Dark night experience wrt. sensation-images

The dark night basically was literal blindness, as the world image sensation complex left my experience.
Our reality is sensation cathected to the world image.
That’s what makes the world image real at all.
When this cathexis is withdrawn, then the WORLD literally disappears from one’s experience as the withdrawal of sensation from the ‘world image’.
I also lost this sensation cathexis for my memory images, so I could no longer identify with my personal history much.

The only way I could maintain the reality of the world i.e. the sensation of the world or parts of it was through effort, stress, pressure from others.
Which is why it was only possible to work, when others pushed me, since that created stress and forced me to cathect to that corresponding image.

So in other words, only the parts of the world that stressed me were alive as the experience of the world, because I would have to use a lot of FORCE (which was very tiring and caused suffering/stress) to maintain their sensation.
Which is why in my experience of the world, the world was this tyrant constantly demanding of me.
I would have to maintain hotch potch blocky dispersed sensations of the world by sheer effort/force.
If I would drop this effort, then, I would return to this limbo void sensation, which is almost not in this world at all.

So then I would wonder how everyone else was so effortlessly in the world, and I on the other hand needed to put in so much effort to even access small parts of it.
That is because my sensate energetic reality (which is all of my experience) had LITERALLY left the world in the most direct sense.
It was almost complete DISSOCIATION.

So assuming I went all the way through, I would reach total blankness/void/emptiness, I would reach non-experience, which on return, would blast in and cathect to the whole manifestation (resulting in a mystical experience).
I wonder maybe that is why God created this whole manifestation – to fill himself up. So then the manifest is the work of God’s love and all of the manifestation unfolding is the direct work of God’s love (which is the ONE energy supporting and moving all of the manifest).

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