Tag: Experience

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The knowledge of death completely rewires you

Death is thought of as an event that happens in the far future.
Nobody even thinks about it, unless there is a real reason to.
Seeing death as an event, is from ignorance (maybe purposeful).
Death is not an event that suddenly happens in the far future.
Death as an experience is continually happening.
“Death is not an event, but death IS, just as life IS”
(borrowed from Sadhguru Jaggi Vasudev).

One never steps in the same river twice.
Life experience is constantly transforming.
Knowledge of death or mortality is really knowledge of impermanence.
It is the truth of the statement: “This too shall pass”.
The nature of life is aliveness and change.
Life = spirit = novelty = miracle = change = aliveness = unknown = mystery.

Death is the knowledge of unbecoming that follows becoming.
Like the outbreath follows the inbreath.
So imagine breathing in more and more without letting out anything.
Eventually at one point, the tension will become so great,
You will just drop and let go of everything.
The nature of life is like the Breath.
We enter this planet, take on a body, project all of our emotions here.
We get deeply involved, and then later leave everything behind, and exit.
The cycle of [incarnation – death] like [inbreath – outbreath].

The knowledge of death is what breaks the spell of ordinary egoic life.
It is the great disillusionment.
It casts its shadow on all desires/dreams/plans.
The thought that comes is:
“What is the use of doing anything? OR becoming anything?
If it is all going to end in dust?
Why should I bother to fight for my survival and thrive?
If I am just going to be cheated and mocked in the end by death?”

This may create an existential crisis/dark night of soul/depression.
When the knowledge of death enters your vision.
If one allows this process to fully pass through,
They emerge on the other side transformed.
It is like how you digest food and get energy later,
The knowledge of death digests “you” and liberates you,
And you emerge as a phoenix from the ashes.

For the phoenix, life is lived in the “now/present”
The past is seen as present only, i.e. the past incarnating in the present.
The future is seen as imagination done in the present.
The phoenix lives with identification grounded in “formless life/aliveness” itself.
All else is seen as the play of life, “as form” and “with form”
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All experience is maya/projection

The external reality is a kind of mysterious screen,
On which any movie can be projected.
The source of everything we experience is projected from within.
Things like your possessions, your relationships: like your wife/husband, friends, your children, things you love, stuff you are attached to, your home, are all projections.
So it is possible that a person living in a jungle in Africa may be feeling/thinking/experiencing in a similar way as a person living in the heart of Tokyo city.
Even though every single thing in their environment is different, a similar reality may be experienced.

A romantic essentially feels the same, no matter how he paints the enactment of that feeling.
The sexual lust feels the same, no matter whom it is projected on.
Any place could become your home, if you shift your projection to the new place.
The capacity to shift projections is one of the greatest powers.
All object essences are projected.
Believing that objects have inherent essences contained in them separate from you, is the biggest illusion.

If you are unable to shift your projections, then you stay attached to the original time they were flashed into you.
Attachment itself happens when there isn’t enough power to shift the projection.
It then stays with the person we first projected that feeling on.
That is what is generally called programming/conditioning.

Imagine if an old movie is remade with today’s technology and actors, everything is different, but the movie essence is the same.
Only the props have changed, the same drama and relationship is playing out.
So the implications of this are that:
# 2 people could be living just next to each other, but living in totally different experience worlds.
# Also, 2 people from completely different physical environments could be living a similar experience.

In your internal space, the projection potential is either present or absent.
And when you have it, you can project it on anything or anyone you want.
Its like when you have the love potential in your heart, and it is unblocked, it can be projected on anybody or anything.
You can keep the enactment of the projection at the fantasy level alone, or bring it down to the physical world, if such a choice/power is available to you.

Drugs like marijuana can temporarily vastly enhance your energy/power to access projection potentials and project.
Like I could ask you to look at a tree in front of you, and tell you to love the tree with all of your heart OR hate the tree with all of your heart, and you can experience both directly for yourself.
You can clearly witness how you modulate your experience with your intention.
You can even do this exercise when sober.
The drug only vastly enhances the power of that projection ability because it amps the available energy.
This is the basis of how on LSD, many people report to see the whole world reflected in an ordinary object like an ashtray.

It is like how a newborn experiences the world.
Every object in his/her environment takes on numinous projections.
Really, the experiences we have later in life are pale shadows of the peak experiences that were had at that time.
Those experiences set the tone for our relationship to the world itself.

From this level, there is no such dichotomy between the imagined and what is called real.
Every single thing you experience is real.
There is no such thing really called the physical world.
Everything that you experience is projected.
What a fantastic ride/illusion it is!, to believe the physical world exists independent from you.
It is a mind-boggling magical spell.
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Figuring out my diet is like playing minesweeper

minesweeper

The more empty I keep myself,
And the more mindfully I consume,
The less I eat,
The simpler I eat,
And the more I clearly notice the whole experience,
I can see that food and drugs are the same thing.
Everything alters experience.

The dilemma I face is,
Whatever I eat, has its pros and cons.
Even the super foods work on some days and not on others.
And some stuff feels great one day, and meh on another.
My body is the lab,
And my work is food experimentation,
To find out the best food that is pure bliss.

For now, whatever I put inside me,
When finely finely observed,
Causes some pain or discomfort or the other.
If not immediately, in the following hours.
So it feels like I am playing minesweeper.
I keep trying different controlled experiments,
And mark off all the bomb foods.
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Your experience is a mirror

You see what you want to see.
You see through the windows of your own expectations.
Even an unenlightened person can enlighten a sincere seeker.
Alternatively, a negative person may not benefit at all even from an enlightened person.
You attract what you are.
Your world view, ideas about everything, about others, are a reflection of the lens through which you are seeing.
A wise man can get wisdom even from a fool.
The fool can never get wisdom even if the wisest words are said to him.
Look for beauty, profoundness, and the sublime, and you will see it.
Open your heart to what you desire, you will see that manifested.
The outer world is only the reflection/projection of your inner world.
Seek, and you shall find and attain.

All true power is from within, from the invisible.
Become the diamond mind/diamond heart.
Receive the light and dazzle with the reflections.
Outer success without inner connection is meaningless.
The love of others will mean nothing, if you are not aligned to your own power.
Work on the roots, work on connecting to the earth,
And the flowers will come by themselves, the tree will bloom.
Connect yourself to the source and be an avatar/conduit of its power.
Become enlightened and freed with the power of the source.
Healing really is alignment, i.e. to keep what is real, to drop what is unreal.
Go into the transformation, let go into the fire of higher intelligence,
“Thou shall be done.”
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One pole is experienced from the other pole

Only a hellish human (internal condition) can experience heaven.
Only a heavenly human can experience hell.
Like how only a very hungry person enjoys food.
Your experience is the relationship between the polarities.
-ve -> +ve = heavenly experience.
+ve -> -ve = hellish experience.

Dualities/Polarities:
Pleasure pain
Ecstasy agony
Heaven hell
Security insecurity
Positive negative
Light darkness
Gratification torture
Power powerlessness
Strength weakness
Happiness grief
Gain loss
Healing injury
Attraction repulsion
Love hate
Joy suffering
Harmony chaos
Vitality depression
Comfort hardship
Exhuberance dullness
Ease disease
Rest unrest

Enjoy and ride each of these cycles.
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The concept of negative vision

There was a story I heard Sadhguru narrate, and that played a great role in helping me reach this insight.
The story goes like this:
There was once a man who was a painter.
He acquired some disease from which his vision started slowly deteriorating.
His friend asked him, “What will you do if your vision gets too bad to paint anymore?”
The painter answered, “I will continue to paint until I can see.
If my eye sight gets too bad, then hmm, I will become an art critic.”

This story is hilarious and has a lot of irony.
But it also contains profound wisdom in it.

Positive vision = Presence of presence
Negative vision = Presence of absence
Then the question would be: How can there be ‘presence of absence’ at all?
The answer to that would be: Right! Absence cannot exist.
Presence of absence is the absence of the presence of something else.
That is ‘negative vision’.

The algorithm is:
It is like if I present a variable X, to you.
You see it as “not A”, “not B”, “not C”, and so on.

Like if I show you a laptop:
With negative vision, you would see it as, not a desktop, not a tablet, not a TV, and so on.
But that would preclude you from seeing the laptop as it really is.
Another example would be, if I show you a pink bottle, the positive vision person would really experience the pink bottle as pink (as it is).
But the negative vision person would look at it and say, this is not blue, not red, not green, and so on.

Positive vision is to see how “‘this’ is ‘this'”.
Negative vision is to see how “‘this’ is ‘not that'”.
The ‘that’ here is a holding on to an ideal or structure from memory like a ghost image in your perception and then using that to not only obscure what really is, but it also actively resists what is.
Negative vision is a disease, because it is dis-ease, you resist what actually is, with what you are holding on to from your memory which imposes itself like a ghost image in your perception and creates the resistance.
You hold on to this memory ghost, impose it and obscure ‘what actually is’, and also actively resist ‘what actually is’ in the process.

This concept that I explained above, has DEEP PROFOUND implications in illuminating this in-articulatable disease we carry in our lives.
My own life is replete with zillions of examples, where I have seen things with negative vision.
How many times, have you perceived/experienced/seen your surroundings/yourself /others with negative vision?
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My new principles for living

From conditioned to unconditioned:
************************************
# Bring full involvement of all of you at every moment.
# Engage with everything as if for the first time.
# Give yourself and your involvement completely into all experience.
# Engage with each moment, on its own terms, indiscriminately.
# Give out your most sincere/full/true expressions all the time, and let go totally of the results (give total freedom to the results).
# Live as the ever-alive fire you are (the Phoenix).
# Do whatever you do – Totally and Absolutely intensely – With total Responsibility, Authenticity, Accountability, Commitment, Engagement, Power, Wholeness, and Involvement.
# Keep your center of gravity/focus on the eternal, rather than on the temporal.
# Go straight for the sun, and don’t settle for any of the myriad moons reflecting its light.
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My experience of reality nowadays

I experience reality nowadays as a “changing/shifting ocean of sensation”.
In this ocean, various waves arise, from various apparent centers of consciousness that get formed, and various potentials are then available for various thoughts/feelings/emotions from these centers.
Another way to put it would be, my experience is like the movie “waking life”, i.e. like an endless moving lucid dream.
Another analogy would be, my experience is like a movie that is playing all the time, and I alternately engage with it in various ways, and then disengage in various ways, to come back and engage with…and so on.
I do not have much enduring identity day to day.
And my sadhana/effort is to return whatever remnant identity is there to the ocean.
I feel like I am a witness, that witnesses the whole changing ocean of relationship, where an “apparent I” and an “apparent world” appears and keeps shifting.
It always feels real in the moment, just like a dream feels real, but I also know that everything can change from my own memory of that happening a zillion times.

My experience is like the mantra AUM along with the pause.
Inbreath:
Pause = the recharge of inspiration/energy.
Drawing the formless/unmanifest to form/manifest potential.
Outbreath:
Expression in form/manifest.
Aaaaaa = Waking
Uuuuuu = Dreaming
mmmmmm = Sleep
Inbreath:
Pause = the recharge of energy.
…and so on.
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Reflections on my life experience now

wave

I am not able to understand anything totally.
All my ‘intellectual grasps’ are like views from high points of different waves arising in the ocean.
What is the ocean itself?
The more I inquire I see that I am not perception at all.
I am deep sleep itself, the cessation, the void, the unmanifest, from which manifest-conscious arises like a wave and passes back.

This is a time in my life where the ocean does not have any 1 continuous wave, but rather has 100s of waves arising and passing.
Each time, my “perception” arises out of the wave, as a relationship between the wave and the ocean, and then returns to the ocean in deep sleep again.
The ocean is the true fount of my creativity, it creates waves of creative-impulse/inspiration that rise up as manifest-consciousness and after that return to the unmanifest.
The wave is a new creative thought/form/relationship/connection/theme/frame/theory/idea/insight.

It seems like perception and separation are connected because perception is always a relationship.
No relationship = ONE = Union = No perception = A void.

I see a continuous BIPOLAR state in me:
Wildly and quickly oscillating, waxing-waning, coming-going, rising-falling, empowering-disempowering, bright-dark, energetic-dull, free-afflicted.
This strong cycling of dualities makes visible the emptiness and non-essence of all of it.
I am neither depressed nor happy, neither free nor afflicted, neither interested nor bored.
Each is a state of consciousness, a state of the wave’s relationship to the ocean.
When the ocean emits the wave = it creates the positive emotion from the wave’s point of view.
When the ocean pulls back the wave = it create the negative emotion from the wave’s point of view.

Essentially, it is the attachment to the ‘States of consciousness (SOCs)’ that is being tested.
The attachment results in [pleasure+fear] in the rise cycle, and [pain+longing] in the fall cycle.
I realize that my desire is for the WAVE itself and its point of view vs. flatlining into the ocean.
The waves/cycles have also been intense and narrow for me, which causes a mild psychosis like feeling.
The intense creative activity of mine is showing that I am operating very close to ocean.
That is why there is the constant alternation between the ‘end of me’ and the ‘me arising each time differently from a new inspiration’.
I have not had any continuous long-range inspiration at this stage of life nor in this life in general.

We move away from god/unmanifest in an inbreath – wave rising.
We move towards god/unmanifest in an outbreath – wave falling.
My life experience now is more like a series of short-waves, flutter breaths (rapid extremely shallow in-out breaths).
It is like like living 1000s of lives in one life, in very rapid cycles.

I realize my attachments are much more abstract than I thought.
I cling to the peaks of the cycle, and try to increase its dynamic range, i.e. I try to make the lights brighter, and the darks darker.
Each arising wave is like an upsurge of inspiration that separates me from the ocean and allows separation/perception/consciousness/relationship, which is what I desire.
This is my WILL to be, my WILL to exist, my WILL to rise and live as a wave.
So I then try to hold on to these inspirations as far as possible.
This is why there is this continuous clinging present.

It is like living a new character in a new movie everyday, and each time you continuously cling to the movie, because you do not want it to end.
It is like struggling to be born, because various desires push our a wave of birth/inspiration, but they only last a day at most and return to the ocean.
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Relationship between knowledge and experience

When, Knowledge > Experience:
The person may tend towards: arrogance, domination, control, imposition of will, conquest, achievement, ambition, demonstration of power.
The negative extreme of this case is “TYRANNY”.
The positive extreme of this case is a “MASTER”.
It is a case where conditioning + acquired knowledge > perception.
This is a stage of judgment, action, and works.
So then the result would be positive or negative depending on the conditioning.
Like most people in society will help a man who has slipped and fallen to stand up.
This is not necessarily because of true perception, but it is the general enculturation internalized knowledge that makes people act that way.

When, Experience > Knowledge:
The person becomes a seeker of knowledge and truth.
The negative extreme of this case is “PSYCHOSIS”.
The positive extreme of this case is a “SAINT/MYSTIC”.
It is the state of the child who learns by context, immersion, intensity, involvement, perfusion.
It is the state of a devotee and contemplation.
Contemplation on questions to ponder and wonder on.
Such a person is open, curious, innocent, and impressionable.
The seeking continues until the necessary awakening happens i.e. until the flowering of higher knowledge/wisdom/intelligence happens.
This is the stage of growth, development, and becoming.

This distinction is not about what is ‘better or worse’ or ‘good or bad’.
Rather, this comparison was only to illuminate the 2 aspects of the flux of existence.
Everyone passes through both these stages of evolution.
We know and do, then we see we don’t know and learn, then again we know and do, and so on.