Deep Sleep, Transformation, Gunas, and Innocence

Food and substances can be had in a way that maximizes sattva and minimizes tamas.
Essentially, sattva = high vibration (gaseous) – highest energy in the molecules/being
rajas = medium vibration (water) – medium energy in the molecules/being
tamas = low vibration (solid) – lowest energy so it clumps up
One recharges sattva via deep sleep – basically through the circadian rhythm.
Other conscious activities do help – like relaxation, meditation etc. but again they may disturb the circadian rhythm too.
For instance, if you deeply meditate in the evening for 1 hour – you may not be able to sleep that night. That is the same like sleeping at an odd time like 6pm in the evening and expecting that you will sleep at 12pm in the night as usual.

So in a sense the underworld, The dragon of chaos, the primordial chaos, is -> if you cannot sleep.
The circadian rhythm and [deep sleep/dreaming and its depth] determines the amount of energy one has.
If you lose this capacity to profoundly relax, you also lose your ability to be profoundly awake.
In a sense, paradoxically, conscious relaxation and degree of awakeness are the same.
The person who is always deep at rest, is also deeply awake to that same degree.
That is why a person who does not try to be awake is more awake than the person who tries to be, because such a person has even let go of that tension of trying to be more awake. So only he is truly resting in the Dao.

Once one penetrates to the [Ego-aware, Construct-aware dark night of soul] stage of development, then the very ego/self/will/desire is perceived to be a stress/tension/pain and there is this deeper desire to release it all into the NOW/Dao/Infinite.
One consciously surrenders/gives up all to the unknowing/unbecoming/undoing – like melting into deep sleep – because it is seen with pristine dreadful lucidity that identification with the self construct is the cause of suffering/tension/pain/stress itself.
So the next obvious step then becomes to let yourself relax more and more/fall more and more – to relax yourself beyond recognition – because when the self construct is relaxed, it dissolves (its very structure is maintained by unconscious tension) – so the territory of oblivion is entered, where you do not know who you are anymore and you definitely do not want to go back to your old self/construct (the very stress from which you relaxed yourself out of).

So the self construct is dissolved into something larger, which you awaken into. Like if the self was sugar, it is now dissolved into water.
Your experiencing the dissolving is like dying into the unknown, and when the dissolving is complete, you wake up to your nature as water, you are then re-born.
All death/rebirth/alchemy/resurrection/dissolution appears to have this process. You surrender into the unknown underworld, whose forces are initially painful, then later those very forces become your friends.
The so called devils who were ripping you apart, are now seen as angels freeing you from these tension/structures/false-identifications.

The perspective shifts from seeing all that is happening as an oppressive/tyrannical/eating-away from devils/scavengers to seeing that one has voluntarily/willingly surrendered/given into the action of these forces to be liberated from self.
You could see these dissolving agents as acidic/devils or angels/liberators depending on your orientation.
If you’re eyes are on wanting to holding on -> they are devils, if your eyes are on liberation -> they are angels/helpers.
You lose you old, and what do you get in return? NOTHING. The nothing is born, the old form dies.
The final gift is YOUR ABSENCE, this absence of self is the greatest git.
Every death is an alchemy/transformation – and every death is not death, because death can never be, it is always a rebirth.

There is no life without innocence, death is the return to innocence/freshness.
Like Alan Watts would say, to know everything is to live in the dead.
Spirit is magic, no magic is no life.
We can look at it like a spectrum OR a pendulum:
Re-filling knowledge/form ——————— emptying form/restoring innocence

When too innocent, we seek knowledge ardently.
When too knowledgeable, we seek innocence with the same gusto.
Just like a child, who is ushered into a playroom by his mother.
He enjoys exploring all the new toys, and once he is done, he goes back to the mother, so that she can take him somewhere else where he is once again innocent.

Innocence is the potential fire of knowledge-seeking.
Knowledge is the potential fire of innocence-seeking.
Like a pendulum or a rhythm.

The cycles in psychoactives/stimulants

In all psychoactives and stimulants, I can notice one common cycle.
When fresh just after taking it, there is a good period for the first 3 hours.
Psychoactives/Stimulants would include: mushrooms, lsd, weed, alcohol, coffee, modafinil, adderall etc.
Then after that initial period of enjoyment, I get tired.
And then once that happens, the fatigue reality slowly kicks in.
Then instead of actively exploring, it is now night for my head, and I am mostly just spending my energy to guard myself and push off unpleasant thoughts.
The will gets depleted.
The experience then starts to get somewhat burdensome and undesirable, but I have to ride it out for its full duration.
Like for instance, in LSD, it lasts for 12+ hours, so after the first 4-5 hours, I need to ride out the somewhat undesired period of the remaining hours.
Because in the intial hours, all my positive fires get mostly depleted – i.e. the seratonin, dopamine, norepinephrine, oxytocin, vasopressin and other joy, worship, love, connection, wonder, thrill chemicals/neurotransmitters get depleted.
They would get renewed(in their cycle) only if I slept, but I cannot sleep and I have prematurely exhausted all of these, so now, that makes it hard.
So in a way, I just wait for rejuvenation after that and try to pass time reasonably productively.
I either relax in tamasic stupor, or resort to rajasic activity like hearing masters/satsangs/or about some deep interest or intellectual topic.
But mostly, all I really desire is the sattva – the joy, brilliance, vitality, well-being, high vibration, freedom, power, serenity, appreciation, imagination, connection, feeling, love, happiness etc.

So each of these substances has a day and night component associated with them.
When full of energy/interest/enthusiasm/exploration it is day, when depleted/tired/fatigued/burdened it is night.

Even in my daily life, just after getting up, things are good in the initial hours.
Then they slowly slide into tiredness/fatigue.
So everyday I go through – sattvic time (morning), tamasic time(late afternoon, evening), rajasic time(night), tamasic(late night).
I’ve seen the same general principles apply to every stimulant or psychoactive substance.
They are sattvic when I have a lot of energy(will-power, interest) in me to experience them/control them/direct them/explore with them, that is, when they are SMALLER than me.
Eventually I get depleted, but the substance action still continues, and now it becomes BIGGER than me and a burden of sort and I have to ride through it until its wave of power is over.

Memory = Continuity = Time = Self = Thought frame

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Memory = Continuity = Time = Apparent Self = Thought frame
Flows:
—-[Memory appearance 1]—-[Memory appearance 2]—-[Memory appearance 3]—-
—-Discontinuity 1—-[Continuity 1]—-Discontinuity 2—-[Continuity 2]—-Discontinuity 3—-[Continuity 3]—-
—-[Timeline 1]—-[Timeline 2]—-[Timeline 3]—-
—-[Context Self 1]—-[Context Self 2]—-[Context Self 3]—-
—-[Thought frame 1]—-[Thought frame 2]—-[Thought frame 3]—-

From the bed of chaos/creation/ocean of all possibility – arises an ordered linear temporal self(verb), like an ocean generating a temporal wave – and the wave rises to its peak and then falls back into the ocean.

Consciousness IS freedom

Consciousness IS Freedom itself.
To be totally conscious of something, is to be simultaneously free of it.
[To the degree to which you are conscious, to that degree you are free]
Consciousness is the liberator.
Consciousness is always (eternally) free of its contents.
The way to free yourself from anything is to become totally conscious of it.

To realize your nature as consciousness is to realize Shiva.
Shiva = Formless, Essence, Consciousness, and Freedom.
Shiva is eternally free from the dance of content, and rests in his nature.
Shakti is the dancer and mover.
Shakti = Maya, Form, Love(self/identification), Desire.
Shakti and Shiva are in perfect marriage with each other and are inseparably mutually arising in every experience – i.e. the marriage of consciousness and contents. They are ONE.

To return to the abode of Shiva, is to return to enlightenment, to realize one’s nature as Shiva (which also releases one totally – into total freedom).
Liberation is to journey between:
Shakti/Maya —->——>—— Shiva/Essence(Consciousness realization)

Gross/Subtle Forms/Forces

Technically one never destroys life, one only destroys forms and form potentials.
Similarly, one never creates life, one only nurtures forms and form potentials.
What cannot be destroyed or created are the unborn/unformed potentials themselves. Life is this unborn potentiality itself.
What I truly am in my purest/distilled/untangled form is this “infinite unborn potential” manifesting in/as/across the entire field as a shimmering of possibilities.

But in the case of forms, it is very easy to destroy a form.
If 2 digital cameras say meet each other (haha), they might click pictures of each other in their different modes and quality settings.
Whereas, say a hammer were to meet a digital camera, in its nature, it would hit/smash and the form of the digital camera would instantly lose its structure/function/integrity.
The hammer however can continue to stay in its nature happily and still retain its function.
The subtler camera structure has however lost its form integrity and functionality.

So this gives me the impression that, subtler forms are inherently more beautiful and rich but also much more fragile.
The subtler the form, the more fragile/vulnerable it is.
Fear is the protective mechanism, when a subtler form is in the presence of a lot of gross forces, because as in the example I demonstrated, the grosser forces would destroy this rich subtle form.

But what about forces? The tables turn here.
The subtle forces are much more powerful than gross forces.
For instance, the force of a rock can do nothing to the air, but the force of air can wear the rock away and still stay unaffected.
Like how the asteroids are vaporized by the time they reach the surface of the earth due to their friction with air.

Good/evil and delusion, are connected to the force and not the forms.
The forms are maintained or adopted by the forces, to carry out their function.
The force uses forms.
When the force attaches and identifies itself with a specific form, it identifies with the form instead of itself and gets limited to maintaining/protecting/improving the form – creating what we call ego.
Enlightenment is to shift identification from the form to the force which frees up the force.
And probably, there is an identification possible that even transcends force.

Freedom for the force is – non-attachment and non-identification with forms.
And freedom from both the form and force is to stay/identify with and as awareness.

Essence vs. Degree

All essences are NOW.
Time is only the play of ‘degrees of essence’.
For instance, the essence of light is always present.
And the essence of mystery/change is always present.
It is only the degree that varies in time.

For instance, day and night represent different degrees of light.
But light is always there.
Similarly change/mystery/surprise is always there, but its degree varies a lot in time.
For instance, if you go to a tightly packed vacation, say to a new country, there would be a lot more change/mystery, whereas, an ordinary day would contain a much lesser degree of mystery/surprise.

Opposites are not different things, they are different degrees of the same thing.
So all essences are present now.
This is what makes reincarnation irrelevant, which simply represents a much greater degree of change.

Everything is self-evident

Everything is self-evidently perfect
The one with eyes will see
The one without eyes will not see
The one with blurry eyes will see blurry
The one with clear eyes will see clear
The one with tunnel vision will see tunneled
The one with wide vision will see wide
The one with desire will seek
The one without desire will not seek
The one with guilt will punish/deprive oneself
The one with pride will pleasure/provide oneself
The one who feels worthy will celebrate
The one who feels unworthy will feel sad
The one with hope will strive
The one who loses hope will drop his efforts
…and so on

General masses vs. sociopaths vs. contemplators

GENERAL MASSES
In my experience, for most people, their emotions like desire, anger, liking, aversion etc. is all mapped to specific outer stuff.
There is a recognizable structure in their emotional mappings to the outer world.
But when you question them, they will always only point to the literal person, object, some situation happening, and attribute causation directly to the outer.
They cannot see their own structure, because they are seeing through that.
All their emotions are outward mapped onto a specific world image, projected from their structure, which is completely invisible and thereby absolutely true for them.
When you question them, they do not introspect, rather they might try to attack you/avoid you/ignore you/deny everything you say/attack the finger that points/ manipulate the finger etc.
This is because they cannot see what you are pointing at, at all.

SOCIOPATHS:
Sociopaths are on the far end of this spectrum.
They see the world through a hard integrated simplistic structure, that is opportunistic and looks to exploit everything for itself.
Their self structure is almost totally invulnerable to influence.
Nothing can change their reality orientation from outside since their eyes are always looking outward only.
So if you point to a structure they have, its as if you are pointing to something that does not exist. They would simply view that as an attack and try to attack your view.

Broadly the spectrum is:
Total self-reflection (total self-incrimination)—————– Total self-projection (total blame)
The spectrum could also be viewed as:
Sociopath ——————— Contemplator.
I would say, sociopaths are closer to animals, in the sense, their nature is unchangeable and immutable.
They cannot reflect on themselves and see ‘self’ as object.
So their whole world is their playground and they will demand everywhere and manipulate.
What are people on the other end of the spectrum called? – I would say, contemplators.
The following introspective functions are present in contemplators:
self-contemplation, self-examination, self-observation, self-questioning, self-reflection, self-scrutiny, self-searching, soul-searching, self-analysis, self-awareness, self-consciousness, self-recognition; introversion, self-absorption, self-centeredness, self-concern, self-involvement; self-actualization, self-discovery, self-exploration, self-fulfillment, self-realization; self-knowledge, self-revelation; self-concept, self-image, self-perception; contemplation, meditation, reflection, rumination

Contemplators cannot outrospect/project easily and operate from seeing all of reality as their responsibility including serving others.
Their self is likely prone to getting into ruminative thought loops, chaos, getting caught in logical paradoxes, conflicting desires, traffic jam energies…and so on.
The mindset of total self-projection, the state of the sociopath, is the state of mind one has when in a stage performance or when facing a big threat like a wild animal. One’s attention is then totally outward focused and that gives a taste of what a sociopath mind state is like to the contemplator folk.

Generally, when does inward focus happen then? – It happens in boredom, when there is 0 outer pressure, and when there is no threat OR if the threat is inescapable, then you retreat into total inward focus.
Another way to look at it is that sociopaths are like one-time programmable only chips, after that they function without being influenced. They are like clay that has hardened into rock.
The contemplators on the other hand are permanently programmable chips. They are ever malleable and changeable.
Contemplators stay permanently as clay.

I would think, sociopaths can comfortably roam around in the social world, because they are immune to all influences, and their total outward focus is the ideal state for survival and self-protection.
A contemplator on the other hand tends to avoid the social world, because he is very impressionable and malleable, and his outward focus is only when there are threats (i.e. he freezes into a structure temporarily only when there are threats), else he stays in his total malleable state.
So freezing into various forms and staying that way in social environments is ok if it is temporary, but to do that every day is burdensome for the contemplator.
That is why taking up one profession is difficult for a deep contemplator, because that is like forcing a malleable entity take up the same configuration/structure every single day for most of the day.
It is denying him the freedom he feels inside him everyday.
Contemplators are living in the meta-programming world itself.
Surviving in a world full of solid people is annoying for the contemplator, because he is exceptionally free and flexible but can never interact with others in that freedom.
The only way to interact with most people is to create quasi structures and interact with them within the acceptability zones intuited.
The contemplator is formless i.e. he has no intrinsic form and he is continuously aware of his freedom.
Whereas the sociopath is like a rock, a solid form, and he sees the entire world through this filter.

Ego as an assertion(activity) to cover its dual

egoprojection

The implied background always wins over the projected foreground.
The whole game is that the ego attempts to strongly project more and more of the opposite, in order to hide the background.
Every assertion is a force that is trying to cover up its background.

Its like there is a self-definition downloaded, and there is this feeling of “ohh shit, I hate that, that is horrible” and therefore the whole self agitates and goes into turmoil/resistance/suffering and pushes out/projects the opposite strongly to the degree to which the turmoil was present.
Greater the degree of non-acceptance/resistance/turmoil/agitation/suffering, greater the degree of the opposite force “asserted” IN ORDER to cover up the suffering within.
So the whole purpose of the ego shell, which is a outward projected doing, is to cover up, and is a protection/shell against the suffering underneath.
More there is to hide, stronger the projective force of ego, and the louder it is.
So the ego is the false self put out, IN ORDER TO, cover up the unacceptable.

For example, why does a person push to be more popular?
The pushing is the foreground which is the assertion.
The background is the belief that “he is not-popular” and also that “he ought to be popular”
So this background agitates as a result and tries to project a strong persona forward that stays and pushes to be more and more popular.
However, since the person never stops, the background is always winning, and all the person succeeds in doing is in masking this deeper belief about himself.
When he runs out of energy and if he is unable to assert his popularity, he falls into its “Dual state” of being unpopular and suffering as a result of that(non-acceptance) which was his original condition to start with.
So the way out, is to drop the assertion first, and live through the base definitions you have about yourself and accept it.
Interestingly when the base definition is totally accepted, then even that vanishes from being along with the need to be popular which becomes redundant.
His strong outer ego shell was projected from its inner core, precisely to avoid the inner core experience which was some unbearable reality (the definition and its non-acceptance) that was programmed into him at a formative age.

Freedom is by staying as void

Freedom is in the void.
It in when you have both:
– anti-knowledge and knowledge.
– perspective and anti-perspective
– matter and anti-matter
etc.
The freedom eagle needs both the wings of creation and destruction to move.
Otherwise free movement is not possible
That is the art of learning alchemy and transmutation.
Of sliding along the poles of the same things.
Depression —————————- Joy
Bad ———————————- Good
Preoccupied ———————– Available/free
Stuck ———————– Free
Negative ——————- Positive
Non-sexual —————- Sexual
Passion ——————— Anti-passion
To be stuck is to be unable to shift perspective/shift reality/change.
The ability to shift perspective like this along the poles of things is the greatest freedom.
Else I am enslaved and CANNOT MOVE out of a rigid interpretation or structure.
The ability to focus and move along the poles axis of thought and perspective, is the freedom.
This however requires a lot of energy.
Greater the energy, greater the ability to shimmery change into anything.
Spectrum of available energy:
Low energy stuckness ————————– High energy shimmery change.
As your energy reduces, your karma accumulations will get to you.
It is like imagine someone started giving you $1000 a day and gradually increased it each day until it reached $100,000.
Say you bought a bunch of things with it and made a bunch of investments.
Once it reaches 100,000 a day, say the money given everyday starts reducing until it becomes $1000 again.
Now your life investments in the downward phase will be constantly grating on you. You will have to sell, give up, let go of a lot of stuff and still how much ever you give up, there will still be a strain on resources. All your investments will continue to be unsustainable.
This is until you give up everything and get back to your long ago state of having $1000 a day.
Karma looks to be something like that.
It is a cycle.
There is high energy to begin with, super high vibration, we create all kinds of reality with that, and enjoy them, then eventually the excess free energy gets exhausted, and then the energy starts decreasing causing you to drop all your creations, until 0. Then another wave starts.
Karma is created by attachment and investment.
So riding the wave without attachment and with dispassion/dis-investment allows you to live the energy flow without losing any to upholding/maintaining karma accumulations(which inevitably result in the pain of loss in the downward cycle) and transcend the cycle.