Tag: Psychology

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All attraction or aversion is from resonance

Diagram explanation:
# The left circle in the diagram shows all of the seed potentials that make you.
# The right side shows the expansion of this circle. The central circle shows what you identify with and own as yourself, and the other smaller circles around show the seeds within you that you have projected onto others.
# The hashed portion in black on the circles in the right side show what the others actually are, whereas the colored portion in those hashed circles shows the qualities in you projected to them and experience as them.

From the psyche point of view:
# When born you are whole.
# Then you project onto the mother, father, siblings, other kids, society, culture, celebs, the adults, the animals, the world and so on.
# There are a series of fragments created which is what begins the process of projection and relationship.
# We are relating with seeds of ourselves in others, which have sprouted in different circumstances, and that is the reason for the recognition and resonance.
# After all, you experience all others and the world only within yourself.
# So the relationship is from the attraction between the same kinds of seeds.
# The part of yourself you identify with and own, those seeds get the necessary nurturing and grow into the trees in your brain.
# The part of yourself you dis-identify with and disown, do not get nurturing, they remain as seeds, but you recognize the trees in others which have come from the same seed you have, and are therefore attracted to them.
# The aversion happens, when we resist the attraction towards the common seeds in others we have disowned within ourselves.
# We enjoy, suffer, and live through all other bodies (human, animal, insect, fish etc.)
# We are only conscious of a tiny fraction of ourselves, which is what gets projected out as a tiny fraction of others we experience too.
# The larger your consciousness gets, the more you recognize all the seed potentials within you, and this correspondingly also vastly enlarges your recognition of others too by the greater resonances that follow.

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Attraction and your future self

‘What you are now’ is attracted to people who resemble your future self,
Or to ones who are moving in the same direction heading to your future self.
So even if right now you meet someone who is just like you,
If their future attractor is different from your future attractor,
And if they do not resemble your future self/form in any way,
You both will part ways.

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My wonder and fascination with relations

Since my earliest memory,
I have always had a deep wonder, curiosity, and fascination,
On the possibilities of relating with others.

Interacting with others felt like a great stage,
Participating in group dance or song,
Like a blending of minds creating great harmonies,
Grand tapestries and patterns of rich meaning.

I would imagine all the possibilities in fantasy/dreaming mostly,
With the actual reality serving more as the base context for their concoction.
If reality was “1” (the actuals), My imagination was “100+”(the possibilities).
Maybe “10” of those imaginations would fit under “appropriate”.
The rest would be out of bounds of appropriate social conduct.

This used to always perplex me,
About why so little happens in reality out of all the infinite possibilities.
About why so little was permitted, and why so much was not?
What decided what was allowed and disallowed?
I used to wonder and contemplate on this.

I never received much social conditioning in my early years,
So my mind/imagination was always open.
While approaching others in my early days,
I would be super open, innocent, with total trust.
Then I realized all the boundaries one by one,
And adapted myself to the socialization agreements.
But within me, even today, I am still as free as the wide open sky.
Nobody has ever given more freedom than I have given myself, by a very long shot.

The initial exploration period in my life,
Before the boundaries were understood,
Were some of my happiest times.
Because I experienced that inner sky like freedom expressing itself.
Once I understood the limits, then I reduced myself.
After understanding all the boundaries the hard way,
And due to my hyper restrictive outer environments in childhood,
I sort of became a bit of a recluse.
However the deep fascination I had in this field,
Led me to doing a lot of research and exploration,
And learning a lot in the process.

Nowadays, I test the waters by opening up a bit,
Setting an example, and seeing.
If the other does not open up as much, then I bring back the older boundaries.
Even if the other does not respond, I feel satisfied though,
That I have at least shown the possibility as an offer.
If the other from their side takes liberties with me, or extends interest,
That also frees me up to expand myself and extend a relationship to that extent.

My understanding:
# However I behave with the other,
I set an example/model to follow.
# However they behave with me,
They set an example/model to follow.
# Whatever topics I initiate, I open those doors.
# Whatever topics they initiate, they open those doors.

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States and Stations of Death

It seems like there are 2 deaths,
We need to contend ourselves with,
Existentially speaking.

To go through the process of:
# Psychological death
# Physical death
Depending on where one is in these processes,
That would be his/her “STATION” of experience.
And it is from that station,
That various “STATES” of experience would unfold.

The resistance to these 2 processes,
Is one of the primary sources of our existential suffering.
The suffering of the growth/emergence/birth process,
And the suffering of ripening/dissolution/death process.

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The Schizoid/Split vs Depressive/Ambivalent position

Schizoid/Paranoid/Split —vs— Depressive/Ambivalent.
# Good and Bad objects are separate —–vs—– Good and bad objects are one.
# There is god and the devil —-vs—- There is only god who is both the angel and devil.
# There is a white paper with black dots to be eliminated —vs— There is white paper with black dots OR a black paper with white dots.
# Mother as good or tyrant based on specific behaviors —-vs—- Mother as randomly good or bad without my understanding/control.
# ‘World as rules driven’ hard right/wrong conception —-vs—- ‘World as mad’ conception
# AvPD, Schizoid, Autistic —–vs—– Fearful avoidant, Disorganized attachment, ADHD.
# Tyrant mother = Tyrant world (Fight/Flight) —–vs—– Crazy mother = Crazy random world (Freeze/Fawn)
# Catastrophic thinking —–vs—— Fantasy thinking.
# The desired object and feared object are separate in time —-vs—- The desired object and the feared object are one (accelerator and brake emotions on at the same time causing friction/resistance/suffering, causing hesitation/shyness).
# Splitting of self and object into good and bad —-vs—- Union of self and object into good and bad.
# [loving, gratifying] object vs. [frustrating, persecutory, hating] object as 2 distinct things —-vs—- Both of those mixed randomly in the same person.
# Binary logic (it is either fully A or B) —-vs—- It’s A, it’s B, it’s both A and B, it’s neither A nor B.

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All charisma is about the strength of the pranamaya kosha

The 5 koshas/shealths/layers covering the light of the Self.

The pranamaya kosha is the energy body.
The vibrancy of this energy body determines your extent of influence and transformative power in the world.
A hyper-vibrant body is unmistakable.
We call it different words like charisma, confidence, happy vibes, and power.
Happiness itself actually is a condition of a highly vibrant exhuberant harmonic energy state.
Harmony is a very important variable.
Without harmony/balance, the high intensity of that person, may appear threatening,
And you may instead stay away from them as much as possible.

Some people are very vibrant inside.
But because of:
1. Hyper restrictive childhood environments,
2. Very low reception from others in formative years,
3. Very hostile and critical parents creating mountains of shame,
All of the activity is sealed and very little gets out.
You mostly see them staying invisible with a poker face.
There are very strong suppressive/repressive mechanisms containing all expressions in them.
This also however can be picked up by others.
Even if you are just silent, someone who wants to mess with you will stay away,
Because he/she senses your prana power that you are bottling inside.

The prana exerts the attractive force by its own nature,
But what form it takes depends on the structure it is channeled through.
For instance there are many different forms of high prana personalities.
It could take different flavors such as:
Power, Anger, Intensity, Calmness/Balance/Equanimity, Movers/Shakers, Celebration/Joy

A very old person has a really feeble pranamaya kosha,
So it is actually quite difficult to even feel their presence.
The opposite of this, is a kid full of exhuberant energy expressing itself,
You just cannot miss the presence of the kid.

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The vampire mother conversation with her child

I brought you up as insurance for my ‘pleasure entertainment meaning security’, 
So that you will bring me that ‘pleasure entertainment meaning security’ I always lacked, 
And now after all that work I did (with this promise in mind),
I am disappointed that you are so useless in bringing me any of that.

I wasted my time and energy bringing you up.
After all the humongous efforts I put into bringing you up,
You turned out to be this rubbish.
Now I am regretful, and feel bitter, and resentful.
I look at you with scorn, contempt, and disgust.
I look at you like a failure,
Because you failed me.

You failed to fulfill my own unfulfilled desires,
So that I could live them vicariously through you.
You did not follow the script I gave you,
So that I could hitch-hike my meaning off your life’s ride,
Without the burden of responsibility which I so abhor.

I created you, I own you, you are like an extension of me,
And you turned out to be this abomination.
Don’t you feel guilty for not dedicating every second of your life to pleasing me?
Isn’t that a crime against your mother? Aren’t you ashamed?

Even if you gave up your whole life to serve me,
You could never pay off the infinite debt you owe me,
Because I gave birth to you, and brought you up.
You were helpless at that time, and I DID everything for you.
Nothing you ever do will repay that.

The least you can do now is enslave yourself to my wishes/desires.
Anyway you will never even come close to fulfilling my impossibly large fantasies,
But at least I will look at you with pity and contempt.
Oh this pathetic fool is trying so hard to please even though he is failing so hard.
I will watch you humiliate yourself, because my face will continuously show disapproval.
Nobody can please me because I want the impossible.
I hate myself, and so I will hate you too,
Because you are just an extension of me right.

Anyways whatever you do in life,
I will make sure to poison it.
Because I do the same for myself too.
I will scapegoat you, blame you, and make you responsible,
For everything wrong with my life.
You are the cause of all of my misery,
And now you are obligated to make me feel good.
I will use you as a trash can for dumping all of my frustrations.
And you cannot say no, because how dare you!,
I gave birth to you, and brought you up,
So you bloody well listen to me and give me solace in return.
Then once I’m done, I’ll kick you off and pursue something else more entertaining,
Rather than spending more time seeing my own hated self reflected in you.

You handle your own problems,
But all my problems are yours.
Because if I had free time,
Why would I listen to you and your woes?
I’d rather watch TV.
Because I gave birth to you only so that you could be my helper robot.
You are here to solve my problems,
You are here to make my unmanageable crisis-filled messed-up life easy,
It’s not the other way, you understand.
I will do a shoddy job at everything, and crib, complain, blame,
And you will have to swallow all of that.
You solve your own shit, and solve my shit too.
When I’m bored with you or if I feel you are boring me,
I’ll ask you to get lost.
Why? Because you are here only for my entertainment.
If you are boring me, then I want you out of my sight.

I will say whatever hurtful thing I want to say,
But if you later ever bring it up,
I will simply deny it and call it all your vivid imagination (gaslighting).
And since I have such an impeccable social image,
Everyone will think you are the one lying.
You will shoot yourself in the foot.
So take the abuse without a sound.

You will give me all the validation that I did not receive outside.
You will maintain my grandiose illusions about myself,
And it is your duty to keep reinforcing them to me.
Keep telling me ‘you are great, you are great…’,
Else, I will unleash my wrath on you,
Because how dare you?
I gave birth to you, I own you, and I did so much for you.
You can never repay me anyway.
So you are infinitely indebted.
You are in no position to ever say ‘no’.

Even if you stop talking to me, I would not care,
Because I will still speak to you in a one-way direction,
And you will have to hear since you cannot really close your ears.
I will assume the relationship is still there,
And act like nothing is wrong and keep the unidirectional monologue with you.
Why? Because I gave birth to you, so this relationship is for granted,
You cannot break it or choose to opt out.
Whenever I want, if you are around my sight,
I will freely dump whatever I want on you.
Anyway, that is the kind of child I want,
The silent listener who will only hear and not speak back.
It is great if you are not on talking terms with me in fact.
Because then I can happily fire one way at an unconditional receiver.

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Objects and the different worlds they connect to.

There is the ‘field/class/world/realm/abstract cloud’,
And there is the ‘instance/object/particular/literal’.
For example:
“The world of relationships” is the field/class,
While the specific relationships you have in your life,
Are the instances/objects of that field/class.

Another way to look at this (conventionally speaking) is:
Imagination/Possibility/Dream —-vs—– Reality/Actual
For instance, you could day-dream about having relationships with all the characters in your favorite TV show.
But the people whom you are directly in contact with, are the actual relationships in your life.

The direct objects are the ones that give you traction and access to the corresponding worlds they come from.
For instance, your initial relationships with primary caregivers in life shape a lot of the “world of relationships” you will experience later, unless there is a stronger influence from within or outside.

I have mostly used relationship examples here.
But this applies to everything.
The object is your point of access and introduction,
To its corresponding world.

For example, below are a bunch of technology examples:
# Smartphone field —-and—- my smartphone
# Smart band/watch field —–and—– my smartband/watch
# Laptop field —-and—- my laptop
# Desktop field —–and—- my desktop
# TV field —-and—– my tv
# Headphones/earphones field —-and—- my headphones/earphones
# Speakers field —-and—- my speaker set
# Camera field —-and—- my camera

In a way, each of the blog posts I write are also windows,
Into a certain way of seeing the existence/reality/world.
# The field of thought of the blog post —-and—– the specific blog post.

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The root of addiction is from deprivation, not excesses

Generally it is thought a person is addicted because of an excess of something.
But on closer examination I see the excesses are only because the thing promises fulfillment but does not deliver much.
RULE: ‘The less fulfilling something is, the more addictive it is.’
The hallmark feature of addictive things is their promise, inconsistency, and fleetingness.

For instance,
People get addicted to relationships because they probably had an inconsistent relationship with their primary caregiver in childhood.
People suffering from ADHD are unable to find enough engagement, stimulation, and fulfillment from anything, so they keep shifting.

A thing that fulfills you, allows you to be free of itself.
Fulfillment is then kind of the opposite of addiction.

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The choice in every compulsion

There is a choice at every moment,
With an “outcome-image-sensation” about each choice.

See the choice in every compulsion.
To do X —-vs—- To not do X
Visualize the consequence/effect of both sides,
And release resistance to both the conceived outcomes.

The less resistance present, the more freedom there ‘IS’.
Freedom is a state of being in non-resistance to all possibilities.
Else to the extent there is resistance,
There is a binding/bondage and predetermination.