Tag: Metaphysics

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The deep decision to choose life

This thought current was inspired by ‘Sadhguru (Jaggi Vasudev)’.
This writing is part of my effort to gain clarity.
I still have a lot of work to do myself.

Here are my musings:
A deep decision is made first:
Are you FOR life —OR— Against life?
This is also a bit confusing.
Because: It is like asking are you for white or black.
It seems like there isn’t a right answer?
And it is just about polarization.
That is why I think Sadhguru was saying:
‘Make a stronger choice, else you will be in the middle.
Being totally dead is fine, being fully alive is fine.
It is being half alive half dead that is the torture and strife.’
If I am for life: I have to give myself completely into enhancing my life and all other life around me.
If I am for death: I should commit suicide.
Anything other than these 2 choices, puts me in the middle.

This would be in line with the larger cycle of life-death existentially.
When life is on, you are on.
When death is on, you are not there anyway.
Death is sorta like deep sleep, it is not something you do, it happens existentially.
We can only facilitate it, just like we facilitate sleep at night by turning off the lights and lying down.
Similarly, even life can only be facilitated and harnessed.
So we are sorta facilitators/channelers of life energies,
And in a sense, we do not create anything fundamentally.
We are only co-creators/active-participants in creation.
This is the deep humiliation our ego/self has to accept.

There is only an appearance of choice,
Which is no choice really, because it is only a choice of suffering or not-suffering.
All resistance against the existential = suffering.
One has to be compliant to it.
This free will is only for supporting and enhancing life.
Else, all the free will does is create more and more suffering and unawareness.
The only real desire for everyone is a LARGER experience of life.
And it is the wavering in moving downstream with or upstream against this longing,
That is causing suffering.
The strife between the life drive and the death wish (Eros and Thanatos).
Facilitation of life —vs—- Facilitation of death.
Trying to die is like the same struggle of trying to sleep when the hormone has not yet released.
Trying to live is like overexerting yourself and getting debilitated as a result.
Any effort in any direction seems to be counterproductive unless it is done with total vision/clarity of the higher world of forces.
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All qualities simultaneously exist

Sometimes, I keep taking the opposite position and arguing with people.
Many a time, I feel compelled to take the opposing position.
Then I contemplated, and wondered about ‘why do I do that’.

One of the reasons I felt was,
To attain independence from people.
To test whether I could hold the opposite view vs. the person in front of me,
Instead of always getting absorbed into their point of view.
But this would often be really difficult for me.
Because I would end up seeing their point of view too,
Which would not only dilute my position,
But often even completely overshadow it.

Also, I realize that this does not give me any real independence,
Because this is still based on the other’s position only,
It is a reaction and not a true action.
I allow the other’s position to completely fill my inner space because:
# I want to maintain harmony with them.
# Because if I don’t then it will lead to vain/futile resistance and may be a threat to my well-being.
But within me, my inner space is so mercurial that it is quite hard to see what I want or feel about anything.
Everything could substantially dramatically shift in a dime.
Everything is so mutable and changeable, it’s hard for me to access my foundation.

This inability to ground into or take/maintain/forward a position/perspective,
Makes me feel quite powerless.
Because conventionally power is associated with force.
And unless you structure yourself into some position, no force can be created.
“Identity structures/foundation” are what generate force.
For instance, a tiger is completely grounded in its instinctual structures.
So the tiger carries enormous force in its very being.
You cannot talk it out of being a tiger.

Maybe I am somewhat disconnected from my animal nature and instincts,
Which is what makes me feel like I’m living in an “imaginative field”.
(This could have been a dissociation survival adaptation to high levels of childhood neglect/abuse/violation from others.)
I am profoundly confused as to what is my relationship with others or with the world/society itself.
On the plus side, since I can see all perspectives/points of view,
In the simulator function of my brain or imagination,
I gain a systems/ecological vision of things.
An impersonal w-holistic vision which is not about any particular thing or particular identity.
And it is easy for me to see that the only doer is god/field/consciousness,
And that everything is a temporal appearance.

After constantly living in a soup of all superimposed positionalities,
I realized that trying to polarize myself,
To any one extreme polarity,
In any of the dimensions,
With my efforts,
Has been the cause for a lot of strife within me.
I realized that I can:
# Neither be not affected, nor can I be affected completely.
# Neither be totally powerful, nor can I be totally powerless.
# Neither be completely good, nor can I be completely bad.
# Neither be completely with, nor can I completely avoid.
# Neither be completely clear, nor can I be completely unclear.
# Neither be completely truthful, nor can I be completely false.
# Neither be fully right, nor can I be fully wrong.
# Neither be completely loving, nor can I be completely hateful.

So this kind of throws light on my fundamental resistance to life.
Because life happens on its terms, while I am struggling against it.
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About recognition

‘Recognition’ generally is about others recognizing you,
Which is essentially, others seeing you as part of themselves,
Since what we see in and as others, is only the reflection of our self.
We only see ourselves (aspects of ourselves) in all the others we meet.

Others seeing you, really is them seeing you in them.
Whereas you recognizing others, is you seeing them within you.
All deep recognition is from an identification.
You intimately experience within, that which you recognize.

All riches is really only riches of consciousness.
All true riches is the riches of your inner space experience (Hiranyagarba/Mindscape).
Your riches do not come from others recognizing you.
That is really their riches,
Because that is from them experiencing you in their own inner space.
Your riches are what you can recognize/understand/experience/identify/connect with.
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The ‘self’ and the ‘Self’

The self ‘gets born’/emerges and the self dies/returns.
The self emerges from the ocean like a wave,
And then dies/returns to the ocean.
The self manifests/emerges like a breeze in the air,
And then returns/’fades back’ into the stillness of air.

Our selves are only instruments to serve our deeper origins.
All our creation is to manifest source’s will/intentions/forces.
The hand of the Self/Source/God is there in every drop of creation.
Every grain of sand has been created from,
And embodies this source intelligence.

The lost self is the one which assumed independence,
And lost sight of its connection to source.
Like a wave that has emerged,
And forgotten it is actually the action of the ocean.
All pain is really resistance to change.
Life/Pleasure —vs— Death/Pain
Because really all pain is the pain of disillusionment.

This resistance happens from ignorance,
Ignorance of the ocean,
Ignorance of the source from where one arises,
Ignorance of the vision,
That the self is actually a temporal activity/appearance,
And that one’s real nature is that of the Source/God/Self.

The ignorance is that,
The self assumes itself to the source/”Self”,
Which is no different than the moon thinking it is the source of light.
When in reality it is only the reflector of the light of the sun.
That is why in the Hindu scriptures, there is a distinction made between:
Source of light = Param-atma/Sun
Reflector of light = Moon/Jiva/Atma/Soul

To achieve completion in the vision,
Is to see the source light reflected through everything.
Where you know you are the light,
And you also see your own prism channeling this source light,
And where you see all others as other instruments/prisms,
As other reflecting instruments of this same source,
Essentially channeling/using that same source energy.
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The source light/energy is like air or space.
It is everywhere.
And all creation is suffused in it.
Our very existence and emergence into form is the will of source.
And our return to the formless is also the will of source.

Death is only death of the illusion,
Of what we believe we are.
Our birth and death is only of illusion,
That is, the alternation of:
Illusion and Disillusionment.
The truth however eternally exists.
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Deeper point of observation

Your “level of vision” is connected to how deep your inner “point of observation” is.
Deeper the inner “point of observation” = higher or deeper the vision.
The people whom we consider visionary or gurus, have very deep points of observation relative to others.
Which is why they are considered as such, as visionaries or gurus.

To give an example/analogy:
Suppose you climb on top of a mountain and now you can see the whole village from a higher vantage point of view.
Now, someone in the space station viewing the earth has a far higher point of observation.
This person in the space station is therefore capable of much greater seeing, and therefore has the potential for much greater understanding, context, and knowledge.
He can not only see that you climbed that mountain, he can also see all the surrounding mountains, where you are on earth etc. (essentially a phenomenally greater amount of information).
The space station person can TRIANGULATE your position and say communicate with you by RADIO.
When you are on top of the mountain, it looks like there is nowhere higher to go.
But the deeper visionary sees you like the man in the space station sees you standing on the mountain.
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Being in a suffering state vs happy state

From observing my own life, I’ve seen:
When suffering inside, it is like a base of -1.
All the subsequent 0s only add to the suffering.
-100000000.
Everything tortures you. The sights, sounds, smells, others, jobs etc.
So simplicity is sought as far as possible.
So that at least you are -100 instead of a -100000…

When happy it is like a +1.
So all the 0s in your life add dimension to that happiness.
The sights, sounds, smells, others, jobs etc.
+100000000.
You seek more and more of those riches then.
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Creativity is a lot like orgasm

What is the process that leads to orgasm?
Arousal (build up) -> Increasing focus/pleasure/interest/intensity to more and more coherence -> Reaching highest coherence point, the peak attainment -> And then sliding back down with fulfillment/peace/relief/relaxation.

This is a kind of energy pattern:
It feels like all creation comes out of this energy pattern.

A man is born from an “innate inspiration energy/force” – maybe a combination of his own karmic desire and the biological desire for reproduction.
Then there is this will/desire to live/explore/conquer/experience/gather/collect/amass.
The individual then reaches his peak and enjoys the peak satisfaction and attainments.
Thereafter the energies recede into quietude and death,
Where the fire now becomes burning embers, and finally gets extinguished in ash.
The man is no more, and then there shall once again be this explosive inspiration power/energy that can bring him back into existence, to achieve/attain/actualize a new goal/possibility/ideal/inspiration.

All the way from the big bang to the mundane,
There are many day to day things that also have this process:
Making a consumer electronic purchase = similar to an orgasm.
Arousal(Research) -> Increasing immersion/interest/focus/pleasure -> Purchase(orgasm) -> Enjoyment of purchase (exploration, enjoyment, relaxation)

Even making art/writing is similar to an orgasm = the inspiration comes into you = you get immersed and give it form and then reach the peak coherence (completion of the work).

So there are many orgasms of various kinds in one’s life.
The ego itself is an orgasmic journey: From its source desire to its completion/attainment (Kohut’s tension arc in psychological terms).
Sort of like a firecracker, that moves towards the sky with great intensity/power and then “BOOM”, splatters and falls down in a shimmer.
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The grand samsaric cycles

Cycle of the Zodiac Signs:
Cardinal -> Fixed -> Mutable
Rising Wave -> Steady wave -> Falling wave
Rising investment -> Fixed investment -> Falling investment
Ego rising -> Ego stable -> Ego dissolving

Cycles of a day: 4 parts:
Morning – Afternoon – Evening – Night
Day:
6hrs (6am-12pm) = Morning
6hrs (12pm-6pm) = Afternoon
Night:
6hrs (6pm-12am) = Evening
6hrs (12am-6am) = Night

The 4 Seasons cycle:
Spring -> Summer -> Autumn -> Winter
Spring = Jan to Mar
Summer = Apr to Jun
Autumn = Jul to Sept
Winter = Oct to Dec

Cycles of the Zodiac Wheel: Journey through the 12 signs:
[Ar, Ta, Gem, Ca], [Leo, Vir, Lib, Scor], [Sag, Capr, Aq, Pisc]

Journey through the 12 houses in the astro-chart:
[1-2-3-4](persona), [5-6-7-8](social), [9-10-11-12](trans-personal)

Journey through the 5 elements:
Unmanifest/Source -> [Aakash(Space) -> Air -> Fire -> Water -> Earth]

Journey through an individual life:
Birth -> Death
Childhood -> Early adulthood -> Late adulthood -> Old age.

Journey through the 3 states we pass through each day:
Waking -> Dreaming -> Sleeping

Journeys in astronomy:
The earth’s rotation = Day
The moon revolves around the earth = Month
The earth’s revolution around the sun = Year
The various planets revolve around the earth (from the earth’s pov) with long time periods.

giphy

The entire solar system can be seen as an atom.
With sun as the nucleus, and the planets as its electrons.
We are witnessing everything as a life form within the earth electron.

There is ‘Cyclic time’ and there is the ‘Great time’.
Known as ‘Kala’ and ‘Maha-kala’ in Hindu scripture.
Until we transcend (include and go beyond) cyclic time, we aren’t going anywhere really.
We must awaken to the ‘Great time’.
May we awaken to the greater vision beyond these cycles.
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The flows and paradoxes of existence

There is a rhythmic pulsating dance between:
To Effort/Exert, To Relax
To Change, To Accept
To Influence, To be Influenced
To Oppose/Resist/Fight, To Merge/Surrender
To Convert, To be Converted
To Impress, To be Impressed upon
To Emerge, To Merge
To attract others to you, To be attracted to others
The anger/force of war, The cry/transformation of defeat
To condition the outside, To be conditioned by the outside
An instrument and power is given, the instrument and power is then withdrawn
These are like the waves rising and falling into the ocean.

The laws of existence are a paradox:
The lower you go willingly, the higher you rise.
The more you devote, the more you become worthy of devotion.
The more you surrender, the more powerful you become.
The more you accept and work with defeat, the greater the success that comes to you.
The more you resist, things persist, while total acceptance allows change.
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The ascent to Shiva and descent to Maya

The influx into the earth plane of density,
And the vacating of the earth plane of density,
Are like Shiva moving in and out of Prakriti/Maya/Matter.
This is birth and death.

Breathing/Heartbeat/Sex/Birth-Death,
Waking-Sleeping/Day-Night/Light-Darkness,
All of this goes in-out, in-out, in-out…
In a state of vibration.
Like a dazzling flashing strobe in consciousness.

At the microcosmic the vibrations are incredibly rapid,
While in the macrocosmic, the flux of day and night takes 24 hours say.
We find ourselves in the middle.
Macrocosmic(slower vibration) —“Us/We”— Microcosmic(faster vibration)
Maybe for the earth, each of our lifetimes is equal to a blink on an eye for it.
The life forms on earth would be like multicolored sparking,
And shimmering coming from a revolving diamond in the presence of light.

We are experiencing all of our lifetime in this unique perspective.
As a mote on earth, living what feels like around 85 years of lifetime.
What a wonder it is!,
When all of our life is seen from such an expanded perspective.