Tag: Life

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Placebo vs Nocebo

placebonocebo

Placebo —-vs—- Nocebo
It looks like:
Positive imagination/expectation —-vs—- Negative imagination/expectation

Positive and negative imagination tend to spiral.
* When you life has been going well with better and better things, positive imagination spirals.
* And when your life has loss after loss, negative imagination starts to spiral.

It seems, life is like an indifferent movie, that keeps playing, and you sit in the theater seat and watch it unfold.
* If great things happen, you start to see positive future visions (+ve imagination).
* If bad things happen in the movie, you start to dread the future scenes (-ve imagination).
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My new principles for living

From conditioned to unconditioned:
************************************
# Bring full involvement of all of you at every moment.
# Engage with everything as if for the first time.
# Give yourself and your involvement completely into all experience.
# Engage with each moment, on its own terms, indiscriminately.
# Give out your most sincere/full/true expressions all the time, and let go totally of the results (give total freedom to the results).
# Live as the ever-alive fire you are (the Phoenix).
# Do whatever you do – Totally and Absolutely intensely – With total Responsibility, Authenticity, Accountability, Commitment, Engagement, Power, Wholeness, and Involvement.
# Keep your center of gravity/focus on the eternal, rather than on the temporal.
# Go straight for the sun, and don’t settle for any of the myriad moons reflecting its light.
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The duality of travel experiences

Here are the duality spectrums that relate to home and travel:
Comfort ——————– Discomfort
Instant gratification —— Delayed gratification
Security ——————– Insecurity
Safety ———————- Risks
Convenience ————– Inconvenience
Familiarity —————– Newness
Sameness —————– Novelty
Certainty ——————- Uncertainty
Predictability ————– Unpredictability
Relaxation —————– Stress
Reflection —————— Action
Digestion ——————- Consumption
Sleep ———————– Waking
Stasis ———————– Growth
Knowledge —————– Learning
Settled ———————- Seeking
Ease ———————— Unease
Homeostasis ————— Altered states
Health ———————- Sickness
Death ———————– Life
Retreat ——————— Exploration
Para-SNS ——————- SNS (Sympathetic nervous system)
Regeneration ————– Expenditure
Gathering —————– Expending
Freedom ——————- Constraints
Abundance —————– Limitation
Home ———————– Adventure

Each of the above pairs represents different degrees of the same essence.
Also, in these word pairs above, there are positive and negative connotations.
I could flip it up and it would reverse what is desirable and undesirable.
For example, the negative interpretation of freedom is ‘psychosis’, and the positive interpretation of constraints is ‘healthy boundaries’.
This can be done for every word-pair above.
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My experience of reality nowadays

I experience reality nowadays as a “changing/shifting ocean of sensation”.
In this ocean, various waves arise, from various apparent centers of consciousness that get formed, and various potentials are then available for various thoughts/feelings/emotions from these centers.
Another way to put it would be, my experience is like the movie “waking life”, i.e. like an endless moving lucid dream.
Another analogy would be, my experience is like a movie that is playing all the time, and I alternately engage with it in various ways, and then disengage in various ways, to come back and engage with…and so on.
I do not have much enduring identity day to day.
And my sadhana/effort is to return whatever remnant identity is there to the ocean.
I feel like I am a witness, that witnesses the whole changing ocean of relationship, where an “apparent I” and an “apparent world” appears and keeps shifting.
It always feels real in the moment, just like a dream feels real, but I also know that everything can change from my own memory of that happening a zillion times.

My experience is like the mantra AUM along with the pause.
Inbreath:
Pause = the recharge of inspiration/energy.
Drawing the formless/unmanifest to form/manifest potential.
Outbreath:
Expression in form/manifest.
Aaaaaa = Waking
Uuuuuu = Dreaming
mmmmmm = Sleep
Inbreath:
Pause = the recharge of energy.
…and so on.
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Sanity is relative

The concept of sanity is relative.
Relative to the:
1. Level of vision
2. Level of perception
4. Level of consciousness (LOC concept from David Hawkins)
5. Number/breadth/height of perspectives you can see
6. The dynamic range of perspectives you can hold at a time
7. The extent of your spatial vision
8. The extent of your temporal vision both forward (future) and backward (past)
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Reflections on my life experience now

wave

I am not able to understand anything totally.
All my ‘intellectual grasps’ are like views from high points of different waves arising in the ocean.
What is the ocean itself?
The more I inquire I see that I am not perception at all.
I am deep sleep itself, the cessation, the void, the unmanifest, from which manifest-conscious arises like a wave and passes back.

This is a time in my life where the ocean does not have any 1 continuous wave, but rather has 100s of waves arising and passing.
Each time, my “perception” arises out of the wave, as a relationship between the wave and the ocean, and then returns to the ocean in deep sleep again.
The ocean is the true fount of my creativity, it creates waves of creative-impulse/inspiration that rise up as manifest-consciousness and after that return to the unmanifest.
The wave is a new creative thought/form/relationship/connection/theme/frame/theory/idea/insight.

It seems like perception and separation are connected because perception is always a relationship.
No relationship = ONE = Union = No perception = A void.

I see a continuous BIPOLAR state in me:
Wildly and quickly oscillating, waxing-waning, coming-going, rising-falling, empowering-disempowering, bright-dark, energetic-dull, free-afflicted.
This strong cycling of dualities makes visible the emptiness and non-essence of all of it.
I am neither depressed nor happy, neither free nor afflicted, neither interested nor bored.
Each is a state of consciousness, a state of the wave’s relationship to the ocean.
When the ocean emits the wave = it creates the positive emotion from the wave’s point of view.
When the ocean pulls back the wave = it create the negative emotion from the wave’s point of view.

Essentially, it is the attachment to the ‘States of consciousness (SOCs)’ that is being tested.
The attachment results in [pleasure+fear] in the rise cycle, and [pain+longing] in the fall cycle.
I realize that my desire is for the WAVE itself and its point of view vs. flatlining into the ocean.
The waves/cycles have also been intense and narrow for me, which causes a mild psychosis like feeling.
The intense creative activity of mine is showing that I am operating very close to ocean.
That is why there is the constant alternation between the ‘end of me’ and the ‘me arising each time differently from a new inspiration’.
I have not had any continuous long-range inspiration at this stage of life nor in this life in general.

We move away from god/unmanifest in an inbreath – wave rising.
We move towards god/unmanifest in an outbreath – wave falling.
My life experience now is more like a series of short-waves, flutter breaths (rapid extremely shallow in-out breaths).
It is like like living 1000s of lives in one life, in very rapid cycles.

I realize my attachments are much more abstract than I thought.
I cling to the peaks of the cycle, and try to increase its dynamic range, i.e. I try to make the lights brighter, and the darks darker.
Each arising wave is like an upsurge of inspiration that separates me from the ocean and allows separation/perception/consciousness/relationship, which is what I desire.
This is my WILL to be, my WILL to exist, my WILL to rise and live as a wave.
So I then try to hold on to these inspirations as far as possible.
This is why there is this continuous clinging present.

It is like living a new character in a new movie everyday, and each time you continuously cling to the movie, because you do not want it to end.
It is like struggling to be born, because various desires push our a wave of birth/inspiration, but they only last a day at most and return to the ocean.
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Memory creation and fading

As life moves, there are various possibilities:
Inbreath stage: Sunrise: Childhood
1. New memories are made much more rapidly, than the fading of the old memories = birth, becoming, forming, progress, ascent.
Holding stage: Daytime: Adulthood
2. New memories are made at the same rate, as the fading of old memories = balance, plateau, steadiness, refinement.
Outbreath stage: Sunset
3. New memories are made at a much slower rate, while fading of old memories is happening rapidly = ripening, descent, reverie, nostalgia, retreat.
Vacuum stage: Nighttime
4. Neither is any new memory formed, nor is any old memory faded = Statis, Sleep, Death, total withdrawal.

It swings like a pendulum:
Losses ——|—— Gains
Death ——|——- Life
Dissolution —-|—- Formation
Sleep —–|—– Waking
Nighttime —-|—- Daytime
Outbreath —-|—- Inbreath

This is the life cycle that can be seen at all scales of form:
Like look at a banana. A time lapse of its life.
As it [emerges, becomes full size, ripens, rots].
Even the process of digestion mirrors this pattern.
[intake, break down, extraction, excretion]
Every birth-death is a cycle.

Now the question would be, if this is all a cycle, it is zero sum, what is the gain?
Yes, a cycle by itself is 0 sum.
The logic here is, the gain derived from living through any cycle always lies beyond the cycle.
The part of you that is beyond this cycle, that is the part that gains from the cycle.
The gain lies not in the cycle, but beyond it.
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Core beliefs and the 4 responses

Core beliefs:
# Is the world real and am I unreal? = Fawn response
# Am I real? and is the world unreal? = Fight response
# Are both me and the world unreal? and only something beyond is real? = Freeze response
# Are the world and me real, everything beyond that is unreal ? = Flight response
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Relationship between knowledge and experience

When, Knowledge > Experience:
The person may tend towards: arrogance, domination, control, imposition of will, conquest, achievement, ambition, demonstration of power.
The negative extreme of this case is “TYRANNY”.
The positive extreme of this case is a “MASTER”.
It is a case where conditioning + acquired knowledge > perception.
This is a stage of judgment, action, and works.
So then the result would be positive or negative depending on the conditioning.
Like most people in society will help a man who has slipped and fallen to stand up.
This is not necessarily because of true perception, but it is the general enculturation internalized knowledge that makes people act that way.

When, Experience > Knowledge:
The person becomes a seeker of knowledge and truth.
The negative extreme of this case is “PSYCHOSIS”.
The positive extreme of this case is a “SAINT/MYSTIC”.
It is the state of the child who learns by context, immersion, intensity, involvement, perfusion.
It is the state of a devotee and contemplation.
Contemplation on questions to ponder and wonder on.
Such a person is open, curious, innocent, and impressionable.
The seeking continues until the necessary awakening happens i.e. until the flowering of higher knowledge/wisdom/intelligence happens.
This is the stage of growth, development, and becoming.

This distinction is not about what is ‘better or worse’ or ‘good or bad’.
Rather, this comparison was only to illuminate the 2 aspects of the flux of existence.
Everyone passes through both these stages of evolution.
We know and do, then we see we don’t know and learn, then again we know and do, and so on.
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Parallels between life and dreams

I have had 1000s of lucid dreams in my life,
Some of my takeaways from these dream experiences are:
# If you control the dream strongly it will fade to black very soon.
Your lightest touch of will/intent/emotion will keep the dream running the longest.
# After it fades to black, you have to just relax into the darkness and stay still, and then after a while the next potential dream emerges out of it.
I have at max gone through 10+ dreams this way.
Where a dream happens – you control it gently – and then it fades to black – you then stay still in the blackness – and the next one emerges and once again you participate – and so on.
Maintaining the thread of awareness through a series of lucid dreams is a subtle art of delicate control that is so much in harmony, that it is almost like non-control.
Similarly it is also possible to lose yourself into a dream if you get too involved and thereby lose your lucidity and get absorbed into its themes, and this would end that series of lucid dreams.

I see many parallels between my waking life and my dream life.
In my everyday life, each time I get up, I am a new person, in a new context, in a new energy space, in a new frame of mind.
I feel pulls in various directions, either external or internal.
Then I respond to the pulls based on conditioning/habits/likes/intentions etc. and then as I give into one of them, I get engaged in various activities/research/exploration/learning/contemplations etc. and then the investment energy gently fades, and then I either subtly shift my theme of activity to another one OR I just go back into the space/womb/ocean of ‘superposition of possibilities/void/chaos of various pull and push pulsating forces(like the ocean water undulations)’.
Then some wind of inspiration EMERGES out of this ‘possibility chaos’ and then rises up like a wave and carries me in its perspective/vision/feelings/quests etc.
And once that wave completes, I once again return to the ‘oceanic chaos of possibilities’.
I feel this is so similar to my dream.
The fading to void is like returning to the “chaos of possibilities”.
And the emerging of the dream is like the waking interests arising in me that move me.

I experience boredom, as a resistance to that state of “primordial chaos of possibilities”.
It is the longing/attachment to inhabit the coherence of a wave moved by the whole ocean vs. just being in a state of aimless undulation moving back and forth in the same place.
This then led me into contemplating further.
What is death really? Is it not the fading of THIS dream?

The whole thing is fractal.
There are cycles within cycles within cycles, and so on.
There is an infinite nesting of contexts.
There are contexts inside contexts inside contexts, and so on.
There is a dream within a dream within a dream, and so on.
My early childhood life, school life, college life, work life etc. were like different dreams, within the larger dream of my identity dream (once I identified myself in the mirror and by name).
I could also divide it as: Childhood, Teenage years, Early adulthood, Middle adulthood etc.
And all of this is coming from my mind DREAMING all of this up RIGHT NOW.
This makes me wonder! What is this great dream we are in?
What am I outside of this dream of my identity?
Am I not the ocean itself? from where this dream of me arose?

Right now, I am riding this dream wave of writing this post.
At the end of this post, this wave would have gone back into the ocean.