Some of the vain myths that may occupy the sexual chakra

LOC = level of consciousness (a term taken from the ‘David Hawkins calibrated Levels of consciousness’)

PART 1: Attraction to LOC 150-175:
Shame core -> Outer raging (to hide the shame).

They believe they are already rejected/shamed, their heart is closed and does not see, but rather only projects its inner reality outward.
Then from that vision, all they see is their hated objects, and they rage at it and try to prove to the world that they are worthy.
They punish everyone else who is attracted to them, by “impossible demands” -> purposely to take out the rage.
It is a “vengeance” life. All of their outer life is about proving to the world their worth and being vengeant towards the world.
This is purposely done, so that intimacy is never achieved.
They prove in a self-fulfilling prophecy: “[internal shame + internal distrust of the world + They believe the world is unfair/not good] -> and then project that vision, and then rage/attack at it for not being so while also trying to prove to the world that they are worthy/good/deserve acceptance and love”.
This is a fractal of the [150-175] life negative LOC and it is “self-centeredness/selfishness” only.

I actually love them for their truth, and I can feel myself really wanting to heal their shame by somehow getting through all their attacks, reaching their core and then resurrecting them, and opening their heart.
I feel a strong urge to pass through all their brutal attacks with increasing intensity like a brave martyr/warrior, believing that if I somehow withstood it and reached the core, I could actually reach ‘where they are’ and resurrect that.
But since their heart is closed, the closer I get, I am only more viciously attacked and I have to ultimately retreat, because even if I did reach the core it is futile/pointless.
Their heart is closed, and they are not open to receiving.
The real reason why I abandon pursuit is when I see the futility of it, at that time, I just drop everything.
So all the sexual pursuit and putting up with the abuse, only leads to despair/futility at the end.
These people are actually extremely transparent and simple, there are only 2 layers to them: SHAME on the inside, and emanation of RAGE on the outside.

If you are attracted to a girl or guy with this pattern,
The VAIN MYTH here is that: The person can be resurrected if I tolerate their increasing rage on me until I reach their core and redeem them.
But this is a rescue fantasy again, because only THEY THEMSELVES can release their shame and heal themselves.
I will die a vain death by going into the rage fully. That is why I oscillate between the libido for sacrifice and bearing pain vs. the futility of all of it (ambivalent libido).
The promise of rescue is an illusion and therefore the mission of possible martyrdom and going into the rage is in vain.
Only when they want to heal truly, can the healing happen.
No force in the universe can make them heal otherwise.
A closed heart can only heal if it decides to open itself.
Until then nobody else can open it.
This is the law of: Respect the free will of beings, it can never be breached.
Nobody can ever open a closed-heart, it will only open when it is ready.

PART 2: Attraction to LOC 100-125:

Characteristics: “Dissociated” nihilism mindset of cluelessly fawning and taking refuge under everyone else.
Dissociation, Lostness, Numbness, Fear, Fawning.
The myth of: Rescuing the helpless lost waif, princess in distress.

Here they numb themselves out of reality and live in a dissociated space where everything looks numb and equivalent (nihilism).
The attraction here is to save/rescue/’be the savior’ of the lost/mad soul who has lost its way.
Here again, it cannot be saved, unless it WANTS to be saved.

So the VAIN MYTH here is of:
Rescuing the one who does not want to be rescued, by giving various discourses about ‘truth and themselves’ and teaching them how to see.
Again free will trumps here.
You can only help/save/rescue/’be a savior’ if the person wants to be rescued in the first place.
Only when they have reached that level of maturity and growth will they be willing. Until then you must let them be.
They cannot be forcibly dragged into truth, and must choose it out of their own free will.
Only WHEN WILLING, can they be saved and anyways there would be no resistance/suffering/problems/struggle at all if that were the case.

The whole is your home

Home is the [largest perspective], the [whole’est perspective].
To leave home is to depart from this [largest perspective] into a [narrowed perspective].
All journeys away from home are journeys into [narrowed perspectives].
In fact the narrower your perspective gets, the more far away from home you go.
The most crazy journeys involve stepping into the most far out narrowed perspectives.

Home (metaphysically speaking) has little to do with your physical location or with certain people we call family etc.
Those are factors that ENABLE us to RELAX enough to ACQUIRE that kind of WHOLE PERSPECTIVE.
The more one relaxes and feel safe(the less the fear), the more that one can open up to the largest perspective.
And generally a physical location and known people (since you know them for many years they are much more predictable and cause the least anxiety/fear) is a good formula for our mammalian brain to PERMIT this ENLARGEMENT of PERSPECTIVE.

Since [Fear] is one of the biggest contractors of perspective, finding home is about finding freedom from fear.
Fear is what takes you away from home, and the absence of fear is what brings you back home.

Also, another important point is, [Right Action] comes from [Right View] (Buddha).
So the BEST POSSIBLE ACTION will always come from the WHOLE’EST PERSPECTIVE.
Narrower your perspective, the less you can see, and your action would be at a certain level of discord with the whole as a result.
A great demonstration of this principle is in the Samurai warrior training of Wu-shin(which means no mind).
They literally defocus their eyes on a neutral point far away, when enemies are running towards them with swords.
Imagine! Can you defocus and relax yourself like that when someone is coming to kill you with a sword?
For an ordinary person, his attention would almost get rapture’d and hyper focused on the sword alone and all he would see would be the sword and little else.
Think about it. If the samurai only focused on the sword, how would he take the best action?
The calmer you are, the less fearful you are = the broader your perspective = the better your action would be.
So ‘Home’ is also the place for the emanation of the best actions.
Whatever place keeps you in your highest spirits with least fear, will result in the BEST ACTIONS and BEST OUTCOMES.

True communication is from connection

I used to ponder, what does it take to be a good public speaker?
I often face this issue of blanking out on stage and at times even blank out even when speaking 1-1 with someone.
On contemplating on the root of this, I realized the ultimate element is CONNECTION with the audience.

Connection is another name for ATTUNEMENT/RELATIONSHIP.
To speak to an other, we have to tune ourselves to their frequency.
Only then can we FEEL them.
And only in that ALIVE FEELING can a true alive communication happen.
Without that connection/attunement, the communication will seem rote/contrived/robotic/artificial/divorced/disharmonious with the actuality of the other person at that time.

This applies even when we listen to music.
Haven’t you noticed? – sometimes we tune into the feeling of the song (we are able to do that or naturally in that mood), and that is when we really feel it.
If we do not feel it, we hear the words/sounds but not the music.

Our mother forms the first connection in life.
That connection also illuminates your self (illuminated through the relationship).
If your mother is totally misattuned to you, then it would create enormous shame, unworthiness, undeservingness, and feelings of being bad/ugly/guilty.
It pushes the true self of the child in shadow, and the child develops a mother pleasing self to survive.
It also creates co-dependence (that misattunement is the basis for co-depedence, because the child then stays hyper-vigilant of the mother expectations out of fear)
It also creates a primal wounding/primal heart-break/primal separation and loneliness from the void created by the lack of attunement.
Then later in life, if we continue to relate to people based on what they want us to be and simply mirror that, it leaves us permanently in the shadow.
Real connection never happens, and as a result real communication also never happens.

Loneliness is the thirst for connection/relationship

Loneliness is a kind of thirst.
A thirst for what? A thirst for relationship/connection.
Thirst for ‘BEING’.
It is the thirst to BE.
BE what? Just to be anything, something…
OR a thirst to be more than what you are.
To ‘relate/connect’ is the same as the ‘Will to BE’.
Greater the ‘Will to BE’ = Greater is this thirst to relate/connect.
It is possible to BE anything only through relationship.
You are a some-body only in relation to other-bodies.
You are a personality only in relation to other personalities.
The self and other are emergent phenomena that are mutually interdependent on relationship.
The other does not have to be a person, it could even be ANY EXPERIENCE including abstract ideas, philosophies, inanimate objects etc.
Remove the relationship, and both the self and other vanish together.
The game gets disbanded, and identity is dissolved with it.
For example: In the movie ‘Cast Away’, Tom Hanks draws a face on a football and keeps talking to it to maintain his identity. If he did not do that, in the absence of all human contact, his humanness ITSELF would fade away (from the disappearance of ‘relationship’)

A ‘Relationship’ is the ‘AXIS’ that creates the respective players on both the sides.
Be it:
To love ——— To be loved [Axis]
To desire ——- To be desired [Axis]
To need ——— To be needed [Axis]
A relationship axis creates polarity, the 2 poles.
The poles are not fixed but can switch too.
A relationship is alive too, it is a dynamic, an alive dance.

We derive profound meaning from each other.
A profound dance transpires in every interaction.
The deeper we understand this, the more it brings out the depth.
Ultimately it is life interacting with itself.
That which is alive in me interacts with that which is alive in you.
I create myself through relationship with you, you create yourself through relationship with me.
Even what we call we call as negative relationship which includes seeing oneself as rejectible, contemptible, unlikeable, unlovable, unworthy, unfit, uninteresting, unimportant, unwanted, undeserving etc. is also a [REAL TANGIBLE INTERNALIZED NEGATIVE RELATIONSHIP IMAGE].
It is not non-relationship, because non-relationship would simply remove everything.

The loneliness is the helplessness of being unable to let go of this [internalized negative relationship image], and being unable to let go of identification with that.
That gets frozen inside us, and keeps getting reinforced in every interaction.
We ignore the interactions where that is not affirmed, and emphasize the interactions where it gets affirmed, and it is a self-fulfilling prophecy.
All identity works on this internalized bias, isn’t it? (whether positive or negative)
What would you be without that identity?
Isn’t that thought more terrifying than simply holding on to the known identity?
So it is like being caught between the devil and sea.
We hold on to the known devil, than let go into the unknown sea.
Unfortunately, this is trans-rational, there is no rational explanation that can truly convince you to let go into the sea.
The negative relationship identification eventually fades and wears itself out, plays itself out, and a new era is gently ushered.
We can help this process by accepting and fully experiencing everything.
We transcend this by FULLY EXPERIENCING the negative relationship imprint itself.
Feel your deepest loneliness fully with as much as you can muster, with the attitude of dropping into it, and giving in/allowing.
When fully experienced, when you feel it with your whole being and apply your whole mind and soul to it, even the loneliness will look sublime, and you will see it for what it truly is – a phenomenon.

One can enjoy the greatest freedom/power/service only in invisibility

Popularity subjects you to people’s projected ideals/images.
The images are superimposed on you.
They can project on you the image of a demi-god or make you a devil.
And it is not that you can just ignore these projections.
If many beings project you as a savior/angel/god, you will have a 1000 people at your door worshiping you.
In reality they aren’t worshiping you, but are worshiping their own god-image which they have projected on you
That case is the dream of many and that sounds really great.
But in the game of identifying with a self made up of projections there is the opposite side to it.
What if everyone projects their devil on you?
Now they will attack you with the same viciousness as they would attack any devil.

Projections can be completely blind, but usually, the projection is an extrapolation of qualities that do emanate from the receiver.
Like take the case of romantic love.
The opp-sex does something sweet and that is extrapolated to mean they are the god of sweetness and ever flowing nectar.

A narcissist primarily lives on the self created totally from these projections only.
So all of their life-energies and faculties are dedicated exclusively to the game of image enhancement/management.
Either they inflate themselves or put down others and basically aim to raise themselves up to a secure place of worth/value/prestige/fame/being.
But this is a FULL TIME business, because to maintain images is very difficult, and people are capricious too and keep changing their projections depending on their own moods.
Though such a person might appear to be charismatic from all the incredible effort they have invested in IMAGE MANAGEMENT, they are a slave to what everyone else thinks they are.
They are standing on a quick sand, and have to be permanently preoccupied with upholding/maintaining their volatile/fragile self concept.
Usually they overcompensate for this desperate dependence by making others dependent on them, and by repeatedly convincing others directly/indirectly that others need them.
In reality it is they who are enslaved and most vulnerable and who have to on a full time basis resort to all sorts of tricks to maintain their ever-insecure image.
Such a life is terrible and seriously powerless, though it is the narcissist who would make the greatest grandiose bombastic displays of power.
“Every display is driven by its dual”.
The are aware of their supreme vulnerability and are so deeply ashamed about it, it is projected outward as an ugly world that they have to keep exploiting/cheating to survive.
It is like the girl who has to wear makeup 24×7 so that she can maintain her image OR a guy who has to act powerful/sure/confident/strong all the time just to maintain that image.
This is an existential level curse.
Narcissists can be extremely violent/rageful/harmful to everything, but at this level of context, I do feel compassion for them for landing up in such a situation.

The reason I brought up the long explanation about the narcissist is because they are the section of beings that live EXCLUSIVELY on image projections.
They show you the real picture of what a punishment it is to live a life forged on these projected images.
Ofcourse nobody is an absolute narcissist.
There are varying degrees here too.
But I illustrated the more pure aspect of this condition.

Whereas when one is invisible, one has the greatest freedom.
Such a one can be a great conduit of pure spirit/service and enjoy the greatest freedom because he does not have to live in accordance and fear of the quagmire of projected images and the harm and imprisonment all of that could bring.
He could shape-shift, be whatever the situation deems and be maximally adaptive and free.
Thank your anonymity for the greatest blessing that it is :).
I will happily live in the poverty of spirit, with my feet planted there, and enjoy the show of people’s projections as it may come and go.

The dark night of the soul is from a saintly super-ego

colorful-wallpaper-screen-monitor-waves-abstract-art-digital

Prelude:
What keeps us [ALIVE/MAXIMALLY-FUNCTIONING] is [FLOW]
When [FLOW] does not happen for any quality, it results in [ACCUMULATION]
And [ACCUMULATION] impedes [FLOW] and leads to [DISEASE/DEBILITATION/LACK OF FUNCTION]
The [HEALING PROCESS] is nothing but [ALLOWING FLOW]

teastrainer

Supposing you have a [SAINTLY SUPER-EGO]
You [SUPPRESS/REPRESS] the [AWARENESS/EXPRESSION] of your [DARK SIDE] completely
Now, this structure acts as a [TEA STRAINER] and [COLLECTS] all the [GUNK] in the [FLOW] of [LIFE]
Every [WITHHELD EXPRESSION] gets [COLLECTED] in the [STRAINER]
The [STRAINER] here is the [SUPER-EGO MEDIATING STRUCTURE] itself.

If you feel no [GUILT] or [FEAR] about [ENJOYING],[FEELING PLEASURE], [INDULGING] and so on, then the [PLEASURE] passes through the [STRAINER] completely resulting in [NO ACCUMULATION] of [PLEASURE].
[PLEASURE] is then seen as [EMPTY], [PASSING], and [FLOWING], which is its [TRUE NATURE]

On the other hand, if you feel great [GUILT] and [FEAR], in expressing [NEGATIVE DESTRUCTIVE E-MOTIONS (energies in motion)], then you [REPRESS] all of [THAT].
That then [COLLECTS/ACCUMULATES] in the [STRAINER].
When a lot of [NEGATIVE E-MOTIONS] are [THWARTED/SUPPRESSED/REPRESSED/COLLECTED/ACCUMULATED] by the [SUPER-EGO] then they form a [WALL] and [SOLIDIFY/CLUMP UP].
Now this [CLUMPED-UP SOLIDIFIED MASS] on the [STRAINER] reduces the [FLOW OF LIFE] to a [TRICKLE].
Just like the [TEA WATER] not [PASSING THROUGH] and [BARELY TRICKLING] when the [STRAINER] is [ALMOST FULLY BLOCKED].

After this point, the only task for the [EGO] becomes to [ALLOW/RELEASE] this [ACCUMULATED CONCENTRATED CLUMPED UP CONCOCTION OF NEGATIVE DESTRUCTIVE E-MOTION] which [STANDS IN-BETWEEN] and [VEILS/BLOCKS/HIDES] your [TRUE NATURE].

This [PRINCIPLE] is true [BEYOND TIME].
How [FAST] your [STRAINER] gets [CLOGGED] depends upon the [INTENSITY/ZEALOUSNESS] of you [EGO STRUCTURE].
The [FASTER/MORE INTENSE/MORE ALLOWING] the [EGO] is, the [FASTER] this [DEADLOCK] happens.
Just like how, if you pour the [TEA WATER] into the [STRAINER] really [FAST], the [STRAINER] would get clogged at [THAT SAME RATE] and may take you much faster to the point where you would have to [STOP POURING] and [EMPTY THE STRAINER] first.
This may take [some egos] 100s of years, and for some [really intense egos] it may take only 30 years or less.
With a more [INTENSE EGO], you just happen to [SEE] the [RESULTS] of your [STRUCTURES] much [FASTER].
Just like if you are driving at 1000kph, every small movement of the steering takes you FAR AHEAD in that DIRECTION, vs. moving at 30 kph where the movement in that direction is little in comparison.
The PRINCIPLES do not CHANGE.

So coming back to the case of the [SAINTLY SUPER-EGO],
The [SAINTLY SUPER-EGO] [REPRESSES/SUPPRESSES/THWARTS] expression of ALL that is BAD.
This [ACCUMULATES] in the [STRAINER] until it [VEILS] the flow of [LIFE] completely.
At this stage, one arrives at the [DARK NIGHT OF THE SOUL] where the only task is to [CLEAN THE STRAINER, LEARN FROM IT, TRANSFORM YOUR STRUCTURES].
All of [LIFE ENERGY] is now [EXPENDED] in [INCINERATING] the [CLUMPED UP COLLECTED CONTENTS] in the [STRAINER] until all of that has been [TORCHED/FREED] and until all the [NECESSARY WISDOM] has been [EXTRACTED].

The [PEOPLE], [SITUATIONS], [CIRCUMSTANCES], [CONDITIONS] you [ENCOUNTER] are only [PROPS] that [LIFE] uses to play out those [UNEXPRESSED EMOTIONS].
So there can be [ALL-CONSUMING HATRED] for [EVERYONE and EVERYTHING], which is actually just the REFLECTION of this [STRUCTURE], i.e. of the [LIGHT OF LIFE] passing through the [PRISM of these ACCUMULATIONS] causing the pattern you see projected on all [PEOPLE], [THINGS], [CIRCUMSTANCES, [SITUATIONS] and [CONDITIONS].

On Rejection

rejection-suzanne-marie-leclair

‘Rejection’ is the withdrawal of the ‘power supply/investment’ itself.
[‘Reality objects’ dependently arise from relationship]
So every-time there is hope and effort, and if rejection follows, then that:
{hope/investment -causing-> Efforts} = everything is wasted.
If this happens 1000s of times, you will get total drained from being unable to plug into the larger circuits, you have to withdraw your actions/efforts and go back to the philosophical drawing-board/introspection/remapping/reexamination.

Interestingly, very often, negative relationships are preferred to rejection.
Because when you are attacked, you are still validated as SOMETHING – a foe/a hateable person/a punishable person.
There is some identity that is being upheld and sustained by the attacker of you.
That is why when a void of neglect is created in a child’s life, it generally fills the void with a negative relationship, of, “I must be bad/defective in some way and that is why as a punishment I am neglected and if I do right I can earn back the love/involvement/relationship/inclusion into life”.
This could result in that child pursuing self-improvement/self-flagellation for the rest of his/her life to earn the missing affection/relationship.

Let’s take the case of a negative abusive relationship.
The person is allowing you to [be something] by virtue of his/her relationship to you -> and stirring up some [stimulation/some emotion/some drama/some engagement].
But in rejection -> it is like pulling the plug off.
The other gives you no sustenance whatsoever, and since reality is ‘dependent- arising’, when any one side withdraws, it comes to an end.
And your social-identity/ego is made up of nothing but the [conglomeration of all the projected images of others on you as relationships].
Relationships with others make -> ‘YOU’/your social identity/your ego.
Relationships with your internal imagination world objects keep those objects alive.

Say you are looking for a soul-soul relationship or individual-individual relationship, but everyone you know is plugged into a social system/circuit/frame.
In that case, you participating in their FRAMES is to only give strength to the already large-network they are invested in.
It is like investing the little money you have into a [large multinational corporation].
Firstly your [peanuts investment] means very little to the multinational.
Secondly, the person you are giving that too, who is inside the [power-grid web of that multinational] is only one of its agents and he could care less if he loses one supporter, even if you walk away.
But you know what, you would have lost a LOT of investment energy in that transaction.
For a person not invested, the social entities are just [larger impersonal uncaring alien organisms] that expand and take as many [life energies/souls] into their structure.
People are plugged into these systems/reality power-grids, and the life of these systems COMES FROM the PEOPLE who are PLUGGED INTO THEM -> creating a circulating circuit that gives power to the system.
The entire definition/structure/sustenance of these systems comes from the common investment of a LARGE number of people.
That is why people who have a ravenous desire for power will always go after the most popular well accepted things, because those circuits carry the most power from carrying the investment the highest number of people.

This is digressing from the original topic, but what I wanted to communicate here was that, if you desire an [individual-individual relationship] but find that 99% of the people you know are plugged into various social games and the only windows of relationship they provide you are for you to participate in those impersonal frames, it will eventually drain you.

Our identification is a hiding, origins of dissociation/depersonalization/depression

When you BE some-[thing], you merge into it
You make that [thing] your substance
Now that [thing] is invisible to you
Because YOU ARE IT

Why do we think we are unlovable, unlikeable, unworthy, ugly, bad, evil?
Because we identify with BEING that.
That is why when parents treat the child badly or neglect/abuse it, the first thing the child identifies with is “I MUST BE BAD”.
Because the ego/social-identity is basically the ‘reflection of ourselves in the other at the formative age’.
And secondly, let’s say the child had a choice, to believe it is good and it is the parents who are evil. This is unbearable for the child and it is much easier to identify with being BAD/UNWORTHY/UNLOVABLE.
So that is why I think we identify with the VERY NEGATIVE ASPECT so that WE CAN GO BLIND TO IT (Total identification with something makes us blind to it and removes it from our consciousness).
Because to not identify with it would mean to actually be conscious and witness that harming relationship which is unbearably painful and horrific.
So this is a way of going unconscious/blind to the negative relationship to make things bearable.
Such a person may become an abuser himself (fully identified with the abuser) if he feels pride in that.
But now if we add the super-ego/conscience in that judges this as contemptuous act.
Now there is a double-bind created, leading straight to depression (depression is essentially a double bind causing the freeze response).
That is why, when a person begins to come out of depression, the first thing to arise is SEVERE RAGE/HATRED/ANGER/ABUSIVE TENDENCIES.
Because this is releasing one of the facets of the double bind, making it ok to feel angry, feel hate, be abusive, be vengeful (all the previously projected qualities), and so on.

Depression is the punishment of oneself for being reprehensible/bad.
So:
1st there is an identification with being bad.
2nd there is a super-ego that imposes that being bad is horrible.
3rd Now you hate yourself and punish yourself for being bad.
4th You attract relationships that do the same to you, and so you can get a break from abusing yourself and let the external abuser do the job for you.

Even in the case of childhood abuse, often the child identifies with the abuser itself
He may directly become an abuser to others if he feels that being the abuser is the right thing.
OR there is a more complicated case that can arise in case he sees the abuser as terrible. He may also identify with the abuser, but because he also thinks that is terrible, he would project it outside to the other.
So now such a child is “other” identified, because he is identified with the abuser but cannot be that because being the abuser is terrible, so he projects this behavior to the other and LIVES VICARIOUSLY through the other.
Since he lives VICARIOUSLY through the other, it is a DISSOCIATED identification, and from THAT DISSOCIATED ABUSER point of view he views his own former self as an OBJECT/OTHER.
So his own self has become an other, and now he lives through the lens of an abusive other outside of his body.
Generally the interesting conundrum I always had was that, if one is totally dissociated from one’s self, seeing the entire self as an object of one’s awareness, then what is the real identification with? What is the one looking at the self as an object?
I figured the one which is looking at the self as object IS the [Hyper critical rejecting parent/abuser/unsupportive/hating force itself etc.]
So basically such a person is identified with an out of body abuser pov and continuously subjects himself to the same treatment that the abusers gave him.
So this causes DEPRESSION/DEPERSONALIZATION.
So such a person when alone would abuse themselves[self as object] and derive pleasure from this, or attract an external abuser and live co-dependently through them.
That is why, when in an abusive relationship which he would inevitably attract, he would FOCUS all his attention on the abusive partner who is being himself (his abusive self with pride), and hate the partner, but still stay absorbed in hating him and never having the WILL to leave the relationship.
The reason he never leaves is because of resonance with the abusive partner, who is actually his own identification, but disowned because it is seen as terrible to be that.
So compared to the child that directly identifies pridefully with being an abuser, in the latter case, it is further removed and thus the person lives in a weak victim state (because he is so far away from his power, doubly removed).

The catastrophe of a devouring oedipal mother

An [overprotective/overbearing/over-soliticious/smothering/suffocating/oppressive/intrusive mother] is [giving/dominant] = so she creates a [submissive/receiving son].
Who only receives [pleasure/pain] from [others] and then [withdraws/hides] and then plays touch and go with this firey one-directional intrusive force.
So then the whole task for the boy is to create a wall and direct the intensity of force entering.
But this also totally [suppresses/inhibits] and growth of [independence/self-structure/relationship-structures] because then the only relationship is with this [super-pushy other] who given a chance will penetrate everything and vanquish all independence.
The boy is then a hostage.

He lives in a [secretive/reclusive/hiding/withdrawn/defensive/protective/prey-like-stance/invisibly] because if spotted, the mother is ready to smother him totally at all levels and [absolutely enslave him] from the perspective of his [developing independent self].
The mother becomes a [mortal threat] to the [developing self].
The boy is perenially concerned with:
1. How to develop an independent self (which is super difficult anyways) and
2. How to keep the mother out of this process because her [total interference and destruction].
She is a [mortal threat] to these [selfing-efforts].
And so this becomes an extraordinarily hostile and hostage situation because the boy’s self is vastly deficient compared to his peers who suffered no such [oppressive continuous suffocation].

Not only must he [survive/negotiate with the world] but he also has to [survive/negotiate with his mother].
And since it is impossible to negotiate with an [smothering mother], because there isn’t enough enough self formed to have such [assertion abilities and analytical power], the boy is in a trap.
It is like if you the [mother] prevent a [cheetah cub] from growing up, can it ever fight you? You have prevented it from even [growing teeth] (metaphorically speaking) to defend itself from [YOU] or [ANYBODY] for that matter.
The cheetah will be [helpless/harmless] and [unfit to survive] in the wild and now it will have to [stay with you] in [your DEN] for the rest of your life.
This is the [reality and seriousness] of this situation.
A crippling oedipal mother issue.

The boy has been [crippled/stunted in arrested development] much like the cheetah cub is rendered a prey in the wild because of the continuous [unwanted intrusive suffocating smothering interference] by the mother.
Here the problem is not winning the mother’s interest in him.
Rather it is to allow the mother to leave him alone and allow him to breathe, which is impossible to do when he is a child.
So from the boy’s perspective, this is a [continuous mortal threat from a giant omnipotent other] he has to defend against, to retain a slightest amount of independence which he maintains by [hiding/withholding] from the mother AS much as possible and living his life in 90% secret.
Also the care given by such a mother is [BLIND] and [INHERENTLY dehumanizing] too.
Because she reduces him to a [helpless infant] and [absolutely actively represses/suppresses/thwarts/prevents/and literally attacks] any development of him beyond that stage.
Because his [growing up/becoming self-sufficient/independent/and her training you for that] is seen as the greatest threat for the mother because her whole meaning in life is now him, and she will fight his development forces to death out of wanting to cling to this new purpose that has come as a huge break from her probably otherwise empty unfulfilled life.

The mother literally guilts the son, and communicates:
“Don’t grow up, don’t become independent, because if you leave me, I will die.
You staying a helpless infant and me taking care of your every need is my only purpose and meaning for existing. Don’t make me lose all meaning in life by growing up, NEVER do that please, FOR MY SAKE!!”.
On the other hand, the mother might reject every need expressed by the boy outside of her “blind physical need focused infant time table rigid schedule” and may constantly speak about the boy being a burden to her whenever he asks her for ANYTHING with the message of: “Oh god, can’t you even do this much, can’t you take care of yourself? I am already burdened, please deal with your stuff by yourself”.
Imagine putting a child in such a double bind.

This is archetypal and very similar to the situation of [RAPUNZEL and the WITCH], where the witch convinces her that the [world is unsafe] and that [she needs the witch to protect her] and that [she must serve the witch] and [never leave the tower] at the same time.
(only here there is no prince who will rescue, the boy will die in the tower in absolute disgust and hatred towards his mother who used him like a rag-doll)
What is he going to do?
Not only will he [never express his needs] to the mother, he will have to [silently handle his own problems] and also be a [giver of meaning] to the mother by being her [cute/helpless infant/pretending to need her] that gives her [meaning and pleases her] in the way she wants.

This is a role reversal.
And he is literally [bringing himself up] and [TAKING CARE] of the mother, and tackling all his [needs and developmental problems] alone with no help whatsoever because the mother has made it clear that he must be [loyal and never betray] his mother by INVESTING/depending on [someone else or anyone else but her].
He is trapped in an unspeakable double bind.
He cannot tell anybody about it from the unsaid contract.
He has to also bring himself up alone in the [shadow and hiding].
He has to please the mother and be her [confidant/support/emotional helper] which is in actuality him being the [caregiver] for the mother.
The mother here is the child and the infant now has to play mother and take care of the real mother and bring himself up alone and never take any help outside because of the mother’s blackmail about loyalty breach.

And also the mother is never pleased with him, because her expectations are that the boy-infant must fulfill all her needs that her spouse is not fulfilling, making the boy her husband.
As you can see, this is an extraordinarily difficult oppressive and extremely hostile condition to grow up in.
This leads to the son wearing out very early in life, from having to shoulder [unbelievable amounts of responsibility] and [impossible goals].
He grows up with [enormous guilt] and a [sense of crippling failure], with a [deep fear of the world], and with a [lop-sided ruined relationship-matrix] and an attraction to women who would torture and smother him in the same way repeating the trauma endlessly.

Such a boy was never allowed to be a kid, never allowed to grow up, never nurtured, never understood, never seen.
He lives in the shadows and lives like a touch and go slave in his avoidant relationship to the world.
He was just a servant of this mother who was supposed to take care of him and also had to bear the brunt of the world without ANY support, and ALONE.
And adding to the pain of this, this boy will never be understood by anybody because all this is deep shameful secret.
Nobody would ever believe him, even if he explained it super well.
He would become a [psychologically cripple] still trying to [rescue others] so that he can [atone his guilt and failure] and get back [his honor], and attract the [very same impossible people] into his life and keep repeating the efforts until he drops dead.
Such is the fate of such a boy, unless he wakes up to the true ghastly reality of the situation.

The world is a sensation

The entire world appears to us as a sensation.
The “world” is a sensation in consciousness.
The world is literally a FELT PRESENCE.
So if I have to take you out of this world,
All I have to is remove your sensation of the world
[I do not have to fly you to outer-space]

Let’s take 4 aspects: Sensation -> Mind -> Feeling -> Intuition
The food for the mind is sensation.
Feeling tells you if the sensation is acceptable/good or unacceptable/bad (which is again based on the mind’s mentation about it)
Intuition taps on all the symbolic images (imaginal/imaginations) opened up by the sensation.

Knowledge is a sensation too.
Supposing you go onto the stage and out of stage fear and anxiety you go blank
What has really happened?
You have lost touch with the SENSATION of that knowledge (the sensation is buried and overpowered by much louder and grosser energies of fear/anxiety/fight-flight which have shifted your entire perception – drowning out the sensation of your knowledge completely in your CONTEXT now)
You know that you know when you feel the sensation of that knowing.

That is how even when a person is totally alone,
He may feel no loneliness at all, and may even feel great connection.
Why? Because he carries the “SENSATION” of being connected.
And the world IS the sensation of it.

The opposite also can happen,
You can be in a place full of 1000s of people who love you,
and feel NO SENSATION of it.
This would mean those 1000s of people DO NOT EXIST to you because the SENSATION of them is absent.