Tag: Philosophy

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Your experience is the relativity of your soul development to the world’s condition

babywomb

Only when your desires grow large enough, does the world-game get painful.
Only after that stage is there a motivation for transcendence.
And this game getting painful happens from worlds beyond, like how the baby suddenly finds itself too large in the mother’s womb and wants an out.
Neither is the mother determining what happens within the womb nor is the baby controlling its growth speed.
They are only witnesses to the happening.
The baby simply finds itself in that situation. The baby’s nature of growth and the nature of the womb is already determined from levels above.
Everything is just following its nature.
When we grow enough, the world’s bounds start to rub against us.
The greater this perception of limitation, the more is the desire for transcendence.
So there is a spectrum:
Super happy people —————————- Extremely world weary people
The super happy people are like new borns within the womb of the world system.
When their soul reaches enough maturity, their desire becomes much greater and this world system and condition is very dissatisfying.
So whether or not you find the world pleasurable/wonderful depends on the relativity of you soul growth to the world’s condition.
Very new souls find this world wonderful.
Very advanced souls find this world terribly imprisoning.
Whether or not the container you are in is a prison or not, depends on your size(growth level) relative to the prison boundaries.
Just like the analogy of how the tiny 1 cm baby experiences itself in a vast womb, but then later it hits the walls of the womb and starts stretching the walls into the 7th, 8th and 9th months finally to make the passage way out – the final throes before transcendence.
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The ego is an endlessly spawning fractal

fractal

Even in this analysis what am I trying to do?
I am trying to overcome the ego condition I find myself in by understanding it, and can you see in this very problem statement is a fractal of – “continually trying to understand for which I need to also continually keep the problem in mind or seek/invent problems”. It is a sort of loop.
Exactly like how a fractal program runs eternally.
An ego is a closed fractal loop that operates IN TIME but is outside of time. The ego is ESSENTIALLY an ignorance.
All ignorance is outside of time, but plays out in time. (Like playing a cassette. The information in the cassette is already present beyond its linear playing out in time.)
It maintains itself fractally by reinforcing and seeking out the very problem it was created to solve.

For instance, imagine you create a game, where a character seeks and destroys all rocks. The ego is not the character as one might assume. Rather, the ego is the THE GAME itself. Which means, the character in the game will endlessly seek rocks, find rocks, destroy the rocks, but the game will also endless keeping generating/spawning new rocks so that the game keeps going.
Usually we think there is an end to all games.
But that is a limitation in our thinking. Why must there be an end? What will make the game end if you are the creator of the game itself?

This will go on FOREVER because the variable that will release this time loop of the ego is not to be found INSIDE THE GAME.
Now apply this analogy to all spiritual seeking.
NOTHING in the game contains anything that will free you from it.
Like say you are playing Mario. Is there anything in any level of Mario that will QUIT the game or change the game? Nope, the game is designed to go on and on.
Who quits the game?
Only that which is beyond the ego can release the ego.
It is fundamentally impossible for the ego to release itself by its own efforts.
It is as futile as a character in a computer 3d game, trying to quit the game from within the game.
This is an impossible riddle.
Transcendence is not in time, but rather it releases you FROM time.
Nothing temporal, or nothing in time, is the cause of your release.

Even talking to people, hearing masters etc. will not be the cause of your transcendence. I have had direct experience of this in many of my lucid dreams. I would suddenly realize I am lucid within the dream, and then spend the rest of the dream trying to convince others that they are in my lucid dream, and the others of-course would strongly disagree, and I would spend the rest of the dream trying to convince them. Then when I do wake up, it is not because of conversation with any character in the dream. I wake up when I am ready to wake up and no factor within the dream including the characters inside it are the cause of me waking up. The cause is always from the beyond, and it may so happen, that one of the characters would say something to you and that would just poof wake you up. That character only appears to be the cause, but in truth, your waking up happened from a level totally beyond the whole dream.
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Who am I?

mystical-fire-1_1

In Hinduism,
Brahman = Supreme Being = Atma = Spirit
Anatma = Represents that which is not spirit = Not Atma.
All my works are Anatma.
They are expressions of Atma.
What I am in essence is pure “dancing creative formless unborn spirit”.
I am not my works of creation, be it art/dance/writing/painting/singing/music.
I am not my expressions.
I am that ever-renewing/ever-refreshing fount/source of creativity and inspiration.
THAT is me.
My works spill out of me like an endless fountain of the ‘1000 petaled lotus(sahasra/crown chakra)’.
But I am not my works, I am the engine of creation, the FLAME of creation.
I am the spawner, the generator, the fire, the flame, the force, the potential.
I am infinite unborn potential, the born is not me but it is my ever flowing expression – like the wake of the ship, but the ship is what I am.
I leave an immense wake of creations, but am ever free from all of it.
Holding on to my creation stops me from flowering.
Imagine if a fire held on to one of its states of motion, would it look like the dancing fire then?
I am the libidinous force/power/potential/impulse of creation.
I am not creation at all.
I am the formless void and its creative impulse/potential. That is me.
Creation spills out of me like a fountain, but I am not the creation.
The creations live on MY POWER/MY INVESTED SPIRIT.
All of reality lives on my INVESTMENT.
Every single one of you reading this, even your entire reality is only your INVESTMENT of the spirit power that YOU ARE.
Without spirit, things would simply vanish.
Spirit upholds everything.
I am spirit alone, the pure magic of it, the infinite unborn potential.
Like we say a plant grows out of the seed and the soil.
In reality, the seed, soil, the sun etc. and all creation are PROPS of the magical force/impulse of spirit.
What is real is the uncreated.
I am that force, that potency, that power, that magical source, that mysterious mystical flame.
I am not any creation, I am simply the uncreated formless power.
I am that primordial libidinal force.
I am touched by other spirits everywhere.
Every other person and being is also THAT.
That is your true nature.
It is like god multiplying itself holographically across every point.
But I can feel god everywhere around me only as a resonance to my own connection to god.
My closeness to god holographically reflects everyone else’s equivalent potential.
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What is dissociation metaphysically?

dali fall apart
I see a spectrum here:
[Your true position] —<—<[fear[for survival/for acceptance],guilt[the should dos/sacrifices for respect]]—- Disassociation is when you see your social-self/ego as an object.
When looking from the shadow position, you look at yourself as content like a dissociated observer from far away.
When one is born, one comes straight from the source and is connected to the full vital dimension.
Then the ego is given by the parents, it can survive throughout life more or less if it is close enough to the child's truth(vital supply), but if it is too far away, there will be a depression and collapse.
This happens via an internalization of an others' judgment and identification with that position/vantage-pt/pov.
That creates the distance from source, distance from happiness, distance from god.

Judgment of everything is always from different povs(point of views).
It is ‘one pole pov’ judging the ‘other pole pov’.
Like say ‘washing vessels’ -> it can be judged as a miserable job or a really loved wonderful job.
OR even things like masculinity, femininity, the world system right now.
If you are against everything, then you are hanging out in the shadow pole of everything.
To doubt is to be estranged and in the shadow.
The person who doubts everything is in the shadow of everything.

That is why a lot of spirituality involves increasing levels of dissociation.
Now dissociation means dissociation from your dominant structure, and association with a fringe structure.
So technically dissociation refers to disconnection with your survivalist socially programmed ego (in common parlance).
But what happens in dissociation is that you associate with another structure which can see your social self as an object.
All dissociative states give you a vantage point to view your social/conventional/regular self.
But insight does not imply full control.
Because it is like seeing the ecology of a forest from a helicopter. You may see patterns you never saw, but full control only comes from total understanding/mastery of the whole machine/system.
Now dissociative states are all ASCs(Altered states of consciousness) compared to the D-Soc(Default state of consciousness) which is your sober state.
[I have borrowed these terms from the book ‘States of Consciousness’ by Charles Tart]
So altered states(ASCs/Dissociated states) could take you further from or closer to source.
This can be known from direct feeling.
When you feel much better and feel much power, freedom, riches -> then you are getting closer to source of light.
When you feel much worse, tired, depleted, narrowed etc. -> you have moved away from the source of light.
Often however, the tiredness results from you trying to hold onto your d-soc as you explore altered states, like a bird tied to a pole by an elastic rope. So this constant pressure to come back can be responsible for wearing you out too.

Spectrum:
Source ———[ASC +](closer to source)———-enriching/empowering——- D-Soc———-disempowering/depleting————[ASC -](farther from source)

An ego/D-Soc performs spiritual inquiry[which is basically exploration] when there is not enough energy to power its own full structure. When the D-Soc/ego/socially programmed self is fully powered, it becomes transparent and the person shines through and beyond that structure as working on the structure/forwarding it in the world/the person who goes OUT IN THE WORLD etc.
When the D-Soc is under-powered, then the structure starts struggling to maintain itself, and this struggle/resistance REVEALS the structure [remember all consciousness is from resistance, a structure reveals itself only in disease/lack of energy. If it is imbued with energy, it becomes transparent].
So in such a condition one goes into spiritual inquiry and exploration.
More the suffering/lack of spirit sustenance energy for the D-Soc, greater the exploration impulse.

To give an analogy, if a civilization is in a utopian geographical location, with abundant resources inc. water and food etc. then there is no reason to explore other regions.
Whereas say in another region people are starving thirsty etc. then those people would go out of their way to find a way out, it would heighten all of their creativity [there definitely seem to be a connection between deprivation and creativity].

In truth, all of us as egos are fundamentally DISSOCIATED from god, which is why god appears as an object to us (i.e. god appears as an other to us).
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Q&A on Dark night of the soul

A friend and I were discussing about the dark night of soul, and she asked some really interesting questions, which I pondered on, and then wrote her a reply.

Here is the Q&A:
Q1 – At what point does someone acknowledge the disorientation and start focusing more on integration than destruction…?
A1:
I can answer from my experience. (I’m gonna write a lot, bear with me 🙂 )
I think both the processes happen together in transformation, but the degree varies. Like to give an extreme example, if I explode a bomb in a region, the old in the region dies, while the new gets born.
Sounds good in principle.
The only issue is the new looks like a post-apocalypic dystopian ruin site.
It might take many years for there to be a steady pace of growth of structures in this region.

If we look at what is dying – it is the dark night, if we look at what is being born – it is rebirth. Although the higher principle of simultaneity is present, we also see distinct season like patterns. Like how in Buddhist vipassana practice they delineate stages of evolution, and the dark night basically falls under – greater awareness of death/passing, than of arising/growth.
The vice versa can happen too, once the death potential is complete like the swinging of a pendulum to one end and stopping because its momentum is finished (simplistic example of the pattern).

I feel there is something deeper and greater(the soul?) that matures through this mysterious birth-death process, like in my case, I feel there is a gradual increase of overall maturity, deeper knowledge and deepening of context intuition etc. which has helped ease the ride through these confusing states of being. So nowadays I do notice much better stability overall and a deeper trust and relaxation, and also a better knowing/apprehension/clarity/discernment of appearance.
Like how growing up happens, it is not a single experience that makes one an adult, but a series of mystical journeys and passages. Something really super mystical/deep/abstract/intuitive is evolving from all the passing experiences.

I think one can say the dark night has ended, when there is a noticeable swing in the opposite direction/upswing of life force/spirit? Maybe a crystallization of a new vision, a renewed vigor, hope, expansion, love etc.? It’s hard to be really precise though, I feel the dark night ends depending on your overall evaluation of your gestalt. Like when your system becomes emptier, fresher, harmonized and radiant with energy and allows you to expand? – I don’t know, I may be presenting new kinds of wishful fantasies and dreams here, but just trying to create art with my words, so that you can see through it? 🙂

Q2 – At what point does someone become comfortable with perpetual dismantling and generation so that it’s no longer a “dark night”
A2:
Hmm, yea, I can see what you are pointing to. Like there is the suffering component (all forms) and the process of death itself (endarkment). I would say technically the process is on until there is the upswing resurgence of spirit influx (like an inbreath), however, one may develop high enough equanimity and understanding in its later stages, that he can ride through the emptiness (meaning like what you described quick fast alternating cycles of discontinuous creations). Maybe growth could also mean the intensification of the discontinuous creativity until it swallows all of the observer, making observer-observed ONE. Like one may ask, to who is this dark night of soul happening to?, and this would point to a subject/observer structure, which may get further dissoluted when contemplating deeper on the subject of the experience.

At one point does one become comfortable? hmm, that is possible only if your energy output and structure transcends the fluctuations that are happening. And I feel the fluctuations that are happening are basically structures in your psyche dying out from spirit withdrawal. So once a LOT of the death processes are completed in the psyche structure, then it feels a lot clearer, brighter, fresher, emptier and this may increase available energy for fresh creativity too. So maybe at that point, a person would start to feel comfortable, like he/she/it rises above the suffering vs. being debilitated and disabled by it.

Q3 Is it possible that a fascination with the “dark night” and identification with it might complicate the surrender necessary to move through it
A3:
I can totally see your point. Yes, but I think the fascination with dark night is also a psyche structure. My methodology is – if you are fascinated, go all into it, so much that it completes/exhausts itself. Isn’t it like any other passion? and how do we get over passions? -> my method is usually I go all in and do it so totally, and experience it so fully and deeply that I transcend it. I think we identify with things, until we are bored. Boredom seems to be the real mover. And I feel boredom is an impetus for moving on/trying something new/flowing/reevaluating etc. It seems like the precursor of all passion/creativity. So yea, I would say: Give into your fascination, passion, curiosity, so fully, and satisfy yourself so deeply without an agenda, that you automatically ride the wave of spirit
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On being an outsider

Outsider

Since my earliest memory, I have always been an outsider.
When you are an outsider, you have a fringe and ambivalent-investment in society’s structures.
So you step in and out of its matrix like visiting a place and coming back.
Whereas people who are totally enrolled into society are absorbed/fully-engaged in its dream/matrix/structure.
Since I step in and out to varying degrees, I am more like a traveler/explorer.

The outsider point of view, also clearly delineates and illuminates the boundaries of society.
Because one cannot see the inside from the inside.
One has to be outside to understand the inside clearly.
The other illuminates the self, the self illuminates the other.
The contrast is what gives transcendent clarity regarding BOTH.

Concrete works of art come out when the abstract structure is locked/fixed/solidified and thereby out of awareness.
Else without a firm abstract base (so firm that I can treat it as a ground and forget about it), a person gets entirely absorbed into the abstract and steps out of the concrete dimension.
Just like how when one suffers a sudden huge loss, death of a loved one, one is instantly transported to the metaphysical thought process – what is life? what is death? what are we here for? etc.
The person would have never thought along those lines, if not for this event, that swept away his concrete orientation and stable abstract.

The abstract is the territory of the spiritual/metaphysical.
Abstract (returning to God) ———- (returning to common living) Concrete
In deep spiritual contemplation one lives and moves along towards more and more abstract territories, until the final abstraction (the ONE) is reached.
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Huge mystical insight – On dnos, frequencies, vibration, matter, spirit, form

Frequencies:
Radio: tuning(shakti) + volume/power(spirit)
Breath is the connection between heaven(Father)/shiva = [emanation(atzulith)] and [earth(Mother)/maya: creation(briah, yetzirah, assiyah)]
weed, ayahuasca = helper spirits.
Dark night of the soul (DNOS) = breakup between shiva(infinite emptiness) and shakti(finite creation).
That is why the grief.
Each life of an ego = A shiva shakti relationship. Each breakup is death.
It is a return to the empty formless and then a reinvesting of spirit in form in the next cycle.

Each person is God – when in his highest potential.
The highest that everybody actually is, is god.
High freq = realities of actual creation.
Low freq = only realities of experience, created by high freq.
The lower to the higher structural-relationship/connectors is the matrix.

Great deprivation ————————— Great delight [are duals]
Like lovers: …separating and unioning…separating and unioining… – it is a stylistic dance back and forth.

Imagine a gif of a banana growing and then rotting and disappearing, and then repeating the same.
This is like the breath of life&death.
And there are different breaths overlapping over each other and wavelengths.
The breath of the ‘body/earth form’ is only a smaller wave riding on the breath of the spirit which is the deeper larger wavelength wave.
The only way to really get rid of something is for it to die/disappear/total forgetting/vanishing. Which is like that banana disappearing.
OR I can imagine a time lapse breathing of a [appearance — child — growth — decay — disappear]
So DNOS is basically “death”.
But since I always had this “upper death drive” since childhood – the transcendence drive was already in motion before this birth for me.

Physical death is just like sleep, and rebirth is the waking of elementals.
Each wave sleeps and wakes in cycles.
And each wave is influenced by the energies of the higher/longer waves heavily.
Like an employee is influenced by the directors decisions and cycles.
Spirit can die without death of the body because they are 2 independent waves.
Living without spirit is like living from moonlight which will keep me barely alive and keep fading = depression, falling apart.
It is possible to accept the deprivation and make peace with it – and in that process one gets even more shiva(formless nature) too.

And as always, nothing is true, forget whatever I just said.
The only goal is to get the anti-knowledge to free the knowledge.
That is the only real progress.
Because in every step towards more emptiness, one is being revivified.
[just like one steps into deep sleep everyday for rejuvenation]
Because formless is infinite vibration and form is finite vibration.
One goes from: infinite —-> finite, when sleeping —–> waking up.
Breath is a much smaller cycle of that.

About weed:
Every weed experience is unique – and it “confirms a huge amount of emptiness” by its drastic change of consciousness.
So all altered states are confirmers of emptiness, a reassurance.
Most people in my experience now can never accept my state because it is inaccessible to them.
Infact my energy will be inaccessible to everybody, which is exactly why everybody is leaving me alone. I’m not a vibrational match.
That is why the journey back to shiva is to be done ALONE.
It is like breathing out, and more and more loss happens, but it is “desired loss” and a gain at a higher level.
But yet the structure undergoing loss itself suffers as it fades (like cells trying to survive by giving you pain when life is plugged out from them).

Vibration communicates with vibration.
My friends and parents will be able to sense I am moving higher up in vibration and leaving me alone.
Infact the vibration level determines the relationship.
What relationship you need to raise your vibration, that is what is naturally attracted.
The attraction will be the anti-knowledge for the knowledge I want to transcend.
Like I will look for the relationship that shows POTENTIAL (which is actually there too) to transcend my existing limitations.
Again there is shakti, shiva and SHIVA(note the caps).
SHIVA [shakti(creation, form, matter) + shiva(empty formless, spirit, intelligence)]
The less form you identify with, the more free you are to return to shiva.
To leave all contact with shakti is to leave all forces and return to awareness(shiva).
The reason nobody is interacting with me is because my freq has vacated their matrix frequency tunings.
Familiarity is when 2 people meet each other from the same freq matrix tribe.
The extent of familiarity = extent of union.
So me vacating society totally was a metaphysical action of withdrawal of investment, and resulting in those energies leaving my field.
So other people in the field tuned into society will not be attracted towards me.
Because only like attracts like in frequency.
When you are a certain frequency, you resonate with all of the others in that frequency.
In other words, your frequency is your world.

We say higher & lower etc. but actually there is no hierarchy, each is mutually creating the other.
High frequency is a joyous ecstatic shimmering/dazzling/changing world closer to the nature of spirit.
Low frequency is slow/heavy/dull/unchanging world closer to the nature of matter.
So we have: matter(low freq) ———————— spirit(high freq)
So then everything perfectly obeys frequency-laws of attraction.
Love is between beings of the same freq(unconscious love) or [a case of higher freq -> to lower freq](conscious love).
The bottom-line is freq match will attract 2 people, and then if they fight etc. it is the lower freq adjustment to the higher freq’s decision of love.
So all that you have in your reality is YOUR frequency field only.
Including more as yourself -> is to grow yourself into “form”.
Transcending/dis-identifying -> is to grow yourself into “emptiness”.
Love is the movement towards form/becoming.
Love = willingness to become.
Indifference/Dispassion is the movement towards spirit/unbecoming.
Hate = willingness to drop.
So inbreath = love, outbreath = hate.
LOVE(allowing){love(inbreath) + hate(outbreath).
One starts suffering the lower frequencies dissolution/agitation as one enters higher freq -> the higher freq has compassion/allowing towards the sufferings of the preservation instincts inside the lower freq objects.
All lower freq objects have a preservation encoded, so that preservation will be the part that will suffer when the form is being dissoluted/agitated to nothingness by the higher freq.
That is why all mortals oppose death = survival instinct, preservation instinct.
Every structure inherently resists its dissolution.

This is true for all structures. All structures resist their dissolution inherently.
So the price of leaving form into the higher freq -> is to witness the death after death of forms.
Similarly the entry of higher freq into the lower freq realms is the period of life/love -> the spirit infusion into form. The birth after birth of new forms.

Love is a higher freq influx/INVESTMENT in a lower freq.
Greater your “towards the higher freq” wave movement, more will be the suffering/deaths of the lower freq objects because you are rapidly moving towards formless emptiness in the out-breath.
The higher freq investing and fusing into lower freq structures is the LIFE -> MATTER relationship [Just like electricity infuses into your laptop and powers it into life].
Life = Higher freq, Matter = lower freq
The relationship between [Life, Matter] is LIFE.
LIFE[Life, Matter (relationship, pendulum swing)].
Here in the equation above, to go towards life is death, to go towards matter is life.
That is the reverse of how we think of it in practice.
Similarly, greater your movement from high freq towards lower freq, greater is your love/investment in development/cultivation of form, more will be the experience of gain, more form – these forms are maintained and upheld by your higher freq energy.
Without higher freq energy, all forms die.
That is why all of creation is love, forms need the love of the higher freq subject to thrive.
Because the minute you stop loving, the creation disappears.

Another interesting thing I want to comment on is about the divine stoned stare of an infant.
The infant is literally looking at you from the worlds of higher spirit and gradually descending into form/structure as it grows up.
When you look into an infant’s eyes, you are seeing spirit from the higher worlds.

Love = Life, No-Love/absence of love/hate = Death.
The force that brings closer/welcomes = love.
The force that pushes away/repels = hate.
So breathing out is the loss of love, an automatic renunciation/automatic process.
Nobody CAN DO renunciation, it has to just happen, like sleep/death just happens.

Everything is perfect, it is our ignorance that prevents us from seeing this.
The way out of the game of “white must win and obliterate black”, is to fully understand the function of black as a relationship to the white, and how both are needed (and how both together add to the riches of creation).
As my freq gets higher and higher, more and more reality will disappear.
Even my parents will talk to me less and less.
That is why while dying, we always feel our parents are abandoning us.
Because they are the closest to the core structure, in a true sense they created it.
That is why we go mommy mommy at our last moments.
The mom creates the world – an ego world – as a relationship to the world of form.
So ego = A structure of relationship with the [world, other humans and animals].
The ego is, Relationship betn Higher freq(spirit) -> lower freq(world).
So a spirit chooses a roller coaster and goes into it from a particular pov.
At that level of choosing, it is all equally meaningful = because “all essences are present, only the degree varies”.

Nothing is ever wasted, no experience ever goes waste, the one who hears is always present as awareness.
The highest freq(God) benefits from each and every experience which is why it exists.
As I go higher and higher in freq, I will vacate and lose interest in more and more low freq things, including relationships, and also have more and more access to divine wisdom, which is my own higher freq wisdom.
In my ayahuasca experience, I met a higher freq being. I could SEE him fully, but my center of gravity of experience was loaded and way lower than his.
Like 2 clone 10 story buildings.
One guy on the 7th floor, another guy on the 4th floor.
They both can see each other fully but from different povs, different center of gravity.
But both have the same cloned building.

It doesn’t feel like entry into the formless is revitalizing me, but actually it is.
All departure of form = pain, there is an inherent clinging/suffering associated with the self-preservation instinct in each form.
So even when spirit vacates, the forms shine like moons and slowly fade out as they use up their stored spirit fragments.
The cycle of: Grief Love
When spirit vacates the ego, the ego first becomes a moon, because the sun contact is lost, then the moon slowly dulls out and vanishes – which is the journey into the formless/darkness.

Spirit influx = True power.
Spirit deflux = True disempowerment.
But this is from the perspective of the form.
From the perspective of the subject:
True power = True investment into form.
True disempowerment = True return to one’s nature.
So all the negative terms are from the perspective of the dying object (form(mental, physical), ego form etc.).
The dying object feels all those emotions from its pov.
But from the perspective of the subject – it has voluntarily dis-empowered i.e. withdrawn power from the object back into itself(back into formless).
A subject returning to its nature/spirit = death of creation and the object world matrix (addition of objects and relationships)
A subject investing into form/matter/creation/maya = birth of creation and birth of the object world matrix.

The ayahuasca world was far closer to the death/spirit world, which is why my form went into terror from the disharmony/disturbance caused by the higher freq of ayahuasca.
To give into a higher freq entity to do you, is a pure act of trust, because you cannot see the higher freq entity, only it can see you, like ayahuasca can see me fully, but I can only see a slit of ayahuasca that it reveals to me in my field.
When I can handle the higher freq of aya, then I have attained equivalence of freq-form or an even higher freq that it.
Ordinary people avoid psychedelics, because their frequency is not up enough for the task, so they instinctively stay away from consciousness altering substances.
Only people who are moving towards spirit (upper death drive) seek psychedelics.

I think aya is also an intelligence, so it gives us as much as you can allow only. The free-will is respected.
I took a lot of aya into me because my freq I felt was higher compared to most others in that room – also it was based on my intention and phase of spirit-breath(influx or deflux(dnos)), that is I was strongly in my return wave accelerating towards formless.
Ofcourse aya has its rules and if I have done a lot of low freq eating, then that portion of my body form cannot withstand aya and will suffer under aya. Maybe this is the reason for the sattvic plant diet expectation?
Lower freq structures suffer under higher frequency entities, because it is like how a leaf cannot withstand fire.

At this stage, I cannot stand by what I teach, because I am moving upward and I will soon vacate the form.
That is why I communicate and write a lot.
Also lower freq forms fly by quickly on higher freq power, it is like writing on sand or water, all is refreshed quickly.
So if you find yourself unable to retain insight, then you are transcending insight itself.
Insight will be your ceiling if you are in a lower freq.
But if you are in a higher freq than insight, then insight will be an appearance.
Whatever is a ceiling (fossilization) to a lower freq IS an APPEARANCE for a higher freq being.
That is why whatever is permanent for my parents serves as a ceiling for them, but for me it is only one kind of appearance in higher freq reality, which has many many more such forms and wonders.
Me trying to fix others is a false ego attachment.
The whole ego is an illusion, so all such connections are present in the illusion.
It doesn’t really matter what those connections are actually – whether you hate something or you are attached to it.
What matters is the frequency.
It is like many different kinds of video games present in a frequency.
The pain is maximum(depending on how many lower freq objects you have in awareness) when the freq is the most high, so pain is not a symptom of lower freq, on the contrary constant suffering and pain is a symptom of YOUR frequency being higher than the object attachment you are trying to maintain.

Society too is a giant video game spanning across frequencies.
From a higher frequency, society is an appearance.
From a lower frequency, society is the ceiling and truth.

But one could have their gaze downward or upward.
Downward towards form, more enmeshment with form.
Upward towards formless, more detachment from form.
Creativity, Abstractness(gestalts) = clear sign of higher frequency.
More the creativity = higher the frequency.
When a person is moving downward towards form = his expresses more and more of his creativity in form.
When a person is moving upwards = his creativity vacates form – becomes less and less form and more and more abstract.
Spectrums:
more becoming(downward to form)————more unbecoming(upward to spirit)
more possession, acquisition ———————more dispossession, renunciation
Each attachment and reality that I have at the moment now, represents strong core attachments because most of the outer band rings have already been voided in my spirit journey.
I am so thirsty/hungry/longing for spirit, the high vibration formless.
Higher the freq = Higher the energy/higher the freedom
Lower the freq = Lower the freedom
So if a person is craving freedom in its pure form all the time -> he is in a very high freq and longing to return.
Losing you higher nature = is the GREATEST loss.
And gaining your higher nature = is the GREATEST gain.
That is the true loss and gain of outbreath and inbreath.

Also “loss and gain” from one perspective is the “gain and loss” from the opposite perspective.
From the perspective of form we have as objects = loss and gain.
The same loss & gain from the perspective of spirit will be = gain and loss.
You gain spirit as you lose form.
You gain form as you lose spirit.

Our body runs through through the 7 worlds frequency bands.
More crystallization/fossilization of body structures would be less spirit, more form.
Less crystallization/fossilization of body structures would be more spirit, less form.
Remember the breath of spirit in and out represents = movement to form(creates successive fossilizations/structures/forms at each of the 7 layers)
And movement to spirit (creates dissolution of already present structures at each of the 7 layers).

Spirit = Feminine……..Form = Masculine?? – model 1
(conventional world view, men work on things, women work on people)
(men’s voice pitch is lower freq and women’s is higher freq)
(men have a more defined form, while a woman is more smooth and curved/more formless)
Spirit = Masculine(shiva)…….Form = Feminine(shakti)?? – model 2 (shiva shakti model/paradigm)
They arise from 2 different models.
Weed is a lower freq than my awareness, that is how I can clearly perceive the weed spirit and its messages, it is an appearance.

RULE: “Whenever anything is an appearance, your freq is higher than that by defn.”
Because to see anything needs you to be “FINER” than the object (grosser) that you are seeing.
If your field is grosser you would not even perceive the finer object.
Like using a 640×480 picture vs. HD picture.
The HD picture can fully see the 640×480 picture.
But not vice versa.
The 640×480 pic will only see a partial version of the HD picture.
Everything is ruled by higher geometry structures and higher frequency interactions.
The subject is always the highest frequency.
To access the highest frequency, go closest to the subject in your experience.
The conscious agent is an a much higher freq than the objects it apprehends.
Like terrence M. said – “The phenomenon of LIFE is the protrusion of matter structure as a instrument from higher frequency beings.”
Me and a service oriented higher frequency being can meet, but we are fundamentally moving in opposite directions.
Because the higher freq being is going downward from his position (higher freq -> towards lower freq form (which is the call to service))
Whereas I am moving upward towards spirit (call to transcendence).
Because his eyes were on me/service. My eyes were on God.
To be of service(is to invest in form) ——————— To decathect oneself(is to invest in spirit).
The movement towards transcendence is for the service of love.
That is akin to saying, the pendulum is moving left, so that it gets enough energy to move right.
So the pendulum moves between:
Transcendence(spirit/subtle energies) —–transcendencelove—- Form(matter/form/grosser energies)
Transcendence movement or moving towards god/spirit actually takes a person more and more away from form, he decathects, disinvests, dispassions towards form.

So a person seeking transcendence will appear to have the opposite movement as what is considered love/inclusion.
It is important to note here when we use the word love, are we talking about “love of spirit” or “love of form”??
Those 2 are different directions and sort of antithetical to each other.
Love of spirit is the desire to die (upper death drive). This looks like the opposite of love.
Love of form is the desire to invest in form (what is conventionally referred to as love).

Vulture = de-structures form, Eagle = transcends form.
The eagle can use the vulture’s help to transcend form because the vulture will de-construct it, speeding up the dissolution of the form/structures like a scavenger eating dying animals.
I have sought such vultures, vampires in my journey -> I willingly sought them to empty my pool/band of grosser forms and energies.
So one may willingly seek destructive forces depending on one’s desire.
The same forces causing your ego death -> eating you alive -> are devils from the perspective of the dying ego, but angels from the perspective of liberation (because they are speeding up and helping the dissolution of your form and releasing the fragments of spirit trapped in the form back to spirit, and without spirit the form dissolutes.)

So when I say I want spirit, I am basically saying I want the formless or no-thing.
So then absolutely no thing will satisfy by definition.
That dissatisfaction of everything – totality, itself conveys your desire to you – that you want the formless no-thing.
Moving to the formless nothing requires withdrawing spirit from all the cathected objects.
This is the witnessing of death of forms/creation I was talking about.
The final gift you get after the transcendence reaches its peak is no-thing, the formless :D.
That is actually the state of highest vibration, the vibration is so high, that no form can survive without getting scorched.
Just like a piece of leaf cannot survive a fire.
So if you are reaching a time in your life, when all forms are disappearing, you are living more and more in emptiness, means your frequency is rising higher and higher towards the formless.
A weed/lsd/shroom/aya experience takes you much closer to the formless.
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Transformation Process, Ego, Humiliation

Old-age with its steadily declining function, and being made to live through your gradual step-by-step disappearance is one of the worst humiliations from the position of a “functional ego”.
Even in my ordinary life now, I kind of feel I am serving a sentence (prison time).
Limitation is prison time from the POSITION: Freedom.
So your current reality will be heaven or horrible depending on the position you take.
A position is your identified point of view(pov).
If your POSITION: Safety, then freedom is a threat.
If you POSITION: Freedom, then safety is an imprisonment.
And these things may or may not be in your control.
Any control is an appearance too.
Control is present when there is greater spirit power and energy, whose influx or departure is beyond your control.
Without adequate spirit energy, your experience would descend into chaos where structures would operate from stored spirit energy without a central ruler.
[Like imagine suddenly the power grid was down, and all the buildings are relying on their generators for energy OR imagine suddenly there is an eclipse and all the living beings are using up their stored energies to survive. It is basically a situation of being cut off from the source in simplest terms.]

The higher-frames higher-energies organize the smaller-frames smaller-energies.
Like a great king ruling over 1000s of people.
When the king falls, the people will just war among themselves, or collude, form factions, and so on.
Basically the central harmonizing force is lost, sending the units into chaos.
The dark night of the soul(dnos) is precisely that.
The plugging off of power from the king/ego, removes the centralizing force of identity vibration.
There-after there is no coherencing and moving-forward power.
The situation becomes something like Egypt.
Eventually the whole structure dies and dissolves.
It is similar to how a physical body dies.
When there is enough prana in the physical body, it has an immune system that resists all threats.
But when the prana goes lower and lower, one gets more and more diseased.
Until the point where prana is so low, the scavengers just finish you off and bring you to nothing.
Where do you go once your gone? You return to your larger nature.

So I guess the DNOS starts, with the de-plugging of your ego from source power -> and then what follows is the death of prana to that structure, so the ego slides into more and more impotent and loses all power.
In the case of DNOS, it is not physical, the physical body continues to run somewhat ok on the earth cycles.
Though without the ego(or more and more of its diminishment), the body feels more like an automaton structure that simply keeps maintaining itself like a program.
From the pov of consciousness, death of the ego is freedom, release, liberation.
From the pov of the ego, it is all the dread, despair, crying for mercy associated with death. It is the worst humiliation.
Generally – debilitation, fatigue, tiredness, weariness, sickness, old age, death, disease -> all of them severely humiliate the ego.
They convey the vulnerability, helplessness and dependency of the ego on forces entirely beyond its control.

Also when a structure is infused with spirit, it becomes transparent to itself.
Only when spirit is withdrawn, does one feel pain, which is the structure struggling and trying to maintain itself – the dying process.
So one is painfully made aware of the structure from spirit withdrawal – because every structure fights to survive and has a crisis/suffering.
Just like the vanishing of a king, brings CRISIS to everyone, because they have lost their broader structure and context.
Pain is the lack of love. (Love = upholding energy).
Less the love, more the pain.
One can reduce their consciousness more and more and repress this pain, which is what creates the numb, lost, and flat feeling.
Once existence/reality has pulled the plug out of your king/ego/identity, you are in chaos.
Now a lot of games simply fall away, hopes disappear, dreams become impossible, like supposing the king had made many promises, and had great plans of alliances with other kings and so on – ALL OF THAT IS GONE, when the king is gone.
Suddenly, there is just grief and a regression to a state of simply trying to survive, and some memories of nostalgia about the old times which also rapidly fade from the loss of power.

The meaning of life is illuminated by death, and the meaning of death is illuminated by life.
A reorganization of an entire system is a transformation -> the old king falls, transformation happens, there is a merger of territories(lost parts, shadows, repressed portions and so on), and a greater new king is born.
From the pov of egoic agents, we are at the mercy of god at all times.
From the pov of god, our being egoic agents is only an appearance for its pleasure.
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Different ways of dealing with others

When watching YouTube videos of influential speakers, I often read through a lot of the comments too.
What I have noticed is a broad pattern.
I haven’t totally thought through this, but I was excited to present my immediate findings.

Firstly, I’ve seen the more popular/contentious you are, the more the intensity of fans and haters.
In people’s responses I see the following trends:
The speaker say Person A makes an argument, assertion or simply presents his view “X”.
Now lets say people B, C, D, E react to this.
* Person B says “X is wrong, X'(X complement) is true”.
* Person C says “X is wrong, Y is true”.
* Person D says “Not only is X true but it is also supported by Y”
* Person E says “X is true, but Z is truer than X”
The responses of B,C,D and E represent the 4 broad types I’ve noticed.

Here is a more algorithmic form of the response types:
For X then X’ = Position X’ (Oppose X) – Reactionary
For X then Y = Position Y (Invalidate/Deny X, Present Y) – Blind
For X then Xx = Position X+x (Clarify/support X with x) – Bolstering
For X then U = Position U (Transcend X and dissolve it in a larger frame U) – Transcending

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Rejection/ignoring my own hate potentials

When hate enters consciousness, I am left in a dilemma.
Like say there is an object X{a,b,c}, and I enjoy the whole object.
But suppose someone says ‘b quality of Object X sucks’.
Then instantly, I feel his hate, his hate of ‘b’, it mirrors in my consciousness too, which means I have that quality/potential too.
Then immediately I get into that frozen dilemma whether to get rid of ‘b’ or let it stay/let go.
The part of me that cares about my well-being wants me to put boundaries, but the part of me that wants to transcend and be whole wants to remove all boundaries.
So there is always a war between the part of me that wants to enhance my self, and the death drive part of me that wants to transform/transcend and be the whole.
My whole life has been a lot about unwanted perceptual visitors who come and leave as they please – and whenever they come, I have this war between those dual motivations causing profound ambivalence, confusion, stuckness/frozenness about what to do, and stress.
Because of having porous ego boundaries, I was always subjected to intrusions from the outside which would compromise my structural integrity.
So in a sense I was always diseased (dis-eased).
Generally a psychologist or a healer would tell me – you are an empath, so you need to strengthen your boundaries.
I am totally aware of that and have read vast amounts of literature about that too.
But apart from the part of me that wants structural integrity, the deeper part of me wants to die into the whole (what they call the upper death drive – desire to end the ego/self).
And this upper death drive is absolutely unreasonable, and operates irrespective of the actions of all the other forces in me.
It hates boundaries and limitation, and is willing to give into dying in order to transcend.

Mechanism of hate:
The hate enters in my space from the spew of family or friends -> constantly or randomly but I know it is coming -> So even when it is not there, I brace myself for it.
I constantly live in fear as a result.
Once they actually utter the hate words, then it really enters -> now my perception is marred.
Again I am stuck as to what to do.
Basically I feel powerless to get rid of it and assert my original view because that much of EGOIC WILL POWER and CONTROL is absent for me (porous weak ego structure and boundaries).
So I am stuck with a negative emotion, and fighting it is not possible because it will be a real struggle and since I do not have the power, resistance would be futile too.
But if I just leave it then a part of me constantly suffers it as long as it is present.
It is like having a low psychological immune system with porous boundaries.
Pathogens, viruses, bacteria can easily infect the system, and then I either let the infection eat me up, or fight it without much effect.
And most of the time, these infecting agents leave me on their own accord.
But I am sort of helpless to them.
Another major point is that, these agents are not external.
They are MY potentials triggered by other’s emotional charge towards things.
So my unconscious machinery releases this hate/rejection energy, the energies that I try to keep walled away and hide from. I avoid them by not facing hardcore social interaction and living more like a hermit.
Because I sense solid negativity in everybody.
But then I realized, there is also solid negativity in me.
Because their negativity triggers mine.
In fact from a non-dual view, it is MY negativity only.
I am not able to avoid or push away the shadow.
The shadow is devouring me and will end all of me.
I try my best to face it, but endless stuff keeps coming up and greatly diminishes my will, well-being and even survival.
It is basically all the stuff I ignored, and I have to let all that stuff destroy me now into the worst possible chaos(which is death).
Only then can I operate as a whole again.
My wish is to die into the whole, then be reborn AS the whole.