Vipassana troubles

During the Vipassana period, the one thing that really disturbed me was that, my desires were maintained only by me constantly thinking about them and fueling them. To stop thinking about them meant to completely renounce them or let go of them. This was scary because, the desire’s intensity is maintained by this constant thinking and that is how you construct your self. If you suddenly stop to think, their intensity starts fading away. You can literally feel it fading and since the desires give you pleasure, you do not want to let go of them.

It is like through trial and error, throughout life, we have been constructing this personality. The personality is what we project to ourselves and others. It is an entity we have created to survive/flourish in the world and we believe that it is in our best interest to preserve it. If I really stop thinking and just stay in the present moment, then this personality starts to dissolve. That’s the really disturbing part.

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