Life is dissolving me

Reality crushes me like a vice
Reality wraps around my self like a coiled snake
Everytime my ego breathes, it’s grip tightens
I am in the jaws of the tiger’s mouth
There is no escape.

This is a real death.
Death of an energetic formation through which I have lived all my life
It is getting impossible to stand on anything
Every ground or belief that I cling to is being removed
My mind lives in a sort of desperation and fear
To find something to stand on, some support

Others in the consensus reality are still fast asleep
They laugh and taunt me
At my fumbling to find even a basic ground
Like a child laughs at an old man who is facing the jaws of death
But I know the real terror of it
It is humiliating to see myself in contrast to others
Who seem to have so much of consistent power
I miss my former days of glory and potential
Where I felt delight in so many things

I am forsaken by the world and god
My inner resources are getting weaker and weaker to withstand this onslaught
The isolation only keep increasing and reality tightens more and more
It is getting impossible to escape and I have to consciously witness my dying
Luckily, I get small breaks every now and then
Where there is some relief, some peace, some understanding, a hint of joy

Overall, I do see this is something that needs to happen
Transcendence is the only TRUE solution
I wish it would have been easier
But then I also see, that the only way to be fearless
Is to be NOTHING, and thereby having “Nothing to lose”
The price of Attaining nothing (paradoxically), is to lose everything

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