Conventional love is just trading

It is more like a barter system. The 2 people are mutually attached to each others’ personalities. This kind of love also involves a lot of attachment. So the 2 people involved are trapped in the prisons of their existing personalities. They may really enjoy this prison, but how long will they enjoy it? How long can this be sustained?

This game can be extended though and you can try to love more and more aspects of the other person. This might be the stepping stone towards unconditional love. But from what I see around me, there is PLENTY of room for improvement here. Society seems so intolerant for any behavior beyond its preset boundaries. People dismiss you as sick, crazy, weird, deviant if you do anything beyond its defined space. 90% of people seem to be heavily under the influence of this conditioning. So under this hypnosis they are only capable of loving you as long as your within this framework. So in essence they do not love the REAL you but a certain personality which you carry. Of course, your personality can have slack and movement within that would be accepted too. But in the overall picture, in order to live with such a person, you;ll need to greatly limit your freedom and keep your behavior mostly predictable within the personality archetype and its slack.

Thinking about it in the broadest sense, the real you is the ultimate observer behind all perception. It cannot be observed itself because that is a fire trying to burn itself. Everything that we can perceive is not us. If we do think it is us, then that is an attachment to a set of thoughts, feelings and images because of our conditioning or because we find them pleasurable. So we attach all those perceptions into our definition of ourselves. And we are afraid of losing these perceptions, which is why we fear death so much.

Even this conventional love can vary in its levels of depth and intimacy. The deeper the person explores himself and you, the more he/she becomes capable to loving. A person’s capacity to love depends on his/her level of self exploration and knowledge. The more intimate your knowledge of yourself, the more intimately you can understand the other and therefore the more your your capacity to love.

Here are the different levels I can think of in increasing levels of intimacy:
1. External possessions like car, house, money, social power
2. Physical body and its dynamics attraction
3. Common interests – such as a sport, playing musical instruments, common situations
4. The personality framework
5. Deeper more subtle feelings
5. Your dreams / ideals / core beliefs
6. The true essence of who you are (which implies he has reached the same level with himself) / unconditional love

But even in this hierarchy it gets tricky. Sometimes, it depends on what each person values the most. Some girls would have a good looking body and would value that even higher than their feelings. And many girls may value their feelings much higher than their physical body. So each has a value pyramid.

In the broad sense, we can say love moves from gross to subtle planes. The subtler the plane, greater the love.

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