requires imposing control on mental frames which is really tiresome.
All “doing” is resistance against ‘What Is’ – from the subtlest to the grossest doing.
What is running out is this separate self/egoic energy.
I have exhausted my tank of imposing my will on ‘What IS’ or struggling/resisting ‘What IS’.
Even the subtlest imposition of will on ‘What IS’, is resistance against the tide.
It is like movement against an existing medium, like walking in water, or swimming.
At times, I feel less resistance from the medium relatively when there is “higher energy” but when “energy reduces” there is higher resistance felt.
It all comes down to “control” again. Are you controlling experience? In any form?.
All control is invariably resistance, because it is imposing a will on a medium, and the medium does offer resistance no matter what.
Reality is forever eluding my concepts/understanding about it, no matter how rich, vast, complex or incredible my models might be.
It takes energy to uphold concepts/understanding/imposition of frames. And this is precisely the energy that is running out. I can nowadays only hold frames for a few hours at a time.
After that, the energy runs out, I go back into a sort of obliviousness, but when I come back, a different frame appears and I hold that for the next time period, and so on.
Reality is infinite, boundless and mysterious.
“Infinite” in a noun form is analogous to “boundless”
“Infinite” in a verb form is analogous to “mystery”.
As each day passes, my learning paradoxically is about how “I don’t know”.
This unknowing is instilled in me at finer and finer levels as each day passes.
There are so many fine grades and levels of this seeing of unknowing.
Journey to the Abstract 