Changing energies, origins of I, diffusal of focal points

I have a perception of me, my priorities, mental maps etc. and EVERYTHING ELSE in my perception is JUST a filler. Here the duality of lack and fulfillment operate. But if I totally relax or rest my self-definitions, priorities and feelings of separateness then I zoom out into another level where many new states of consciousness open and everything that was in the periphery before, actually becomes me. In truth every single thing that I can perceive, experience, be aware of, cognize etc. is me. There is no solidity to anything. Everything is just of miasma of movement and continuous change. Identity is for social convenience just like time. It has no intrinsic reality or essence. We give meaning to the stories, projections, images and videos and finally the physical experiences they cause. But nothing has any essence. Everything is the same basic substance – consciousness scape/water in an ocean. Just like we have a dreamscape for dreams, you can objectify and go through tons of emotions in the dream but when you wake up it’s all gone. How substantial is that? Isn’t that the reason people dismiss it as unreal? Extending the same logic, isn’t our reality also quite similar with experience being everything? The objects, identity, concepts, priorities, projections are all products of a man made social mind. How can that be taken as something real? Yet we stick to that and live thinking we are a separate individual with a separate identity for the rest of our lives. Why is that not ridiculous then? If I slap you, will you say the pain is you? Isn’t the experience of how we call ourselves also ever-changing especially in pure body sensations and thoughts?

By continuous reinforcement from childhood we have created a somewhat solid entity of ourselves. Because of the reinforcement and habits formed (thinking, physical actions etc.) we create this persistent imagination or phantom of who we are and believe that for the rest of our lives. Society pressures you right from birth to define an identity which is why the first thing done is give you a unique name. After that the separateness of things is gradually instilled by associating each object with a sound in language. You tell a child this blue color thing in your hand is called “pen” by repeating the word pen again and again whenever the child holds it. We do this for all objects including the child’s identity itself. Initially the child associates the blue object as “pen”. But the next day you show another red pen and then repeat the word “pen” again. Now the child is a bit confused but it combines the common characteristics of the two and improvises on its concept of the pen. In this manner, but repeating words again and again for different situations the child is in, we reinforce, improvise and broaden definitions of all concepts for the child. 
Once its older, its definition of pen becomes refined like this:
Any object with the following properties:
·         function – to write on paper or on a digital instrument by hand
·         properties – shape, color, texture, material, mechanical parts, affordances
·         typical pen – writes in blue color, is long cylindrical and has a handle and a press button on top
Now this is a micro example of the pen object just to show how a child learns concepts. Along with teaching the child all these concepts, you also teach it a mothership concept of “identity – me”. Whenever a child is having pain, you tell the child “you are always having pain” OR if people do not like the child much you say “you are not desirable to people”. Now the child attaches this painful experience or the undesirability to its definition of self. Just like the pen example, the child builds up and improvises this definition of itself. Once the definition matures a bit, it starts using the word ‘I’ and memory starts to function. That is why we do not have any memories of the time before 3 or 4 years of age. Think about it, if you don’t know what to look at among 1 billion stimuli, how can your memory work?, what will you store?. So identity gives you definitions, priorities and maps for what is important and what is not and once this is well formed, your memory can start to function. So bringing up a child is actually a supreme act of creation.
So it’s a funny paradox. This filter that prioritizes what we should do, what is important, what is not, where our energies must flow, what experiences should we seek, what should we move towards etc. is created first and then we have our identity formed. Only after the identity is formed do we have memory. The funny part is we look back on memory to find out why we are like this. Why we are like this cannot be found in memory because the identity was prior to that. It’s a job done by your parents/circumstances/social interactions/experiences at an early age over which you have no control. That is why identity is a socially created phenomenon. It is not intrinsic and that is why part of enlightenment is seeing through this completely. It is just like any other concept but we take it extremely seriously because we think it is something solid or real.
The truth seems like a pure de-conditioning of all perception of who we are. That is why they say the “Who are you?” question will eradicate all your doubts. People take the doubts so seriously but never question the beliefs/paradigm/assumptions on which the doubt resides. We just have to intensely look into it and absorb it so intensely that we instantly see how all of it is empty of essence just like the feeling of a slap is not attached to you. One we advance sufficiently to see through our entire identity and its assumptions/beliefs, many dualities start to disappear like the perceiver and perceived become one; The knower and the known become one; and there is absolute freedom just like becoming lucid in a dream and being able to do absolutely anything. All that is needed is total relaxation and allowance of everything as it is at every moment. Every time you relax into anything, you diffuse its importance and it allows you to see how other options maybe equally probable or valid.
Relaxing is basically a zooming out. Suppose you were on the ground and standing just beside a tall building, the building looks very large and massive. But what if I took you 13000ft up in the air for a skydive, this large building just looks like a small dot. What if I took you to outer space – could you even see the building? In a sense ideally as we grow up this is what should happen – i.e. a broadening of our identity and diffusal of individual parts based upon all the new experiences we have.
All reference points and even existence is an idea that slips in and out. You simply relax into all those ideas and perspectives. Even alan watts theories has so many reference points or angles. What disappears in 5 seconds is not real. The desire to find the ultimate reference point is from insecurity. It acts as a middle man between the world and the interpreter (ego). You exist is a prerequisite for anything even the experience absolute consciousness.
Relax all focus points and center in the bliss – it’s just surrendering everything – causeless realm is where bliss is – it doesn’t know anything – it’s the nature of innocence – get out of all stories, analysis, philosophizing, giving importance to anything etc. – experience your experience without focusing on it – no objectifying – its absolute relaxation in timelessness – awareness is the space in which duality occurs – personal development in for improving personality, focus is still on causation, in management mode, it’s not freedom, it’s helpful in the relative plane – freedom is causeless and timelessness, there is no independent nature or essence to things, all are expressions of one life, perceptions in one awareness, everything is water. We attach experiences like happiness to certain objects – it’s like there is a map of images and accordingly our experiences are felt – this is the illusion 
Symbolism – projections – words are just empty – mind pictures/movies are empty – it’s all deconstruction to reach enlightenment – If I seek an experience, can I maintain it for the rest of my life? – like watching the laptop screen and imagining the movie – OR dreaming in the night and projecting onto a dreamscape that just fizzes away – So what is the image of wellness, analyze each component, is it a valid image, how long will it last, can it last forever? – this is the man made/social mind – imagine the most stressful state and look at it critically and it’s still possible to allow it and see – it’s so beneficial to see the emptiness because it helps you rest more and more and get real freedom – happiness is not an image (the images are empty) it’s more of a relief and allowing everything to be right here – enlightenment as a word is empty and when you fully imagine what it would look like the emptiness can be seen – it’s simply the inescapable seeing and the emptiness of everything – in a relative world, all words point to things – Ask the question: What am I doing? What if I stop everything and just be ‘non-doing’. I have to investigate how many things disappear.

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