Relationship dynamics

Relationship quality is about being a good giver and good receiver. Reciprocation is implicit in my behavior with others – I expect to get from what I give – I expect at least equivalence in the mindset, tolerance, patience, involvement, acceptance, friendship, acknowledgement, feedback, reception, quality of attention, participation, allowance, respect, dependability, trustworthiness, and accommodation.

This list of subtle qualities seems highly reasonable to me and I set an example by giving the same out. But the tricky part is the other person’s reality is only intersecting mine to a small extent and the communication channel is weak. Language is the only way available for humans to communicate. Deeper the subtlety in language and awareness, deeper is the understanding possible. There is enormous scope in how much language can transmit leaving apart really unique and mystical experiences. But for the purpose of a relationship, from what I have seen around me, it can be used to reach tremendously higher. In a relationship, the strength of the system = strength of the weakest link. If my communication and expression ability is very highly developed but the other person is a rookie, then there is a severe compromise.

I interact with other people ultimately to satisfy some NEED of mine. I am preoccupied with my needs. But people would interact with me only if their need matches mine. They are similarly preoccupied with their needs. We have a small part of ourselves which we call our public self. In the mind level, this comes under basic social manners, morals and culture. This portion of us gets satisfied in our everyday interactions. But there is a huge part which remains underground and is revealed only when we find a great match. When you would meet this match, is just up to universal reality. Its like a slot machine giving you a jackpot now and then but is unpredictable and rewards are temporary.

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