What inspiration experientially feels like

Breathe out completely and hold.
Do not breathe in again immediately.
Wait for about 10 seconds (or whatever time suits you),
Until you feel a strong urge brimming inside you to take the next inbreath.
Now just give in to that urge,
And let it carry you all the way as you take an inbreath,
Until you are filled with the satisfaction of fulfilling that.
Feel the fulfillment and satisfaction of that process of letting the urge carry you all the way.
After that, once again you can breathe out and hold,
And go into another cycle of this, if you wish.

The inspiration is that upwelling and brimming of that urge to breathe in.
I have not found a more visceral, direct, tangible, and reproducible way to experience ‘inspiration’ itself.
Every inbreath in reality is from a influx of inspiration carrying you through it.
I have seen that esp. when doing multiple cycles of this,
Done with full focus, the inbreaths can get very pleasurable.
A feeling of ‘the magic breath’ happens.
It starts to feel like a deep immersive emotional experience.

The sufferings of Rahu Mahadasha (12th house)

This is from my own experience,
Of going through this for the past 7 years.
But I have written this post from the ‘2nd person point of view’.
This post might give some solace,
To all of those going through similar experiences.
I have observed that describing things clearly,
Takes a lot of weight off them.

Actual post:
I have noticed in the Rahu Mahadasha (12th house),
Numerous problems related to senses/nerves/body/pain/brain(mind) appear,
But all of them are unsolvable.
They come and go as they please, outside of your control.
You are only a spectator to all those events.
And if you research, you will get deep into rabbit holes,
Getting totally mired in swamps,
And deep complex pits of despair with nothing working.

The medical industry will drive you crazy into their hopeless universes,
Of terrifying conditions/issues/problems/diseases/syndromes/disorders.
The experience is just off feeling: Confused/Distraught/Terrorized/Despaired/Panicky.
Hopelessness/Futility/Desperation/Obsessiveness/Exasperation are the smells in the air.
You feel more and more inadequate and powerless as you keep researching.
But you can’t stop and you go down the rabbit holes more and more,
But nothing works, everything keeps on failing and confusing you.

Like existence has a conspiracy against you,
Where you helplessly flounder, flail, struggle, to no avail.
You feel assaulted/persecuted/victimized/targeted/oppressed.
All the pure sufferings of the mind.
Since the mind is what creates reasons, this is even beyond reason.
The mysterious moods/feelings/struggles just keep on coming,
And they constantly shape shift,
And escape all your attempts to research and pin down.
They come and go as they please, with you having no control.
You feel utterly humiliated, powerless, meaningless, control-less, and destroyed within.

The sufferings just keep playing out, everyday a new one.
It’s like falling through a valley of shadows, sorrows, miseries, and suffering.
All of it is suffered mostly in silence.
It would not help even if you spoke about it,
Because people would just avoid you like plague anyway.
It is the peak of psycho-somatic troubles.
The mind-body feel so merged, it is not possible to differentiate,
As to what is physiological and what is psychological.
It all assaults you together in ways you simply cannot get a hold over.

It borders on you feeling mad almost,
Because nothing of this world and its methods gives you any idea.
You are carried/dragged helplessly through a storm in the pitch dark night.
Not knowing where you are going or if your actions matter at all.
Nevertheless you can’t help putting a strong front,
And all of your intelligence and might,
To research and research, and figure some way out.

The thoughts that come to you are:
‘I wonder what the learning of this kind of Bardo realm is.
Is it just a quota of sufferings that I must go through to extinguish my karma?
Will this ever end? Will this fog ever leave?
What is the guarantee it will not come back?
How will I ever feel faith again in life if it can do this to me?’
You are then forced to surrender.
These experience unite death and life, and bring you back to the moment,
To a kind of primordial innocence.
When just about anything can happen, in total insecurity,
It challenges everything.
“Let thy will be done” is the feeling.

VR analogy for Turiya

In Vedanta,
There are the following different states of consciousness:
# Turiya
# Deep sleep = Turiya + Deep sleep
# Dreaming = Turiya + Deep sleep + Dreaming
# Waking = Turiya + Deep sleep + Dreaming + Waking

Turiya is not really a state,
But it is the transcendent reality,
That underlies all the 3 states,
Of waking, dreaming, sleeping.

A great way to experientially imagine this,
Is to take the analogy of a VR headset.
You are Turiya.
You first wear the VR headset ‘switched off’ on your head first = Deep sleep
Say the VR headset cycles through these 3 states of:
# Being switched off = Deep sleep
# Movie mode = Dream
# ‘First person’ avatar game mode = Waking
Let’s imagine there are 2 screens on the VR:
# The screen closer to your eye is the movie screen.
# The screen farther away from your eye is the game screen.

The 2 can play simultaneously also, but generally,
When the game screen is switched on,
The movie screen turns translucent,
And serves as a sort of AR (augmented reality) for the game screen.

Imagine you forgot you were wearing this headset,
And got immersed into the game screen appearance,
Then you will believe the game world shown on it is the ground reality.
Supposing you snapped out of the trance,
And realized you were wearing the headset,
This real you that woke up to this is ‘Turiya’.
The VR headset still cycles between being switched off, movie mode, and game mode.
However now the real you is awake behind all of these states.

Imagine trying to convince another avatar in the game mode,
That he is actually another person like you wearing the headset.
How would you go about it?
Whatever he points to in that VR game world,
And even his avatar body, would have nothing to do with what you are trying to point at.

Similarly the other implication of this analogy would be that:
If you went to deep sleep in the game mode for the other players,
It means your headset is in its turned off state.
The real you wearing the headset is still awake.
However, since your headset is switched off, you would receive no information from the VR game world.
Other players would find you motionless/asleep/dead.
And even if they waved at you from within the game,
You would not receive that.
But however the real you, is still awake,
Just observing the blankness of the switched off screen.
This real you that is transcendent of the VR headset and its simulated worlds = Turiya.

Real knowledge must be rooted in direct perception

Many times, when I ask people about what they feel about a certain thing,
They would respond with: I don’t know, or I’m blank, or no idea.
That is usually in the colloquial context.
However, when examined existentially, that is not true at all.
They do know.
They do have lot of preexisting beliefs, frameworks, ideas, imaginations, and preconceptions about that thing.

When it is said ‘The enlightened one is the one that realizes that he does not know’,
We wonder: ‘Ok, what about all the commoners who also say the same about everything?’
In reality, the latter set of people do believe they know,
And have all sorts of conceptions, imaginations, ideations, associations about it, but it is in unconsciousness/darkness and unexamined.

What holds back people from proper atma-vichara is that they do not contact and work with the proper seed essences from the point of view of consciousness.
Generally, as a thumb rule: ‘You always start from what you do know, and from that seed essence, you grow the tree of knowledge.’
It is a kind of contradiction to say, “I don’t know X”, because in that very statement you have already shown you have a conception of what X is.
It is like saying: “Can you see this tumbler, THIS tumbler (you hold it in your hand or point to it), I can’t see it”.
Or pointing to the tumbler and saying, “This is not a ceramic vessel”.
The next question then would be: “Then…What is it?”
When people say “I don’t know, I’m blank, no idea” = it is a sort of negative definition.
They are not seeing the knowing/ideas they do have about that.

‘NOT’ is always a comparative statement.
Like defining: A as A, and B as ‘not A’.
But B is also B, it is its own thing.
Nothing can not exist. There is only existence.
‘Not’ simply means that thing which exists, is not something else.
So contemplation and gaining knowledge requires you to contact “the essence object/the root rasa” in your consciousness first,
I.e. the knowing/ideas/concepts you do have about it.
Then you can proceed to add on/investigate/deconstruct and so on.
Without contacting this essence, the foundation of all your knowledge is belief based and therefore unstable (relatively unreal).
It is without rooting in your own direct experience.

You are the root which the tree of your knowledge must be attached to, and come from.
If this root is in unconsciousness, then your knowledge will be a flimsy tree without real rooting.
It would live only off consensus.

There is experience/knowing all the time.
Generally, if you ask someone to close their eyes and ask them what do they see, they would say “nothing”.
What they mean in a way is: nothing relevant/significant/important,
Or nothing worth even calling a thing.
But it is important to note that, it is never nothing because nothing does not exist.
They are seeing something (some inchoate murky patterns/fluctuations/forms etc.) which can be artistically and imaginatively described.
By saying nothing, they are essentially saying that whatever is seen is irrelevant and therefore “ignorable”(treated as nothing).
But this is where ignorance lies too.
Seeing is always on, whether your eyes are closed or open, because really it is the mind that is tuning to the sense of seeing, and therefore seeing.

There are essences and degrees.
The essences you perceive in your inner/outer space, are your real riches.
They are the 5th dimension, all the possibilities of your current condition of existence.
This direct perception of essences is your REAL KNOWLEDGE.
These essences are the seeds of real knowledge from which you can build trees and connect them up.
Once the “essence” is perceived, you have the fundamental riches, you can then play around with “degree”, and manifest them fully.

About recognition

‘Recognition’ generally is about others recognizing you,
Which is essentially, others seeing you as part of themselves,
Since what we see in and as others, is only the reflection of our self.
We only see ourselves (aspects of ourselves) in all the others we meet.

Others seeing you, really is them seeing you in them.
Whereas you recognizing others, is you seeing them within you.
All deep recognition is from an identification.
You intimately experience within, that which you recognize.

All riches is really only riches of consciousness.
All true riches is the riches of your inner space experience (Hiranyagarba/Mindscape).
Your riches do not come from others recognizing you.
That is really their riches,
Because that is from them experiencing you in their own inner space.
Your riches are what you can recognize/understand/experience/identify/connect with.

A short description of my experience

I experience life itself like a dream.
Where there is total subjectivity.
And “everything” could change into anything.
Absolutely malleable/changeable.
The “props” of my external environment may remain the same,
But the “dance” is in my body chemistry,
That can change the “entire relationship” I have with everything,
i.e. all of my thoughts/emotions/moods/feelings/perspectives/vision/projections etc.

Drugs really reveal this secret all too well,
That body chemistry shapes a tremendous/extraordinary amount of all of our experience.
Like esp. with marijuana and psychedelics, the alteration is phenomenal.
Chemistry and perception have a phenomenal correlation.
It can alter even time, space, and my whole vision about everything.
The body is like the million-chemical factory,
Controlled by forces from a higher dimension? (soul/karma/vasanas/engrams/samskharas/causal realm seed?)
Which are in turn controlled by the collective soul/collective karma/solar-system as a logos with planetary sub-logos etc.?

The only stable ground I see is ‘consciousness’.
That is the only certainty/ground I feel.
Everything else is super changeable in my experience,
Anything and everything can dramatically shift.
So there is a weaning out and a profound detachment that is deepening as this process is happening.
Sometimes I lose all energy, coherence, and suffer the dark night of soul,
Going through a hyper-negative sensitivity to everything,
In the cesspit of my wretchedness, despair, depression, reactivity, contradictions, confusions, paradoxes, frustrations, sufferings.
Like falling into the valley/pit of sorrow/miseries/pain.
Other times I come back with a bang, rise up to the mountains,
And regain coherence/meaning/purpose/direction/clarity with a sense of euphoria/insight/joy/beatitude.

I find the greatest/ultimate rejuventator for me is “SLEEP”.
Every “sleep” gives me a new lease of life.
Each day is a new life.
I live day to day, taking each new day as a life in and of itself.
My whole lifespan 85 years say,
Is really the aggregate of ~31100 sub-lives.
Every day I wake up to brave a new mystery/a new paradigm/a new context,
And by the night I am totally pooked/in deep fatigue.

My experience is like endless alternations of,
Coherence/Harmony/Purpose/Meaning –and– Confusion/Chaos/Suffering/Meaningless
Like mountain -> valley -> mountain -> valley…..and so on.
A constant agonizing alternation between ecstasy and depression.
With wild fluctuations in the influx and deflux of spirit.
My whole being is just an instrument that serves and abides in this mystery,
And rides its waves and dance.
I feel like i’m living in a constant Bardo realm,
With a very tenuous connect with the earth and body.

Like an endless fall into the abyss that will maybe drop me off in the next dimension.
Like being eaten by a Whale, and digested alive inside its stomach.
But maybe a day will come where I will open my eyes to the world again, not as me, but as the Whale,
And see through the Whale’s eyes and live in and as its being,
That has absorbed my essence into its.

The only one thing I desire is “spirit”.
I’ve narrowed it down to that after discriminating through all these extreme shifts.
When I am filled with spirit, life is wonderful.
In the absence of spirit, I am in deep agony.

Insights on the solar system, mother, body, and world

sunDiag
The structure of the archetypal world:
Sun = Purusha = Prime independent principle
Maya = Prakriti = Nature = Dependent principle
The 9 planets are Maya, the Sun is the Purusha, in the solar logos.
Maya is inherently neutral (it’s like your movie DVD is neutral, but it is you who experiences it, so the experiencer, the ultimate subject of all structs is called ATMAN)
The Purusha is the witness consciousness that penetrates Maya through its different shaktis/forms at each plane from 1 to 8.
Which is exactly what the Shiva lingam represents, the penetration of purusha into prakriti that receives.
And the 9 planets are only what is seen and physical.
But the planes 1 to 8 are filled with structures that are invisible to us.
So every ray of light of the sun is one Jiva.
As shown by the yellow lines, the jiva line of consciousness passes through s1, s2, s3…representing all the maya structures that the ray of light from the sun is piercing through.
The closest to the sun is mercury, then venus, the earth…
So in terms of our consciousness(sun), the mental world is the mercury region(plane 1), venus i.e. plane 2 is the astral plane, and plane 3 is the earth plane.
So corresponding to each of these worlds/planes/spaces we have a body also which are the structures s1, s2, s3 structures = mental body, vital body, physical body.
That is how we land up with 3 main bodies when on earth.

I speculate if it could be the moon that is causing the phenomenon of birth and death on earth for a relatively eternal jiva rising from the ray of the sun (ray of consciousness/ray of source)?
moon

Now on the human mother in this earth plane:
Now let’s go step by step logically.
You are born on earth from a mother.
The physical body has grown from the mother, so it is really made of the mother only.
First mother -> then body -> then world.
So if you reject your mother, which existentially is the source/manufacturer of your body itself, then like a cascade, automatically you will reject your body, and then you will reject the world also.
Because the “physical world” is the projection of the ray of light of the sun through the physical body(s3).
[Just like the mental world is the projection of the ray of light of the sun passing through mental body(s1).]
When the mother is loved, then the body is loved, and then the world is loved.
A very important note: This has little to do with your mother’s ego and who she believes she is. This is about the existential maya structures. This is “what” she actually is in an EXISTENTIAL sense.

Once the mother is rejected, then your body instrument gets rejected too, the world gets rejected (projection of the body instrument)…all in a cascading order, and you fall into the underworld/desert. Where the rest of life in this body is spent trying to escape it by dissociated trances/states of consciousness/intoxicants/distractions.

So it would follow – if your mother does not like you, it would feel like the world does not like you. But in truth it is her ego that does not like you. Because the deeper truth, she does not like herself. Since you came from her, if she loved herself, she would definitely love you, existentially speaking.
It is the ego that has confused the perfection of everything.
The ego is the obfuscating force.
I have another theory for what the ego is. The ego is of the earth.
Because the sun rays can only hit its surface.
So the solid earth represents the “unconscious” = which is ego (as pertaining to earth and body life).
Which might mean every physical planet and all physical nature is basically unconsciousness, i.e. whatever sun light does not penetrate.

So there are 2 mothers possible:
# Self loving mother (ego aligned with her higher truth and serving it) —-vs—- Self hating mother (ego in delusion and not serving truth)
Fear and Hatred are all from misalignment.
Depending on whom your born too -> you’ll have a different body and a different world experience.
Like the 5 blind men and the elephant, you could get a body that either allows you to feel the tusk/trunk of the world or tail of the world.

You are going to be shaped by the raw material of your mother.
Her relationship to your body is going to condition your relationship to your own body and this will in turn condition your relationship to the world.
Because then we will attract the exact circumstances in the world that treat us the same way as our mother treated our body.
If a person X kept getting physically violent, because his mother’s relationship to his body was like that. So he sees the whole world as people coming to beat him up, which is the kind of perspective that is natural given such a mother.

Prakriti (mother) vs. Purusha (father)
The body is of the mother.
The soul is of the father.
I have another theory possible theory for men and women, that women are generated by the influence of moon, while men are generated from the influence of the sun.

If your mother was your devotee,
That is actually the relationship of the whole world to you.
Because you were born in that light ray point,
So that will be your world vision too, shaped by that experience.

Another very important point to note here is,
The mother is not the final agency or true cause.
Because she was shaped by her mother…and so on.
It is a cascade from mother -> mother -> mother…
All tying back symbolically to what religions call the “great mother”.

Intensify the cycles

space_mandala

Fully experience one pole to move to the other.
Then fully experience the other to move back to the first.
All of these polarities keep swinging:
Sadness ——– Laughter
Anger ———- Joy
Pain ———— Pleasure
Suffering ——- Peace
Fear ———– Love
If you withhold anything, then you cannot let the life flow.
Emptiness will not happen if you withhold, that which you hold will become real.
You have to enable/allow/facilitate the flow/passing/process.
Die continuously to keep living anew.

Fully experiencing is the only way to let life keep moving.
This also means fully experiencing ALL the cycles.
Everything must run through.
All the wheels/cycles must spin faster and faster,
Like the spinning ceiling fan, the cycles will form the mandala, and the transcendent vision will be seen.

The intensity of time is to be accelerated.
Time being a cycle, it intensifies the rapidity of the pendulum swing/cycles.
You need to increase your vision of time.
When time becomes extremely rapid, the 2 dualities separated in time, appear as the mandala.
Make the refresh rate of cycles so quick, that you can see the whole hologram.
Live as intensely as possible.
Experience as fully as possible.

Be like the Heptapods in the movie Arrival.
To see the vision of cyclical time over long reaches.
Fast-forward your life process.
Let the karmic wind up toy completely unwind and spiral outward to the next dimension.
Kala the darkness and ignorance of time must be overcome.

Whiz through all the residual memories of the past,
And relive them and burn them as intensely as you can.
Be as awake as you can.
Intensify the cycles. Go faster.
Finish off the karma residues.
Take in more fire, and burn faster and stronger.
Increase the frequency.
More intense the life process = Higher the plane one’s being ascends to.
Let your life move like a Timelapse.

The state of unconditional allowing

Colors Disco Ball

I feel like I am not yet born,
I feel like an endless work in progress,
I feel like this life is like a dream in the birth waters.
I feel like I am ceaselessly being transformed.

All the experiences, of heaven and hell, pass through me.
Like a spherical mirror that travels everywhere and reflects everything,
But holds nothing, and stays ever-pure in its essence.

The only thing I have to do is to let everything pass through.
Let the winds efface the sand sculptures.
Let the water waves efface the sand castles.
Let me be done and undone by the flows of all elements.
Each of the various realms/worlds/planes,
Will give bodies and reabsorb bodies as their play.
I am the ultimate dis-identified witness, watching the play.
The colorless light of the Ajna.

In a state of unconditional allowing I am free.
Simply free to fully live.